My Own
By Mie Ame
Is only my body what you like.
It's ok, I guess. If that keeps you from getting some girl pregnant, let be it.
At first we do loved each other... didn't we?
I know I did.. even now... I 'love' you.
Everybody ask me how do I endure this. How can I keep seeing you after all those things you did to me?
I really don't know. I'm not even that masochistic.. Am I?
Seriously, how many people do you think you're going to find that can endure what I've been standing for you?
There aren't many.
I thought that you wanted to be alone for a while to clear things out. But in reality, you wanted me to leave you alone because you had someone else.
How did things got so bad, Kevin?
I mean, everyone thought that we'll last forever. All I can have now is a few nights of you coming over to have a "little fun". Then in the morning you'll probably leave before I wake up. Not saying a word, nor leaving a note.
Did you ever noticed that you treat me like scum when you're finished? Like I had expire and now you have to get away from me before you contaminate yourself of whatever it's so disgusting to you about me.
Even so, I let you do it.
I let you use me as you please. Make my body yours, once every other night.
I do not like it. Some times I even feel as it would be better to dye.
Had been asking myself if this is really worth it?
I could not give a straight answer to that.
At times I had got numb in the middle of our sessions. My body reacting at your touches, shivering, letting go moans out of my mouth.. but my mind is far away...
Last time I felt so bad..! I couldn't help it and started crying in silence. One more time, you didn't noticed.
I let you have your way with me while I kept staring at the moon through the open window.
There's when I realized that I didn't remember how it felt to be happily in love with someone… That all I know now is that love and pain always come hand in hand.
If you love someone, you're going to get hurt by him at some point or another… Aren't you?
The worst thing?
You are now with my cousin.
Yeah, well. Here it is! Another Bevin fic! (more likely a Ben-centred story, though) xD
I was a little upset, as you can see by the tone of the fic. My husband was dating one of my friends (we knew each other for like 8 to 9 years, this friend and I!). I was angry at him for doing that and at her for let him do it. I mean, it wasn't as if she didn't know about us. For goodness' sake! She came to our wedding 6 years ago! (and to our son's birthday in October last year!) *deep sigh*
Ok... I'm trying to take it easy.. So, I write. It's very therapeutic to me. xD
Just for the record: I also write when I'm happy. (some people thinks I don't) =P