Hello : )
A new one shot.
Well I decided, I would find a quote and write about it so, I have.
"I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy...asking him to love her."
Notting Hill
So…here we go…
Disclaimer- I do not own anything from Notting Hill or Camp Rock.
Asking Him to Love
I was just a girl asking him to love me. After everything that had happened between us I honestly thought he'd be able to. I guess…I was naïve to believe that. Asking him only led to more pain. Not only did he not answer me instead, his girlfriend wrapped her arms around him and asked who I was.
So, I ran. He called my name but, I just ran. I ran as fast as I could to the comfort of my bed. Which is where I've been ever since.
Caitlyn doesn't know what I stupidly did and I'm not about to tell her anytime soon. She'll tell me I was an idiot…which I was but, I really don't want her to be telling it to me…over and over again. She just thinks I'm ill and she won't come into this part of our apartment in case she catches my 'illness'.
Three years. That's right. He comes waltzing back into my life after three fucking normal (if slightly boring) years. If I never saw him again, I could have happily moved on with my life and fallen in love with a regular guy.
Ok…I give in. That was a lie. I would always see him and would always wonder about the 'what ifs?'. What if he never went away for as long as he did? What if I never actually went to college? What if…I'd never fallen in love with someone like Shane Gray?
Just thinking of his name brings a smile onto my face; no matter how depressed I am. Shane Adam Gray once meant the world to me…he still does. The sad thing? I once meant the same to him.
It's silly really. Getting over someone to only fall for them over again.
I blame Caitlyn and Nate for bringing him back into my life. I was fine until that fateful day. The one where Caitlyn dragged me to the airport with her so she could meet Nate off the plane. And me being…well me, didn't think about the fact the rest of Connect Three were going to be there too. Of course I didn't. Stupid Mitchie. Anyway, as Caitlyn ran for Nate, I didn't even register the tall, handsome man that was Shane. Of course, he looked shocked to see me too…after so long.
It's amazing how I actually did it. Not seeing him for so long I mean. We break up, and don't see each other for three years; except for the TV shows and all that stuff, when our best friends are dating. How weird is that? Of course…it doesn't help when I suddenly see him out of the blue. All those stupid little feelings you push and shove to the back of your head come rushing back and you wish upon wishing to be back in those strong arms of his. Only you can't. Because he broke up with you in the first place.
"Mitchie? Can I come in?"
"Sure Cait." I might as well tell her. She'll only be mad if she randomly finds out weeks and weeks later.
"Hey, are you ok?" she asks coming in and sitting on the end of my bed. "You've been in here for like, three hours."
Ok, so my whole "been here ever since" made it seem like I've been here days. But, no. I've been here three hours or so. And that's a lot…to a heart broken girl.
"I'm fine." I mumble under my comfortable duvet.
"Liar." She laughs. I fling my duvet away from my head and pout. "What's going on?" she asks suddenly serious again.
"I…went to see Shane." I stated slowly. Caitlyn gave me an 'is that it?' look. I shook my head. "I…kinda…asked him…to love me."
Caitlyn's face suddenly went blank before a large grinned crossed it. "Wow! It's about time Mitch!" she yelled excitedly. I felt my eyes fill with tears.
"His girlfriend was there." I whispered. Her smile fell from her face. "He didn't reply and then she showed up. So, I ran." I smiled weakly as the tears began flowing freely.
"Oh Mitchie." Caitlyn said sorrowfully pulling me in for a gentle hug. I sniffled.
"Please…don't pity me." I begged. "I guess it's just not meant to be."
"He'll be home tomorrow." I sighed happily. Caitlyn rolled her eyes.
"They'll be home tomorrow." She stated, again rolling her eyes before going back to her unwritten essay.
"Details, details." I brushed away the comment. "I've missed him so much." I moaned sitting onto the sofa. "They've been gone three months! In Europe of all places!"
"I know Mitchie…" Again she rolled her eyes.
