I can't remember the last time I smiled. Picking up the silver and delicate razor that I found yesterday, I only have his smile in mind, and his rare laugh too. Yet, I'm alone now and that beautiful sound won't reach my ears again. I barely feel the sharp edge tearing through my skin, the blood only tickles has it flows down my wrist, sparkling in the little light that I have in my room. To be honest, I'm surprised Kaname hasn't arrived. He nearly always can tell when a drop of my blood is spilt, as if it's engraved into his memory. Maybe he thinks Zero's drinking again. Maybe it's because he's another person that left me alone. The Aidou mansion must be pretty busy now. The music, the sweet foods, the smiles and happiness encased in dancing. Those things are what I want. To be able to grin and giggle like my best friends. But even they've gone. Back to their parent's. That a privilege I'll never get. Then, the chairman. On one of his unusual missions for the association with Yagari-sensei. I don't know where Zero is. I'm doing this while he's out, so he can't stop me. He couldn't stop me. He wouldn't. He'll understand it all when he sees my note. In truth, I know he doesn't love me. His words just keep echoing.
"Sort yourself out before offering me your blood, Yuuki."
Sort myself out? There's nothing wrong with me, except his overall attitude. Maybe, there's also my slight depression, but he doesn't watch me any more, he wouldn't notice that. He's the one that flinches away from my neck, looking disgusted. He's the one that never let's me in his heart. He's the one, that no matter how hard I try, can't except the fact Kaname is my brother. I love him as a brother, that's it. Maybe I should tell him..? No. I'm tired of this crap. I want to die, to drift, and be gone. If Zero hates me, then it's all the better for him. He won't hurt once I'm gone. He'll just go around with his normal frown and snap at all the night-class-loving-girls. Get angry at their 'Kyaa kyaa's and the 'Nyaa nyaaa's. The truth always hurts.
"There's nothing wrong with me, Yuuki. I'm fine. Just, leave me alone."
No matter how hard I try, I just can't do that. He's too fragile. Still the little boy I met 4 years ago. And I'm still the girl that tries to help wash away the mess and tears. But never succeeds. It's my turn to handle the pain now. It's almost sacrificing myself, so that he doesn't have to worry every time he does happen to see my sad face. Slowly, pulling the silver blade pack out, I move up even higher, to where the blood will really begin to stream. For what's going to be the last ever time, I draw up a picture of his face in my imagination. His silky locks, the lavender eyes and the softest lips, they all seem to drip with disgust at me. I push the razor to my vein, and sigh one last breath, except, it's echoed with a gasp. I don't even bother to raise my face to his, as I dropped the sharp side to the floor; my head drops with it. Tears begin to fall freely from my eyes, and a cold hand wipes them away, while the other is resting on the scars that lie upon my wrist, cooling and soothing. More words hang in the air, surprising me and making my heart flutter nervously.
"What do I honestly mean to Yuuki?"