Someone in my mind
By: Eternal_Ukyou
Notes and disclaimers: Not mine, nuff' said. ^.~
This story is told from Celena's point of view, starting from her last scene during the ending credit. If you don't remember, she was standing in her brother's arms just outside the Airship with the rest of the crew. But the key thing you need to remember is that after the last war with the Zaibauch, a BUNCH of them turned and left. Hence Zaibauch was defeated, not wiped out. With that in mind, enjoy my fic. And PLEASE FLAME ME!!! (This is my first Escaflowne fic too! Please be mean to me!!!)
I watched her leave her, with my Brother's arms around my shoulders. Something like relief passed over me when I saw her go. And yet my brother squeezed me to him tightly, as if he was afraid I was going to go with her.
No.
I would never let myself be away from my Brother's side.
Not ever again.
I still do not fully understand where I had been all those years. Only haunting memories of childhood, and of the beast man Jajuka. I do not think I will ever understand fully. And I do not think I want to either. The only thing I want right now, is all I have. Allen, my brother.
"Come on Celena." He says to me, he turns, taking me gently along with him, and we head back into the Airship. "Are you alright?" He asked me softly. I nod, and a tiny smile touches my lips.
"Yes. Now that I am with you Brother." At this, his face seems to glow with a smile. His hands grip me tightly as we walk thought the long metal hallways of the airship. But then he stops. "Ah, what's wrong Brother? Are you aright?" I look at him. He places one hand on either of my bare shoulder and looks down into my eyes. "W-why are you crying? Have I made you sad Brother?" I watch the pearly tears run down his cheeks. And he smiles as he runs his hand over my face.
"Celena…" His voice forms my name with such emotion. I do not know how I could have lived with out all of this for the ten years of my absents. "You do not know…" He closes his eyes and more tears cascade down his cheeks.
"Brother, Do not cry." I come nearer to him and press my lips to his wet cheek. His tears are sweet to my tongue.
"Oh Celena!" He clamps me tight to his body. "You do no know how long I have wished for this moment. Oh Celena thank you for coming back to me… thank you for making me see. I-I have missed you so badly. Every day was haunted with your memory. I felt so terrible for lacking the skill to find you."
"Brother… It dose not matter anymore." I nod slowly. "Just don't ever leave me alone… and you will never have to feel that way again."
"Never again Celena. I swear to you, on my honor as a knight. I will never leave you alone again."
And so it was.
Never again did I have to face the cold air of loneness. Brother was always with me now. Everywhere I went. I would spend the day shoulder to shoulder with him as we talked to noble's and commoners, helping where we needed to help. Showing up where we needed to show. I was so happy to see all these people around me. And at night, Brother would lay me down to sleep. And smile at me gently. 'Someday' He would say to me. And then kiss my forehead before he went to his own bed, just across from my own.
Every morning started the way it had ended, Brother would wake me. I loved the way the early morning sun felt on my bare flesh. Brother would laugh gently as I stretched out on my bed, and groaned. Till he had to pull all the blankets off to get me up. And yet, sometimes I would still lie there, smiling up at him.
"I love the way the sheets feel on my skin." I would say sometimes. "And the sun to. Its so soothing."
"You are soothing to my heart Celena." He would reply and offer me his hand. I would take it and get rightly to my feet. Sometimes he would just hug me, holding my bare flesh to his. And then he would dress me, and brush my hair, and tell me that I looked very nice. I would do the same for him. I do so love brushing his hair. I do so… love him.
It seems like an eternity since I could say that word. And perhaps it has been that long. I lost track, ever so long ago. But it did not matter. Nothing mattered to me. Not anything. Except Brother.
I was so blissfully happy then. I knew that I had found my place. I found that maybe where I had been before now did not matter so much. And where I was going did not matter either. As long as it was with Brother.
I spent many a days like this. So many I thought it would never end. It was my first Midsummer since I returned to my brother, and he and I where going to accompany King Van and the others to a festival held on the streets of Fanielia. I was so excited. Everything was so flashy and bright. The smells of it all, and people, and songs. And what intrigued me the most, was the dancing. At one point, I found my self perched on a high wall, over looking the dancers below me. I listened as Van explained to someone that the dance represents the change of the heavens, and to welcome to Fairies that would come to bless the land. 'Only folk lore thought,' he said with a shrug. 'I would not believe everything you hear.'
"Brother." I turned to him. "Is what Lord Van said really true?" He smiled and laughed.
"Only the Fairies know that little sister."
"I suppose your right, only fairies."
That night after Brother lay me down to sleep, I could not find a dream. The merriment outside the castle walls drifted on the breeze through the open doors of the balcony. I rose form my bed, and wrapped a robe about my flesh, and stepped out on the balcony.
