READ THIS FIRST: I have decided to try a slightly different approach with this fiction. I'm working on the next chapter of my other one for those who care (not many). I value my reviewer input and to prove that to you, this story is going to read a little differently than most. I would say I'm the first to do this, but that might be wrong and I don't need someone claiming that I stole their idea and claimed I was the one to invent it. Or something like that...

So this is how it's going to go: 1) Pick yourself a character from the game, it can't be Cloud by the way, that kind of defeats the purpose. And it can't be some random NPC or Aries (she's still dead remember). Basically: Barret, Tifa, Yuffie, Cid, Vincent, or Reeve (Cait Sith).

2) This is going to be a tale told from Cloud's point of view about his past in Midgar. It's told as though he is talking to the group (Re: you). And that's where you come in!

3) At the end of each chapter Cloud is most likely going to say something like "Any questions?" or "What else could I have done?" Some sort of question that you can answer, and answer you shall! Send a review with your chosen character's name at the top and answer the question or give Cloud a suggestion. All your questions will be incorporated in the next chapter at some point.

4) Only you can help me shape this story and get Cloud's thoughts back in the right places! Don't do it for me! Do it for him!

He was always there, in the back of my mind. He was trying to prove what something deep inside me already knew.

I wasn't good enough. I would never be good enough.

You want to know something? I was in love once. I once loved someone with my entire heart. I once dropped all barriers and inhibitions. I would have done anything and everything for him, and I used to delude myself by thinking that he would do the same for me if so asked.

Stunned looks? Yes, it was a "he". This should come as no surprise to you, but it seems as though I was wrong once again.

You see, that's where this story truly starts. Nothing that happened before really has much bearing on the events that followed, but I suppose I shouldn't make that assumption for you. It's all a little too late for me to be retracing my history back to my birth, however. So I will spare you that chapter of my life and skip straight to my arrival in Midgar.

No, don't say anything. You've said enough to last a lifetime. It's my turn.

When I first came to Midgar, young and mostly disillusioned, I thought that nothing could be worse than where I'd come from. For a long time, I thought I was right but this was to be the first, though not the most severe by a long shot, in the long, hideous string of my misjudgements.

The second came when I was sitting in the first ShinRa recruiting office I could find. Yes, I was sixteen at the time and could in no way pass for an adult, but I hadn't bothered to think that I might need an adult to sign for me if I was under eighteen. I found this out by accident. The boy in front of me had to allow me to go in ahead of him since his mother had yet to arrive.

Now I was faced with a choice. I had run away from home and not only did I not dare to return, but I truly don't think that I would be allowed to return. I was free, remember? I didn't want to give that freedom up, but if I couldn't join ShinRa then where else could I go? I was a minor far from home with no friends or family to offer a home to me. I couldn't even rent a room. I'd spent my entire savings on the trip up for bus fare, food and bribing the officials to allow me to illegally enter the city.

So, with no other option left to me: I lied.

I am quite certain that the recruitment officer saw through my badly created facade, though he said nothing to me about it. He asked my name, age, place of birth and told me that my vital stats would need to be taken at the compound tomorrow. He never double checked my story. He never commented on how I was small for my age, though I was tiny compared to the other kids my true age in those days. He didn't ask me for I.D. or a birth certificate either.

I can't say I knew exactly why he let me pass on that day, but I didn't wish to give it much thought at that moment. All I could think about was getting to the compound and grabbing myself something to eat. A hot shower and a decent bed would have been appreciated as well.

Looking back, it was stupid of me to think that just because my stomach was no longer growling, everything was going to work out for the best. Of course, I was conveniently forgetting the fact that I was going to be put in a class with other, real, eighteen year old recruits.

A questioning look? Did I confuse you? If so, I am sorry. What is bothering you?

Yes, I did say that I couldn't figure out why I was passed though it was painfully obvious, even to myself, that I shouldn't have been there in the first place. You are right, however, in one aspect. It was highly suspicious and might have had something to happen with what went wrong later on down the line. In fact, it does. I said I didn't know back then, but I never said I hadn't figured it out yet.

"Why did he do it?" I can tell you are all itching to ask that question. That will come in dear time, my friends. It all become clear to all of us by the end of this little tale hopefully. It has taken me years to get to this point, remember? Granted, I did have many emotions to sort through and another person goading me to deal with all this time, but that's why I need your help. Besides, if I understood everything, I would have no need to tell you this and I most likely would have disappeared by now.

