I followed her. What could I do? Soon we saw the sign that said, 'this was to Steve's Store.' and an arrow pointing where it should have been.

Key words; should have been. The only thing left was a small spark of flame and a giant crater where my store used to be. I felt numb. My store! My beautiful, precious store! I sank down on a boulder with silent tears tracking down my face.

"Don't cry," the girl says awkwardly. She set down the boxes.

I sniffle and look up. "What are you going to, turn into my fairy godmother?" I said sarcastically.

"No, but it might get you a little exited when you learn I'm Birch Gunn. I'm the queen of creepers." And with that, she flashed me a sadistic grin and lunged with an iron gun that materialized in her hands.

I stepped back. "That's the most idiotic name I've ever heard." (I didn't mention it being the only name I heard other than mine. "You're the queen of eyeless, six legged nasty creatures who do nothing but scuttle around and explode all day? Wow, I'm impressed," I say, which may or may not have been the best move, considering her face darkened about five shades.

"Oh, and Steve is so much better. Watch who you call nasty," she says threateningly, "or a certain bullet may kill a certain mortal slower and more painfully than meant to be. "

She shot at a box to demonstrate just how well the gun worked. The box promptly exploded. Several pieces of merchandise tumbled out. A stack of history books, blocks of wood, a vase and-bingo, an iron sword, slightly used and a freshly crafted shield, mint condition.

I grab them and advance toward her. "And keep in mind at least sixty of my servants are hiding in trees," she continued. I wasn't sure if the shield would work against bullets, because it was crafted for mostly fending off the sword, zombie, and spider.

She shot at me and I ducked. The shot hit a birch tree. It creaked and fell over. A creeper jumped out. I had just recently had discovered how to craft the book of basic monster phrases, so I'm pretty sure it yelled, "Timber."

It walked briskly over to Birch and started hissing rapidly.

I caught something like, "Hug" and "Explodinate".

Birch waved the creeper off. "No, I want to kill him. Those _ (couldn't understand) witches just need fresh blood in debt of Creepette just having to steal that love potion. And no, they won't take heated redstone in a bottle. What a bunch of _(too advanced creeper cussing)"

Birch whipped out a small glass vial held the gun at me. I darted out of the way. Birch scowled. "Creeper112363, hold him still. And confiscate his shield. "

Creeper whatchamalit happily waddles over and chases me around the tree. He grabs my arms and flashes white, threatening to explode if i moved. I punched him square in the left-er, third, no, wait-okay never mind, one of his legs. He hisses.

I break free and start running around. Birch struggled to shoot at a moving target and killed her creeper. "I need more lessons from Skull," I heard her mutter as I ran by. Skull-as in skeleton? Makes sense. . .?

"Herobrine! Sweetie!" Birch calls. Yikes. Say what?

A guy that almost looked exactly like me stepped out behind a tree. Exept for the insane smile that says hi, I'm a psycho and the glowing white eyes.

"Yes, my sickly green duck of a wife?" he asks. I'm creeped out, mostly at the part about the green creeper duck. I can't decide which is more scarier, Herobrine thinking that was a romantic pledge or Birch and Herobrine together.

Herobrine looked straight at me with that grin plastered on his face.

"Let's have tea," he said. What is this guy, the mad hatter in Alice in Miningland? He pulled out a diamond sword. Then he stabbed me, and I immediately get a arm that is overflowing with blood.

Birch fills her vial. "Thank you," Birch croons. I'm not sure who's she's talking to. "See, was that so hard?" She's talking to me. I look up.

And I stab her through the heart with my iron sword.