The stars where so bright as they dusted the heavens. I could see the Mystic Moon directly over head. I wondered about the girl Hitmoi, Brother had told me about. But more so I wondered about the story I had heard King Van tell today. I am not too much a child to believe in such silliness, but not enough an adult to ignore such things.
Apparently someone was counting on that.
I remember looking up at the stars, and then looking at nothing but the inside of my own eyelids.
I woke up cold. Where was I? What happened?
"Brother! Brother where are you?" I cried out. I could not see him; I could not see anything familiar. I tried to rise, but found myself bound to the table in which I lay. I pulled hard at these bindings. "Help me! Brother! Big Brother! Where are you! BROTHER!" Darkness, so familiar it made my skin crawl. I knew where I was, but in my heart I did not want to know. Something inside of me. something….
My cheek began to burn with a painful sensation, my hands began to ache, and my head felt like it was swimming.
What is all this?
What is all this?
What is all this?
" So you have awoken my Lord, or should I say Lady." That voice, I knew that voice! Some whom I thought was dead, but who?
" Who- who are you? Where is Big Brother?" I wanted to sit up, to see from whom this voice came so I could escape this elusive memory.
" Be still my Lady, er, Lord. There is still much to do. You will remember us in time. Many of us where slew long ago, and many, where only assumed dead. As I was. I am eternally loyal to you my Lord." A hear thick material rustle and a sound of metal hitting the ground. " I have also found others to protect you. Do not let them forget whom you really are Lord. We are your Dragon Slayers. We will protect you." As he said this, other voice joined in.
"The name of Ziabauch still stands strong in our heart." They said in unison. "We will stand by you Lord Dilaundau." My body wrenched against this pain my heart. All of this. I knew it. I knew all of this. It was familiar, the memory which only moments ago been out of reach, was no engulfing my mind. I could see it all now. The first man which had spoken was Gart, I thought he was dead. The others. I did not know. But Zaibauch I knew well. And I also knew my name when it was spoken to me.
Dilaundau.
That… that person. It was I.
No.
It was the voice inside of me. The one that had kept me from sleeping on stormy nights. The Voice that had told me to kill the butterflies. The voice that told me that I must not become soft. But, Who, really, was Dilaundau? It, he, must have been more than just the voice in my head. More than the elusive illusion I saw in my dreams.
" D-Dilaundau…" I whispered slowly. The syllables rolling off my tongue, as if I had said it a million times. "Why… why do you call me by that name?" I asked the ceiling.
"Because." The man names Gart replied. "That is the true you. The you whom we where sworn to protect always. My Lord, don't you remember?"
"My name is Celena. Celena Shezard."
"So they have made you forget Lord. Don't worry. We will show you. We will show you who you really are. Restore you to all the glory you are entitled to."
"G-glory?" I could feel them about me. Undoing the bindings that held me. Someone's cold hand was on my back, helping me to sit. I saw them all. Their young, smiling faces. All of them seemed contented with me. As if I had given them something I did not know I could. And perhaps I did give them something just then.
I gave them hope. Hope for the future. Hope that their friends had not died in vain for this man whom I was named Dilaundau. Hope that they could once again be glorious warriors. All this, because of me.
For the next three days, they showed me how to don my heavy armor, how to hold my bulky sword, and how to be commanding. None of which was in my nature. I was more worried about Brother. I was sure he had notice I was gone and went looking for me. I asked Gart several times if there was a way to let my brother know where I was. He said it was impossible. But when I saw the happiness on these men's faces when I tried hard to yell orders at them, I could not find it in my heart to say nah to them. The first few nights I felt so alone with out my brother. Gart noticed my distress, and came to me one night. I could not help myself but to confide in him. To tell him how new this all was for me. How I wasn't used to being alone all the time, I wasn't used to dressing myself, or brushing my own hair. How I wasn't used to sleeping by myself. He chuckled softly and spoke to me must like Brother did.
"My Lord. All you have to do is ask and I will do anything you wish. It is my duty, my honor, and my pleasure." So that night he helped me out of my long coat and heavy armor. He brushed my hair, and then laid down beside me under the warm, heavy quilts they had given me. I smile softly, as we lay face to face. Out noses nearly touching in the dusty darkness.
"Thank you, Gart."
"Anything to please my Lord." He paused and grinned. "Or Lady if you prefer."
"Could I not still lead you, and be Lady Celena. Instead of Lord Dilaundau? I want so badly to make you all happy. As badly as I miss my brother. There is something here that holds me. That gives me visions in my sleep. Something here that holds my heart."
