"The Legend of Zelda: Therapy of Speech"

Disclaimer: I won nothing!

"Link, what do you think about this dress?" Zelda asked, twirling in a blue gown that perfectly matched her eyes. When there was no answer, Zelda and her seamstress, a deku scrub, exchanged a look, and then Zelda stomped over to the green clad hero and kicked him in the head.

"Hey, I asked you a question!"

Link looked up at the princess, rubbing the back of his head.

"Well?!"

"…" Link said. Zelda's eyes narrowed.

"That's not a response. That's just dots. Now SPEAK, Link, damn you!"

"…"

"Oh my Goddess! I know you can scream, so you MUST be able to talk! Now tell me what you think about my fucking dress?!"

Link sighed and opened his mouth, but only a series of dots came out.

Zelda picked up the deku scrub seamstress and threw it at Link. He ducked and rolled out of the way.

"Alright, I'm going to get you to talk if it KILLS you!"

THREE HOURS LATER

"………"

"Wow. You got him to use more dots," Darunia grunted. He'd come over to help, but even shoving bomb flowers in Link's hat hadn't made any improvements.

"Link, you asked for it! Come on out, Ganondorf!"

Link gasped in wonder as a tall, muscle man walked out of the shadows, a big grin on his ugly face.

"I will make you talk, Hero of Time. Oh yes…GAH HA HA HA HA!"

Zelda rolled her eyes.

"Enough with the villainous laughter. Just get him out of here, and don't come back until you've made him talk!"

AT GANONDORF'S SECRET HIDEOUT (which happens to be in the back of the Happy Mask Shop)

"………….."

"Goddess damn you and your dots! Speak, boy, speak or I'll rape you until you can't stand anymore!"

Link's blue eyes bulged, a red tinge painted his cheeks, but when he opened his mouth to speak, it was yet more dots. Embarrassed dots, if you can picture such a thing. Ganondorf smacked himself in the head, a big tear drop appearing on the side of his face.

"That's it, you asked for it, Blondie! No one can keep quiet after I use my Ganon Gun!"

"….!"

Ganondorf quickly stripped Link down to his birthday suit. The Hero of Time tried to shield himself with his hat, but Ganon took it and threw it across the room with the rest of the boy's clothes. Ganondorf removed his armor and weird stretchy brown suit and cackled evilly. Link stared at Ganondorf's raging hard 'gun' in wonder. It was the most unusual weapon he'd ever seen.

"Bend over, boy, I'm going to make you scream my name!" Ganondorf snarled, grabbing Link by his shoulders and spinning him around. He pushed Link onto his bed and squeezed Link's ass. Ganondorf watched the bottom of the 'screen' carefully as he grabbed the boy's cheeks and spread them, pressing the tip of his cock up against Link's entrance.

"………..!" Link said. Ganondorf rolled his eyes and shoved himself hard inside Link. He screamed in pain, but that was all. Ganondorf began to thrust, reaching a hand around to stroke the boy's own Hylian pride. But even when he came from the king of Thieve's ministrations, he used dots.

Ganondorf pumped relentlessly into the boy and finally came himself. He collapsed on top of Link, falling asleep to worried thoughts concerning a pissed off princess…

BACK AT THE CASTLE

"Link, you're hopeless! Even being butt raped by that ugly old man didn't make you talk! I'm sending you to speech therapy!" Zelda screamed, throwing Zora eggs at Link's face. And so, The Legend of Zelda: Therapy of Speech would become the greatest Zelda game of all time.