"Sometimes staying silent is better then speaking up."
Trigger Warning: Self-Harm (mentioned), Past Suicide Attempts(mentioned), Character Death (mentioned), and Nicotine Usage (mentioned). Please do not read if you feel like it may trigger you or anything, It would kill me if I knew my writing has caused you to harm yourselves, my dear readers.
Other Warnings: Swearing, Yaoi.
Nico di Angelo sat next to his best friend, Leo Valdez, not really hearing, not really seeing. He idly scratched at his wrists through the thin, gray sweater he wore, not knowing why Leo had insisted on driving him to his therapy session instead of letting him drive himself.
Oh, who're you kidding. Of course, he's driving you for an obvious reason. You were just released from the hospital after another suicide attempt, after all.
Nico shook his head, sighing as he reached up a bruised and bite-mark ridden hand to brush his shoulder length raven black hair into his face, blocking his sunken, empty and dull ebony eyes from sight. He caught a glimpse of the tired, broken expression his face displayed in the reflection of his silver skull ring which was situated on his right hand middle finger, and cringed slightly at the dark purple bags that shadowed his eyes, the chapped and obviously chewed appearance of his lips, and the sickly pale, almost green color to his once olive skin.
"Hey, Neeks." Leo mumbled, gently nudging Nico with his elbow. "Cheer up, I promise things'll get better. Me and Annabeth finished making the funeral arrangements, and you don't have to go see him if you don't want to. You and I can just chill at home and watch Supernatural, if you want. Maybe take turns playing Until Dawn or Undertale or something."
Nico shook his head as he reached out his scarred, left hand to tightly grip Leo's right. "No." He croaked, his throat burning, "I wanna see my Percy one last time."
Percy Jackson, Nico's boyfriend, had died three months ago, and they were only now finishing up the funeral arrangements. Nico had been unable to handle the loss of Percy, and had tried to kill himself. Stabbed himself three times in the stomach in a rage, and slit his throat afterwards. Was a miracle he survived, really.
Leo nodded as they pulled to a stop in the parking lot of Nico's therapists office, before leaning over and placing a kiss onto the crown of Nico's head.
Nico sighed once again, a small, nearly happy sound. He leaned against Leo, and soon enough, found himself climbing onto the Latino's lap and crying into his shoulder, hugging his best friend as if his life depended on it.
Leo hugged him back, barely fazed at all about the fact he now had a lap full of depressed, Italian, and gay nerdiness. "Shh, it'll be alright, Neeks. I'm here for you." He whispered soothingly, smiling softly as he buried his elfish nose into Nico's curly black hair.
Nico merely nodded, nuzzling Leo's cheek as he sniffled quietly, the tears no longer flowing.
After a few moments, Nico stopped altogether, completely calm as he extracted himself from Leo and climbed out of his old, beaten up red truck, Leo following suit, stopping to grab Nico's backpack and his keys before locking the doors and dragging Nico into the building, not bothering to listen to his weak protests about wanting a smoke.
"We're already late, Neeks. Don't wanna make Dr. Solace wait, now, do we?" Leo asked, wiggling his eyebrows at Nico suggestively.
"I don't like him, Lion." Nico whined in reply, shutting up as soon as they were outside the therapist's office.
Leo sighed as he knocked on the door, "I know, Neeks. But you have to try."
Will Solace, Nico's therapist, opened the door with a wide smile, and Nico couldn't help the sudden desire he had to punch this guys lights out because how dare he be happy when the best person in Nico's life (other then Leo) is dead?
"Hey, Neeks." Will chirped happily, continuing to smile. "I was worried you wouldn't show up. Oh, is this that boyfriend you told me about a long while ago?"
Nico went silent then, barely breathing as his entire body froze up. Nononono, He thought, this isn't Percy. My Percy is dead, you stupid sun-loving whore, he's dead.
Leo spoke up in his place, "No. I'm his best friend Leo Valdez, we live together. Percy passed away about three months ago, a couple maniacs dressed up as some Greek monsters or something attacked him with swords and guns and hockey sticks during a Gay Pride parade he and Nico and I had attended, and his military training wasn't enough that time…"
Will stared at Leo for a moment, before clearing his throat and motioning for the two to enter his office. "Well, that explains the suicide attempt dated two months back. Now, Nico, how do you feel? How well did the wounds heal?" He asked as he sat at his desk, Leo sitting in the seat cross from him and Nico sitting on his lap.
