Dinner's Ready, Honey
Part 1
Diane Chambers, Bred and Educated to Walk With Kings
Whenever I watch A House is Not a Home, I can't help but wonder what Sam and Diane's lives would have been had they actually gotten married and lived in that house. They were so close, and whenever I see that episode, I feel like we're seeing a different Sam and Diane, a Sam and Diane who could actually make their relationship work. I don't know, just a feeling I always get from that episode. So I thought I'd write something about what their lives would have been like. Of course I'm not going to cover everything, but just some parts here and there. I thought it would be something different than the usual Diane comes back with a child of Sam's years later fics that I read (and am tempted to write) a lot. :) I'm starting out with this, which is pretty much Diane's POV on their whole relationship, the next part will be Sam's POV, then the stories will start. I may or may not make it work with the ending of I Do, Adieu,-- I'm not sure yet. I may forget that completely, or I may work with it. So anyway, hopefully this isn't too bad and you enjoy! :) BTW, if you've never seen A House is Not a Home, the title comes from that episode. Also, fair warning: I think I get them out of character a lot because of my desire to have them happy, LOL. So, you have to either be 1) a big Sam and Diane fan or 2) Willing to accept that after time they become more normal and happy lol, to enjoy this, I think. Disclaimer:
I still remember the day I walked into that bar. I had never been there before, and I had hoped it would be a quick visit. I wasn't particularly looking forward to spending time there, anyhow. I just wanted to get to Barbados with Sumner before something happened to screw up our wedding plans. Of course, something did happen, and I was left abandoned in a bar. It turned out to be a blessing-- life with Sumner would have been a mistake, but I never would have imagined all the time I would end up spending in that bar.
I remember the first time I met him. The phone behind the bar was ringing, and Sam was in his office. I answered the phone and he walked out of his office, telling me to tell the caller he wasn't there. Immediately I disliked him, for making me lie for him, for lying to the caller, and for his attitude at that moment. That feeling of dislike disappeared soon enough, but I kept up the front that it still existed for whatever reason. He was so much unlike me that perhaps I felt that I couldn't possibly find any reason to like him, any reason to be friends with him.
So of course I wasn't counting on the whole falling in love with him deal.
Still to this day, I'm not sure where that came from. After months of working at Cheers, I began to realize that Sam wasn't the guy I had originally thought he was. Though he tried to hide it at all costs, it was apparent to me that he was actually a caring, sweet, softhearted person on the inside. The fact that he gave me, an inexperienced stranger, a job right off the street, no application, resume, or anything, had to say something. Suddenly he was there when no one else was. The atmosphere of that bar was not one of caring and compassion a lot of the time. And despite his tough, jock, womanizing facade, he was always the one who would make sure I was okay when I was upset, and talk to me and calm me down.
I finally let down my guard when I admitted my feelings for Sam to myself. Getting him to let down his guard was a little more tricky, but it happened. And thus began our relationship. I never dreamt that it would become so hard, so tumultuous. It started out wonderfully and slowly snowballed into a mess, culminating in our break up. After we broke up, I swore that whole period of my life was over. It had been a mistake to let my guard down and fall for Sam-- what had I been thinking! I hadn't intended to go back to Cheers, or Sam, ever again. I started dating Frasier then, someone who was much more for me. It took me a long, long time to realize that I didn't love Frasier, that I didn't even really feel much for him at all, because I was channeling all the feelings I had for Sam into my relationship with Frasier.
However, when I heard Sam had started drinking again, I was forced to return. The minute I heard those words my heart broke for him. He had done so well up until that point, he had been sober for about five years. I had always admired that part of Sam, and I felt tremendously guilty when I realized I was probably the cause of his return to the bottle. Once again, I saw the softhearted Sam, the one who was so broken up over the end of our relationship and went back to drinking. He had stayed away from all alcohol for so long, even when he wanted to go back so badly, and I was the one that finally drove him back to drinking.