I need your reactions, your questions, the little looks you give me so I know you are finally seeing where I am coming from. I need your feedback more now than I did back when I relayed this story for the first time. I have new details, new trains of thought, new emotions and I can't get past this by myself.

Do you understand?

Good, but I must ask you hold you questions until I give you leave to ask them. Some things fade in and out and I must concentrate so I do not miss something vital.

Where was I again? Oh yes, the other recruits.

Since I had lied to get accepted, there was no turning around and going with the other sixteen year olds. I was going to have to fight my way to a much coveted position in SOLDIER with my opponents being two years older, wiser, and much, much stronger that me. They had known exactly what they were getting themselves into when they'd signed up. They had trained and waited for this day and they weren't going to give up their dreams so easily. My goal was nearly impossible from the start.

I was stupid back then, and I freely admit that fact and will be doing so quite often from here on out. I was in way over my head and I didn't have to sense to back out while I still had the chance. Stupid on my part, true, but it wasn't entirely my fault that I could no longer return home.

But that has no bearing on this, as I have previously explained.

The transport was mostly empty. Two fifteen year olds-the youngest age ShinRa would allow one to join-one sixteen, only me as the one eighteen (supposedly as it was), and two nineteen.

No one spoke. I do not know what was going through their minds in the silence, but I do know why I chose not to say a word. What if they knew I was younger than I claimed? What if they told someone? Where would I go then? I had no skills apart from my mediocre skill with a blade.

Aside from the fact that I possessed no blade at the moment, my skill with them was very limited and I was certain that I would stand no change against the thugs living on the streets if they managed to get a jump on me. I couldn't stay guarded forever.

Our arrival was uneventful. We received our room assignments and were sent on our way with promises of uniform fittings and physicals the next day. I was sharing a room with three other eighteen year old guys, Zack being one of them, which turned out to be both a blessing and a curse as I am sure you are all aware of.

Though, as it turned out in the end, the biggest curse I attributed to him had been set in motion before I'd even met him.

I know you wish to say something, but you must trust me on this. Everything will make as much since at it can in the end.

My other roommates were never really around. They had friends higher up within the company who enjoyed partying. While it might have seemed fairly stupid to go out and party all night long when you have practice in the morning, they were promoted long before any of us even knew we could get promotions at this level. Suffice to say that within ShinRa, it wasn't what you knew that, rather who you knew, that counted.

That first night it was just Zack and I, and he was insane with joy when he learned that, due to lack of contacts in the city, I was going to be spending a substantial amount of time in the dorm.

Immediately upon meeting him, I knew that he was the kind of guy you could trust with anything. And yes, I did have a small crush on him for the first few weeks. Then he got a girlfriend and I realized that he also was the kind of guy that was great to be around but would drive you crazy if you actually dated him. He reminded me of a little puppy that you have to watch to make sure he doesn't pee on the rug or chew up your favorite shoe.

And, not entirely unlike a puppy, he had a set of razor shard teeth and some well taken care of claws. I once witnessed him throw a man about ten feet, and that happened before all the Mako injections.

There was something else about him that set him apart as well. He knew I had lied to gain admittance into ShinRa, and yet he was kind enough not tell anyone. You'd think that would have been the end of that. Why would anyone chose to hang out with a proven liar?

Zack would apparently.

He not only befriended me, but gave me some extra training in some areas that I was sorely lacking in skill. It was almost as though I had a guardian angel watching over me and lifting me up when I stumbled. Believe me, back then I stumbled quite a bit more than your average recruit. He must really have had the patience of angel to put up with me and be there for Seph at the same time.

Yeah, I used to call him Seph. Even he seemed to realize how unnecessary and pretentious saying his full name all the time was. But you could forget about using the nickname unless you gained his personal permission, and woe to you if you were caught using it and he said you couldn't. His permission wasn't something you could easily gain either.

But I doubt he'll be minding much where he is at the moment.

As sad as that thought is for me to say out loud, his death is what this is all about after all.

Okay, I'm going to need you to bear with me for a few minutes. I think that it is important for you, as well as me, if I relay this next memory exactly how it happened. No more skipping around from this point. I swear the rest of this will be in chronological order.

All I ask is for you to listen. It is, after all, the least you can do...

Will you?