Author´s note: Set sometime around Gates Of Hell
_______________________
"Michael? Michael, where are you?"
She shouted down the emty hallway, clutching her gun with both hands, looking for any sign that he might have been here. It didn´t make sense to her and she didn´t pretend that it did: Michael didn´t use standard sequences, never had- everybody knew at least that much. Why should he do it this time when he had nothing to lose?
Maybe because he had nothing to lose? She wasn´t sure, and thinking about it only confused her. He didn´t behave like he used to do, and she was afraid that he would hurt someone in his rage- and be cancelled.
She could understand what made him accept the most difficult operations all alone, could see the pain the tried to shut up in himself- and knew that it wouldn´t work. Well, it had worked so far, so perhaps Walter had been right in suggesting that she should leave him alone to live his own life again.
But she feared for his life, and his disappearance during this mission confused her more than she would admit in front of Walter and Birkoff who seemed only concerned with her welfare. None of them knew for sure what she felt for Michael -could she blame them when she didn´t know it herself?- but she knew he was able to destroy everything she had learned to accept and love, including himself, and she couldn´t let him do that.
"Michael, where are you?"
She already heard the other teams coming nearer and was getting slightly nervous. She wanted to be the one who found him, wanted to talk to him a few minutes in private- when he was still alive and had not been kidnapped or drugged by some new enemy of Section.
"Nikita?"
Her heart dropped a few inches deeper.
"Damn, Birkoff, what is it?"
"We have him. Come back."
Damn, she thought again over her relief that he was well and suddenly noticed that she didn´t know whether he was indeed well or not. Even if he was, he wouldn´t be long once Madeline and Operations found out. _________
He was well, and well when he came back from Systems from his meeting with their superiors. Nikita couldn´t help but stare at him when they met on the way to their next gathering.
He just ignored her as always when he was lost in thoughts, wearing his usual blank mask to hide whatever dangerous thoughts he was thinking.
She decided to adress him nonetheless, if only to fing out his momentary mood.
"How are you?" she whispered, walking slowly next to him. For one moment she thought that he chose to overhear her when he turned to give her a long green look.
"Does it matter?"
"Of course it does", she answered, returning his gaze. Finally he shrugged, still intently watching her face, and left her standing in the corridor.
When she felt a hand on her shoulder, she sighed.
"I can´t help him", she said
"No, honey, you can´t", Walter said, taking her arm and leading her down the floor towards her seat, "but you can be there for him when he needs you."
_____
She went on watching him the following days as she had done before but never noticed a difference in his behaviour. Quiet and level he was- and dangerous. Neither Opeations nor Madeline were criticizing him these days but they too mus have noticed his remoteness, a remote that was unusual even for Michael.
It happened during the next mission. She was in the house they were expected to destroy and when she came out she found she was alone. Michael had left his location. She had no time to think about it for moments later the bomb exploded and she was covered with ash and fire in her hiding place.
"I don´t know where he is", Birkoff repeated impatiently for the hundredth time. "All I know is that the last signal from his communicator came from inside the house."
Nikita closed her eyes, thinking hard. It couldn´t be.
To be continued soon.
_______________________
"Michael? Michael, where are you?"
She shouted down the emty hallway, clutching her gun with both hands, looking for any sign that he might have been here. It didn´t make sense to her and she didn´t pretend that it did: Michael didn´t use standard sequences, never had- everybody knew at least that much. Why should he do it this time when he had nothing to lose?
Maybe because he had nothing to lose? She wasn´t sure, and thinking about it only confused her. He didn´t behave like he used to do, and she was afraid that he would hurt someone in his rage- and be cancelled.
She could understand what made him accept the most difficult operations all alone, could see the pain the tried to shut up in himself- and knew that it wouldn´t work. Well, it had worked so far, so perhaps Walter had been right in suggesting that she should leave him alone to live his own life again.
But she feared for his life, and his disappearance during this mission confused her more than she would admit in front of Walter and Birkoff who seemed only concerned with her welfare. None of them knew for sure what she felt for Michael -could she blame them when she didn´t know it herself?- but she knew he was able to destroy everything she had learned to accept and love, including himself, and she couldn´t let him do that.
"Michael, where are you?"
She already heard the other teams coming nearer and was getting slightly nervous. She wanted to be the one who found him, wanted to talk to him a few minutes in private- when he was still alive and had not been kidnapped or drugged by some new enemy of Section.
"Nikita?"
Her heart dropped a few inches deeper.
"Damn, Birkoff, what is it?"
"We have him. Come back."
Damn, she thought again over her relief that he was well and suddenly noticed that she didn´t know whether he was indeed well or not. Even if he was, he wouldn´t be long once Madeline and Operations found out. _________
He was well, and well when he came back from Systems from his meeting with their superiors. Nikita couldn´t help but stare at him when they met on the way to their next gathering.
He just ignored her as always when he was lost in thoughts, wearing his usual blank mask to hide whatever dangerous thoughts he was thinking.
She decided to adress him nonetheless, if only to fing out his momentary mood.
"How are you?" she whispered, walking slowly next to him. For one moment she thought that he chose to overhear her when he turned to give her a long green look.
"Does it matter?"
"Of course it does", she answered, returning his gaze. Finally he shrugged, still intently watching her face, and left her standing in the corridor.
When she felt a hand on her shoulder, she sighed.
"I can´t help him", she said
"No, honey, you can´t", Walter said, taking her arm and leading her down the floor towards her seat, "but you can be there for him when he needs you."
_____
She went on watching him the following days as she had done before but never noticed a difference in his behaviour. Quiet and level he was- and dangerous. Neither Opeations nor Madeline were criticizing him these days but they too mus have noticed his remoteness, a remote that was unusual even for Michael.
It happened during the next mission. She was in the house they were expected to destroy and when she came out she found she was alone. Michael had left his location. She had no time to think about it for moments later the bomb exploded and she was covered with ash and fire in her hiding place.
"I don´t know where he is", Birkoff repeated impatiently for the hundredth time. "All I know is that the last signal from his communicator came from inside the house."
Nikita closed her eyes, thinking hard. It couldn´t be.
To be continued soon.