"Can you believe it Cait?" I asked suddenly my excitement had gone and a weird dreamy voice took over.
"Believe what?"
"That in exactly one month Shane and I would have been together three years."
Caitlyn smiled at me. "It is amazing Mitch. If you've made it this far…there's no doubt you guys are meant to be."
…
"What the hell do you mean?!" I screamed.
"Would you just calm the fuck down?!" He yelled back as he glared at me.
"Calm down?! Calm down?! You're telling me you slept with someone else and you're telling me to calm down?!" I seethed. I was hurt. I was beyond hurt…I felt numb.
"I didn't fucking say that!" He rolled his eyes.
"Then what? Huh? You met a girl at a bar Shane! What am I supposed to believe?!" The tears burned the backs of my eyes but, I continued blinking them away.
"If you let me flippin' finish I would have told you!" His eyes were narrowed into slits. "I met a girl at a bar…" I took a deep breath and gulped. "But, I didn't sleep with her." he said calmly.
"Then what Shane?" I whispered the tears suddenly falling.
"I realized this isn't what I want."
"What do you mean?" I didn't want to ask. I was so afraid of the answer I almost didn't want to hear it. But I had to.
"Us." He stated hoarsely. I closed my eyes tightly; begging this dream to go away. "She made me realize what I'm missing."
"Missing?" My eyes widen and the anger returns. "What could you possibly be missing in your life Shane?! You have a loving girlfriend who loves you!"
"That's not enough Mitchie!" He screamed. I stepped back as the tears cascaded.
"Why not?" I asked brokenly.
"Because I don't want to lose my life." he sighed.
"Lose your life?"
"I need…to live." He stepped forward. "I'm so sorry."
"But, I love you." I whispered.
"I know you do. I'm sorry. I just…can't anymore."
"Then…leave."
Don't you just hate the saying 'everything will turn out well'? I do. How can everything turn out ok? It's not possible.
I don't know what to do anymore. I miss him. I've missed him for three whole blinkin' years and now, when I have the chance to be with him again…the chance is taken away by his girlfriend. The girlfriend who is beyond pretty. The girlfriend who came to the door in just his shirt and wrapped her arms around him…biting his ear in the process. Just that picture in my head makes me feel literally sick.
Maybe if we didn't hang out I wouldn't feel like this. Maybe if I simply just saw him at the airport, said hi and asked how he's been and then walk away. Walk away and never turn back. Only I did.
"So…how've you been?"
I looked around me. Caitlyn and Nate were holding onto each other for life, Jason was happily talking with Alexa and I just stood there; mouth open, shocked at seeing him. He scratched the back of his neck before throwing a hand through his already dishevelled hair.
"Hi." I said blushing at the idiocy of the statement. We'd already said that.
He chuckled dryly. "Hey." I let a giggle escape my throat.
"I'm fine. You?"
"I'm good thanks." He smiled slightly.
"Mitch…we're off. You coming?" Caitlyn asked as her and Nate finally separated.
My eyes glanced nervously at Shane. "Uhh…sure."
"Unless," Shane intervened. "You wanna…get a coffee?" I let a smile grace my lips as I nodded. Caitlyn smirked as she pulled Nate away.
That wasn't the only time I saw him of course. I saw him a few times. Normally for lunch, occasionally for breakfast; never for dinner. I honestly thought he was feeling the same things I was. The way he would randomly smile when he thought I wasn't looking, the looks he was constantly giving me; again, when he thought I wasn't looking and…the very rare occasion when he'd loosely grab my hand.
How wrong I was…
Just breathe Mitchie. You can do this. I shivered as I stood at his front door. I pulled my jacket around me tighter as I hastily knocked on the door three times. I sighed not knowing what to say or even how to say it.
Time seemed to go into slow motion as I waited for the door to open or hear some movement from inside. Eventually however, it slowly opened. I turned away from looking at the empty street and my eyes met a bare, chiselled chest. Wow, he sure knows how to take a girls breath away. He cleared his throat and I embarrassedly raised my head to meet his smirking self.
