AN: My first Mass Effect fic. Go easy on me, guys. I'm purposefully alluding to in-game dialogue and sometimes directly quoting it, but recontextualizing it and otherwise using it for my own purposes. Because it's more fun that way.

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You had to be blind to not notice the mood that the Commander had been in since Virmire. She had always been a hard woman, but not without passion and humor. Grief seemed to have seized her with a particular ferocity that made her uncompromising demeanor more uncompromising, and her dark sense of humor even darker. She was throwing herself into this mission, allowing herself—and them, naturally—no room for dalliance. The quest to find Saren had always been of great importance, so naturally she was focused now that they knew the location of the Conduit. Those who didn't know any better would say that she was determined to stop him. But they knew her, and they knew that she was focusing on the mission as a distraction.

They all knew that she had been close to Alenko, but clearly they had underestimated how close.

With the ship en route to the Mu Relay, Shepard's remaining squad members sat at a table they had set up in the cargo bay. Even Liara had opted to join them rather than hiding in her room behind the med bay, and surely that meant something. The quiet asari's presence was somewhat soothing; it felt nice to have the team together in what could be their final moments. But there was an empty sixth chair at the head of the table. Whether it was meant for Kaidan or for the Commander, no one could say.

They sat in a terse silence unbefitting of a group of mutually respected teammates; they were unsure of what to do. Garrus hasn't expected raucous drinking and card games and laughter, but anything would have been better than awkward stares and the hum of the Normandy. They were all thinking the same thing: this was the last mission, the final confrontation with Saren. After so many successes, they had grown overconfident as a team, and had forgotten that the mission could be fatal. Kaidan had reminded them of that.

T-minus four hours and thirty-seven minutes until the jump.

Garrus, for his part, felt like it had all gone too quickly. The Council had informed them of the endangered salarian team not long after they had left Noveria. Shepard, despite her flippancy with the three holograms, agreed to immediately pursue that lead. At least she hadn't hung up on them this time. Garrus remembered the grin she had offered him as they climbed into the Mako—a familiar one that Ashley called a "shit-eating" grin, whatever that meant. It was the same grin she wore whenever she was ready to have an ass-kicking good time, and Garrus, always striving to impress her, did his best to offer one back.

Then it was the trip to the STG camp, Wrex's near-mutiny, the attack on the base, the conversation with Sovereign, some painful decisions, their fight with Saren, Kaidan's death, Liara's discovery, the confrontation with the Council, the lockdown, stealing the Normandy, which had been aided by Anderson, no less... It had all happened in such short succession that he hadn't had the opportunity to respond to any of it. Everything was stewing in his head, and he found himself feeling more emotionally drained than grief-stricken.

All of that, and Garrus had felt bad for thinking that Virmire was a beautiful planet. It reminded him of Palaven, of home. He supposed that home hadn't always been friendly either.

"We're fugitives on the run," Tali said, breaking the tension with her lively voice. It was a welcome change to the finger drumming and chair creaking that had permeated the past ten minutes. "Very exciting."

Liara smiled bemusedly. "I believe we have different definitions of the word 'exciting.'"

Amusingly, the theft of the Normandy was the one thing that could be considered fun out of everything that had happened lately, unless one counted watching Udina turn shades of red and purple in an attempt to keep his cool in front of the Council—and Garrus was almost sure that he did. Tali, despite her nervousness, was a little thrilled by the idea of being in trouble, and Liara, despite her protest, probably thought this was about as exciting as digging up a sacred Prothean toilet. Garrus, for his part, was pleased by the fact that the Commander had stuck it to the Alliance and Council, and Wrex agreed, if that krogan smirk meant anything.

The only one who Garrus had trouble reading was Ashley, but the human woman had been remarkably closed off since her short argument with Shepard in the comm room after Virmire. Still, there she was, sitting with the four token aliens on the Normandy, looking relaxed albeit distant. The fact that she chose to spend what could be her last hours alive with them meant something after she had spent so much time expressing her mistrust.

