A/N: This is being rewritten as of 7/29/14. Please bear with me as I figure out the changes I need to make and get this story prepared to be continued. Thank you so much to my friend Lynn for convincing me that rewriting would be better in the end. :D

Chapter 1: "Nightmares"

Blood. It dripped from the knife she held in her hand. The body at her feet still warm. The hot crimson liquid poured from the open wound on her victim's neck, staining the floor beneath him. With each drop of blood that fell upon her skin, Solona had to hold back a shiver. She'd done it. She'd killed him. The first man she'd ever loved. Her best friend. The person who had broken her heart and betrayed her all within the same year. A man who had resorted to blood magic in order to gain power he wasn't supposed to possess. A man who had turned into an assassin and unleashed a demon on an unsuspecting boy. A man that had sought redemption by performing a blood magic ritual that lead to the death of the arlessa of Redcliffe.

Tears streamed down her face as Solona gazed into the dull, lifeless gray eyes of the man she had once loved. She didn't have a choice. She would have chosen a different route, but sadly, there wasn't one. Jowan had tried to kill Arl Eamon. There was no other option in this.

The knife fell from her hand and landed beside the body with a clatter. She felt cold, both inside and out. But the blood on her hands was warm. So very warm. Her hazel eyes moved from his face to the wound she'd made across his throat. The cut was red, blood staining the skin around it pink. His complexion was pale, his cheeks sunken, no movement coming from his form. If she touched him, Solona was positive that she'd find him cold as ice.

Voices were muttering behind her, but nothing made sense. It was only when a hand landed heavily on her shoulder that she was able to look away from Jowan and up into the violet eyes of a Qunari. Her companion and the only person besides Morrigan that Solona truly trusted. Sten and the witch didn't hide their opinions from her. They always challenged her and she found that refreshing. Alistair would defer to her no matter what. Zevran, Leliana and Oghren were content with enjoying the simplest pleasures. Solona was their leader. She made the tough decisions and even when they questioned her, they still fell in line. The only ones who never truly did were the witch of the Wilds and the Qunari.

Sten's eyes watched her silently as if trying to decide whether he should speak or not. He hadn't witnessed a moment of weakness in Solona Amell before. She'd always been determined, stubborn and fearless. When the companions had arrived at Kinloch Hold, everyone had expected Solona to defend the mages until her last breath. It had surprised them when she stood beside the Templars, slaughtering abominations, blood mages and most likely innocents as well, just to ensure that no demons would leave. The Sten had been proud of his Kadan in that moment and vowed to stand with her to the very end. Even if that meant his own death.

Now, he watched her with something close to concern in his gaze. Well, as close as the Qunari ever got to showing emotion.

"Kadan?" Sten questioned, pulling his hand from her shoulder and letting it fall to his side. "Will you be alright?"

Solona nodded her head once before reaching up to wipe the tears from her face. "I am. Thank you, Sten."

"What is next?" The Qunari asked, knowing the answer before his leader even spoke.

With one last fleeting look at her fallen ex-lover, Solona stiffened her stance in the way he was accustomed to. "We have an Archdemon to kill."

Solona's eyes opened to darkness. Most nights were the same since the Battle of Denerim. She would retire to bed early in the evening only to be overcome with terrible dreams. Some nights she dreamed of Jowan's death. Others it would be the final battle against the Archdemon where Alistair had given his life to save Thedas. There were some nights when she would even dream of when she had annulled the Circle Tower, killing everyone within it: mages and Templars alike, even children. Wynne's death weighed heavily on her conscience, but she'd done her duty. She had to protect Thedas from the Blight. Demons would be a distraction to what she had been meant to accomplish.

Every night she'd go to bed alone, but like clockwork, the nightmares would come and she'd wake up to pure darkness. Even Teagan's arms around her didn't ease the tightness in her chest as she lay awake and contemplated her decisions. She held a shadow inside of her, something she'd never be rid of no matter how hard she tried to be happy. Her soul had withered and died the moment that sharp steel blade had slid across Jowan's throat. Yes, he'd hurt her more than anyone else had in her entire life. Yes, he'd rejected her and betrayed her by turning to blood magic. She would never be able to forgive him for these things, but she still loved him.

Even in the dark, Solona could see Teagan's sleeping form beside her. One of his arms was draped over her waist, his hand curled around her hip. His blue eyes were shut tightly. Soft breaths came from his mouth as he slept. He knew nothing of the turmoil flooding his lover's thoughts. He'd become the Arl of Redcliffe after Eamon had died in the Battle of Denerim. Eamon's only child, a son named Connor, was a mage and wouldn't be able to inherit the title, so it immediately fell to Teagan. Kinloch Hold was still in disarray, the repairs still ongoing after Uldred's uprising. The Chantry had allowed the boy to stay with Teagan until the Circle was ready to accept him.