"As you wish my Lady. Anything you wish."
I did not know just how much pain my brother was in then. Sick with worry about me. Near Mad with frustration and guilt, thinking he had lost me again. If I had only known I never would have gone through with it all. I never would have let my heart go like I did.
I had been with my Dragon Slayers for nearly a month now. The thoughts of Brother where far away now. I only thought of my sword, and my Slayers. I remember the day I walked with them into the Gymenelf hanger for the first time.
"Aldreis." I heard myself whisper without a second thought as my eyes touched the shinning crimson Melf.
"That's yours Lard Celena. It has served you well in the past. And if you piloting skills are as easily remember as your swordsmen ship, you should have no trouble at all." Gart smiled at me. "Come on. You can see how much you remember, alright?"
"This…this is the Gymenelf from my dreams! I know this! This was the puzzle piece I was missing! I-I remember it now!' It was as if this gymenelf had flipped a switch in my mind. And I suddenly remember everything at one. I saw This Dilaundau in my mind. I saw The Dragon Slayers. I saw Jajuka. I saw the melf. I saw the battles. I saw-
"Brother…" I stopped, my bliss turning into a sudden sadness.
"Lady Celena? What's wrong?"
"Brother! I have been gone for so long, that he must… he must be worried sick about me. Oh no. How could I forget?" I shook my head. "What a terrible person I am. How he must suffer with out me. Oh Big Brother!" I felt hot tears well in my eyes. "Gart! Gart you have to take me back. I have to see Brother, right now!" I looked up at him, frustration in my eyes, and in my heart.
"That's impossible my Lady." He shook his head sadly.
"You lie! You lie! I know you can get me there! I know you can! Take me to Brother! Take me now!" I screamed now, but my voice was hardly my own. Heat built inside me, nearly choking my airway. "Take me back! Take me back! TAKE ME BACK!" I felt cold hands on my cheeks. Gart's I knew.
"Lady. You just cannot return to them. We have worked so hard, all of us, to help you find your skill again. To help you find your heart. We have given up our normal lives. Our normal dreams. Everything, for you, Lady. And now… now you ask me to let you leave? No. I will tell you, as will they. The sacrifice is great for everyone. You among them. You cannot just abandon us now that we have gotten you back. Now that we have shown you everything. Lady, we live only for you. Do not vanish from our lives again." I thought about what he said. I thought it over a few times. And I realized this is how Brother must be feeling now. Having lost me once before. And then giving his whole life to me once he got me back. But what of my Slayers? They will be crushed if I leave. They will have nothing. No lady to lead them.
What am I to do?
What am I to do?
What am I to do?
I heard a voice, though not one of the Dragon Slayers voices, but one inside of me.
"Burn." It said. "Use this power and burn everything."
"No!" I screamed aloud, answering the voice in my mind.
"Lady Celena!" They where at my side. All of them. I could feel their hands on my shoulders and back.
"Burn. Take out your anger on all of it. Burn the world! Burn! Burn! BBBUUURRRNNN!!"
"NOOOOOO! NOOOOOO! I won't! Leave me alone! Get out of my head! Get out of my head! Get out of my head! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"
And then, thick, velvety blackness.
Everything was thus, for three days.
I awoke to a cold palm on my cheek. A smile and a kind word.
"Please Lady, open your eyes. Or I shall have to kiss you to give you life."
"Gart…" I smiled softly. My head still swimming in that heaven between awake and asleep.
"Or perhaps I shall just kiss you anyway." He chuckled gently and pushed my hair behind my ear.
"What?" My eyes came wide open, and I looked into his eyes. His face so close to mine, a soft smile on his lips. Fading concern in his eyes.
"I was kidding Lady. Don't trouble yourself to much." He sat back now, in a chair next to my bed. I noticed then the dark circles under his eyes, he yawned softly.
"Have you slept?" I asked him, sitting up a bit in bed.
"Not since you passed out." He said truthfully. "I have waited for you to awake."
"Why? It's bad for you not to sleep. You will make yourself sick." Concern swept over me. Making me forget the ordeal that knocked me out in the first place.
"It is a chance I'm willing to take for you. I told you; I will do anything for you my Lady. Anything you ask me, I will do with out a moments hesitation." He bowed his head for a moment and sighed. "I do not know how long it will take for you to understand my feelings. But, since I was a child it has been my dream to be a great warrior. Lord Dilaundau gave me that option and I took it. I have wanted nothing more in my life, except one thing."
"And what is that?" I put my feet on the floor and got up.
"Love."
"What?" I turned and looked at him.
