A/N: I sort of felt like laughing for once.
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Disclaimer: I do not own any part of CSI or its characters. That honor goes to the good folks over at CBS.
Spoilers: Everything shown in the U.S, although the big event with a certain male character didn't happen in this story.
Title: The Watcher
Summary: The very opinionated Watcher sees and knows all. Really.
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I don't get these so-called criminalists. They're supposed to be smart people, right? Well they're not. Seriously. Okay, maybe they're smart about some things, you know, criminal things, but they don't know jack about their personal lives.
Take the big cheese, for example. His name is Gil Grissom, aka Gil, aka Gris, aka Grissom, aka Supervisor Grissom, but never Gilbert. Catherine calls him Gil, Nick and Warrick call him Gris, Sara and Greg call him Grissom, and the Chief Cheese (Ecklie) calls him Supervisor Grissom. Well anyhow, the G-Man, as I lovingly refer to him, spent years of his life pining over a woman—Sara Sidle—whom he thought he could never have. Silly, right? I mean, of course it is. When most people are in love with someone, they knock on their door and say, "Yo, I like you, wanna go out with me?" But not the G-Man. The G-Man gave the love of his life a plant followed by a book, and even confessed his love to her by way of a crazy killer. He didn't even offer to buy her dinner after giving her the plant or the book, nor did he realize how stupid it was to tell the crazy killer that he couldn't be with the woman of his dreams. I tried to tell him to go after Miss Sara Sidle, but the G-Man would never listen to the likes of me.
Ah, but it gets better. The afore-mentioned Miss Sara Sidle also spent years of her life pining over the G-Man, but unlike him, she tried to take matters into her own hand. She gave the G-Man "flirty" eyes, she tried to joke around with him, and she even spent the night outside with him staring at a decomposing pig. Oh, and she asked him out several times, only to be turned down. When the G-Man turned her down, Sara went out with someone else. That stupid EMT hurt Sara's feelings, and so has forever become my version of the Harry Potter's He-Who-Must-Not Be Named. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named disappeared off into the sunset with his fiancé, while Sara returned to nights of maxed-out overtime at the lab.
Okay, so we've covered the G-Man and Sara. Now we've got Nick. According to my friend, Nick is everyone's version of the perfect man: sweet, innocent, and passionate about his job (okay, and the fact that he has a job is apparently a good thing). He's an all around good guy, and pretty smart, to boot. So what's the problem? He has 'nice guys finish last' syndrome. Nick, for whatever reason, seems to be everyone's best friend, and nobody's boyfriend. Oh, except for that prostitute. Yeah, he did date her for a little while. Huh.
And Greggo. Who could forget Leggo-my-Greggo-Sanders? He's another sufferer of 'nice guys finish last,' although in his case, he really hasn't even started the race. I feel so badly for him, too. He really is a nice guy! At least he proves that you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. Good for him!
So that brings us to Catherine and Warrick. I really love both of them, you know that? I feel like I've watched them both develop as criminalists, and I want nothing more than to see them happy. Catherine was happy for awhile, which gave her Lindsey. Catherine loves Lindsey very much, and is one of the best parents that I've ever seen. I wish she could have had more luck in the love department, though. Her husband was a… well… you know, and so was that guy whom she dated until she found him with another woman. That being said, I'm sure that she'll find someone someday. She has to. She's smart, beautiful, and very put together. What's not to love?
As for Warrick? He's like the mirror image of Catherine in terms of relationships, only backwards. His wife turned out to be ehn, leaving him divorced. Too bad Catherine and Warrick never ended up together. Speaking of ending up together, I heard about their almost kiss in the sewers. What a romantic place to kiss, ya know? Think he learned a thing or two from the G-Man in terms of how to be romantic? Ha.
Hmm. Okay, after thinking things through, perhaps I should take back my earlier statements about this particular group of criminalists being on the not-so-smart side. All in all, I suppose that things are okay at the lab. The G-Man and Sara finally hit it off, and are madly in love somewhere in Costa Rica. Although no other criminalists from Las Vegas are madly in love just yet, at least they're all very happy. Happiness is of the utmost importance, don't you think?
And me? I'm very happy. I have a beautiful wife, thirty-three little children, and the entire lab as my playground. I couldn't be any happier even if I tried! So if you see a little white mouse running around while you're working, don't be afraid. It's just me, Sammy. I'm the resident Watcher, and I'm not going anywhere.
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Finis