Solona had been living with Teagan for the past few months. Queen Anora and her newly coronated prince-consort, Fergus Cousland, had offered a room to her in their Palace in Denerim, Anora going as far to say that the "Hero of Ferelden only deserved the best accommodations", but Solona had refused. She'd grown up in the Circle Tower. She'd lived in a dormitory with dozens of other apprentices while being watched by templar soldiers. She would survive without fancy bedding and servants waiting on her every whim.

Sliding from Teagan's embrace, Solona pulled a silk robe on over her tunic and left the room before she woke the arl. Her bare feet made no noise as she descended the stairs into the main hall of the Castle. It'd been two months since she'd left Vigil's Keep in Amaranthine. The stronghold had been given to the Wardens by Queen Anora. The Keep wasn't as large or as grand as Redcliffe Castle, but it was functional and easily defensible, two things Solona had been thinking about more and more as her time as a Grey Warden stretched on. It was hard to imagine that once upon a time she'd been a young girl with no thoughts of magic or darkspawn or politics. A time when she could just curl up in her bed and not worry about anything.

That time was long gone.

Sinking into the stuffed chair that sat in front of her desk, which stood in the heart of the library, she grabbed the letters she had ignored earlier that day. The desk was one of the only changes that she'd allowed Teagan to make for her. Although she wasn't technically Warden Commander of Ferelden any longer, that title now belonged to Nathaniel Howe, Solona was still called upon at times to act as a consultant. Nate usually did fine on his own, the man had been groomed for ruling Amaranthine anyway, but there were things he didn't know about that she needed to help him with.

Usually those things included Nate's newly realized romance with the apostate, Anders. If only she wasn't so close to Anders because of their time together in Kinloch Hold, maybe she'd get a reprieve from giving relationship advice.

With a sigh, Solona rubbed the spot where a headache had begun to form. Her nightmares were steadily growing worse, usually a sign of a Warden's Calling getting closer, but she had been a Warden for less than two years. The time limit she'd been given before the taint took her over had been between twenty to thirty years. It was too early for her to go to her death. Solona blamed the headaches on her lack of sleep, her lack of sleep on the nightmares and the nightmares on her overburdened conscience. She had so many things to be sorry for. If only her damned mind would settle enough for her to find peace and get a good night's rest.

Most of her letters were things that Teagan could address without her input, but one stood out above the rest. The scrawl was in Nate's handwriting. Concerned, Solona ripped open the seal and read the paper's contents.

Solona,

I hate to ask this of you. You've probably just settled into Redcliffe, but I worry for Anders. Rolan and some of the other recruits that had arrived before you leftare causing trouble with him.Anders has already picked fights with them and it's steadily increasing in volatility. I know it might not seem important to you, but I care deeply for him. He is unpredictable at times and may be a danger to himself as well as the rest of my charges. The only company he seems to keep nowadays is that of Justice and for some reason, I am chilled when I see them speaking. Something is not right and I need your help. Velanna is gone. I received a letter from King Bhelen saying she was in Orzammar not long ago so my guess is that she's searching for Seranni in the Deep Roads. Oghren is useless, his drinking becoming more of a hindrance than before and Sigrun- she's lost herself in the pleasure of men and women alike in the brothels of the city.

The Orlesian Wardens have been no help at all and it pains me to admit it, but I need my Commander and my friend by my side again. Please say you'll come. If not for me, then for the man we both love.

All the best,

Nathaniel Howe
Warden Commander of Ferelden and Arl of Amaranthine

Solona set the vellum on the desk and closed her eyes. She already knew her answer to Nathaniel's request. Of course she'd go. She was a Grey Warden, first and foremost. A fellow warden needed her assistance and she wouldn't fail him. But there was more to it than that. Anders was her best friend. She would walk through the Void for him. Nathaniel was worried for his lover and she was worried for her friend.

Solona had known her relationship with Teagan wouldn't last forever. She was a mage, he was not. She was not allowed to rule anything and he was an arl. She was a Grey Warden, someone committed to defeating darkspawn and the Blight. She would die in another twenty years. With the taint in her blood, she'd never be able to produce children for Teagan. He wouldn't have an heir to his seat. Even if by some miracle they had a child, it would most likely have magic in his or her blood, not to mention what the taint could do to their offspring. Teagan wouldn't like her decision, but she had a duty to Ferelden. A duty to the Wardens. A duty to Anders. She wouldn't abandon the only true friend she had left in this world.