Drive Me Sane
This is going to be an odd little series of diary-like monologues from Zhang He's POV. It was just this bizarre idea I had bouncing around in my brain, and I decided I liked it enough to type it up and post it. So, here it is!
Ch. 1
Disclaimer: /I'm not crazy/I'm just a little unwell/
People say a lot of things about my Yi. They call him cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty, and even evil. In truth, he's none of these things—he's just sick. Not physically sick, but sick. He can't really control himself, and he only does the things he does because it's the only way he knows how to be. Poor Yi thinks everyone is out to get him, plotting his downfall. Sometimes, when he has his…episodes…he even suspects me of being against him. It's difficult to deal with, when he accuses me of trying to hurt him. I just tell myself that he'll be back to normal soon, that once he's worn himself out, he'll turn back into my Yi, the one who knows I'd never harm him. He always snaps out of it eventually, you see, and he always gets so upset with himself.
"I'm sorry, He," he'll tell me, on the verge of tears. "I don't know what came over me…I was just sitting, working, and all of these terrible thoughts came rushing into my head…It was so real, and I was so sure that…that…" And he can't continue. He's always afraid that one day, he'll do something so terrible, I'll leave him. Nothing I say can shake his fear; he's convinced that one way or another, I'm going to walk away from him. I'll admit, there have been times when I've considered it, when things have gotten really bad, but the truth is that I love him far too much to do it. Not only that, he needs me. I'm the only person who he's ever felt close to, the only one he's ever loved who has loved him in return. My dear, sweet, tormented Yi, so brilliant, and so lost.
I think the worst part about his illness has got to be the headaches; horrible, splitting migraines that can last for hours, which no amount of medicine can alleviate. No one else knows about his affliction, because he fears his "enemies" will try to exploit his weakness. My beloved is always seeing invisible enemies everywhere, and I don't know how to show him that there's nothing there. He never answers me when I try to tell him that there are no antagonists, it's just his illness playing tricks on him again. He always gives me the same look, the one that says, "You don't understand, but I know." I absolutely hate that look. It is the face of his disease. "I am alone, because no one else understands the horrible truths that I witness." This is his affliction, and as far as I know, there is no treatment.
On the brighter side of things, he has been getting much better since we've been in a relationship, but we both know that he's never going to be completely well. I can't help but wonder if this is due to some failing on my part; Am I just not strong enough to help him? But I can't afford to think like that. I need to be strong enough… for the both of us.
Well, it wasn't particularly long, but it's really kind of a prologue. Next chapter, we get to see some excitement. See ya later!