"I wonder what the Council would do to us if we got caught?" Tali asked, the nervous energy still obvious in the way she couldn't keep her hands still. Granted, quarians tended to be expressive in speech and body language and Tali was no exception, but her hands were as animated as they had been when they first met her and she was trying to prove her worth. And she had really been trying.

"Then we give 'em a fight," Wrex answered with a snort. "Sound good to you, Quarian?"

Tali frowned. It wasn't something that could be seen through the helmet of her enviro-suit, but in the way her body seemed to tilt to the left. "I'm perfectly okay with fighting the Geth, Wrex, but the Council are another story. Just because the Quarians aren't Citadel anymore, it doesn't mean that I'd like to make an enemy of them."

"Technically, this is still an Alliance ship," Garrus pointed out. "And Ambassador Udina was the one to ground us, not the Council."

"Doesn't mean that the Council wants to see their pet Spectre running into the Terminus Systems with that murderous look on her face." Wrex somehow found that amusing and laughed to himself, but didn't elaborate.

"Still," Garrus continued, ignoring Wrex's deep chortles. "I'd sooner expect to be chased by the Fifth Fleet than by the Destiny Ascension."

Wrex shot Garrus a familiar look that roughly translated to, "You're ruining my fun, Turian," before growling and saying: "I don't care who's chasing us, as long as they don't stop us before we get to Saren."

"Do you think they will?" Liara asked. Her hands were calmly folded in her lap, but her voice betrayed some nervousness. "Our escape has been calm so far. If any ship were pursuing us, we wouldn't be sitting down here in the cargo bay and talking."

"It doesn't matter," Ashley said, finally speaking up for the first time since they set up their table. She still seemed guarded, but with a hint of the stubborn pride that made her Ashley Williams. "The Normandy is the fastest ship in the Alliance Fleet. If anyone tried to chase us, they wouldn't catch us."

"I overheard Joker complaining about how he wouldn't be able to test that," Liara added, laughing delicately. "Naturally, Shepard told him to stop complaining."

Garrus shook his head. "Either way, the Alliance wouldn't be stupid enough to chase us into Terminus Space. If they weren't planning on doing it for Saren, they won't do it for us."

"I'm not sure if I agree with you, Garrus," Tali said uncertainly. "You saw how Udina started twitching and turning purple when Shepard called him ... I don't even know what she called him. My translator glitched."

"And you think that's enough to risk sparking galactic war?"

"He is rather irritable," Liara supplied.

"I guess I can't disagree with you on that point," Garrus agreed. He still didn't buy into the idea that either fleet would give chase, but it didn't seem as though he'd be able to convince the others.

Earlier, he had worried, just as they were doing now. He had asked her if the Alliance, or the Council, or someone would chase them all the way to Ilos. The Commander had turned to look at him, determination screwing up her face, and said: "They won't," with the upmost conviction. It had certainly assuaged any of his doubts.

"Vakarian's right," Ashley said, leaning forward in her seat. It seemed as though she was getting comfortable with them, and Garrus would be lying if he said that it didn't please him—particularly the fact that she had just agreed with him. "We're mutineers, but ... we'll be fine for now. I just hope stopping Saren will earn Shepard enough brownie points to balance out all the lip she's given the higher-ups."

"Shepard's crazy," Wrex concluded, folding his arms. "But sometimes crazy's the best way to go."

None of them seemed to disagree, or at least felt like arguing the point, and so they fell into another strange silence.

"Keelah, she should be with us," Tali suddenly said, once again interrupting the awkward pause before it could drag on for too long. "We could die in a few hours and she—"

"We could have died the entire time," Wrex interrupted, a little dismissive in tone.

They all thought the same thing: "And Kaidan did," though none of them gave voice to that thought. Ashley squirmed in her seat—out of everyone seated at the table, she was unsurprisingly taking his death the hardest.

