This one I had lying around for quite a while... and it's been written in so many reprises, inspired by the weather, Mahler and Lara Fabian's Tango(I worship her. She is the absolute artist, the most expressive singer ever.)
I didn't publish it before because well... it is slightly creepy, I think. lol But what is Jaro if not slightly yet enticingly creepy? :D
A different turn of Jane and Aro facing their feelings and each other.
Great thanks to SulpiciaDoesntApprove for her advice and support. Hope I improved it :D. So of course, this should be dedicated to her. :) A sign of gratitude for the absolutely wonderful Bittersweet(that gets better and better with each chapter).
I look up and let the rain drops break upon my face.
The storm outside matches my feelings exactly. It is the same torment and wilderness inside my own mind and soul.
I am in love with him. I love Aro and I know better than anyone this is hopeless.
He could never love me… what reason to even consider it would he have? I am a child not a woman… well I am not any to be honest. Nor child, nor woman…. I was barely 14 when turned…
I hated it! I hate my ridiculous awkward body; I hate it how it only began to look like a woman's… I hate my ballerina appearance. All thin and fragile like a butterfly.
When I'm not ! I am not delicate and breakable. Not on the outside.
The inside is in ruins, a wreck but that is a totally different story.
I feel so empty and cold. The warm summer storm did nothing to make me feel better. I am still so cold… so cold.
My will to survive, my reason, my life … everything is dripping out of me, like the water running over my skin, soaking my clothes, I am going to die, I know now.
It is all so clear. I am going to die…
During a fight, I will lose focus and… death and silence will finally claim me. And hopefully peace.
It's not that I want to let go… it's just that I cannot help myself. I fear in the next fight with newborns I will slip, I will let go. I am unwilling to fight and live anymore.
I am so tired.
Do vampires ever really tire? I did. I am so tired of feeling this much, of needing him so… of him ignoring it.
If I would find the energy for it, I would be furious, I would bring myself to hate him… but I can't. It is too late.
I love him. Simple as that.
I love him. I belong to him. I am his to end, his to do whatever he likes with me.
And he hasn't that right over me. No one has! Yet I have given it to him.
And I bet he thinks I am just a child and this is a silly infatuation. He cannot read emotions. And even if he could, it's been too long since I allowed him near me. Months perhaps. Ever since we returned from Washington.
I couldn't. I pulled back from his touch; from the usual tormenting light kiss on the lips… And no one dared to question me. Not even my brother. They all avoided me. They think I finally lost it… I did burn almost every one for no reason lately… and they know better than to come close again.
Alec is miserable and I can feel it but I can't bring myself to talk to him.
And I am alone.
Aro did plead that I would be left in peace. He thinks I am still mad for his obsession towards Bella's power.
"Don't be put out, my love. You're still my favorite." He once tried to comfort me.
I swear to God that for someone so brilliant he is an utter idiot sometimes. And an ignorant!
Aro is an ignorant by choice. And ignorance seems to be bliss.
Bella Cullen means nothing. She is the last thing on my mind!
I would laugh if I remembered how. She can join tomorrow for all I care. She and her perfect little daughter and her veggie family… a few freaks more a few freaks less, who cares?
It still won't make a difference.
I sigh heavily as I sneak in through the window.
I shouldn't have been outside, I know. And I know this would not get passed him. I know he's here, waiting for me. I've been avoiding him for way too long.
And I hope he's mad. I hope he'd question me… I hope he cares.
Hope is for losers. And I hope… I hope… and I pray…
"Jane…"
I do not answer or look at him. I just walk down the lonely dark hallway ignoring him.
"Jane… beloved…" he calls gently and I fight myself not to turn around and allow him to see how I am falling apart, how I am hanging on those words for dear life, how I am hoping for "beloved" and "my love" to mean what they are supposed to.
So instead I walk towards my room slowly without a glance back. But I know he's right behind me, unwilling to let it go this time.
"Do you want me to beg for your forgiveness, dear one?" he questions softly slipping in my room a few moments after me and locking the door behind him.
" I miss you Jane. I do. You are not like this. You've never hidden from me Jane. Do I mean so little to you? Do you hate me Jane? "
I turn around and I don't bother to hide my excruciating pain.
