Chapter One
Vacurai: Hello again, everyone! I thought that I might start putting down some of the stories Sora and friends have told me over the years. I've probably got one of me in here somewhere too, but for right now I can only get this one out.
Lilith: What about the disclaimer?
Vacurai: Huh?
Lilith: You know the part where you say you don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters. Right?
Vacurai: Oh, yeah. It'd be cool if I did own them, though. Onto the mischief!
Chapter 1:
True Maid-ness
"Oh, Kairi! Make me some breakfast."
"Yes, Riku," she grumbled.
Riku reclined in a lawn chair, lazily skimming through a magazine. They were at the hotel near Pure Ocean because everyone had decided that they needed a break from...well, saving the universe. Took a lot out of a guy.
Kairi had lost a bet before they went to the beach, and had to act as a maid for three days. (That was the part that Sora was afraid he'd get stuck with, because it applied to all three of them.) Today was the second day. Kairi hadn't complained that much about her fate, but she always had that gleam in her eye that made you wonder if she was about to prank you.
Sora flipped in through the window, dropped a few paper bags on the counter, sat down next to Riku, and glanced over his friend's shoulder. "What'cha reading?" Nobody was really surprised at what he'd done. He was always prone to doing strange things, but they almost always worked; and in this case, climbing up twelve stories while holding groceries was definitely considered strange.
"Not reading anything, really. Just looking through this." He looked up for a moment, then back down. "Would you like something to eat?"
"Nah. I had a waffle earlier down in the cafeteria."
Riku shrugged, and then jumped back in horror at the plate that was set down in front of him. "Aah! What's—what's that?"
Kairi smiled. "You told me to get you breakfast. You didn't say it had to be eatable. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go put some clothes in the washer." She walked away towards the laundry room and Riku shuddered and chucked the plate's contents in the trash.
"What did she give you?"
"'Termites and egg.' Ugggh! I didn't even know they had termites here." He shivered and stood up, looking out at the ocean. "I guess I deserve it. We've done absolutely nothing for the past 24 hours and she's probably worked her fingers to the bone just picking up after us."
"Wanna cut it short and start a new bet?"
"Nope. But I will go and apologize." He wound his way over to the laundry room; Sora saw him stop in the doorway. "Uh…Kairi, I wanted to say—"
"Come in, I can't hear you too well!"
"I said—" He took a step forward, crashing through a film of plastic wrap onto the floor. "OW! What's with you all of a sudden?"
"Nothing," she sang, and skipped over him, carrying an empty laundry basket. "Just having some fun."
"Oh, yeah, well, this is hilarious, just lying down here on the floor!"
Sora grinned to himself and helped put away the things he left on the counter. Might as well give her some help. Good thing Kairi's only got one more day, though. The way things are going, Riku won't be able to stand much more of it!
The mop slithered along the tile floor, swish-sloshing and dripping water off its tendrils. Reminded Sora a little bit of the monster they'd fought in the Underworld. He'd accidentally spilled some milk when he went to get himself a glass—and Kairi had come running. Sora offered to do it instead, but she ignored him and swiped at the ground like it was Riku's face.
"Are you sure you don't need any—?"
"Yes, I'm fine. By the way, is you-know-who asleep?"
"What are you going to do to him this time?"
"Oh, nothing. Just curious. That way he won't mess things up on purpose…Could you go down to the main desk and ask for some extra paper towels? We're getting low already, seeing as how I've had to wipe Riku's muddy footprints off of everything and the kitchen sink." She paused. "Literally. I think he put his shoes on the sink just to spite me."
Sora shut the door behind him and made sure he had a key card, when suddenly he ran smack dab into a cardboard display advertising something about chocobos. There were too many ads these days, he realized, as he rode the elevator down to the first floor. For example—he could see through the glass windows a giant can that read: CheeryCola makes everybody happy! Next to it was a giant billboard in the shape of a tennis court with the words FEEDBACK COURT on the net and a rainbow over the top. Oh yes. Everything was advertising, and even Sora had taken part in some of them. Ads for baseball games, ads for Aplen Air Tours, ads for underwear…he tried to keep Kairi and most his friends away from that one.
"Hey! Look out!" Sora was nearly barreled down by a restaurant serving tray. It smashed into the elevator wall and stopped; and Sora noticed that Huey, Dewey, and Louie were riding on it. "That was amazing! I wish Unca' Donald coulda' seen that!" Then the doors closed.
"Uh…hi, um…could I have some extra paper towels?"
The raven-haired lady at the desk filed her fingers. "No."
"What—"
"You have to ask Paula." She pointed towards another desk on the other side of the room, but it was empty. "She's probably out by the pool. She always has a cart with her with all the cleaning supplies."
"You realize I asked for paper towels, right? Not a nuclear bomb or something like that?"
"We have a back store, but everybody here needs some air once in a while. And the paparazzi need some photos."
Sora rolled his eyes and pushed open the glass doors that lead to the outside world. He made his way to the pool—a football stadium-sized, water filled trench that apparently had no lifeguards near it. Donald floated in a corner while Goofy dog-paddled around, but Sora couldn't identify anyone else until he saw the broom and gloves on the cleaning cart. There was nobody near it, so he nabbed the desired roll and headed towards the entrance.
"There he is!"
"Do you have any theories on—"
"Sora! We've got a—"
"Hold on! I was asking him something!"
The cameras started flashing and the Keyblade wielder was forced to run around the pool in order to escape. Someone on the diving board jumped off and crashed into Goofy, submerging them both underwater. Donald noticed and tried to help, but they pulled him down too, so Sora had to jump in, grab them both, haul them out, and pull them along as he ran for the door.
"Whew! Thanks, Sora!"
"Okay, no time to talk! Gotta run!"
