Disclaimer: I own nothing! I don't own the characters anymore more than I own Once and Again. I wish I did, but the sad reality won't allow that.

Skin Deep:

Chapter 1

The blonde stood on her porch awaiting night fall. She slowly wrapped her arms around her waist as she felt the breeze travel through her entire body. The silence and calming feeling combined with the swiftness of the wind was enough to cause her to tremble. The summer heat was less radiant these days and the wind was blowing in the distance. She never took moments like these for granted. They were few and far between.

She knew that in less than 12 hours she would have to walk through the front doors of school. In turn that meant that she had 12 hours to be herself. Once she walked through the double doors she would have to put on the face that she wore 24 hours a day. So many people knew her name and what she was about, but none actually knew her. She never allowed anyone the opportunity to get that close to her. In her book, having many alliances was better than having friends. If her ally turned on her, there would be someone stepping in to replace the void, but if a friend were to turn it would be so much more than that. Everything in her life had become a transaction of a sort. She was always exchanging one thing for another.

During the summer she had the chance to let her hair down. She no longer had to impress anyone. Her brother was one of the only people who ever warranted a genuine smile. She enjoyed his company and much more than that she loved him. He had been there for her on more than one occasion than she could count on both hands.

The sun was now setting in the horizon as she hugged herself quietly. The sunset is the only constant thing in her life. The sun is the one thing that no matter how stormy the weather was would always set. Most would argue with that because they have nothing better to do. The sun always sets the same way everyday. The only issue is a matter of whether or not you can see it. It rises in the east and sets in the west. She hated the facade that she wore, but she couldn't change that. She knew that no one would take her seriously if she were to waltz into school as the girl behind the facade.

Jessie Sammler, where does one even begin? She was the girl who had it all. During her first year of High School she was already a starter on the varsity soccer team. She was also the class president. She was the girl that every other girl either hated or loved. There were no in betweens with this girl. Most of the girls either hated her because they couldn't be her or loved her because they wanted to be her. Every guy wanted to be with her. It was to the sickening point that most guys would do anything for the smallest of acknowledgements. Most days she didn't have to carry her books nor go to the soda machine to her own Orange Soda. Ridiculous isn't it? One would love to say that Jessie was very humble and didn't allow things to go to her head, but that would only be half true. She knew other's feelings about her and used it to her best advantage. If she wanted something no one stood in her way unless one had a death wish.

"Jessie...Jessie..."

She didn't have a problem with Grace at all. The two had come a long way from how they were in the beginning. She enjoyed the girl's company. In fact Grace was the only other person in her life that she cared a great deal about. The two could sit around for hours talking about nonsense but sometimes it was more than she could handle. Today was one of those days she didn't feel the need to be bothered.

She wanted to be alone. She knew she wouldn't have the chance when daylight shown. Now was her time. She was half tempted to pull a cigarette out of her pocket. She chose otherwise. Eli had often lectured her of the dangers of smoking. She could still hear his voice lecturing her.

"Jessie. Those things are disgusting," Eli said pointing to her hand.

"Kinda like you."

"How did I end up with you as my sister?"

"Dunno but you love me." She said smiling. She loved their banter.

"Don't let it go to your big head." He said taking the cigarette out of her hand.

"Hey I wasn't done with that."

"And?" She tried pouting but only earned a laugh from him. "You really need to stop smoking. You're not even old enough to buy them yet."

"Whatever Father Eli."

"You make me sound like a priest or something."

"You act like one."

"Whatever. I better not catch you smoking one of those nasty things again."

She knew that if you smoked enough you could get a number of sicknesses and diseases. She simply ignored what the doctors had to say. There were a number of things that were far worse than smoking and yet people still did them. She wasn't addicted to nicotine or anything. It was something she had started several months before her mother was in the hospital. She only smoked when she was stressed. It was the only thing that could clear her head. There was something about the feeling of the smoke filling her lungs that help her become at ease.