"She's in the CIC," Liara said, deftly steering them away from another awkward silence. Were they so messed up or on edge that they couldn't even have a basic conversation? They were supposed to be friends, or at least as friendly as five soldiers from different races on a quest to save the galaxy could be. "I knew she had declined the invitation to join us, but wanted to see if I could convince her regardless."

"So, she's working?" Tali asked, almost a little affronted.

"Yes." Liara flushed and shook her head. Garrus guessed that the asari's painfully obvious crush on the Commander hadn't completely faded away after the little showdown with Kaidan he had only heard about. "I couldn't persuade her to abandon her duties and spend time with us."

"If that's what she wants to do, then let her do it," Ashley said. From anyone else it might have been dismissive or insensitive, but from the human it was simply a statement. Besides, given her last interaction with the Commander, it wasn't so unreasonable that Ashley would want to give her space.

"But it's not right," Tali protested, leaning forward in her seat. "We're a team."

"And she's our commanding officer. She can do whatever she wants." Ashley shook her head. "If she needs her space, let her have it."

"You aren't worried about her?" Liara asked. Garrus recognized that expression—he had seen it countless times on asari who were trying to manipulate people or get them to admit something. There was more to their shy little scientist than met the eye.

Wrex snorted. "The Commander's strong. She can take care of herself."

"Of course I'm worried," Ashley admitted. Scoped and dropped. He had to congratulate Liara for that later. "She chose me over Alenko. Maybe it was the smarter move from a tactical standpoint, but..." She trailed off, and none of them pressured her to continue.

"I don't get why you females spend so much time talking about feelings," Wrex said, scoffing. "It's pointless."

"Technically, asari are not female, Wrex," Liara pointed out, straightening her spine. "We are a mono-gendered—"

"You wear makeup, talk about your feelings, and have those fleshy mounds that females from some species have. You're a female."

Garrus didn't bother to hide his laughter when he saw the stunned look on the women's faces; leave it to Wrex to come up with a moderately offensive way of categorizing the sexes. He half-expected the krogan to turn towards him and suggest that they head off, shoot things with guns, and drink copious amounts of alcohol while talking about past sexual conquests. In fact, he half-expected it because Wrex had more or less suggested this not too long ago.

The proposition had surprised him, if only because it meant that Wrex was willing to give this turian a chance. What surprised him even more was when Shepard had looked at them with that shit-eating grin of hers and asked: "Can I come too?" It shouldn't have been a surprise, but it was easy to forget that she was tougher than her tiny human female form would imply.

Of course, by laughing aloud, he also found himself on the receiving end of glares from three of the five strongest women he had ever had the pleasure of serving with. The other two were Commander Shepard and a turian recon agent from his time in the service. The recon agent had been quite memorable—no. No, he was not going to think about sex when he was moments away from having a shotgun shoved in his face.

"Is something funny, Garrus?" Tali asked, her accented voice flat and dangerous.

"...what?" he responded, almost stuttering. Spirits. They were heading towards their final confrontation with a dangerous turian Spectre, his army of geth, and his giant mind controlling ship that was secretly from an ancient race of synthetics bent on destroying all organic life, and he was nervous under the gaze of three of his female crewmates. He had to hand it to the "fairer" sex sometimes.

"What was that, Turian?" Shit, Williams only called him that when she was making fun of him or about to kick his ass. Neither seemed like a good time right now.

"I was just saying that I was going to go find Shepard," Garrus said. It was the first thing that came to mind, and from the way that the women seemed to soften, it seemed as though he had made the right choice. "Tali's right: she should be here. It's just not a party without the Commander."

"No, it's not," Wrex agreed, though he looked like he wanted to strangle Garrus for abandoning him—even if it was to get Shepard. Garrus felt a little like he was breaking their unspoken non-human man code, but it was a code he was willing to break, given the circumstances.

"Right," Garrus said decisively, his chair scraping backwards as he stood. "Hopefully I'll be back with the Commander shortly."

They offered no words as he made his retreat to the elevator. He could only hope that, when he returned later, it would be to something other that silence.