"We where never allowed to leave the fortress but to fight. We where always by the Lord's side. Which was wonderful. But the love he gave us, was not the kind of love I wanted." He looked at me longingly. "I have never felt real love before, except for my Gymenelf, and for my commander. But that's not really living. That's just breathing." I went to my wardrobe as he spoke. I knew what he meant, somewhere my heart knew that feeling too. But there was nothing I could do for him.
I slipped on my long coat and heavy armor. Then I sat down on the floor to pull on my pants and boots.
"Call the others Gart, I have something I say to all of you." I said it as if I hadn't heard a word he had just said to me.
"Yes, My lady."
"Gather in the hanger. I'll be there in a moment." With a sleepy smile he left me to finish getting dressed, something I had gotten accustom to recently. I brushed my hair out, which was nearly to my chin now, and put one of my ornate clips in to hold it out of my face. After I check myself over one last time, I clipped my sword to my belt and headed for the hanger.
I had gotten so used to all of this so quickly. I was not as scared as I was when I got here, and not nearly as weak. They had brought back something I had known from before. Jajuka was wrong. I can never stay as the gentle Celena I used to be. Because then, I was a child. I am an adult now. I have to find my own way. I may not be Dilaundau, but I am Celena Shezard. And that is all I have to be. It's what I will be.
When I got to the hanger the others where waiting for me. I loved looking them over, knowing that they and I where one.
"I have come to a very important decision." I said to them with a smile. "I can not longer be apart from Brother, but my heart could not bare to part with all of you. I have a plan, and if any of you do not like it, I will understand if you do not want to come with me. I will understand. But this is for the best."
It was a beautiful morning in late summer. The city of Fenial was all- alight with people. Today was the end of the first year of King Van's Reign. People from all over the kingdom came to the castle today to see the King. So no one saw us as we flew in over the palace. We where cloaked with invisibility, but still, I have heard they are not always effective. I watched the celebration going on below. It was nearly time.
We had to circle the palace two more times before the moment we had been waiting for come to be.
Van, escorted by a few guards, came out on a large stone balcony over looking the people who gathered a good distance back, behind the roped off area.
"Now." I said to my Slayers, and with all the speed of a raptor, and the accurately as well, we threw off our invisibility cloak directly over head and with huge, stone shattering steps we set down just before the balcony. Perfectly executed, we stood in a Flawless V shape. Below me I heard someone yell 'Zaibauch!' And I saw Van go on guard. But we dropped our Gymnelf to a kneel quickly and my Slayers climb out, leaping down. They knelt as well. The Gart stood back up.
"Long live the king!" He yelled triumphantly.
"Long live King van!" The other Slayers chorused in. Van and the others stand totally stunned as Gart Spoke again.
"My Lady, New captain of the Dragon Slayers, Keeper of the flame, Child of chaos, Mother of Hope, carrier of Dreams. My Lady…" Gart Bowed and motioned to me. I opened the front of my Crimson melf, stepped out in full armor, and smiled brightly. I saw Brother, and Van. I saw Mereru, and many others whom I known, gasp as I smiled. "Celena Shezard." Gart finished and climbed up to me.
"King Van." I smiled, relief passing over me. "We mean you no harm at all. We have left Zaibauch to come here. I-I am sorry for disappearing, but my heart was calling me. We have come a long way, and broken many-a rules, to ask you… " I bowed deeply, though I knew it was not necessary. "If we could join your forces. We will serve no one but you my king. No one but you." Just as I finished saying all this I head my name being called.
"Celena! Celena!" I knew that voice anywhere.
"Brother!" I push away Gart, who attempted to help me down, and simply leaped off the melf and into the open arms of Brother. He spun me around; his hair came about me. His arms and scents were enveloping me sweetly, instantly, fully, debauch-ingly.
"Celena. Oh Celena!" He held me so tightly it hurt, even thought my armor. He held my head to his chest. His hair a convenient cover for his tears.
"I-I'm sorry Brother, for leaving-"
"Hush." He said. "We will have time for that later."
"Yes Brother." I hugged him back and smiled. Behind me I heard Van speaking.
"Very well Dragon Slayers. I will find a place for you." As he said this, I hear my Slayers cheer. They would be happy now. And I would not have to hurt anyone.
That evening, I went up to the room Brother and I shared and sat down on the edge of my bed. I felt out of place in my dark coat and blood Armor among all the beauty of the knights and their flowing coats. Of Brother's beauty. But I guess old habits are hard to break.
I unclipped my sword and lay it on the bed next to me. Admiring it, I feel something like pride welling inside my chest. I smile because I know I have defeated the someone inside of me. I have defeated Lord Dilaundau. And given myself victory.
1 **~Owari~**
or is it?