Nico shook his head in response, not wanting to talk as he raised a shaky hand to his throat, rubbing at the jagged scar that would probably never fade.
"He's doing good. They all healed up pretty quickly, and he was released about three weeks ago, I've been taking care of him since." Leo piped up, happily winding his arms around Nico's waist.
Will raised his eyebrow at the action, but didn't comment. Instead, he turned to eye Nico, "I appreciate your input, Mister Valdez, but I was asking Nico."
Nico shook his head once more, turning so he could bury his face against Leo's blue hoodie. Leo took the initiative and spoke up, "He doesn't wanna talk, he didn't even wanna come here. Maybe we should just go."
Nico perked up at that, nodding rapidly. "Yes, let's go." He mumbled, voice barely audible.
Will sighed, rubbing at his temples with his thumb and forefinger. "Alright, but give me a call if you'd like to talk, Nico. You have my phone number, yes?"
Nico nodded, before climbing to his feet and grabbing his bag, gently yanking on Leo's sleeve to motion for him to get up.
As soon as the two were on their feet, they left, Nico cuddling up to Leo's side and Leo's arm haphazardly strewn across his shoulders.
When they reached Leo's truck, he unlocked the doors and climbed in behind the wheel, starting it up as Nico climbed in after him. "So," He began as he exited the parking lot and began the drive home, "why didn't you wanna talk to Dr. Solace?"
Nico's eyes fluttered shut as he let his head fall back against the headrest. "Because sometimes… Sometimes staying silent is better then speaking up." He opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Leo.
Leo turned to look at him with soft, chocolate brown eyes, and Nico hated how his stomach flipped at the sight. "How so?"
Nico shrugged, "It hurts less, makes the pain less real."
Leo let out a harsh, brittle laugh, "Or it could fuck you up. Admitting what happened hurts, yes. Makes it more real, very much so. But if you keep it bottled up inside, it'll really screw with you. Make you too afraid of the truth to the point you deny yourself happiness, make yourself miserable. It's what happened to me when Mom died, so please don't let it happen to you as well."
Nico stared at Leo, who seemed to have put on one of his smiling masks, even though Nico could tell he was fighting back tears. "I… I'll try, Lion. I really will try. But… Not with Will. I don't like him, he's always smiling and it hurts to look at, because Percy used to smile like that." Nico said, sounding happier then before. "I mean, I have to fight the urge to punch him whenever I see him."
Leo laughed again, and this time it sounded natural and pure, a sound of joy. Nico felt his stomach fill up with butterflies, and couldn't help but smile at the nostalgic feeling. "Well, I can agree on the second part. I believe you'd do better with my buddy Piper, she's Jason's girl, and she's great with emotions and stuff."
Nico pouted, "Jason is a big fat mama bear, it bothers me at times."
"Don't let him catch you calling him big and fat, or he'll throttle you." Leo replied easily, smiling. "But he is a mama bear, no matter how much he tries to deny it."
"Hey, Leo?" Nico asked as they pulled up into their driveway, "Can we uh… Cuddle when we get inside? Watch some movies?"
Leo blushed brightly, "U-uh, yeah. Yeah, totally. Let's go, Neeks."
Nico flushed a light pink, smiling happily as he grabbed his bag and left the truck, slamming the door shut in anticipation as he ran up to the front door and unlocked it. It was a small house, merely two stories with a small kitchen, a living room, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a small backyard, but Nico loved it.
He ran to the living room, putting in the first movie he got a hold of, which happened to be his favorite, Hercules. He slipped it into the DVD player before crawling onto the couch and turning himself into a blanket burrito. Leo soon joined him with a bowl of popcorn, and started the movie as he curled himself around Nico, humming contentedly.
As the movie reached its end, Leo felt Nico shift, and opened his eyes only to find a set of ebony eyes staring back into his own. "What's up, Neeks?" He asked softly, taking into account the vulnerable expression Nico wore.
"I love you." Nico blurted, catching Leo off guard.
"What?"
"I love you, Leo." Nico replied, blushing. "I… I loved Percy, but I love you as well. Please, please don't leave me like Percy did. It would kill me to lose you too."
Leo blushed brightly, before gently pressing his lips to Nico's, "I love you too, Neeks, and I highly doubt you'll be getting rid of me anytime soon, or anytime at all."
Yes, sometimes staying silent is better then speaking up, Nico thought happily as he kissed Leo once more, but sometimes… Sometimes speaking up earns greater rewards.
{Fin}
~Ashton Lanteigne