Disclaimer: I do not own Nickelback or any of the song lyrics
You look up as the door to your bedroom opens, in the doorway stands your boyfriend. His blue eyes fill with concern as he notices what you hold. He crosses the short distance between the door and the bed in three long strides. He sits on the bed and wraps his arms around you, drawing you close. Your back is pressed against his warm, strong chest. With his head resting on your shoulder he begins to hum a tune. It takes a while before you pick it up and put words to the tune.
"well I know the feeling, of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge..."
He starts rocking slowly from side to side as tears fall from your eyes.
"... and there ain't no healing, from cutting yourself with the jagged edge..."
The blade in your hand is cold, hard and sharp. He knows all about it. Of course he does, he is the one boyfriend that truly understands. He has seen the scars that litter your body in small, red and neat horizontal lines. lines that only a perfectionist could make. He knows what triggers the darkness. He doesn't run from it, he fights along side you, beating the darkness every time.
"I'm telling you that, it's never that bad,
Take it from someone who's been where you're at,
Laid out on the floor
And you're not sure you can take this any more"
He continues to hum softly in your ear as you start to shake, the temptation to drag the blade across your skin is growing,
"So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone"
"He shouldn't be here" you think, "He shouldn't have to see me like this"
As if he reads your thoughts, your boyfriend hugs you tighter and hums louder, emotion bleeding out form him. through all the time you have known him, the one thing you most love is his ability to convey such emotion through simple actions such as humming. He is not one to talk much, aside from when he has had too many drinks. He is quiet and sensitive and that is what you first fell in love with. He starts to sing softly, love, hope, sympathy, and pain flowing clearly through the words he sings.
"So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby"
Your boyfriend presses closer to you, trying to shield you from the dark thoughts swirling within your mind. He continues to sing and rock gently from side to side. The tears are falling faster from your eyes as the next few lines of lyrics hits hard
"Please let me take you
Out of the darkness and into the light
'Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night"
He has faith in you. You know this because he has told you many times before. All the compliments seem to pass around you though, never touching you. The compliments mean nothing, they are lies to cover up the truth. He knows this but nothing seems to stop him giving you the compliments. "One day," he says, "One day you will believe them". You doubt this, but not Him. You trust him with your life.
"Stop thinking about the easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come"
As he sings, his voice breaks with emotion but he keeps going, his arms are wrapped around your waist, leaving your arms free. You turn the blade over and over, trying to control the need to harm yourself with it.
"So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby"
With the tears falling thick and fast, you look up and turn your head slightly to face him, he pauses in singing to kiss you lightly. You close your eyes and lean back into his chest. The kiss is soft and gentle but full of love and support. He breaks the kiss and looks at you. His blue eyes filled with un-shed tears. You reach up and catch one as it falls. He rarely cries, but the times that he does it is usually because something has happened with you. He continues singing softly and you leave your hand on his face for a few moments
"Well, everybody's hit the bottom
Everybody's been forgotten
When everybody's tired of being alone
Yeah, everybody's been abandoned
And left a little empty handed
So if you're out there barely hanging on..."
You start to spill your heart out to him. All the worries, stresses, thoughts, actions of the past week that have led to this pour out of your mouth. He continues singing but you know he is listening with all his heart. He is a great listener, never failing to ask a question that has already been answered, never asking stupid questions, never making the mistake of appearing like you are listening when you are really not.
"Just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone"
As you talk, you begin to fell exhausted. Leaning into his chest, you rest your head back against his shoulder and close your eyes. The blade falls from your now limp hands. It slides off the bed and onto the floor where it will stay for the rest of the night.
"So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby"
He finishes the dong just as you fall asleep in his warm, comforting and loving embrace. He places a soft, warm kiss to your forehead and whispers softly in your ear,
"I love you. Never forget that I love you. In your darkest moments it may seem like no one loves you, but I do, and I will always protect and save you from the darkness"
He leans his head down on top of yours and slowly falls asleep, still rocking gently from side to side.
Authors End Note: This is my first FanFic that I have written myself. Please be nice with the reviews as the inspiration for this is from personal experiences. I simply put into words what is and is not happening to me.