by IronRaven
Disclaimer: Houshi-sama and Taijya-dono aren't mine. They are the property of Rumiko Takahashi-sama.
---
Lighting flashed on the horizon, slowly coming closer as the ill smelling wind pushed the storm along. It was an evil wind to end an evil day. The trees and lesser plants struggled in the wind, trying to run from the lashing rains, chained down by their roots, and no sign of animal life could be seen. With three exceptions.
Kirara ran along the winds, trying to stay on course. She could smell her mistress's trail. Her spirit flames rippled and jumped, showing in her eyes. Her heart pounded, filled with dread. The dog boy had outrun her some time ago, despite that she was pushing herself harder than she had in centuries.
Shippou's hands were tangled in the firecat's mane, his eyes crimson and bloodshot under tightly clenched lids. His tears were streaked with wind stroked tears, his breath roughed by a throat bruised by screaming.
And Miroku. His legs clung to the sides of the firecat, one hand gripping her fur. The sleeve of his robes had been ripped from that arm. Across his back, he was burdened by the unfamiliar mass of Hairikitsu,, his shakujo trapped between the massive bone and his own spine. His spine. The spine that should have been shattered, if she hadn't pushed him out of the way. In his other hand, he carried a bundle that he was trying hard not to look at. It had been warm, but now it was cool and growing heavy. He didn't know why he had taken it. There was nothing that could be done, other than bury it. He was too numb to sob yet.
Kirara landed with a thud outside Kaede's hut. Immediately, she spilled off her passengers and ran to the door, scratching at it, gouging deep grooves in the planks. The door opened enough to allow a blood stained Inuyasha to pass. He gently pushed Kirara back, and sat before the door, leaning against it.
"Inuyasha, is she...." The rain slashed at Miroku as he stood there, the bundle under his arm, shivering in fear.
Inuyasha leaned back, turning his face to the sky, letting the raindrops stab at his cheeks and eyes. His voice was barely a whisper. "Kaede thinks she will live. She's lost a lot of blood."
Shippou leaned against the hanyou, pressing his face into his shitagi. "Can we take her to Kagome's time?"
"No. There was too much damage, too much missing bone." And she in too much shock. The well would probably kill her. "The only thing that could be done would be to put fluids back in and give her the anti-infection potions that make Kagome's look weak. That is what she said."
"And we know how Kaede reacted when she woke up in Kagome's time. As bad as she is, it might kill her." Setting the bundle down at his side, Miroku sat on next to the hanyou and the crying kitsune, burying his face in his hands. Why did you do it? Seeing she would not be granted entrance, Kirara curled between the fox and the monk and tried to stay dry.
---
A hand shook Miroku to awareness. He hadn't been asleep. He had just gone numb, staring into space, reliving the horrible moment. The moment before, he seen the attack, and been ready to die. Then he felt an armoured shoulder slam again him, forcing him out of the way. "She's asking for you."
Kagome's eyes were red and swollen, and she was dressed as a miko should be, rather than in the clothes of her time. When last he had seen her, those were soaked, what was once green turned black with blood, and the rest stained crimson. Her hands looked like they had been scrubbed in scalding water with rushes. "Miroku, she's awake. She wants to talk to you."
At some point, he vaguely remembered Inuyasha telling him to take one of the many villagers' offer of shelter. Of carrying his bundle and Shippou with him as he stumbled, chilled to the bone, behind the woodsman. The bundle was still in his arms. Shippou had cried himself to sleep, and had lain next to him the whole time. Inuyasha had remained behind, leaning against the door to keep Kirara out. "Is she going to live?"
"She's been hurt badly before. This time we were there." Shaking her head, Kagome's sad eyes met her companion's. "I just don't know. But she is strong and healthy and stubborn." She offered him a hand to his feet. In silence, they returned to Keade's hut. Inuyasha still sat there, soaked with the night rain, and not looking like he really noticed that. Or cared.
Kagome knelt at the half-demon's side. "Hey."
Opening his eyes, Inuyasha looked around. He took in Kagome in the red and white of a miko, and the black wrapped bundle under Miroku's arm. "Hey." He slid aside enough to allow the monk to pass. Miroku watched as Kagome pressed it closed behind him.
"Houshi-sama?" Her voice. It croaked, and was heavy with pain, but it was still her voice. So sweet, so beautiful. He couldn't turn and face her, not yet. It was his fault she was like this, it was his fault she had been hurt. If he'd been more aware, she never would have had to push him out of the way. And the beast's sharp beak never would have closed on her leg as he stumbled like a drunk, out of the way. He'd been ready to die, she didn't need to save him, she could have been unhurt, she wouldn't lying there, he wouldn't have her leg under his arm, she wouldn't....
