A Worm's Apology
"...packed with Muggles, of course..."
Peter was half-asleep. He'd been with the Weasley family ever since... ever since he'd started hiding. He could hear snatches of the conversation. His current owner (he didn't dare argue with that - for one it would mean admitting he betrayed James and Lily, and if he revealed himself then the Ministry would probably let Sirius commit the murder that he'd framed him for) was finally starting at Hogwarts. Ah, to be back in those halls of learning again. If there was only some way to undo what he had done...
He let his mind sink back into the dark thoughts. I did what I had to do to survive. The Dark Lord would have found out anyway, and this way...
It never did Peter any good to brood on what he'd done. Killed his mentor, damned another, and broke his closest friend, all because he was afraid of a little pain. Besides, he was making up for it by watching over Gideon and Fabian's sister? Hadn't that been the original plan, in case someone did betray James?
He opened his eyes, looking behind his owner... he must be seeing things. There was no way James was here now - he flinched horribly at remembering what he'd done - and he was sure that he only thought he'd seen James because he was thinking of him. Still, he blinked and looked more closely. If it wasn't James, then it was his exact copy - talking to Molly!
Before he could check a third time, Ron was past the barrier, and what he thought he could see was beyond his sight. Why did he feel happy? How dare he feel happy! It was not the place of Peter to feel happy after what he had done! Yes, James' son had survived, but it was at such a horrible cost... a boy who could have never known his family, and all because of a rat. A wimpy, cowardly, spineless rat...
Peter had fallen asleep, sinking into dark thoughts again. Because of me, he thought, an innocent boy has neither father nor mother. Because of me, his guardian has been left to rot in Azkaban. Because of me, he can never be normal. The thoughts haunted his dreams, as they had for years.
When he woke back up again, Ron and... a boy who looked remarkably like James, only with Lily's eyes - this must be Harry, thought Peter - were talking about Quidditch. With a pang of guilt, Peter realized that Harry would have never known James was a Seeker for Gry... for Gry... for his house team.
Somehow, even in his thoughts, the name of his house would not come to him like the others did. He had not forgotten, nobody could ever forget the nightmare that he'd had that day...
The Sorting Hat was placed on his head again. The Dark Lord himself had done it. "Now, Wormtail, let's see where your loyalty to me would place you!" That disgusting hiss... why had I ever agreed to work for him? Why did I ever doubt that Dumbledore would see us through the war?
And the Hat spoke. "You begged me to place you with James, Peter, in the house where dwell the brave at heart; whose daring, nerve, and chivalry will always stand apart." The words were condemning, and the voice was a mixture of the hiss of the Dark Lord and the screaming fury of Sirius.
Then the worst part of the nightmare came to him. A lion, a snake, an eagle, and a badger all surrounded him, chanting "Murderer, murderer, kill the murderer...". While this went on, a mouse with the sword of Gry... Gry... his old house in his paws was stabbing at his rat form. "You coward, you snivelling coward, you don't deserve to even think of us!" The mouse said with a note in his voice that Peter knew, in his very soul, was a condemnation from the school itself.
He always had the mental image of a mouse fighting a cat and winning after that, and the mouse saying "Only a rat would back down from a foe that sought to harm his friends..." was always what returned him to being awake.
"I think I can tell who the wrong sort are for myself, thanks," said the boy who looked remarkably like James. Peter wasn't sure what was going on, but he didn't like the look of the blond boy or his two... his two fleas.
He especially didn't like the blond boy's reaction to Harry's words. "I'd be careful if I were you, Potter. Unless you're a bit politer you'll go the same way as your parents. They didn't know what was good for them, either."
Peter felt himself getting extremely angry at this blond boy's words. How dare he - James and Lily, and even Sirius, had never deserved what had happened to them! They had been good people, and it was only his weakness that had led to their deaths! Not even Snivellus would have sold... okay, so if it was to get rid of James, then Severus would have sold them out, he thought glumly, but then Lily would have - should have survived, at least! He was so lost in thoughts, that he'd lost interest in the conversation.
That's when it happened. He instinctively knew that there was about to be bloodshed. All rats could sense it, and most had an aversion to it. This boy and his fleas sought to harm his owner and Harry. The last words of that mouse were still ringing in his ears. He launched himself off of Ron's shoulder and thought nothing of his own safety, or even of his own secret.
All that mattered was that the rat and his fleas would leave the people in this room alone. Fury, rage, anger, sadness, sorrow, remorse... all combined into one bite. The next thing he knew, he was flying into the window, and darkness took him...
Peter waited in the void. He waited for the nightmare to begin, like it always did. He looked around.
It wasn't a void at all. It was the shore of a lake. Somehow, just by knowing this, he knew he wouldn't hear or see the Dark Lord or the Sorting Hat at all.
"You're learning, Peter." said a voice. Familiar, and yet he didn't know what that was. Turning around, he saw that damned mouse with the sword again. "A true Hufflepuff, aren't you?" the mouse asked, leaning on the sword.
"Martin," he said, not knowing why that was the mouse's name, "I'm not loyal or caring or brave or daring or wise or cunning or any of that stuff. I'm a spineless little worm, not even worthy of being a rat anymore."
Strangely, and probably because it angered Peter, Martin chuckled. "Yet what did you do just now? Brave as a lion, smart as an eagle, wise as a serpent, and as loyal as a badger. It took you a good twelve years to finally get your head on straight, but you're finally learning. At least you've proven that you can be a Gryffindor."
As each of the animals were named, Peter saw them coming close to him. They still looked at him disapprovingly, but at least they weren't chanting. Peter looked at Martin and asked "What can I do to fix this?"
Martin laughed. "Do? There's nothing you can really do at this point. You'll have to deal with the guilt of what you did all your life. If you are lucky, nothing untoward will happen and you'll at least be able to watch over Harry until you are called to join me at The Gates."
"And if I'm not?" asked Peter apprehensively. He did not like what Martin was implying.
"That is for you to find out. Farewell, Peter Pettigrew. I hope we do not meet again anytime soon."