By: Eternal_Ukyou
Notes and disclaimers: Not mine, nuff' said. ^.~
This story is told from Celena's point of view, starting from her last scene during the ending credit. If you don't remember, she was standing in her brother's arms just outside the Airship with the rest of the crew. But the key thing you need to remember is that after the last war with the Zaibauch, a BUNCH of them turned and left. Hence Zaibauch was defeated, not wiped out. With that in mind, enjoy my fic. And PLEASE FLAME ME!!! (This is my first Escaflowne fic too! Please be mean to me!!!)
I watched her leave her, with my Brother's arms around my shoulders. Something like relief passed over me when I saw her go. And yet my brother squeezed me to him tightly, as if he was afraid I was going to go with her.
No.
I would never let myself be away from my Brother's side.
Not ever again.
I still do not fully understand where I had been all those years. Only haunting memories of childhood, and of the beast man Jajuka. I do not think I will ever understand fully. And I do not think I want to either. The only thing I want right now, is all I have. Allen, my brother.
"Come on Celena." He says to me, he turns, taking me gently along with him, and we head back into the Airship. "Are you alright?" He asked me softly. I nod, and a tiny smile touches my lips.
"Yes. Now that I am with you Brother." At this, his face seems to glow with a smile. His hands grip me tightly as we walk thought the long metal hallways of the airship. But then he stops. "Ah, what's wrong Brother? Are you aright?" I look at him. He places one hand on either of my bare shoulder and looks down into my eyes. "W-why are you crying? Have I made you sad Brother?" I watch the pearly tears run down his cheeks. And he smiles as he runs his hand over my face.
"Celena…" His voice forms my name with such emotion. I do not know how I could have lived with out all of this for the ten years of my absents. "You do not know…" He closes his eyes and more tears cascade down his cheeks.
"Brother, Do not cry." I come nearer to him and press my lips to his wet cheek. His tears are sweet to my tongue.
"Oh Celena!" He clamps me tight to his body. "You do no know how long I have wished for this moment. Oh Celena thank you for coming back to me… thank you for making me see. I-I have missed you so badly. Every day was haunted with your memory. I felt so terrible for lacking the skill to find you."
"Brother… It dose not matter anymore." I nod slowly. "Just don't ever leave me alone… and you will never have to feel that way again."
"Never again Celena. I swear to you, on my honor as a knight. I will never leave you alone again."
And so it was.
Never again did I have to face the cold air of loneness. Brother was always with me now. Everywhere I went. I would spend the day shoulder to shoulder with him as we talked to noble's and commoners, helping where we needed to help. Showing up where we needed to show. I was so happy to see all these people around me. And at night, Brother would lay me down to sleep. And smile at me gently. 'Someday' He would say to me. And then kiss my forehead before he went to his own bed, just across from my own.
Every morning started the way it had ended, Brother would wake me. I loved the way the early morning sun felt on my bare flesh. Brother would laugh gently as I stretched out on my bed, and groaned. Till he had to pull all the blankets off to get me up. And yet, sometimes I would still lie there, smiling up at him.
"I love the way the sheets feel on my skin." I would say sometimes. "And the sun to. Its so soothing."
"You are soothing to my heart Celena." He would reply and offer me his hand. I would take it and get rightly to my feet. Sometimes he would just hug me, holding my bare flesh to his. And then he would dress me, and brush my hair, and tell me that I looked very nice. I would do the same for him. I do so love brushing his hair. I do so… love him.
It seems like an eternity since I could say that word. And perhaps it has been that long. I lost track, ever so long ago. But it did not matter. Nothing mattered to me. Not anything. Except Brother.
I was so blissfully happy then. I knew that I had found my place. I found that maybe where I had been before now did not matter so much. And where I was going did not matter either. As long as it was with Brother.
I spent many a days like this. So many I thought it would never end. It was my first Midsummer since I returned to my brother, and he and I where going to accompany King Van and the others to a festival held on the streets of Fanielia. I was so excited. Everything was so flashy and bright. The smells of it all, and people, and songs. And what intrigued me the most, was the dancing. At one point, I found my self perched on a high wall, over looking the dancers below me. I listened as Van explained to someone that the dance represents the change of the heavens, and to welcome to Fairies that would come to bless the land. 'Only folk lore thought,' he said with a shrug. 'I would not believe everything you hear.'
"Brother." I turned to him. "Is what Lord Van said really true?" He smiled and laughed.
"Only the Fairies know that little sister."
"I suppose your right, only fairies."
That night after Brother lay me down to sleep, I could not find a dream. The merriment outside the castle walls drifted on the breeze through the open doors of the balcony. I rose form my bed, and wrapped a robe about my flesh, and stepped out on the balcony.