"Houshi-sama? Am I now so ugly you can not face me?" That wasn't physical pain. That was hurt. A deep hurt. She wasn't ugly, and he couldn't let her think that. In two steps, he was kneeling at her side, her hands in his, pressing his forehead to her knuckles.
"I'm sorry, Sango, I am so sorry." The tears dripped from his eyes, landing with tiny noises on her knuckles. "This is my fault. You shouldn't have...." He looked at her face. It was drawn and tight from the pain, but her eyes were slightly glazed from the draught Kaede had given her for the pain. But she was fully aware.
He glanced down the blanket, to where her outline suddenly jumped inward. Where her leg had been bitten through. She hadn't screamed at first, and even had time to land a killing blow on the creature's spine. The she just tipped over, her leg ending at mid-thigh and bleeding in spasms. With an inhuman clarity, she had pulled her obi free and started to wrap it as a tourniquet. Then the pain hit. She started screaming, the sound slashing at Miroku's soul. He had held her down, while Kagome held the whole leg and barked instructions at Inuyasha. Soon, shock worked it's narcotic effect on the huntress, who quieted to whimpering agony. Inuyasha wrapped her in blankets from Kagome's pack, and his haori. With the huntress in his arms, and the miko clinging to his back, the hanyou started running, faster than any wind, towards the village. Miroku had pried her leg free the stiffening jaws of the dead monster, and tore his sleeve off to wrap it in. Every moment of that had been running through his mind. Including the decision to leave the shard the beast held behind. It would have taken too long to dig out.
"I had to, Houshi-sama. If I hadn't, you would be dead, and I couldn't let that happen." She worked a hand free of his, and reached up to stroke his cheek. "You saved me from such an attack once. I had to try to save you."
Raising one hand to cup the on at his cheek, he kissed the palm gently. "Why?" Guiding her hand to it's partner, he rewrapped them in his fingers. He lowered his forehead to rest on her's. "Why would you sacrifice yourself for me like that?"
"For the same reason you would have, baka. I couldn't live if I lost you, not without trying." Looking down at their sides, she saw the shape and size of the bundle he had carried in. "You saved my leg? Why?"
Smiling sheepishly though fresh tears, he rested a hand on it. "I don't know. I couldn't leave it. Kagome's people can do miracles...."
"No, Houshi-sama. If this how I am to be, this how I am to be. But I am glad you did not leave it." Flinching slightly, she looked her lost limb. "I can still feel my toes, I can feel them moving if I try to wiggle them, and then I look and there is nothing there. Kaede says that is to be expected." Swallowing, she stiffened for a bit. "Houshi-sama, I want you to do something for me. Unwrap it, and roll up the armour. There is something there I need."
Shaking like a palsied old man, Miroku wordlessly complied. It was not the first time he had seen a limb that had been without life for so long, but it was Sango's. That made it different. He felt his stomach turn as the last of the fabric dropped away. He willed himself to continue, hiding the tattered stump in the wrappings as he worked the armour towards the knee. Just above the bulge of the calf muscles, he saw them. The first set of beads he had worn on his hand, the set he had given to Sango the time the female inu youkai had seduced him. To keep her safe. She had said she would always keep them, afterwards. "These?"
Reaching out to them, she rolled them towards the ankle, and off the foot. She blushed slightly, despite the pain and drugs, as she wrapped them around her hand as quickly as he would have put a pair on his own, mimiking his pattern. "These." Taking his beaded hand in her's, her face became serious. "Miroku, you said you would be with me when the quest was over."
"And I still want to be. Your part of the quest is over."
"No, it isn't. You want to destroy Naraku, and so do I. I want to make sure we defeat him."
"We will, Sango. We will."
"I need to be sure. I want to bare your child. Our child. If we fail, our child will be the instrument of our revenge."
Miroku's mouth dropped, and he felt light headed. She... "NO! You know what happened to my mother! I won't do that to you. I love you."
"If you love me, grant me revenge, for me and my people." Her eyes softened. "Please, Miroku. You've never cared that I was scarred. You say you love me, even though I am a cripple. Please."
What do I do? Wrapping his arms around her, Miroku kissed her gently, for the first time, holding her tightly. "You've never been ugly. And you will be able to outrun me when you regain your strength. We'll talk about it then, Sango." No, love, you aren't dieing like that. I will kill him before you have a child.
---
The four months were a blur of activity. Even with one leg, and on crutches, Sango was able to keep up with the other wives of the village in their daily chores. She had stopped carrying the Hiraikotsu,, but she wore her sword, slung over her shoulder everyday. She had tried to help in the building of her home, until the woodcutter yelled at her to stay out of the way. Shippou and Kirara remained with her, to help her as they could. Even Hachi had volunteered to stay in one place, and he had been an instant friend to all the kids in the village.