Although I returned to Cheers, I still had myself tricked into believing I felt nothing for Sam and was in love with Frasier. After what had happened last time, I wasn't about to let my guard down again and be sucked in. Sam and I agreed constantly that whatever had been between us was long gone. But if he was repressing his feelings as much as I was, that was code for the feelings are still going strong.' Our breakup had come suddenly, and I don't think I ever got over' it. It was a small fight, a common occurrence in the Sam and Diane relationship, that escalated quickly, we both got heated, and before I knew it I was threatening to walk out on Sam and never return. Even then I knew that was a mistake-- Sam being the stubborn man he is would never try to stop me. But the words came from my mouth without me realizing it, and I knew I couldn't take them back, because though I hate to admit it, I'm just as stubborn. Even after I made myself walk out the door I almost stopped and went back, but my pride got the better of me. There have been many times when I wondered why I had to walk out, why hadn't I gone back, would things have been different if I had?
Many of those times came over that year when I was dating Frasier and yet still around Sam numerous hours of the day. When Frasier asked me to go to Europe with him, I accepted. I'm still not sure why. I know I had myself convinced that I was over Sam, it had been more than a year, after all, and that I loved Frasier. But I should've known that deep in my heart I knew going to Europe with Frasier was the wrong choice. But I went anyway. Sam threw me a Bon Voyage party, and this time we both knew that I was leaving for good but it ended on good terms, with us as friends. It was at that very party that I realized I had been hiding my feelings for Sam and that they weren't gone at all. But somehow I forced myself out that door, once again. I had promised myself not to get into that whole Sam mess again, and I would not let my guard down this time. However, after the events that took place at my Bon Voyage party, I went to Europe with Sam on my mind. When Frasier proposed to me, I knew it was wrong. That's why I immediately went to call Sam. I told myself it was because I just wanted to share my news, but I knew it was because I desperately wanted him to stop me. All of a sudden I was at a point where I just wanted him to do something to get me back. If he didn't take that step, I may as well marry Frasier, because that meant Sam was never coming around.
Though he didn't stop me over the phone, I later found out that he took it a step further and came all the way to Italy to try and stop the wedding. However, he never found me because Frasier and I had moved the location of our wedding-- a move by myself when I thought Sam was still at Cheers. I called him from a pay phone and heard Hello, Sam Malone, float across the line. I had been so sure he was going to come after me. I was angry he wasn't coming to stop me and hung up abruptly. I'll never forget the day, months later, when I realized what had happened. I had returned to Cheers after leaving Frasier at the alter (we'll get back to that in a moment) and called in one morning to tell Sam I was going to be late. However, he himself had been running late and I got his answering machine. For a moment, I thought he had answered as I heard Hello, Sam Malone, again. But then I heard tricked you, I'm not here, leave a message follow it, and I realized that when I had called from Italy I had gotten his machine. Had I not been so upset and changed the location of our wedding, Sam would have found us. It's probably better that he didn't find us, however. I don't think Sam and Frasier would have had such a great friendship had he stolen me from Frasier at the altar. Instead, Frasier forever resented me. Everything finally became clear when I was at the altar with Frasier, and I did the only thing I could think to do-- get the hell out of there as fast as I could.
Leaving Frasier and being away from Sam seemed the best. I spent time going across Europe, and when I returned to Massachusetts I began searching for a job. I never even thought of returning to Cheers or to Sam. I had hoped that maybe this time I could get over him. I had realized I didn't love Frasier, at the most unfortunate of times, but at the time I also still believed that Sam had had no intention of coming after me and figured that if he wasn't going to fight for me, there was no point in going back to him. So I eventually found a job at an abbey, working in the kitchen, cleaning, doing all sorts of things to that effect. It wasn't ideal, but then again, neither was working as a waitress in a bar.
When Sam showed up at the abbey, I was shocked. I knew it wasn't a coincidence, of course, since there would be no reason for Sam to be in an abbey. He wasn't even allowed to be there, he was sneaking in, for what? The only possible reason could be to see me. I remember the surprise when he showed up there. It had been months since I had last seen him, months since our last phone call when I told him I was marrying Frasier, and I knew that he had to have just figured out my whereabouts. The fact that he was sneaking into an abbey to see me, yet he was happily content to let me marry another man confused me. But it had been so long that I was no longer angry at him, I was just glad to see him. I was confused as to why he was trying to get me to come back to Cheers all of a sudden. I turned down his offer, as kind as it was. It was then, as we said goodbye for what seemed to be the 100th time since we met, that he informed me that he had come to Italy to stop the wedding. Suddenly I was confused. I had an overwhelming desire to leave the abbey and go back to Cheers. Why? He had admitted he no longer felt anything about me other than the concern of a friend. Carla wasn't exactly fond of me, I wasn't a great waitress, and if I wanted to go back so badly it could only be because of Sam-- which was begging for disaster. And yet, I ended up back at the bar.