She was content with staying outside if it weren't becoming so chilly. The summer warmth was coming to an end. She knew that it would only be a few weeks before she would have to wear many layers of clothing. When growing up with the cold temperatures one either learns to live with it or simply hate it all together. She had learned to hate it.

She felt a hand tap her shoulder. Ordinarily if she were anywhere but home she would be worried. The two said nothing for several moments. They just enjoyed the calming feeling. The two had once been so close before he had gotten remarried. He had always known exactly what was on her mind. Things had changed in the past 2 years.

"Honey what are you doing out?"

She remained silence for several seconds. "I was just thinking."

"About school?" She nodded. "You ready for it?" She shrugged her shoulders. "You should be excited Jessie. You only have a year and a half left."

"I know but I don't know. Shouldn't I be feeling... I don't know, better than what I am now?"

"Well how are you feeling?"

She shrugs her shoulders aloofly before looking at her feet. He smiled at her reassuringly letting her know that it was ok. "Have you ever felt like you didn't belong?"

"Of course... we all have those moments, well most of us. Everyone loves you Jessie. You'll be fine. You're graduating 6 months earlier than your class, you'll be fine."

"You're right." She said letting out a huge sigh. "Not sure why I was even worried."

"You know everything is going to be ok." She knew he was only trying to make things better, but he wasn't helping her at all. "We're all going to be fine, Jessie."

"I know dad. I know... it's only been 2 years though."

"We'll make it through. Don't you worry." She forced a smile as her father placed a kiss on her forehead.

The school day hadn't even started and she was already putting on her mask. She could only imagine what the sunrise would bring her. The girl enjoyed the sunset and despised the soon set. Two years ago things were so much simpler. She didn't have a care in the world. She was at total ease with everything.

--

June 4, 2005

So my therapist said it would be best if I started this Journal. I don't see the point. She says it'll be nice if I recollect my thoughts and activities every day. I don't understand why I must do this but I do. She obviously get's paid that nice 6 figure a year for a reason. I won't argue with her superior wisdom. I am surprised she hasn't asked me to write down what I am eating on a day to day basis. I mean after all that was the point of me going to counseling anyway right? Whatever... enough complaining... well for now hehe.

Today Eli and I had a blast. We played soccer in the park. He said something about him schooling me... Psh. He wish. I was kicking his ass. Every kick and slide tackle was too much to handle. He seemed distracted by something. When we finished he started flirting with these girls. I don't get him or the girls he flirts with. They can obliviously tell he is a player. He blatantly flirts with each of them in front of the others. I don't get it, but whatever. It must be the Sammler genes or something. We're hot. What can I say? I am not full of myself. I am just very confident.

After I played soccer I had to go shopping with Grace. That girl has issues. I swear she does. She picked out this red dress that was repulsively the color of a tomato. She thought it was the hottest thing ever. Someone really needs to spice up her wardrobe. I would eagerly take the job if it weren't for her annoying habit of trying on 3 different sizes of every article of clothing. Seriously! Then she ends up picking the middle size every time. Ugh, I'll live though.

Anyway I have an early start tomorrow. Eli is planning on schooling me again in soccer. Psh... whatever. I'll let him think he's better than me. I'd hate to kill his huge ego. It'd suck to know that you're younger sister is way better than you. :)

--

The sun brightly hung overhead as the dynamic duo exited the house together. Neither Jessie nor Grace wanted to go school. They both had their reasons. Grace simply was nervous about being a senior. She didn't have the slightest clue what she wanted to do with her life. The only certainty she had was that she didn't know anything at all. UCLA was something she had dreamed about for so long. Was she really cut out for it?

They both reached the car saying nothing. They were both wrapped up in their own nervous feelings. Grace unlocked the car and let them both in. She sat there for a moment not doing anything at all. She was more nervous than usual.

As if reading her thoughts Jessie brought her back from back to the present, "You're going to be ok Grace."