Miroku had been even more determined than Inuyasha, driven like a man possessed to complete the Jewel. And a man possessed he was. Possessed by the fear that Sango would finally feel she had healed enough to make love to him, and make that child that would end her life.
Kagome had decided that she would remain with them, regardless of what it did with her tests and school. 'I have a life here, even if I won't have one in my time. Sango will die if we don't finish the Jewel.'
Inuyasha had grown even more silent, and had had loud words with Kikyou. They had only seen her twice: once shortly after the incident, when Inuyasha had come back to camp with a glowing handprint on his angry face, and once more with Sesshomaru. That meeting had been tense, silent, and short, with the two brothers not saying anything, not turning their backs on the other as the parties crept away, hands on swords, staffs and bows.
Returning to the village once again for supplies, Miroku climbed the steps to his home. It wasn't how he had envisioned it. He thought that after the quest was over, he'd build a hut of his own, with help, but there every step of the way. They had come home, and a hut had stood near Keade's, but a little closer to the well. Sango had informed him that it was their home. Opening the door, he rested his shakujo against the wall, and tended to the fire.
He heard the door open behind him, then a familiar step-thump. Turning his head, he smiled widely. "Hello, love. We almost got him this time. Naraku is getting nervous." He reached into his robes, and pulled out the remains of two little wooden dolls. After she nodded, he tossed them into the fire. "We'll have him within a year. I promise."
Standing, he took her in his arms, and kissed her deeply. He wasn't sure how long he stood there after the kiss, he never was, just holding her in his arms, resting his cheek on her temple, feeling her head on his shoulder. She always came to the hut as soon as word got around that the wanderers were home. She lifted her head, and looked him in the eyes. "This time, Miroku, please."
She leaned against him, forcing him in the direction of the raised sleeping platform. It was based on the design that Kaede had seen when sick- she had thought it would be easier for Sango to get in and out of, rather than up and down from a normal futon, even if was extravagant. When he was far enough back, she tapped on his shin with a crutch. Slowly, she worked him back.
"Sango, please, let us kill Naraku. We aren't even looking for shards right now, we are hunting him." His eyes pleaded with her.
"Miroku, it has been four months, and you've not acted as a husband should. I am as strong as I can be." Her eyes started to tremble, before she looked down, her hair hiding her face from him. "Did you marry me out of pity? Please, Miroku, can't you forget that I'm a cripple for one night?"
He lifted her chin, to look at her face. "Sango. I love you, and have since the first time we met. Your crutches mean that I can finally keep up with you, Saiai. Seeing you means that I am home, it has ever since you came to save me from myself one night, long ago. Please, I can't risk your life, not like that."
---
That was the night she finally wore him down. He cried afterwards, they both did. He loved her, and she loved him, but any union was dangerous. If she should be with child, his plan was to pray to Buddha and anyone else who was listening, even the strange god that the Portuguese traders whom they were meeting spoke of. Sango, Sango must be protected. If needed, Buddha and the Kami and every other god could take care of themselves.
There were ways, but she knew them all, and they only were usable by women. He had tried saltpeter at Myouga's suggestion, but the stomach cramps left him unable to travel. He had even asked Kagome about it, hoping that Inuyasha would remember that it had been his idea to ask. But even the future had no method of what she termed "male birth control", short of using a knife. He couldn't do that. Her other idea had had merit, but Sango would have noticed the sheath. So he prayed.
He prayed even more after Sango missed her flow. And drove himself harder. At one point, he even remembered yelling at Kagome, and then accusing Inuyasha of being a coward who didn't care if Sango died. After Inuyasha knocked some sense into him, they continued on their way. It was immediately after that, that they killed Kagura.
They found Naraku's castle, but he wasn't home, nor were Kanna and Kohaku. Miroku and Inuyasha set fire to it, after Kouga's wolves tore anything within to pieces, with Kagome covering them with her bow. Naraku was running scared, that was the only conclusion left. As they washed the soot from their faces, Hachi flew in. Sango was asking for them, she was getting close.
They arrived in the village just an explosive grunt rang out from his hut. Miroku crashed through the door thinking something was wrong. And it was, Sango was in labor. He knelt by her side, holding her hand, stroking her hair. "I'm sorry, Sango, I'm so sorry. We didn't get him. I'm sorry."
"Ssshhhhh... It might be a girl. If it is, she won't get your curse." This one was harder, pulling a short scream from her. Kaede was there, and Kagome had taken up her position, talking to Sango, telling her to breath. Books of all kinds on birthing had come from the future, and most of it was pretty much common sense. But some things had been new, and useful. Others were not so useful.