Things between Sam and I were immediately different than they had been, most likely because the obstacle named Frasier was gone. It was suddenly like the year before we had begun dating-- flirtation was abound, and we were getting along like good friends. After awhile, my guard fell again, several times, as did his. We'd almost end up back together, or in each other's arms, but something would stop us. It wasn't until another woman got him that I realized I wanted him. It wasn't the fact that another woman just had him, he had women left and right at all time in the years we weren't together, but it was the fact that he actually cared about this woman, and became serious with her. The only other time this had happened to him was with me. I realized that I had always taken for granted the fact that Sam would be there for me to go back to when and if I wanted to, and suddenly he wasn't, he had someone else.
I strongly disliked Janet. I'll admit part of my dislike was because Janet had Sam and I didn't. Okay, that was probably most of my problem with her. That and the fact that she wanted Sam to fire me once she found out we had dated. And the fact that Sam agreed to it so easily. That scared me-- wasn't I supposed to be the only one that had that kind of influence over Sam? Wasn't he supposed to always look out for me at all costs? The tables suddenly being turned did not please me. To Sam's credit, I heard the whole exchange between him and Janet when she asked him to fire me and I know he was thinking it was best for me to have a chance to work somewhere other than in a bar, but still, I didn't like the power she had over him at all. Especially when that power was being used to tear him from me.
Long story short, I ended up leaving Cheers again. This time, the parting of ways was much like the turmoil of our breakup. I left angry and after an argument. So I never expected him to call and propose to me over the phone. Of course I thought it was a joke at first. But he was serious. And suddenly I knew that it was time to let my guard down and go for us, again. I still had no guarantee that we would work any better than we had the first time, but I realized I would never know if I didn't take the chance. Though I wanted to be proposed to again, in a more romantic way, I knew I was going to say yes.
The proposal he set up was very romantic, and still to this day do I kick myself for saying no. He mentioned Janet's name, and suddenly I was wondering if he really wanted to marry me or he just wanted to marry someone. Was he just coming to me to get over her? It sounded ridiculous to him, apparently, but I knew all too well it was possible after my relationship with Frasier after I broke-up with Sam. In a moment of doubt I uttered and I would regret it for months to come. I often wished I had just accepted over the telephone and avoided the whole second proposal and chance to say no in the first place, no matter how romantic of a setting I turned poor Sam down in.
After thinking for awhile, I realized that saying no was a mistake-- of course Sam was right. After everything we'd been through, of course I wasn't his second choice. I told him I wanted to marry him, but his pride was so bruised that he wouldn't hear of it. Suddenly I wasn't myself-- I knew what I wanted now, and I knew I had been so close to it. I spent months trying to convince Sam to propose to me again, promising a yes. Unfortunately when he finally did propose again, a no came out of my mouth. I really didn't think he meant it, I had been bothering him to propose again, and at the time I had been crying. If he had wanted to propose again, he would have, on his own. I didn't want to force him to marry me, that was hardly ideal. He lost it, and got mad at me, understandably. Though I know he would never have laid a hand on me or done anything to purposely hurt me, we ended up in a court of law, all my doing as I was charging him with assault and battery for injuries I made up-- probably not the wisest idea-- where we eventually ended up engaged.
Things were finally clear for me, and for Sam, too, I believe. I remember when we found and bought our house. That was the first time that I felt that we were working on the level we should be. We were both excited about the step we were taking, we both wanted it. And when I got upset and felt that I couldn't live in the house because its soul belonged to its previous owners, Sam's reaction of talking to me, calmly, and trying to convince me I was overreacting was caring and sweet. It was then that I knew we were on the same page. Suddenly Sam and I didn't seem so far apart. He seemed to show his feelings more often, and I seemed to be more mellow.
And we both knew then that everything we went through had happened for a reason. Because we never would have grown and gotten to the point of making our relationship work without all the ups and downs.
I once told a judge that our relationship was a bit stormy. It was. But that really was part of it's excitement. I remember at the time of all the fights and breakups and crying that I hardly felt it was exciting, but looking back on it it's apparent that only a relationship with a great deal of passion could elicit such emotions and yet survive what Sam and I went through.