The stars where so bright as they dusted the heavens. I could see the Mystic Moon directly over head. I wondered about the girl Hitmoi, Brother had told me about. But more so I wondered about the story I had heard King Van tell today. I am not too much a child to believe in such silliness, but not enough an adult to ignore such things.
Apparently someone was counting on that.
I remember looking up at the stars, and then looking at nothing but the inside of my own eyelids.
I woke up cold. Where was I? What happened?
"Brother! Brother where are you?" I cried out. I could not see him; I could not see anything familiar. I tried to rise, but found myself bound to the table in which I lay. I pulled hard at these bindings. "Help me! Brother! Big Brother! Where are you! BROTHER!" Darkness, so familiar it made my skin crawl. I knew where I was, but in my heart I did not want to know. Something inside of me. something….
My cheek began to burn with a painful sensation, my hands began to ache, and my head felt like it was swimming.
What is all this?
What is all this?
What is all this?
" So you have awoken my Lord, or should I say Lady." That voice, I knew that voice! Some whom I thought was dead, but who?
" Who- who are you? Where is Big Brother?" I wanted to sit up, to see from whom this voice came so I could escape this elusive memory.
" Be still my Lady, er, Lord. There is still much to do. You will remember us in time. Many of us where slew long ago, and many, where only assumed dead. As I was. I am eternally loyal to you my Lord." A hear thick material rustle and a sound of metal hitting the ground. " I have also found others to protect you. Do not let them forget whom you really are Lord. We are your Dragon Slayers. We will protect you." As he said this, other voice joined in.
"The name of Ziabauch still stands strong in our heart." They said in unison. "We will stand by you Lord Dilaundau." My body wrenched against this pain my heart. All of this. I knew it. I knew all of this. It was familiar, the memory which only moments ago been out of reach, was no engulfing my mind. I could see it all now. The first man which had spoken was Gart, I thought he was dead. The others. I did not know. But Zaibauch I knew well. And I also knew my name when it was spoken to me.
Dilaundau.
That… that person. It was I.
No.
It was the voice inside of me. The one that had kept me from sleeping on stormy nights. The Voice that had told me to kill the butterflies. The voice that told me that I must not become soft. But, Who, really, was Dilaundau? It, he, must have been more than just the voice in my head. More than the elusive illusion I saw in my dreams.
" D-Dilaundau…" I whispered slowly. The syllables rolling off my tongue, as if I had said it a million times. "Why… why do you call me by that name?" I asked the ceiling.
"Because." The man names Gart replied. "That is the true you. The you whom we where sworn to protect always. My Lord, don't you remember?"
"My name is Celena. Celena Shezard."
"So they have made you forget Lord. Don't worry. We will show you. We will show you who you really are. Restore you to all the glory you are entitled to."
"G-glory?" I could feel them about me. Undoing the bindings that held me. Someone's cold hand was on my back, helping me to sit. I saw them all. Their young, smiling faces. All of them seemed contented with me. As if I had given them something I did not know I could. And perhaps I did give them something just then.
I gave them hope. Hope for the future. Hope that their friends had not died in vain for this man whom I was named Dilaundau. Hope that they could once again be glorious warriors. All this, because of me.
For the next three days, they showed me how to don my heavy armor, how to hold my bulky sword, and how to be commanding. None of which was in my nature. I was more worried about Brother. I was sure he had notice I was gone and went looking for me. I asked Gart several times if there was a way to let my brother know where I was. He said it was impossible. But when I saw the happiness on these men's faces when I tried hard to yell orders at them, I could not find it in my heart to say nah to them. The first few nights I felt so alone with out my brother. Gart noticed my distress, and came to me one night. I could not help myself but to confide in him. To tell him how new this all was for me. How I wasn't used to being alone all the time, I wasn't used to dressing myself, or brushing my own hair. How I wasn't used to sleeping by myself. He chuckled softly and spoke to me must like Brother did.
"My Lord. All you have to do is ask and I will do anything you wish. It is my duty, my honor, and my pleasure." So that night he helped me out of my long coat and heavy armor. He brushed my hair, and then laid down beside me under the warm, heavy quilts they had given me. I smile softly, as we lay face to face. Out noses nearly touching in the dusty darkness.
"Thank you, Gart."
"Anything to please my Lord." He paused and grinned. "Or Lady if you prefer."
"Could I not still lead you, and be Lady Celena. Instead of Lord Dilaundau? I want so badly to make you all happy. As badly as I miss my brother. There is something here that holds me. That gives me visions in my sleep. Something here that holds my heart."