As the hours passed and the contractions got closer and closer, Miroku became more and more frantic. Kaede walked to the doorway, and shouted for Inuyasha. "Take him outside, and keep him there. Sit on him if yea must, but he is getting in the way. This is no place for men, no matter what Kagome's folding scrolls say."
As Inuyasha grabbed the frightened monk, his eyes met Kagome's. He knew the question she couldn't ask. And he could smell the answer. His heart died as he gave the shortest, tiniest shake of the head. He could smell it was a boy. Unless Sango had been playing Miroku's old game, there was nothing left to say. He rested a taloned hand on his adopted sister's forehead briefly, before hauling Miroku behind him like a bag of root vegetables.
Outside, the men huddled, Inuyasha on Miroku's chest, Hachi sitting on the monk's legs. Shippou curled himself around Kirara, and held down the monk's feet. He screamed and cried and begged with them, to let him up, to let him be with her. "No, Bozou! You're getting in the way. And she wants you out here." Struggling harder at a wail of pain from Sango, Miroku tried to roll out from under his friends. He watched the door open, Kagome and Kaede leaving the hut, but Sango stayed within, giving one last shout, as Inuyasha's fist landed, making the world one of dark and cold pain.
---
"NO!! SANGO!! LET ME GO TO HER!!!" The houshi sat upright, his eyes bulging from his head, every vein in his face, neck and hands throbbing visible. "No, no, Sango, I'm sorry. I failed you. I'm sorry. Please, Buddha, no..."
He felt hands on his shoulder, a voice calling him. He couldn't understand it, it was like it was far away, or underwater. All he knew was that he was father, he had a son, and Sango was dead because of it. His Sango died, making a weapon, a weapon to kill their enemy.
Then he felt a smack, and he saw stars for a moment. "Houshi-sama! Look at me! I'm right here! Look at me!"
"Sango?" Wrapping his arms tightly around the startled huntress, Miroku took a shuddering breath. Behind her was Kagome, her expression terrified, Shippou clinging to her. Inuyasha was beside them, Tessaiga in his hand, scanning for any attackers. "Sango! I thought you were dead."
"It was a dream, Houshi-sama, that's all." Pressing him back to the ground, she checked his forehead for fever. "Just a dream. Try to get some sleep."
"Feh! You'll need it. Anyone who was asleep is awake now, and if it's a demon, they'll be curious." Sheathing his sword, Inuyasha glanced each of them over for injuries, Kagome first and last in his inspection. It was so fast, that Miroku had never noticed it before, but he was seeing things through new eyes. "Don't worry about it, bozou."
"We're right here, Miroku." Kagome passed him her water bottle. It was still warm, and it tasted of the plastic material that was ubiquitous to her time, but it was water. He clutched the bottle to his chest, and drew up his knees, still chilled by his fear. He was aware of Kirara rubbing her head against his back.
"What kind of weapon, Houshi-sama?"
Inuyasha had rebuilt the fire as he stared at the darkness, seeing the black futility of a life without her. Her voice broke his aching thoughts. "What?"
"In your dream, you said I made a weapon. What kind was it?" She rested her hand on his knee. He drew comfort from her touch, and power.
"Nothing. It was nothing." He rested his hand on her's. "Just something that made sense in my dream. It wouldn't work anyway." In the fire light, he saw a shadow under her armour. On it's own, his hand flicked out, resting on her leg, stroking her calf.
"Hentai!" Smacking his hand away, she smote the cheek she hadn't struck before, for good measure. "Good night, Houshi-sama!"
As she collected her blanket and moved close to Kagome, Miroku stared up at the sky. And did so until first light tried to fight through the clouds of a building storm, turning them grey instead of black. He had felt his old beads there, wrapped around her leg, right where they had been in his dream.
---
Author's notes:
Dreams are incredibly powerful.
Welcome to Miroku's nightmare. He can't love her, because if he does, she could die. Was it a dream? Was it something placed in his mind by an enemy? Was it a prophetic sight, allowing him to change the future?
Or was it what really happened, and the night in camp is the construct of a shattered mind trying to cope with a reality he can not face?
This was one of the few times I've had a limited soundtrack for the writing. All Bon Jovi (yes, I know that dates me): Bed of Roses, You Had Me From Hello, I Will Always Love You, I'll be There For You, Living on a Prayer, Thank You For Loving Me, and Misunderstood. It just seemed like a very Miroku/Sango-ish playlist to me. *shrugs*
Perhaps First Falls tells the tale a bit more. Or maybe it doesn't.