A/N: Ok, so here is my first attempt at writing a story. It's AU and will probably be OOC. So read and review if you want to and NO FLAMES please, they're mean, aren't constructive criticism and you'll get bad karma. Oh and this story is rated M, it contains drug use, self-harm, swearing, adult themes and maybe lemon. So if any of these things offend you please don't read. Also this is a Sakura centric fic. If you don't like Sakura or the pairing then don't read.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, if I did then Sas-gay would be eaten by giant strawberries.

CHAPTER 1: PAIN

The sharp edge of the razor sliced through her skin, crimson blood oozing steadily from the cut and dripping onto the floor. Sakura smiled, she loved the sharp pain that coursed through her body with every cut. With a relieved sigh she slowly stood up from her bathroom floor and put the razor away in the cupboard. Picking up a discarded towel she trudged into her bedroom and flopped onto her bed with the towel around her arm. She loved her room, it was her haven. The walls were a deep purple with black trim and covered here and there with posters. Her desk was littered with photos of friends and other random things. Her queen bed was made of dark wood and rather close to the floor. She had attached black netting to the ceiling so that it hung over her bed. But her favourite place in her room was her window seat. It looked out onto the rest of the street, seeing as her room was technically the attic it was really easy for her to climb onto the roof of her house and star gaze. Staring at her ceiling she heard her parent's yelling from the floor below.


'Here they go again, wonder what it's about this time.'

"...just a good for nothing loser! That's all she is!! I swear if you don't straighten her out I will kick her out of this house!" her mother was screaming at her father.

'Che, fucking typical. Arguing again, bloody assholes.'

"Yes well I've already told her about the school calling me but she just refuses to listen. She says she understands but I don't really think she does."

"I really don't know what we've done to deserve such an ungrateful little cretin. We never had any trouble with her sister! We should have stopped at one."

That was all Sakura could take. She'd been hearing her parents say this kind of stuff behind her back and to her face for far too long now. Getting up from her bed, Sakura made her way to the open window and climbed out onto the tree opposite her window. Using the branches and the ledge on the edge of her roof she hoisted herself up and sat down. Taking a joint and a lighter from her pocket she sparked up and took a long drag.

'Why do they talk about me like that? Like I'm nothing more than a burden they wish they could shed? No don't think about it, they're not even worth the brain power.' She exhaled through her nose and watched the smoke drift away in the wind.


Flashback:

'Oh my god I can't believe Sasuke was being so flirty at Kiba's party! I mean he wasn't even tipsy!' Sakura thought happily. 'Ino will be so happy for me, she knows how much I like him.' She was sitting in Starbucks waiting for Ino. She couldn't wait to tell her about it although she was curious as to why Ino wanted to meet so badly.

'Everyone was saying that he wanted to hook up with me as well. Damn! I wish I hadn't of gotten so smashed!'

'Yeah, you must be pretty pissed that you needed to chuck right in the middle of him feeling you up.' Inner Sakura reminded her while laughing like a mad woman.

'You just had to remind me didn't you? When the hell did you get here anyway?' an extremely irritated Sakura said to her inner.

'I'm always here. I AM you, or have you forgotten? Anyway that Sasuke is fucking sex on legs and he seemed pretty into you! Oh my god you guys are so gonna get together and then get married and you can wear a big white dress...' Inner Sakura started ranting with a faraway look on her face and wedding music playing in the background.

Ignoring the craziness in her head, Sakura looked up to see that Ino had just arrived. Waving her over Sakura noticed the grin on her friend's face as she sat down at the table.

"What's with the smile?" Sakura asked the blonde curiously..

"Oh my GOD forehead, you'll never believe what happened!" Ino squealed excitedly, looking like she was about to spontaneously combust from the excitement.

"What? TELL ME NOW INO-PIG!!" Sakura practically screamed at her friend. She hated not knowing things.

"I'm going out with Sasuke!! Isn't that AWESOME?!"

Sakura was shocked to say the least. Her stomach dropped and she felt physically sick. 'How could this happen? What about the party? How could Ino DO this to me? She knows how much I like Sasuke, she said she liked Shikamaru?!?!' Of course she never let any of her inner feelings show through, being a bitch and making Ino feel bad just wasn't her style, even if Ino did deserve her wrath. Ignoring Inner Sakura's threats of torture and disembowelment towards Ino, Sakura plastered a smile on her face.

"That's great Ino, I'm so happy for you! You guys are awesome together." She tried to keep the pain from her voice, every word tearing another hole into her heart.

"Thanks Sakura, you're such a great friend." Ino smiled and stood up to hug her friend. "Anyway, I have to go; I'm meeting Sasuke for lunch! I'll see you tomorrow forehead." Ino said with a wave and walked out the door.

Sakura stood up and left without really knowing where she was going too wrapped up in her own thoughts. She got home and climbed the stairs blindly to her room. She stood in the middle of her room for what seemed like hours, staring uncomprehendingly at the wall. A sudden wave of nausea made her sprint for the bathroom. Wiping her mouth she got her razor from the cupboard and sat on the floor, her back leaning against the bath.

End Flashback

Tears slipped silently from her jade green eyes and landed softly on the roof. 'Damnit! Don't cry, it's so pathetic, suck it up!' She furiously wiped the tears from her face and tried to pull herself together. Finally, after regaining some composure, she was able to take another drag from her joint. Ino's betrayal was just another kick to Sakura. Her already fragile sense of self worth seemed to crack at this latest blow. She had friends, yet she was alone. She had a family, yet they didn't care. Everyone thought she had a good life and every time she would try and tell people something was bothering her they would either tell her she was being melodramatic and that it was just normal 'teenage angst.' So she learnt to keep her problems to herself, putting on a happy mask around everyone while slowly dying on the inside.

Sighing deeply she began to feel the effects of the weed so she decided to climb back into her room. Putting out her joint in the rain gutter she groggily stood up and jumped onto the tree branch opposite her. She climbed down to her window and went back into her room. She went over to her bed and pulled the black netting around her. Burying herself under the blankets she allowed sleep to overcome her.