"Hey," I said quietly.
"Hello." He replied much more cheerfully than he had previous days. "What are you doing here? In the cold?" He laughed.
I shook my head. "I…kinda…uh…umm…"
"Stutter on my doorstep while I freeze to death?"
I glared at him as he laughed at my expression.
"I'm sorry. Please continue."
I laughed nervously as my throat closed up. "Ok well…I need to tell you something." He nodded and I suddenly felt confidence sweep through me. "When you broke up with me I felt my life like…shatter." He paled. "I wanted to get over you so much and I guess I never really could. Seeing you again…I don't know has suddenly brought all the pain back along with memories of all the happy times we had together you know? I never thought I'd ever be able to forgive you…but amazingly I have."
"Mitch…what do you mean?"
"Shane…" I took a deep breath. "I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy…asking him to love her."
I watched him as he paled again. His eyes seemed to widen as he began shaking his head to the left and right slightly. I gulped; fearing the worst.
"Shane? Who's at the door?"
My own eyes widen as a tall curly blonde haired woman walks over and wrap her arms around his torso. I felt the tears form as she nibbled on his ear before placing her chin on his shoulder whilst smiling at me. I smile sadly before turning on my heel and running from the place and into my car just as the tears fall rapidly. He calls my name but, it only wills me to run faster…
"Mitchie?" I jumped at the sound of the voice. I sat up from lying on my bed and smiled ever so slightly at Nate who was standing awkwardly against my bedroom door.
"Caitlyn's in her bedroom…"
He laughs at me and walks over. "I actually wanted to see you." My mouth forms an 'o' as he sits on my bed and indicates for me to sit next to him. I happily oblige, placing my head on his shoulder as I did so. He's always been like a brother to me. "Well," he sighed. Great, he has bad news. "I've just come from Shane's."
"Wonderful." I say sarcastically glaring at the wall in front of us.
"He keeps mumbling about you asking him a question?" Nate turned to me and I remove my head from his shoulder.
"I did." I whisper. I glance at my bed and wish I could bury myself under it.
"What question Mitch?"
"To love me." I say only just above a whisper. Nate's eyes soften as he looks at me, my lip trembling. "But…some beautiful girl came up behind him and kissed him…he didn't even reply." A tear escaped from my eye and Nate reached forward to gently wipe it away. Something Shane did a very long time ago…
"Blonde, curly hair?" Nate asked, I nodded. He chuckled. "Her name's Emma. Jason's not-so-innocent cousin. Jason asked if she could stay with me or Shane. Shane said she could stay there because he knew you wouldn't want to hear me and Cait in the next room." He blushed before clearing his throat and continuing. "As soon as he said it she's been trying to get him to sleep with her but, he refuses."
"Then why was he shirtless and why was she dressed in his shirt and nothing else?" I ask another tear falling.
"That I don't know. Knowing Shane he was napping or something and she thought doing that would be sexy." He shuddered and a giggle escaped my lips. "There's that smile I've been missing." He said ever so seriously.
"Thanks Nate. Even though it doesn't comprehend why he said nothing back, thanks."
"That's what brothers are here for." He stated standing up and walking to the door. Once there he turned. "Oh and Mitch? He was probably just shocked…seeing as he's been saying you don't love him back." He turned and left.
I bit my lip. Did Nate say 'love him back'? Does that mean Shane loves me?
…
"Mitchie? Get the door please?!" I roll my eyes at Caitlyn's shout.
"Why can't you?!"
"I'm in the bathroom!" Caitlyn called back. I groan.
"I'm sleeping!" I shout back. This is getting really annoying.
"It could be important!" She shouts…again. I roll over and throw my pillow over my head. "Mitchie! Just get the bloody door!"
Groaning once more I flung the pillow away, swung my legs out of bed and stood up.
The door shook as the person knocked once more. "Coming!" I call. I walk briskly towards the door, swing it open and grin.
My grins falls as my eyes wash over the person.
