TIMELINE: None really.
XANDER HARRIS' WOMEN
[ Anya opens the door into Xander's basement smiling. When she sees who the visitor is her face falls. ]
Cordelia: Anya! Hey!
Anya: ( flatly ) Why, Cordelia. What a pleasant surprise. Do come in.
Cordelia: Thanks! ( sweeps in and looks around ) Is Xander in?
Anya: Xander?
Cordelia: Yeah, I know. It surprised me too. I mean, I bet even you don't want to *talk* to Xander. Buffy sent me with a message for him. [ There is an awkward silence. ] Is... he here?
Anya: No. I suppose you want to wait.
Cordelia: Well...
Anya: ( sighs ) Sit down. What does Buffy want to tell him?
Cordelia: Oh, nothing important. It's really just a ruse so she and Angel can have some 'alone-time'. Honestly, she thinks I'm so dumb. [ pulling a nail file from her bag, she begins to file her nails ] Anyone would think I was the blonde.
Anya: Why would anyone want 'alone-time' with Angel when they could have Xander? Not that she can have Xander.
Ever. Under any circumstances. I'm just, you know, saying.
Cordelia: ( sarcastic ) Yeah, what's Angel got that Xander hasn't?
Anya: Exactly!
Cordelia: Oh please! Angel is *everything* Xander isn't.
Anya: Like?
Cordelia: Well, he's sexy-
Anya: Xander's sexy.
Cordelia: -broody-
Anya: Xander can brood.
Cordelia: - dark -
Anya: Xander's dark.
Cordelia: Well - well - Angel's - witty.
Anya: Xander's witty! Just today he said to me... what was it... "They don't call Sunnydale 'the Hellmouth' because it's
the land of the shiny happy people."
Cordelia: ( impressed ) Wow, Anya. You've heard of REM?
Anya: ( confused ) REM? I thought it was neat that Xander could use two adjectives.
Cordelia: Face it, honey, Angel's got the looks. And he's so much more than Xander. Especially when he's got that whole 'I'm-tortured-and-I've-got-a- soul' thing going on.
Anya: ( sulkily ) Xander has a soul. ( pause ) Anyway. Why would anyone want someone who's been around the block as many times as Angel?
Cordelia: Angel's been around the...?! What about Xander?
Anya: Oh please.
Cordelia: ( counting on her fingers ) Willow, Faith, me, God knows how many girls on his big American adventure - not to
mention the time he was a hyena -
Anya: Willow?!
Cordelia: Oh yeah, and she's no angel either. Oz, Tara, Xander -
Anya: Oh - man, I know. ( puts on a high voice ) "Look at me, Xander! Look at me, Giles! Look at me with my magic, and my red hair, and my being a lesbian -"
Cordelia: Isn't she, though? And as for Buffy -
Anya: ( disgusted ) Oh, Buffy -
Cordelia: Did I ever tell you about the time I wished she never showed up in Sunnydale and we -
Anya: Yeah. I was there.
Cordelia: Oh. Yeah. Anyway. She can be so slutty. I don't know what Angel sees in her.
[ Cordy pulls out a pocket mirror and retouches her lipstick. ]
Cordelia: Why would you want anyone who was that obsessed with her appearance?
Anya: ( boredly ) Well, it looks like Xander's left the country, so I guess you can leave.
Cordelia: Oh. [ puts her stuff back in the bag ] Well, let him know I was here, could you?
Anya: Will do. Come on now. [ starts picking up Cordy's stuff and shoving it in the bag ] We haven't got all day.
Cordelia: Alright, alright. I'm going. [ holds out her hand ] It was nice talking to you.
Anya: [ ignoring her hand ] Yeah.
Cordelia: We must do it again sometime.
Anya: Yeah. Bye then.
Cordelia: Bye.
[ Anya closes the door. Cut to a split screen. Both lean against the door and...]
Both: God. What a bitch.
XANDER HARRIS' WOMEN
[ Anya opens the door into Xander's basement smiling. When she sees who the visitor is her face falls. ]
Cordelia: Anya! Hey!
Anya: ( flatly ) Why, Cordelia. What a pleasant surprise. Do come in.
Cordelia: Thanks! ( sweeps in and looks around ) Is Xander in?
Anya: Xander?
Cordelia: Yeah, I know. It surprised me too. I mean, I bet even you don't want to *talk* to Xander. Buffy sent me with a message for him. [ There is an awkward silence. ] Is... he here?
Anya: No. I suppose you want to wait.
Cordelia: Well...
Anya: ( sighs ) Sit down. What does Buffy want to tell him?
Cordelia: Oh, nothing important. It's really just a ruse so she and Angel can have some 'alone-time'. Honestly, she thinks I'm so dumb. [ pulling a nail file from her bag, she begins to file her nails ] Anyone would think I was the blonde.
Anya: Why would anyone want 'alone-time' with Angel when they could have Xander? Not that she can have Xander.
Ever. Under any circumstances. I'm just, you know, saying.
Cordelia: ( sarcastic ) Yeah, what's Angel got that Xander hasn't?
Anya: Exactly!
Cordelia: Oh please! Angel is *everything* Xander isn't.
Anya: Like?
Cordelia: Well, he's sexy-
Anya: Xander's sexy.
Cordelia: -broody-
Anya: Xander can brood.
Cordelia: - dark -
Anya: Xander's dark.
Cordelia: Well - well - Angel's - witty.
Anya: Xander's witty! Just today he said to me... what was it... "They don't call Sunnydale 'the Hellmouth' because it's
the land of the shiny happy people."
Cordelia: ( impressed ) Wow, Anya. You've heard of REM?
Anya: ( confused ) REM? I thought it was neat that Xander could use two adjectives.
Cordelia: Face it, honey, Angel's got the looks. And he's so much more than Xander. Especially when he's got that whole 'I'm-tortured-and-I've-got-a- soul' thing going on.
Anya: ( sulkily ) Xander has a soul. ( pause ) Anyway. Why would anyone want someone who's been around the block as many times as Angel?
Cordelia: Angel's been around the...?! What about Xander?
Anya: Oh please.
Cordelia: ( counting on her fingers ) Willow, Faith, me, God knows how many girls on his big American adventure - not to
mention the time he was a hyena -
Anya: Willow?!
Cordelia: Oh yeah, and she's no angel either. Oz, Tara, Xander -
Anya: Oh - man, I know. ( puts on a high voice ) "Look at me, Xander! Look at me, Giles! Look at me with my magic, and my red hair, and my being a lesbian -"
Cordelia: Isn't she, though? And as for Buffy -
Anya: ( disgusted ) Oh, Buffy -
Cordelia: Did I ever tell you about the time I wished she never showed up in Sunnydale and we -
Anya: Yeah. I was there.
Cordelia: Oh. Yeah. Anyway. She can be so slutty. I don't know what Angel sees in her.
[ Cordy pulls out a pocket mirror and retouches her lipstick. ]
Cordelia: Why would you want anyone who was that obsessed with her appearance?
Anya: ( boredly ) Well, it looks like Xander's left the country, so I guess you can leave.
Cordelia: Oh. [ puts her stuff back in the bag ] Well, let him know I was here, could you?
Anya: Will do. Come on now. [ starts picking up Cordy's stuff and shoving it in the bag ] We haven't got all day.
Cordelia: Alright, alright. I'm going. [ holds out her hand ] It was nice talking to you.
Anya: [ ignoring her hand ] Yeah.
Cordelia: We must do it again sometime.
Anya: Yeah. Bye then.
Cordelia: Bye.
[ Anya closes the door. Cut to a split screen. Both lean against the door and...]
Both: God. What a bitch.