Disclaimer: These my own feelings, but the characters I have put them into are JKRowling's. I'm not stealing them, merely using them.

All reviews and flames are welcome, but please be gentle as these are my emotions and it hurts enough without having me inbox burnt, thank you very much…

~For Him~

And I'm dying from the inside out.

Nobody hears me, no matter how loud I scream. But it's all in my head.

On the outside, I smile and laugh like the rest of them. Well. Not like the rest of my house, stupid gits. But like his house, with all their loud laughs and bright, bright smiles.

I hate them all.

But I love them, too. Or him at least. And he's one of them, so if I can love one why not the rest?

But he'll never love me back. And he can't love me back.

I didn't ask to be in love. If I had my way, I'd still be the cold, cruel Slytherin I once was. But it all had to change, didn't it? Just when I thought I had my life in order.

And I do love him.

So much it hurts. You have no idea.

 Imagine, whenever he speaks or smiles or I can just SEE him it aches, right deep down inside me, telling me again and again and again that he'll never want me. And he never shall, the way I've treated him these past years.

And then when he speaks or smiles or even LOOKS at someone, anyone, I hurt all over inside, and I feel like crying. But I don't and I can't and I shan't and I won't.

Even just thinking about him now, is making it ache.

But I can't stop thinking and dreaming and wishing, and in those thoughts and dreams and wishes he's loving me just as I'm loving him, and it's as if I've just swallowed a huge mug of hot chocolate, and it isn't burning but is filling me up with warmth.

And the ground is pulled from beneath my feet.

But instead of falling, I'm flying. So, so high, and safe.

Then I wake up, and it hurts again, with only the faint memories of how it could be should be would be. If only.

The thing is, I've seen the way his two friends act. That mudblood and the stupid weasel, shoving their tongues down one another's throats. That just makes me feel sick. Even if I imagine doing it to him.

Most of the time, to be honest, I just want to kick him. And I normally do.

But then is the odd bit.

I want to help him back up again.

But I can't shan't won't. And he never wants help from anyone, not even his nearest and dearest.

Never ever me.

And it hurts so much, it's killing me.

I'm dying from the inside out.