"As you wish my Lady. Anything you wish."
I did not know just how much pain my brother was in then. Sick with worry about me. Near Mad with frustration and guilt, thinking he had lost me again. If I had only known I never would have gone through with it all. I never would have let my heart go like I did.
I had been with my Dragon Slayers for nearly a month now. The thoughts of Brother where far away now. I only thought of my sword, and my Slayers. I remember the day I walked with them into the Gymenelf hanger for the first time.
"Aldreis." I heard myself whisper without a second thought as my eyes touched the shinning crimson Melf.
"That's yours Lard Celena. It has served you well in the past. And if you piloting skills are as easily remember as your swordsmen ship, you should have no trouble at all." Gart smiled at me. "Come on. You can see how much you remember, alright?"
"This…this is the Gymenelf from my dreams! I know this! This was the puzzle piece I was missing! I-I remember it now!' It was as if this gymenelf had flipped a switch in my mind. And I suddenly remember everything at one. I saw This Dilaundau in my mind. I saw The Dragon Slayers. I saw Jajuka. I saw the melf. I saw the battles. I saw-
"Brother…" I stopped, my bliss turning into a sudden sadness.
"Lady Celena? What's wrong?"
"Brother! I have been gone for so long, that he must… he must be worried sick about me. Oh no. How could I forget?" I shook my head. "What a terrible person I am. How he must suffer with out me. Oh Big Brother!" I felt hot tears well in my eyes. "Gart! Gart you have to take me back. I have to see Brother, right now!" I looked up at him, frustration in my eyes, and in my heart.
"That's impossible my Lady." He shook his head sadly.
"You lie! You lie! I know you can get me there! I know you can! Take me to Brother! Take me now!" I screamed now, but my voice was hardly my own. Heat built inside me, nearly choking my airway. "Take me back! Take me back! TAKE ME BACK!" I felt cold hands on my cheeks. Gart's I knew.
"Lady. You just cannot return to them. We have worked so hard, all of us, to help you find your skill again. To help you find your heart. We have given up our normal lives. Our normal dreams. Everything, for you, Lady. And now… now you ask me to let you leave? No. I will tell you, as will they. The sacrifice is great for everyone. You among them. You cannot just abandon us now that we have gotten you back. Now that we have shown you everything. Lady, we live only for you. Do not vanish from our lives again." I thought about what he said. I thought it over a few times. And I realized this is how Brother must be feeling now. Having lost me once before. And then giving his whole life to me once he got me back. But what of my Slayers? They will be crushed if I leave. They will have nothing. No lady to lead them.
What am I to do?
What am I to do?
What am I to do?
I heard a voice, though not one of the Dragon Slayers voices, but one inside of me.
"Burn." It said. "Use this power and burn everything."
"No!" I screamed aloud, answering the voice in my mind.
"Lady Celena!" They where at my side. All of them. I could feel their hands on my shoulders and back.
"Burn. Take out your anger on all of it. Burn the world! Burn! Burn! BBBUUURRRNNN!!"
"NOOOOOO! NOOOOOO! I won't! Leave me alone! Get out of my head! Get out of my head! Get out of my head! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"
And then, thick, velvety blackness.
Everything was thus, for three days.
I awoke to a cold palm on my cheek. A smile and a kind word.
"Please Lady, open your eyes. Or I shall have to kiss you to give you life."
"Gart…" I smiled softly. My head still swimming in that heaven between awake and asleep.
"Or perhaps I shall just kiss you anyway." He chuckled gently and pushed my hair behind my ear.
"What?" My eyes came wide open, and I looked into his eyes. His face so close to mine, a soft smile on his lips. Fading concern in his eyes.
"I was kidding Lady. Don't trouble yourself to much." He sat back now, in a chair next to my bed. I noticed then the dark circles under his eyes, he yawned softly.
"Have you slept?" I asked him, sitting up a bit in bed.
"Not since you passed out." He said truthfully. "I have waited for you to awake."
"Why? It's bad for you not to sleep. You will make yourself sick." Concern swept over me. Making me forget the ordeal that knocked me out in the first place.
"It is a chance I'm willing to take for you. I told you; I will do anything for you my Lady. Anything you ask me, I will do with out a moments hesitation." He bowed his head for a moment and sighed. "I do not know how long it will take for you to understand my feelings. But, since I was a child it has been my dream to be a great warrior. Lord Dilaundau gave me that option and I took it. I have wanted nothing more in my life, except one thing."
"And what is that?" I put my feet on the floor and got up.
"Love."
"What?" I turned and looked at him.
