Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect, it is all Bioware's!
"Genetics don't make us alive. It's our self-awareness, curiosity, and capacity to evolve."
"Well put Commander."
"Of course you'd say that. You two are practically machines yourselves."
As she lay silently on her bed with her hands behind her head, staring out into the emptiness of space, Shepard couldn't help but think about what Dr. Chakwas had said to her. She knew that the doctor hadn't necessarily meant it that way, the statement had included Adams too but it had been eating at her since that conversation. After what Cerberus had done to bring her back, Shepard had no doubts that she could be considered at least partly synthetic. She didn't feel synthetic but then again how would she know? Maybe she was a machine with organic bits thrown in. She sighed deeply and closed her eyes. She had never asked to be implanted with cybernetics. Although, she was alive and that meant something, didn't it? She had to stop the Collectors, no body else was going to and now she had the Reapers to deal with. Sure, she had a purpose, something to live for, a reason she needed to be alive but was she actually alive?
Shepard's eyes opened as she heard the swoosh of the door to her cabin opening and the quiet footfalls of a heavy pair of boots as somebody stepped into the room. The footsteps continued as they walked down the steps of the loft and toward the bed. Shepard made no move to greet the person, lost in her thoughts she stayed still and shut her eyes in hopes that the intruder would think she was asleep and leave her be.
"I know you aren't asleep Shepard." The husky voice sounded slightly amused, she could practically see just a hint of a smirk on his face even with her eyes closed.
She frowned as she opened her eyes and turned towards the man who had just taken a seat next to her on the bed. "You caught me, Kaidan. What's up?"
"I actually came up here to ask you the same thing." Kaidan raised an eyebrow at her. Shepard opened her mouth to say something but Kaidan reached out and put a finger to her lips. "And before you go saying its nothing, you're fine. I know something is up Shepard." He looked down the woman beside him, her sharp green eyes looked conflicted. "You have been up here for hours, which isn't like you. Normally you'd be running around the ship talking to everyone and Vega says you turned down a sparring match. So Shepard, what's up?"
She sighed and closed her eyes, "Am I alive, Kaidan?"
"Whoa, where did that come from?" Shepard could feel him brush a lock of hair out of her face.
"Never mind. Its …" She said as she tried to dismiss her feelings about the subject.
"Hey, look at me Shepard." His voice sounded more serious.
She opened her eyes as Kaidan grabbed her arms and pulled her into a sitting position facing him. She grimaced at him and tried to look down but he smiled back lifting her chin with a finger.
"I'm here for you, you know that. Now tell me what's the matter."
She frowned but gave in, "It's something Dr. Chakwas said."
Kaidan was surprised at the admission but stayed silent. Instead he took her hands in his and gave them a slight squeeze of support.
"She and Adams were talking about whether or not synthetics should be considered living beings or not. I agreed with Adams, that synthetics are alive even if they are programmed to be so. And then…" She stopped unsure of whether or not her emotions were about to get the better of her or not.
"And then?" Kaidan looked at her curiously, gently nudging her to continue.
"I am part synthetic. Hell, between all of the skin weaves and implants I am probably more synthetic then organic. So am I alive? Am I real person or do I just think I am?"
Kaidan frowned slightly at her now, "You're not a machine Shepard. You are a person just like I am."
"Are you sure about that?" She snorted and blinked in an effort to stop the tears that were forming.
He chuckled and drew her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her as he tried to comfort her.
"Yes, of course I am. I love you Shepard."
"I love you too, Kaidan." She sighed again and laid her head against his chest.
"See, human right there. Machines can't love can they? Who cares if you're part synthetic anyways? You're just a little hardier now." He laughed and planted a soft kiss on her lips.
"Thanks Kaidan." She said as she smiled against his lips. "You always know just what to say."
"That's what I am here for."