This is our goodbye
DISCLAIMER: I don't own glee and the songs are I drive your truck by Lee Bryce and If I don't make it back by Tracy Lawrence
A/N: after watching last nights episode this idea popped into my head. It is always a sad and tragic loss to lose somebody but when you lose somebody young with so much life still ahead of them it is a different kind sorrow. RIP FINN/ CORY
Kurt stood in front of the glee club. New and old member stared back at him and for his moment his mind flashed back to the early days, that wasn't that long ago but somehow felt like another lifetime. He looked at the people in the room. Santana sat with a vacant look on her face, she wore a simple pair of black jeans and a t-shirt but for a moment his mind pictured her in her cheerios uniform, pinkies linked with Brittany. There was something so innocent about the memory that a ghost of a smile came to his face. His mind did that with all of them, for a moment the "new" new directions faded away and he was left to stare out at the people, that against all odds, had become his family. Quinn, Mercedes, Sam, Santana, Tina, Mike, Puck, Brittany, Rachel, Artie; they had all come back for the memorial, and each of them seemed shattered in their own way. Their eyes looked a little less bright.
Death did that to you. He would know. When his mother had passed away he had been eight years old, he remembered every one saying that he was too young to fully understand what was happening but where he may not of understood all that was going on, or the meaning of death exactly, he understood the finality of it. He knew that when he walked downstairs he didn't hear his mother humming while she cooked breakfast anymore. He knew that the smell of her perfume was fading from everything, and that when he would run up to her room like he always did that she wouldn't be there anymore. He thought he understood death quite well. Death was disappearing.
The funeral had been beautiful. His dad had gotten up and said a few words, Mr. Schuester did too. But this, sitting here in this room, the only room they had been allwed to be themselves and become friends, this was their goodbye. The soft starting of the piano pulled him from his thoughts and he took a shaky breath before singing.
" eighty nine cents in the ashtray, half empty bottle of Gatorade roliing around in the floor board, that dirty braves cap on the dash" tears brimmed his eyes, " dog tags hangiing from the rearview, old skoal can and a go army shirt folded in the back, this thing burns gas like crazy but that's alright, people got their ways of coping and I've got mine"
The music swelled ," I drive your truck, I roll every window down, and I burn up every back road in this town, I find a field, I tear it up. Til all the pains a cloud of dust, yeah sometimes I drive your truck."
He wrapped his arms around himself burrowing deeper into the too big letterman jacket, " I leave that radio playing on the same country station where you left it, yeah man I crank it up"
He thought of all the times he had walked past Finn sitting in his room singing along to the radio instead of doing his homework, or using pencils to try out a new rhythm. It was the one thing that had really brought them together as brothers, they both loved music.
" and you probably punch my arm right now, if you saw tis tear rolling down my face, hey man Im trying to be tough"
He saw Santana bow her head, her shoulders shaking from the sobs that wracked her body. He wondered when she was going to break. She had tried to be so strong for him, and for Rachel, that she hadn't let herself grieve. He walked over to her and knowing that she wasn't one for touchy feely emotion, he simply draped the letterman jacket over her shoulders before he continued. That had been one of the best things about Finn, when he pulled you into an embrace and told you everything was going to be okay you just sort of believed him. He knew that a jacket was a sorry substitute but thought at least it was something. Santana curled the jacket around herself.
" momma asked me this morning if I'd been by your grave but that flag and stone isn't where I feel you anyway"
" I drive your truck"
" Have a beer for me" Puck sang. It was the first time he had really said anything since finding out that Finn was dead.
" I roll every window down, and I burn up, " Kurt sang, smiling at pucks impromptu mash up.
" Don't waste no tears on me, on Friday night sit on the visitor side and cheer for the home team" Quinn sang , her sweet voice faltering slightly as tears spilled down her cheeks.
Kurt closed his eyes, " every back road in this town"
" I find a field, I tear it up , til all the pains a cloud of dust" Mercedes, Tina and Mike sang along with him.
" drive my camaro, 90 miles an hour down red rock road with born to run blasting on the radio" Sam sang, his bottom lip trembling.
" and find someone good enough for Amy" Blaine sang, taking Rachels hand in his own" who will love her like I would have, If I don't make it back"
"Yeah sometimes, I drive your truck" Kurt sang with all the emotion he could muster, " Ive cussed," He looked at Santana who had finally allowed Brittany to take her into her arms, " Ive prayed" He looked to Rachel who had broken down into Blaines arms, "I've said goodbye" To Quinn whose green eyes were red rimmed from crying, " shook my fist and asked God why"
" But these days when I'm missing you this much" He paused, the music ceased.
" Have a beer for me" Santana sang from Brittanys arms," Don't waste no tears on me" the blonde dancer joined in.
" On Friday night sit on the visitor side and cheer for the home team" They all sang together. They were all up now, hands raised and bodies moving. It was what Finn would have wanted, not them sitting there and crying over something that nobody could change. But up and dancing, and moving to the music he loved so much. That's where they could find him now, In the beat of a drum, in the plucking of guitar strings, that song in the shower, And somehow he knew, watching as his family grieved, and mourned and laughed and danced that they would eventually be okay. The show, life, would go on and they each a guardian angel looking over them .
The piano started up again, and the rest of the club quieted as Kurt took the lead," I drive your truck, I roll every window done and I burn up every back road in this town, I find a field, I tear it up til all the pains a cloud of dust, yeah sometimes brother, sometimes "
" I drive your truck"
The end