"I really don't know Jessie... I honestly don't. You've still have a bit of time. Today is the start for me." Jessie offered her a reassuring smile saying nothing. Grace enjoyed this moment in which she got the chance to see a side of Jessie that others only dreamt of seeing.

"Oh stop being a baby. Put the key in the ignition and start the car. It's really not that hard."

Grace was about to say something smart to her step sister. She decided otherwise and started the car. The two said nothing as they drove to school. Both were in their own world.

Shortly after they enter the doors of Upton Sinclair. Jessie was already felt the need to vomit. She was sick of seeing the same people every year. She was ready for college. She was ready for a whole new pool of people. She noticed a familiar face walking their way.

"Great this is another lovely school year in the making." Jessie said sardonically.

"Be nice."

"Alright... I'll be nice." Grace knew she had no intention of being nice. It was the thought that counted.

"Hey you guys!" An excited Grace yelled as she ran towards her best friends. A bit too excited for her step sister's likings.

"Hey Grace." Tad said as he smiled warmly engulfing her in a huge hug.

"Hola chica," Katie said to as she looked at her best friend.

"How was Cancun?" Grace asked.

"It was good. I mean it was great...anything is better than being here for obvious reasons..." she said as she nodded towards the blonde that was approaching.

"Oh well if isn't tacky Barbie and her Siamese brother." Jessie hostilely said.

"Your insults never get old, huh?" The blonde shook her head. "What do you want anyway, Sammler?" Katie responded with equal hostility.

"Awww...It seems Cancun did you no good. It's supposed to improve you in some way, but you're still the same."

"Whatever. I am going to be late the first day back. If I am late I want it to be for something worth it." She said as she grabbed Tad's hand and intertwined their fingers. "I'll see you later Grace."

Both Grace and Jessie couldn't help but gawk at the change in interaction between the two. The two had practically been attached at the hip since they were in diapers, but this was uncharted territory. Katie had changed after all and the blonde could do nothing. She continued to stare in the direction the two had gone.

"Jessie must you bother her this year?"

"Bother who?" She smirked mischievously. The girl already had plans of her own. She knew just the way to make the girl's life a living hell.

"Don't play dumb."

"Ohhh!!" Jessie mocked surprise. "You were talking about that."

Even Grace couldn't help but laugh. She had learned that Jessie would never let up on anything, so she dealt the best way.

"That meaning Katie I am assuming, then yes." The smaller girl just laughed showing recognition. "Can't you just go easy on the girl this year? She's done nothing to you."

"Sure she did. I can think of a number of things."

"Can you think of anything that she's done directly to hurt you?"

The blonde looked away trying not to show her defeat. "No she hasn't but that isn't the point. If I give her a break everyone else will expect the same from me." She said as if it were the most logical thing.

"You sound like a dictator or something."

"I am a tyrant. Get it right." Her step sister couldn't help but laugh at her arrogance.

"You are too much Jessie Sammler."

"You sound surprised," the blonde stated as she shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly.

"I am not, but they're the same damn thing."

"Whatever. Tyrant sounds more intimidating."

"I still wonder how my mom ended up marrying your dad." Jessie rolled her eyes.

"You and me both," the blonde said smiling before skipping off to her first class, economics.

She rushed down the hallway as she heard the bell ring. She was already late on the first day of class. She was really trying to be on time this year. She wasn't in the mood to have detention every day all year long.

She entered the freezing class. She had forgotten how cold he kept his class. His theory is if he keeps it cold none of his students will have a chance to get too comfortable. In turn they will not be able to fall asleep. She wouldn't have been able to fall asleep even if she wanted to.

"Better late than never," Mr. Roberts said as the blonde entered the room after the bell had sounded.

"I have to keep my track record in tact," she said smiling.

"Just find your seat. They're in alphabetical order."

"Wait a second... I have this class with her and I have to sit in front of her?" Jessie pointed at the Katie. "This is what I get for being so smart." She slowly walked to the seat in front of Katie.

"Oh save it Sammler," remarked Katie.

"Who rang your bell Singer?"

