Disclaimer & Warning--- I don't own Harry Potter, or whatever other ideas I use. For those with weak stomachs, I advise you not to read this fic. This fic is not intended for women who are pregnant, may become pregnant, or are breast-feeding. May cause liver disease, lung cancer, anal seepage, internal hemorrhaging, Parkinson's disease, death and or dying. Humnut inc. is not responsible for any health complications that may arise. Thank you.
Harry, Hermione and Ron were standing around a little outside Ron's place. His parents were out so he decided to start his little science experiment.
"Ron," said Hermione holding a video camera. She had brought it at Ron's request. He said it was in the name of all that was magical and scientific, but it was turning out to be the worst idea ever. "Do you really think we should be doing this?"
"Hermione," said Ron exasperated. "When have I ever led us astray?"
"Well…"
Flash Back"Ron," said Harry. "Is this the best place to be practicing dueling?"
They were standing on top of the astronomy tower, with wands at the ready.
"I couldn't find a better place. There's no one here, its' quiet and it's nice and cool."
"First of all," said Hermione "it's freezing. It must be thirty degrees out here. For another thing, there's no one here because no one is supposed to be here. And lastly, it's the least safest place to be dueling, what if one of us falls."
"Yeah, Hermione's got a pretty good argument there," Harry chimed in.
"Harry," said Ron shaking his head. "Who's the Pure-Blood?"
"Well technically," said Harry, but Ron cut him off.
"You don't count Harry cause you were raised by filthy, stinking, muggles. So you've got a choice, you can listen to me and redeem your childhood upbringings, or you can listen to Hermione and be a pussy."
Ron had hit the soft spot.
"Fine, I'll do it," said Harry, getting into battle stance.
"You two are idiots."
"On three, one, two, three."
Both boys' yelled "Expelliarmus!" The spells collided in mid-air and both boys were blasted off their feet. Ron landed on the ground a few feet away, but Harry was blasted clear off the tower.
Hermione ran towards the edge and cast a quick spell to stop Harry's decent.
"RON YOU IDIOT!" came from below the tower.
End Flash Back"Yeah, looking back on it know, you don't have the best ideas," said Harry.
"Harry, you have two options. The first being that you can walk away from this, being a pussy, or you can help me and be apart of the team to send the first wizard into space."
"I don't know, we could get into some serious trouble."
"Fine," said Ron. "You can go with Hermione and have your little tea party. I'll do you a favor and buy you a nice dress. I could also buy you your first training bra, would you like that?"
"Yeah… Hermione, I'm gonna go with Ron and do the whole sending a wizard into space."
"I'm out," said Hermione closing the camera and turning it off.
"Hermione," said Ron running up to her. "Don't you want to discover something? Don't you want to be the first person to do something? This may be your only chance to do something meaningful in your short pathetic life."
"Whatever," she said opening the camera once again. Ron knew she couldn't shy away in the light of discovery. "So what are we doing here?"
"Well, me and Harry here have constructed a wand made of a sapling cherry tree. The core is made of about ten unicorn horns. We then had constructed this ramp. The basic idea is that we're going to send a wizard into space. Now where is our test subject."
"Over here," said Harry. Hermione and Ron looked over to see that Harry was dragging a tied up Draco to the ramp. On his head was a fish bowl and he had a tee shirt that said 'I want to be an astronaut'. "I think he's having second thoughts."
"Well then kick him or something, this must go off without a hitch or we could go to Azkaban for a long time."
So Harry aimed a well-placed kick to Draco between his legs. The boy had stopped moving and Harry placed him on the ramp. Harry went to Ron and helped him carry the wand. They hauled it over to Draco and pointed it directly where Harry had kicked him. With a single motion, Ron and Harry moved the wand a yelled, "Acendio!"
Draco left the ramp at a high velocity, quickly gaining altitude. As he broke through some low clouds, Harry voiced some of his inner thoughts.
"So, when do we know that he broke through the atmosphere?"
"Wait for it," said Ron excitedly.
Within a few seconds, Harry, Ron and Hermione witnessed Draco bursting into flames. They faintly heard screams from the neighboring muggle town. The spectacle was probably scary as hell, seeing a small fiery object in the sky. But just as it looked like the experiment may have worked, the trio saw the small inferno star a steep decent. Hermione saw this and let out a small scream.
"Don't worry Hermione, Harry here gave are friend Draco a parachute… right?"
"A pair-of-what," said Harry bluntly.
Just then they saw the small would be meteor crash into the public library. The sight of burning books had caused Hermione to break down and cry. Harry just looked at the scene in horror, you could faintly hear the screams of nameless muggles as they were slowly dieing the blaze. Ron, on the other hand, was busy cursing himself for making several mistakes, like not enchanting Draco to be fire proof.
"Well, I'm going to need to make some serious adjustments, but overall I'd say that we have learned a few things, like don't let Harry handle the would be astronauts. We'll start anew with Snape in a week. Now we should get out of here before someone figures out we did this."
All three kids looked at the scene one last time and walked away, Harry and Hermione secretly hoping that the next experiment with Snape would end on a same note, in Hermione's mind she hoped another library would not be hurt. Harry was hoping that Snape would crash into an oil refinery.
AN--- Okay… so I have finally gotten around to writing this, and I must say that it was one of my most destructive fics ever. If there is anybody out there that has read all of my fics, then could you tell me what is with me and abusing people? Seriously, my therapist is getting worried. Also, I might write a sequel, you should see what Snape will crash into. Please read and review, tell me if you can understand my humor and laughed. If you don't… well then you go to hell because I'm still gonna post these fics. I blame my friend for the abusive nature of my fics, now that I think about it. He encourages me to kill as many people in a horrible fashion. But the most gnarly shit comes from the depths of my own mind.