Just A Dream

It was two weeks after the day I turned eighteen
All dressed in white
Going to the church that night

I couldn't believe that Derryk was dead. I didn't want to believe it. Me and him had so many plans together. We were going to do so much together. We were going to have a family. I felt tears come to my eyes. And I wiped them away trying not to crash. Jason, my best friend, he called me and told me the news. Jason was my best friend. I don't know what I would to without him.

I had his box of letters in the passenger seat

I had every single letter that Derryk had written me. Every single love letter. Every single word, was hard to read. It felt like he was still alive, waiting for me to come and find him. But he wasn't.
Six pins in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue
And when the church doors opened up wide
I put my veil down
Trying to hide the tears
Oh I just couldn't believe it

I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that Derryk, the once happy, and outgoing, amazing man that I loved with all of my heart, was now lying in a coffin.
I heard the trumpets from the military band
and the flowers fell out of my hands.
I let my tears fall. I couldn't keep them in anymore. I felt the flowers fall out of my hands as I felt little sobs come from me. I looked at everyone and saw them giving me pity looks. I saw Jason and all I wanted to do was to go up and give him a hug and cry on his shoulder. Jason was Derryk's best friend. And he was my best friend.

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know

I was counting on forever with Derryk. I could see us growing old together. But now I can't. I'm an eighteen year old widow. I let more tears fall as I thought about Derryk, and how he would never get to see his children. Or walk his daughter down the aisle.
I can't even breathe

I knew that the funeral was going to start soon. I felt my breath leave my body momentarily. I started bawling and I felt Jason grab my hand and started rubbing it comfortingly.
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me

I wish that this wasn't happening. I needed Derryk. I need him to comfort me. I needed him to whisper in my ear and tell me that he loved me.
This is just a dream
I pinched myself and hopes that I would wake up from this nightmare, and that Derryk would come and take me away.

The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt

I needed to get healed fast. All I felt was sadness. I felt no anger. I just wanted to cry. I felt broken and beaten, and destroyed.
Then the congregation all stood up and sang
The saddest song that I've ever heard

I couldn't even sing. I sobbed out the words. I started bawling and collapsed on the ground. I saw Jason look down at me with concern. He helped me up and I sat down on the pew. I held a napkin and sobbed into it with all that I had.
Then they handed me a folded up flag
And she held on to all I had left of him

I held on to the flag as tight as I could. I didn't want this last memory of him to leave. I didn't want him to leave. I let out more sobs, as I cried into the flag. Memories of us came flooding back.
Oh, and what could have been
And then the guns rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in my heart

When that bullet rang, I felt as though someone had shot me in the heart. It felt like my heart dies with him. I let put some more tears and all I wanted to do was collapse.

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?

Why couldn't it have been someone else? Why did he have to leave? He was so young! He was only 20! He had his whole life ahead of him. I collapsed on the ground and started bawling. Everyone stared at me with sympathy, but I didn'; t pay any attention to them.
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe

I felt myself lose my breath again. I just sat on my knees, on the ground sobbing and begging him to come back.
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now

A lot of people had been saying that he wasn't coming home now. I knew that! I knew that he wasn't coming home!
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

Oh,
Baby why'd you leave me

I didn't know if I would ever fall in love again. Once your true love dies, then you're heart slowly dies.
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Oh, I'll never know

I'll never know what could've happened in the future. I'll never know if we would've had kids. I'll never get to see him walk the daughter that he wanted to have down the aisle. I will never know.
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background

It was like I was watching someone else's life. Like somehow I would turn around and there would be Derryk, welcoming me into his arms. Taking me back to our house. Where we would talk about our lives, our future.
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
This shouldn't be happening to me. This couldn't be happening to me. I was not supposed to be an eighteen year old widow! I was supposed to stay with Derryk my entire life!
Oh, this is just a dream
Just a dream
Yeah, Yeah

This has to be a dream. Any moment I would wake up and Derryk would ask my how I slept. He would kiss my cheek and tell me he loves me. He would hug me and hold me. But I knew that this wasn't a dream. This was the real thing.

I stood up and Jason grabbed my hand and pulled me away from Derryk's grave. I looked back at all the flowers, and let out some more sobs. Jason hugged me and let me cry on him. I held the flag in my one hand, holding it and not letting it go.