Summary – Sirius contemplates his life and those called "Family"
You Glow in the Dark
The first moment he stepped foot in his family home, the home he had grown up in, the one place he had decided to never return to again….the feeling of being a burden weighed on him more so now than it ever did before. As a child, he didn't honestly think he was a burden on anyone; it was his parent's job to take care of him, after all. And they did. They would punish him when he needed it, he would always get a good night hug and kiss before bedtime.
But as he grew and as he watched his parents dote upon Regulus, he had found it harder and harder to not feel as if he had become a burden. They didn't want a Gryffindor, they wanted a Slytherin. He didn't understand it, he would have wonderful marks in school and the only thing they had to say was that he wasn't Slytherin and that shamed the family.
Words.
Words can be forgotten.
But they can't be forgiven.
Taking a deep breathe, he stepped quietly down the hallway. Dumbledore had wisely gone to the kitchen to connect the floo's; giving him time to get used to his childhood home. At the top of those stairs, he knew, would be his room. He had asked permission to change the color – when they said no he accepted it, but that didn't stop him from asking the summer after and the summer after that, when he was seventeen, he asked once more and they had finally given him permission. He had made it into a virtual Gryffindor sitting room. He had gotten some old chairs from the attic, and transfigured them into plush comfy seats for his friends. He added more light, the house was so dark anyway, he wanted light.
"You're so bright, you glow in the dark!" James had joked.
He liked that idea; He wondered that if he could see his spirit, what color it would be. With his curiosity piqued, he took the stairs two at a time, almost feeling like a teenager again. His room was the one place in this house where he could be himself. With a sweaty palm he gripped the brass knob and taking a deep breathe, he let the door fall open before him.
Bright light filled the room in two seconds, he had set the spell to know when he entered, there were three levels to the light, bright, medium and off. There was a password for each of them, but at the moment it escaped Sirius. He gripped his head for a few seconds before he peered into the bedroom.
Dust covered everything, apparently Kreatcher hadn't been doing his job, but he knew the old house elf had to be going crazy by now. His bed had been unmade, just like he had left it the day he had run away from the house after a most terrible fight with his parents. The desk had homework that wasn't finished. James' mum had made copies for him to work on so that he didn't have to go back.
It was a good thing he had started his own Gringots vault the summer before, he had most everything from the trust vault go into his personal vault. One of the Policies of the Goblin Bank is that no one is allowed to know the standings of a vault that is not in their name. The owner of that vault has to be there for any information to be given and the Goblins had their own way to verify some ones identity. That had paid for his Hogwarts tuition and supplies for a whole year. He had twenty galleons left for Hogsmead weekend. The rest of it he left in his vault for a rainy day. The interest that had built up was amazing when he checked the standings.
He had used some of it to buy Harry the Fire Bolt. A culmination of thirteen birthdays he had missed. Sighing, he flopped down on the bed, which was dusty as ever but he couldn't find it within himself to complain, it was soft and begged him to go to sleep. A sleep that he hadn't known since his Hogwarts days.
Staving it off, he sat up with a sigh; he took out his wand (just to see if he could still do it…) and lit the fire place with a well placed flick of his wrist. It burned to life and the coldness he had felt since he escaped Azkaban was momentarily gone. There had been plenty of times while he was in prison that he wished for this cheerful fire place, either that of the Gryffindor common room or that which he had adopted in his own room at Grimauld place.
He moved closer to the fire.
Sitting Indian style on the floor, he lowered is head into his hands.
"You're so bright, you glow in the dark," James laughed.
"Don't be daft, I'm not bright at all," he snorted.
"Right, so please explain why you tell people Merry Christmas at random times,"
"Because Christmas happens to be the happiest time of year,"
"Are you only happy then?"
"Well…no…I'm happy now," he shrugged. James smiled, pushing his glasses higher onto his nose as he looked up at the blue sky that was only slightly obscured by tree branches.
"So am I,"
"How can I glow in the dark…?" he asked after a moment of silence.
"I don't know, but I know you'd find a way to do it," James grinned.
Soft knocking came to him from the open doorway. Dumbledore smiled fondly at him.
"The floo's are connected,"
"Oh…uhhh…"
"No one will come till tomorrow, but I am needed at Hogwarts,"
"Sure thing," he stood and dusted himself off, "I can survive till then," he tried to smile, it didn't exactly reach his eyes. Only when Harry was around.
"The fridge and pantry are full, you'd do best to eat better than rats," Dumbledore said before he turned to return to the foyer.
"Wait….how did you know….?"
"I know a lot of things, however, it still escapes me as to why all my red socks started to sing the American National Anthem whenever I stepped out of my office…"
"I…don't know anything about that one…" he said, but he snickered anyway.
Dumbledore his a smile; "Well, you get a good nights sleep, Sirius, you'll be needing it,"
"Professor…do you think I could get a trial, a real one this time?"
"Whatever for?"
"Well…it my right…but I was never given one….I petitioned the courts for twelve years…"
"Sirius, my boy, they won't give you one," Dumbledore said candidly.
"I…justhopedthatmaybetheywouldgivemeatrialandthatmaybetheevidenceofwormtailbeingalivemightswaythemandreleasemesothatmaybeharrycouldlivewithmeandnotthoseawefulmuggles…" he said swiftly. Dumbledore seemed to get the gist of it anyway.
"Now, now, be patient, thing will work out, you shall see," Dumbledore said, and then he was out the door.
He sighed and locked the door behind the Headmaster. He made his way to the kitchen. Indeed, it was full of food, some things where ready made, like the pumpkin juice and a chicken pot pie. He brought it out, feeling unusually hungry, but he didn't take a large piece, he wasn't sure if he could keep it down. But he did pour himself a huge glass of the pumpkin juice.
He lit the fire place and sat as close as he could, no one would bother him tonight.
Maybe, he could work on his weary spirit. Maybe now he could work on glowing in the dark.
The end
A/N – Today has been…very unusual….I've decided to put in my two weeks at my job. I never did fit in, just like a Potter thrown into a room with a Dursley. Maybe worse, since apparently I cannot give out bank flyers right, so what if I do say "Merry Christmas", do you know how many people have rejected it? Two!! It's better than ten…
I wish I could glow in the dark….&sigh&