"We where never allowed to leave the fortress but to fight. We where always by the Lord's side. Which was wonderful. But the love he gave us, was not the kind of love I wanted." He looked at me longingly. "I have never felt real love before, except for my Gymenelf, and for my commander. But that's not really living. That's just breathing." I went to my wardrobe as he spoke. I knew what he meant, somewhere my heart knew that feeling too. But there was nothing I could do for him.
I slipped on my long coat and heavy armor. Then I sat down on the floor to pull on my pants and boots.
"Call the others Gart, I have something I say to all of you." I said it as if I hadn't heard a word he had just said to me.
"Yes, My lady."
"Gather in the hanger. I'll be there in a moment." With a sleepy smile he left me to finish getting dressed, something I had gotten accustom to recently. I brushed my hair out, which was nearly to my chin now, and put one of my ornate clips in to hold it out of my face. After I check myself over one last time, I clipped my sword to my belt and headed for the hanger.
I had gotten so used to all of this so quickly. I was not as scared as I was when I got here, and not nearly as weak. They had brought back something I had known from before. Jajuka was wrong. I can never stay as the gentle Celena I used to be. Because then, I was a child. I am an adult now. I have to find my own way. I may not be Dilaundau, but I am Celena Shezard. And that is all I have to be. It's what I will be.
When I got to the hanger the others where waiting for me. I loved looking them over, knowing that they and I where one.
"I have come to a very important decision." I said to them with a smile. "I can not longer be apart from Brother, but my heart could not bare to part with all of you. I have a plan, and if any of you do not like it, I will understand if you do not want to come with me. I will understand. But this is for the best."
It was a beautiful morning in late summer. The city of Fenial was all- alight with people. Today was the end of the first year of King Van's Reign. People from all over the kingdom came to the castle today to see the King. So no one saw us as we flew in over the palace. We where cloaked with invisibility, but still, I have heard they are not always effective. I watched the celebration going on below. It was nearly time.
We had to circle the palace two more times before the moment we had been waiting for come to be.
Van, escorted by a few guards, came out on a large stone balcony over looking the people who gathered a good distance back, behind the roped off area.
"Now." I said to my Slayers, and with all the speed of a raptor, and the accurately as well, we threw off our invisibility cloak directly over head and with huge, stone shattering steps we set down just before the balcony. Perfectly executed, we stood in a Flawless V shape. Below me I heard someone yell 'Zaibauch!' And I saw Van go on guard. But we dropped our Gymnelf to a kneel quickly and my Slayers climb out, leaping down. They knelt as well. The Gart stood back up.
"Long live the king!" He yelled triumphantly.
"Long live King van!" The other Slayers chorused in. Van and the others stand totally stunned as Gart Spoke again.
"My Lady, New captain of the Dragon Slayers, Keeper of the flame, Child of chaos, Mother of Hope, carrier of Dreams. My Lady…" Gart Bowed and motioned to me. I opened the front of my Crimson melf, stepped out in full armor, and smiled brightly. I saw Brother, and Van. I saw Mereru, and many others whom I known, gasp as I smiled. "Celena Shezard." Gart finished and climbed up to me.
"King Van." I smiled, relief passing over me. "We mean you no harm at all. We have left Zaibauch to come here. I-I am sorry for disappearing, but my heart was calling me. We have come a long way, and broken many-a rules, to ask you… " I bowed deeply, though I knew it was not necessary. "If we could join your forces. We will serve no one but you my king. No one but you." Just as I finished saying all this I head my name being called.
"Celena! Celena!" I knew that voice anywhere.
"Brother!" I push away Gart, who attempted to help me down, and simply leaped off the melf and into the open arms of Brother. He spun me around; his hair came about me. His arms and scents were enveloping me sweetly, instantly, fully, debauch-ingly.
"Celena. Oh Celena!" He held me so tightly it hurt, even thought my armor. He held my head to his chest. His hair a convenient cover for his tears.
"I-I'm sorry Brother, for leaving-"
"Hush." He said. "We will have time for that later."
"Yes Brother." I hugged him back and smiled. Behind me I heard Van speaking.
"Very well Dragon Slayers. I will find a place for you." As he said this, I hear my Slayers cheer. They would be happy now. And I would not have to hurt anyone.
That evening, I went up to the room Brother and I shared and sat down on the edge of my bed. I felt out of place in my dark coat and blood Armor among all the beauty of the knights and their flowing coats. Of Brother's beauty. But I guess old habits are hard to break.
I unclipped my sword and lay it on the bed next to me. Admiring it, I feel something like pride welling inside my chest. I smile because I know I have defeated the someone inside of me. I have defeated Lord Dilaundau. And given myself victory.
1 **~Owari~**
or is it?