Chapter I
~
Diary of Squall Leonheart
September 30th
Why must I be put to the test of Life? My aim was to live normally. That means get married, live in a nice home in Balamb, get a car, pay taxes…maybe have a kid. That is a definite maybe. It depends on the wife. I was ready to make the commitment. I was ready to begin living a normal life. I wanted to start heading in the direction that my family, and so far myself, never did. But such big decisions always have their problems. Because…
She didn't.
By saying she, I'm meaning Rinoa Heartily. I thought she was my match. I thought we would live happily ever after in that normal life I'm so happy to keep mentioning. But I was wrong. Obviously saving her life countless times, and might I remind you, that includes jumping out into space for her, flying around on a …Galbadian thing…to save her from the side of a mobile Garden and fighting an evil sorceress to get her out. These are just some of the things I did for her. I bet not once did she ever look back and think…maybe he really cares for me? Is that why he kept saving me all those times?
The day she left…I wanted to die. I cried so hard that my eyes felt like bleeding. I wanted them to bleed. I wanted to rip them out and…never mind. Going crazy again. She left me a note on the dresser. It was a sweet note…but that's not the point.
Squall,
I'm sorry I'm doing this to you. But there are some things in my life that are not yet sorted and I want to get everything in perspective. My father has agreed to help me learn a little about my past. I can't let this opportunity down. He is going to tell me about my mother and my past friends…I will finally know who my father is. I need to do this alone. It's…a self-discovery thing for me. I can only hope you'll understand. And when I return to you, whenever it may be…you will still be waiting. I'm leaving you the house and everything in it. Continue to live life without me.
With love always,
Rinoa.
If you look back on that letter…note...thing…you'll see the exact phrase…I'm leaving you.
How could she expect me to wait for her? Didn't she know how much I needed her? Right now? Right then? Yes we had a home. A very nice three-bedroom home in Balamb. We had already begun living the normal life…minus the marriage and the kid. As I said before…I was ready. She wasn't.
Well I'm not waiting around. I'm hurting too badly inside…
Rinoa never rang me, sent me a letter…emailed me or even bothered to leave a message with someone to let me know where she was and how she was doing. I still care. I still care about her. But she's not letting me show it. I want to be friends. I want to hold her hand and show her the way.
Oh forget it.
I'll never be able to do that. I'll never be the man she wants me to be. I'm still a boy. Oh can't you just imagine me rolling my eyes now?
Did she just think that just because she needed to get her life together…that I didn't? I was in such a bad state then too. I needed her. I didn't want to be left alone again. The past events of my life were happening all over again. And I bet she didn't even realize it.
Well it didn't matter. It doesn't matter. Things are going to change. Maybe I will end up lonely and confused. Some poor beggar on the street because I couldn't, ' Get my act together' and had to be kicked out of SeeD.
Well Miss Heartily. I will have my normal life. I will fall in love again, get married, keep my home and have a kid! Well…the kid is still a maybe. My life will change, and it will be for the good…so look out!
Oh, and another one of those questions of life. Why is the heart the main object of love…when the liver is obviously the more attractive organ?
~
Diary of Squall Leonheart
October 3rd
Wow. I think I should go to Esthar and show Dr. Odine my latest invention. I have figured out how to turn ordinary water in foam…
It's easy. All you do is get coffee grains and mix it in with the water. Then whack a powerful hand blender, set it to aerate and…. its magic. Instant coffee foam.
No I'm not going crazy…it's probably just another early midlife crisis. Again. For the fifth time…
I suggested to the headmaster that he could try sending high-ranking SeeD's on missions more regularly. I think he got the hint though. Because he smiled and said to me,
" No I think your fine working here for the moment Squall, I'll be sending you out on a mission as soon as I get confirmation on the acceptance to use the Esthar Lunar Base as grounds for our next SeeD training area"
Yeah yeah…whatever.
Quistis is going to take me to Trabia. We're meeting the rest of 'the gang' there. Selphie wants to teach us how to ski and Irvine wants to give me hints on making a girl wear very revealing bikini outfits in the winter snow. Not a handy skill if I say so myself.
But I'll give the guy a chance. Zell…well Zell is just Zell. He's probably going to try out their hotdogs in Trabia Garden. I suppose going on a holiday will be better then turning water into coffee foam.
Oh Yeah, Trabia Garden is re built. Did I miss out that detail? Sorry…
Anyway, I need to get back to my life now; I can't revolve around a book full of paper. Sorry again if that was offensive. Besides, there's someone at the door. Probably Quistis. Here to lecture me on going outdoors more.
Bye…Ha! I'm saying goodbye to a piece of paper…Okay okay, I'm sorry.
~
Diary of Squall Leonheart October 6thI hope this diary entry makes it into the ginuis book of records for being the shortest entry…
I found a frozen packet of mint peas in the back of the freezer. The use-by date was the 5th of August…last year.
Enough said, I need to clean my house a little.
(No, the entire story will NOT be a diary entry. Just every now and then I put in Squall's diary entries)