They forced their way past the crowds in the lobby, bashed the button for the twelfth floor in, and wiped the sweat away as they rocketed upwards. "Haven' seen you in a while, Sora," Goofy panted, "but thanks for showin' up so suddenly!"
"What floor are you guys?"
"Four."
"Sixteen."
Sora pressed the respectable buttons, waving as he stepped out of into the hallway. For a moment he was worried that he'd lost the paper towels; but no, they were tucked under his arm. When he slid his key card into the door slot he remembered Castle Oblivion and all it's crazy doors—but then someone struck him over the head and he collapsed.
"Unnh…my head…" Sora moaned. He'd woken up on the bathroom floor, and his head really hurt. Why would someone, just, come up and hit me? Maybe it was a member of Organization XII, he thought; then he looked in the mirror and noticed the maid smock, short skirt, apron and tiara, and groaned.
"Kairi! What in the world made you—how could you—it's just—I mean, um—well you know what I mean!"
She sidled in and smiled, closing the door behind her. She was now wearing her normal outfit, and she had in her hands a set of gloves. "Thought I could pawn my job off to someone else. You looked like you wanted to help, so I thought, why not let you have the whole job?" Kairi helped him up and passed him the gloves.
"Why? It's just wrong!"
"Oh, don't worry. Only one more day until your maid work's over."
"Riku can't have possibly gone along with this!"
"He doesn't know yet." She turned the handle and flung the door open. (Gosh I need a better word for door.) "A vase broke in the living room. Could you take care of it?" Sora grumbled and growled. He had no idea why he was going along with this. He shouldn't. He wouldn't. He had no logical reason to! But he was, so he scooted through the doorway, around the corner, and then—
"Hahahahahaha! A-hahahaha! Sora? Is that you?"
Sora yelped in embarrassment. Now he knew why the lights were off! Nearly everybody from the hotel was there, either sitting or standing. His cheeks flushed red and he tried to back away, but Kairi goaded him on.
"Wha—oh, Kairi! I am so going to get you back!"
"Yeah, later. Right now you've got a mess to clean."
"I don't see any…"
Riku leaned on the end table. "Oooops!" He 'accidentally' bumped into a vase, knocking it off. Shards of glass flew everywhere, and dirt collected in a pile with a few leaves that had fallen from the plant. "'Sorry' about that."
Sora scowled and walked toward it. Someone sitting on the couch kicked his foot out, tripping the Keyblade wielder, who fell with a yell (nice rhyme, eh?) onto the floor. That same person passed him a dustpan and a short brush to sweep with, and said, "I am so, so sorry! I don't know what maid me do it!"
Everyone laughed as Sora swept up the remains of the plant. "Oh yeah? If you think it's so funny, why don't you get down here and do it?"
"We'd rather watch you!"
After everyone had left Sora flopped onto the couch. He was, in every sense of the word, exhausted. The stuff I have to put up with! The phone rang, but when he picked it up someone laughed on the other end. "Uh, hello? Is this room service? I've got a problem with the toilet, could you come up and—" Slam! He hung up the phone.
"Oh, taking up a day-job now, are you?" The voice had come from nowhere. It was deep and strangely familiar, so the boy vaulted up and summoned his weapon. "Outfit suits ya well, don'tcha think?"
"Show yourself!"
In a puff of green flame Pete appeared. "Now, now, don't get too impatient. Maleficent wanted me ta spy on you and make sure yer not doing nothing out of the ordinary. And ta turn you into a Heartless on sight, of course."
"You guys never give up, do you?"
"Nope, just like youse three. Heartless, attack!"
Five shadows materialized out of the darkness. Sora did a backflip, grabbing his keychain and whirling the weapon around. One of the monsters vaulted at him, but he sliced right through it. Compared to housekeeping, this was a thousand times easier. The Keyblade wielder was in his element now. "Fire!"
Another two gone. Pete doesn't stand a chance. Several Air Soldiers swooped down, but the boy threw Kingdom Key upwards and sparks of electricity jolted them out of existence. "Hyaah!" Soldiers spun towards him also, but he dashed right through, holding his weapon out and eradicating the Heartless.
"Ooorgh! Why I—oh!—Just you wait!"
"Sora? What's going on? I heard the racket and I—" Kairi ran into the room, right into Pete. "Oh, you again?"
Pete backed into a corner. "Well, uh, you see, uh, I was just leaving!" He barreled into the red haired girl, taking him with her as he stumbled out the apartment.
"Stop!" Sora rolled into the hallway only to see the two disappear into a dark corridor. "Rrgh! Where could they have gone?"
"Is everything alright? Where's Kairi?"
"Pete kidnapped her. They're probably already at Hollow Bastion!"
"Wait a second. Watch."
Another corridor opened in the same spot as before and out came Pete. He was hollering, too. "Aagh! Get 'er away from me! Youse a gotta help me!"
He groaned all of a sudden, falling to the floor. Kairi lowered Destiny's Embrace and smiled. "He forgot I had a Keyblade. Simple as that."
"Should we leave him here? He'll probably come to in a while and report back to Maleficent."
"Nah. We'll leave you to clean up the mess."
They smiled and walked back inside.
"Seriously? Seriously?"
Vacurai: And that's it. Pete got his butt kicked, Kairi got to do it, and Donald and Goofy got saved from the rabid reporters. All is more or less right with the world…
Lilith: Hey! Vacurai, come on!
Vacurai: Oh, sorry. Right now I have to go and get Riku and Leal out of the Tumbler or they'll be shrunk to the size of a shoe before the hour is up. Please review! I hope you liked it.
Prism: Get over here!
Lilith: Hurry up!
Vacurai: Okay! I've gotta get to the electricity room to shut the water power off. Later!