"Do you hate me for expressing my interest in Bella? She will not take your place, Jane. No one ever will." His tone is warm, gentle reassuring and it disgusts me. And he repeats my name far too often… there's something in the way he calls my name. Something I can't put my finger on.
"So you think that's it? You think this is because of Bella fucking Cullen?!?!?!?!
Anger, my greatest asset, my usual escape, my only resort when I don't know how to deal with things.
"You are an idiot!" I hiss not giving a damn about the etiquette anymore.
"How do you expect me to know what's wrong if you don't let me near you?" he is angry too now, I can feel it. His voice was a low growl, furious and… pained?
"Don't you know, what's wrong Aro? Really? Don't you?!" I continue bitterly, my eyes throwing daggers at him. "Don't pretend to care! I don't need your pity!" I add lowly, bitterly.
"I do care, damn it! That's just the problem, I can't stop thinking of what I've done wrong, I can't have my peace because of you!" he hisses at me and his eyes sparkle threateningly. I never saw Aro this way. I angered him and his controlled façade is wearing out. He lets his anger take over this time.
"Liar!" I say furiously. "Manipulative, skilled liar! You don't care! You just want me as a guard. YOU DON'T CARE!"
"For crying out loud, woman!" he mutters silently and takes a few moments to calm down. Oh, I'd be damned if I let him… I'll…has he just called me "woman"?
"Jane, talk to me damn it! Let me see what you can't say! It's enough, Jane, it's enough! I need to know." he says obviously still trying to regain calm rather than actually achieving it.
"Perhaps I needn't you know! Perhaps I don't want you to!"
"Oh, like hell Jane. I let you be enough!" he walks towards me decided and firm. " I can help you through it, dear one! You just need to trust me, you needn't be alone. I am sure that if you just let me touch you…" his voice is now reassuring, warm… loving? Oh, what a skilled liar my love is!
"You DON'T own me! I refuse to let you… no one owns Jane, not even you!" I hiss lowly, desperately and before I can think it…
Aro grits his teeth and shuts his eyes tight as he falls on his knees in agony.
"Jane please…" his words are a light whisper, his pain excruciating… I am hurting him. I finally realize and I release my vicious grip on his mind and in less a second I am by his side dry sobbing.
"I am sorry, I am so sorry, I never meant to… I… I… "I murmur desperately wrapping my wet arms around his neck and resting my face on his shoulder, in his soft midnight black hair. I loathe myself, I hurt him, the one I claimed to love more than life itself. I press my lips on the side of his neck desperately, begging for life to leave me, right here, right now.
I hurt him. I hurt my savior, my love, my everything. I am a wreck. I am useless now.
I know he has read my thoughts now. I know he put it all together.
"Kill me!" I beg sobbing dryly in his neck as he's still kneeling there, motionlessly with my arms wrapped around his neck and shoulders, my lips against his cold neck, breathing in his scent.
"Never!" he growls lowly and the next moment I am slammed against the grey wall, his lips fervently pressed against mine, his arms around my waist in a possessive grip I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist closing any distance and give into his passionate kiss, love, anger, hope, desire mixing in my head like a torrent, taking over my mind.
"I'd rather die than let harm come your way!" he murmurs intensely, wildly somewhat still furious. "How dare you assume I don't care?" definitely still furious. Yet loving and passionate.
"Aro…this…" is wrong, I think but I don't continue. It cannot be wrong… no… but in this world... It may ruin him, our carefully built world, his world, his plans can crumble down because of me.
"Let it come what may! I cannot let go of you, I refuse to. I love you damn it!" he whispers against my lips desperately and I can no longer think straight. He loves me. Aro loves me.
I surrender to his kiss with all that I am. We're not close enough… hell, we'll never be close enough. I long for him.
"Aro…" I sigh as his lips make their way on my neck towards my collarbones.
"Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane…" his words are a silent, ardent prayer and it's getting harder to control myself. I know as sure as hell he's thrown control out the window.
"Aro… please be reasonable…" I fight for my last remaining bit of sanity. This is risky, someone, namely my brother could run into us and our current position is far more than compromising and didn't require any explanation. We were too obvious.
"I can't. Not with you! I can't!" he murmurs in defeat, eyes smoldering, breath hitched.
And I know I am done, I don't care anymore. My mouth finds his desperately and all my reasoning dies.