Vans. Skinny jeans. White shirt. Open waist coat. Scarf like thing. Messy hair. And those brown eyes…
"Hi." He whispered. I gulp and glance at my outfit. Sweat pants and a tank top. Wow, I look great.
"Umm, hello?"
"Can I…come in?" He asked nervously. A hand threading through his hair.
I nodded wordlessly. What the heck was he doing here? Please don't tell me he's here to remind me of the fact he has a girlfriend. I watched as he traipsed to the sofa and sat down. He leant back before leaning forward again, placing his elbows on his knees and head in his hands.
"Can I get you something?" I asked walking over tentatively. "An aspirin…vodka?" I asked as he began rubbing his temples. He looked up and bit his lip. That's an odd sight. He shook his head.
"I'm crazy about you." He blurted out. He looked at me expectantly as my mouth opened and closed once more. He nodded his head indicating that it was my turn to talk. Only…no words were forming. I could hardly register what he just said…I shook my head. I'm obviously hearing things.
"So…how are you?" What the hell Mitchie? Why ask that after what he just said? And…try to calm down…your voice sounds like a hyper active chip monk.
"What?" He stands up and walks towards me. His hands reach up and graze my face before falling onto my upper arms tightly. "Do you not understand?"
I shake my head furiously. Of course I don't. I'm dreaming. I'm still lying in my bed, the covers wrapped around me tightly as I will myself to stop dreaming about him.
"Mitchie…I love you."
No. It's just a dream. This can't be happening.
Only it is. My arms numb slightly at the grip he has on my arms tightens. If I can feel pain…I'm not dreaming. This is…real. He's really here telling me tht he loves me. Then why the hell wouldn't words form in my mouth?
"Mitchie?" he asks, his voice breaking slightly. "I thought…earlier…you…me…" he wasn't forming proper sentences but, I understood what he was saying. He was confused because I had gone to his house and told him of my love for him and now, as he replied his love for me, I couldn't even talk, the only thing I could do was shake my head.
"Please say something." He whispered.
"Why?" I finally croak out. His forehead furrows in confusion. "Why now? Why could you not love me three years ago?"
He sighs and finally let's go of my numb arms. "I did love you."
"Then why did you leave me?" I was in hysterics now. The tears seemed to be falling heavier than they did three years ago.
I didn't understand any of this. I couldn't comprehend why I wasn't just running into his arms and holding on so tightly as if my life depended on it. Only, my head was suddenly ruling my heart and obviously it wanted to know the truth before I could hold him and he could hold me.
"I told you." He sighed again.
"You never gave me a reason Shane. You only said that you need to live! I always wondered why you couldn't do that with me."
"I could say something about how I was scared about how much I loved you but, that would be a lie." A hand threaded through his hair again. "I felt like…everything was moving too fast. I was twenty-one years old and I could see my future set out in front of me. I could see you as my wife, the mother of my child and everything else and I thought that…strange. I felt like my life was rushing passed my eyes before I could even register what was happening. I was twenty-one years old and I felt like something was missing from my life."
"What though?" I whisper.
He chuckled dryly. "Nothing. Nothing because after I'd left you I felt empty and alone. After I'd left you I actually realised that something was missing in my life…you."
I gulp and he steps back towards me.
"I love you. I realise now that knowing what my future held back then was a good thing…not a bad thing like I thought." His eyes were glazed over. "Please…" he begged. "I love you." I blink my own tears away as I see a few of his escape from those beautiful brown eyes.
"I love you." I whispered wrapping my arms around his neck and placing my head in the nape of his neck. "Don't go…please." This time I begged him. His arms encircled my waist tightly and he leant his head on top of mine gently.
"Never." He whispered. I pull back. "I'm so sorry." I smile as I stood on my tip toes to kiss him tenderly.
"I know you are."
Hmm…I've had the beginning of this written for days now. I've just never got around to finishing it.
What did you think?
I actually don't mind it but, you're the judges : )
Review…please.