"No one, but since you're talking about me... well you know the rest," she spat at the girl. "Now can you please stop talking about me! It's bad enough I have to be in this small square with you."

"You think I want to be in here with you Barbie?"

"Sammler...really... come on now that's all you've got," the brunette said unfazed. She was accustomed to the girl's insults. "By the way Tad says hi," she said as she read the text.

The two had only been apart for a mere twelve seconds and were already texting one another. She watched as the blonde turned around angrily.

"Ms. Sammler... Ms. Singer..."

"Yes Mr. Roberts," the girls said in unison innocently.

"Do we really have to go through this all semester?" He already knew the girls were supposed mortal enemies. Anyone would be blind to not notice.

"As long as Singer doesn't talk to me, we're good sir," Jessie said smiling innocently at him.

"We'll be good," Katie said before giving a last glance towards the blond. Then began to text her boyfriend back.

--

The first day of school was much better than she could have hoped. She expected things to be horrible. Returning to school was always an adventure in it's self. No one ever returned to school the same. Most guys came back to school with facial hair or something that showed how much they had grown up. The truth is that they're still as immature as the day school end the previous year.

She got off lucky this year. She didn't have to deal with too many annoyances. She was able to sit back and relax. Her classes were going to be a breeze. She would have loved to have had more classes with her friends. This year her main concern was graduation. She was ready to move on with her life. She was excited to find she had best friend having lunch earlier during the day. Grace made things more bearable. She quietly made her way outside after dinner. She had gone through the usual 20 question process. What was it with parents constantly wanting to know about their child's first day of school? It was like any other day. It was nothing monumental. It was just another day. The first day of school was always the same.

Her parents always said that the first day of school was the beginning of something great. She was still waiting for the greatness. Thirteen years later she still found nothing great. She knew they were always referring to her life as a lawyer. Her father was expecting her to be the top of class. He wanted her to apply to all the right schools. Secretly he was hoping she would get into Harvard. He had graduated from there some years ago. He always offered her words of wisdom. Most of the wisdom went in one ear and out the other. She always smiled and nodded as she went on her way.

She could only put on a happy face for so long. She pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Her nicotine fix was the only thing that kept her going. It was the only thing that kept her from becoming a humanized robot.

"Aw... so you're the culprit?" He asks grabbing the cigarette.

"What culprit? I am just having a smoke."

"Exactly...why?"

"I don't know... because I can," she says trying to get a rise out of him. "You act like I am committing a crime."

"Only suicide, but it's your funeral," he says plainly.

"I think I'll be alright. Besides I am only 15 anyway. I'll be fine."

"You say that now. You're not even old enough to buy these... things." He says putting out the cigarette.

"Oh give me a break. I already have a father who is always on my back. I don't need you." She says pulling out another cigarette and lighting it. "Don't steal this one or we're going to have problems."

"Speaking of if you give my sister another one of those. I'll..."

"You'll what Sammler?"

"Not sure but I'll come up with something Singer."

She inhaled the cigarette. Each puff began to calm her nerves. She was breaking the confined mold as the smoke filled her lungs. She felt the smoke burning her lungs causing an amazing sensation. The feeling never grew old. It was something she looked forward too each time she lit a cigarette up.

Daddy's little angel was a smoker. He would have someone's head if he knew the truth.

She had to deal with the pain. She couldn't stop the hurt she was feeling. For the past 2 years she had to deal with the turn in events. The one day that changed her life. The first day of school was always a reminder of the dreadful day when her life changed.

She couldn't help but feel frustrated. She wanted to feel happy. She wanted to be content. She had the perfect parents, the perfect boyfriend, and an amazing best friend. She felt like she had nearly everything; however, something was missing and there was nothing she could do to fill the void.

"Katie!"

"Coming mother."

She took the last puff of her cigarette. She exhaled slowly as she opened the screen door. She no longer had to put any effort in making her parents happy. As long as they saw her smiling they let her be. She felt her cheeks involuntarily raise to form hearing the sound of the door close.