Hello! A nice hefty piece of angst for you all! I'm worried the writing is a bit vague but I hope you all can understand it, you'll have to tell me (am unsure : Z).

Please review!!

xXx

Sometimes Jean Havoc wondered why he did this.

Wondered why he would kneel between the legs of his superior officer and lick and suck and do all those little things that would make the man moan. Do all those things even though he knew he was simply a pawn to be used in Roy Mustang's big game.

A pawn to be used...

Yes, Jean Havoc had no illusions about his relationship with Roy Mustang.

He knew the only reason it was him between those legs doing those things was because the person Mustang really wanted there, really truly painfully wanted there, was off limits, out of bounds.

Roy had had to settle for second best.

Settle for Havoc.

Havoc knew that when the man stroked his hair, called his name, came in his mouth, Roy was wishing it was someone else that he was doing these things to, imagining golden eyes and equally gold hair as he slowly pumped between Havoc's waiting lips.

It really hurt sometimes...nothing could tear him up inside like seeing how Roy's eyes would glaze over when they were making love and he knew, he knew, that when the man fucked him, kissed him and entered him, he was simply doing it because Jean was a warm body to screw, a warm body Roy could use as a replacement of who he really wanted.

It tore Jean Havoc apart.

Back to the present. Mustang was getting close. The thrusts into Jean's mouth were becoming erratic, Roy's breathing coming fast and deep.

Not long now...

Mustang soon climaxed, the hand in Jeans hair tightening convulsively, warmth spreading in Havoc's mouth and the gasp, the soft almost inaudible gasp, of a name.

A name.

It wasn't Jean's.

It stabbed like needles.

Jean removed himself and swallowed, standing up watching the man before him recover from his peak.

Havoc didn't stay for long. Excuses and bland goodbyes were said, the door closing after Jean with a muted 'click'.

They never stayed together after their little 'sessions', it was easier that way. Roy didn't have to lie and say 'I love you' and Havoc didn't have to pretend to believe him.

Yes...it was easier that way, though 'easier' doesn't mean any less painful.

It was why Havoc was trying to stifle his sobs he slowly slid to the floor outside of the room, praying that Roy didn't hear him.

Praying that Roy didn't hear him because, although life was currently agony to Jean Havoc, without Mustang it would be a living hell.

And when Jean walked home that night he pretended he hadn't heard that name that Roy had hissed with heightening pleasure. That name that had slipped past Roy's lips and caused Havoc more pain than he had ever imagined a person could feel.

"Ed..."

Nothing hurts like love.

xXx

I'm sorry about this piece, I really am, I kind of had the idea rattling around in my head and now that I've gotten it written down I'm still not so sure about it.

I mean...the idea of it was vague in my head but does it read coherently? Can you understand it?

All reviews appreciated- please be gentle aggh!