The Flock Goes Fanfiction
AN: Hey guys, this is a Fanfic about Fanfics, written for comedy purposes. I don't mean to step on any toes, so don't be offended—I'm solely picking on clichés, not any individual stories. Enjoy!
"Fanfiction?" Max questioned dubiously, staring at the screen that Nudge had summoned everybody to see.
"Yeah," Nudge replied. "I was watching this show earlier and the one girl like wrote Fanfics which is where they write their own stories based on pre-existing works. So I thought to myself, Max wrote that book about our lives that one time with that James Patterson guy, so maybe there are Fanfictions about us!"
"But we're real people," Gazzy protested. "They can't write Fanfictions based on biographies!"
"Gazzy, I hate to tell you this but…people think we're fictional," Iggy disclosed. Gazzy frowned, truly upset.
"Someone better have invented me a fictional girlfriend for my fictional life," he muttered. "And, like, maybe we can have fictional babies and live in some fictional town on a fictional—"
"Just click on it," Max interrupted, not wanting Gazzy to go any further with his fictional life. Nudge did so, and scrolled down until she found the archive titled 'Maximum Ride.' The flock waited in silence while it loaded, and when it did so, they began frantically reading the summaries.
"Wait," Max said before five seconds had passed. "Why the heck are there stories that say 'no wings'? We aren't even us without wings!"
"What does AU mean?" Angel wondered.
"Alternate Universe," Nudge replied. "But most of the AU stories don't sound like us. How come this one says that we start a band? We would sound horrible if we started a band! For one, nobody but Dylan can sing, and he's somewhere with Jeb, and second of all, none of us know how to play instruments!"
"In this alternate universe," Fang put in, "I play bass guitar, apparently. And Max…sings." The flock stopped for a second, and then burst out laughing. Max, singing? It was enough to have even grumpy Fang in hysterics. Max couldn't even argue; she knew she was a horrible singer.
"Um, what does OC mean?" Gazzy asked, jabbing his finger at a story that said, at the end of the summary, 'IggyxOC'. All eyes turned to Nudge, who just shrugged.
"Here, I'll Urban Dictionary it." She went into her bookmarks and clicked on 'Urban Dictionary'—and it only alarmed Max a little that this was under Nudge's bookmarks.
"Slang for Oxycontin," Gazzy read out loud. "Iggy, a lot of these people think you're a druggie!" Iggy's brow furrowed.
"Okay, just because I'm a pyro doesn't mean—"
"No, look at the second entry," Angel piped up. "It says Original Character. So people make up Iggy's love interests."
"Oh, thanks. They don't think I can find my own girlfriend, so they have to go making some up."
"I'm telling Ella," Nudge cooed in a sing-songy voice, inducing a severe reddening of Iggy's cheeks.
"Don't worry," Gazzy said helpfully. "There are plenty of Iggy and Ella stories. They're called 'Eggy's. Hehe, like, because Iggy and Ella are going to lay some eggies." Iggy scowled.
"Aren't there any stories in there in which Gazzy blows himself up?"
"No," Max replied, a grin stretching across her face. "But this one here is about Dylan's tragic death." Fang memorized the name of the Fanfic, and made a mental note to read that in the late hours of the night. He was grateful that there were other Dylan-haters in the world, and decided that he might write a shout-out to them in his next blog.
"How come all these stories are about Fang and Max," Angel wondered. "There are no Angel-plus-OC stories, or Angel anything stories. It's not fair."
"People probably feel uncomfortable writing about seven-year-old mutants hooking up," Iggy drawled in a bored tone. He surely would, if he was able to write.
"And they don't feel uncomfortable writing about blind mutants hooking up with someone?"
"Of course not. Girls love me. The blindness just makes them feel sorry for me, thus adding to my appeal." Angel shook her head, deciding not to even bother arguing with him. It wasn't even worth it.
"Ugh," Max moaned. "We go to school in, like, all of these. If we don't have wings and we go to school, not only would it be complete and utter torture, but it's nothing like our lives! It's basically some random kids with the same name as us!"
"I don't know, Max, I like school," Nudge put in. "What I don't get is that I've read three summaries so far that mention your abusive father. I know Jeb is kind of iffy but I never thought of him as abusive…"
"I know. And then there's the fact that instead of using my real name, all these people seem inclined to use 'Max Martinez' because it sounds more soap-opera-y."
"I wish I had a soap-opera name," Nudge pouted. "I could be, like, Patricia Jane Alicia—"
"Wait," Fang suddenly blurted. "What is this?" He pointed to a story that made the whole flock wince. Well, except for Iggy, who was totally unaware.
"What?" Iggy demanded. There was an awkward silence.
"Ummm…." Gazzy looked around. "Well this one was a romance between you and…" Iggy made a 'get on with it' gesture as he waited in anticipation. "Fang." Iggy, who was never one to take things seriously, burst out laughing.
"Is that for real? That is hilarious!" Everybody laughed—except for Fang, who still looked like he'd seen a ghost. "Come on, Fangikins, why don't we go out back and—"
"That is not cool," Fang growled, which called for another round of laughs.
The rest of the day was spent leaning over Nudge's shoulder and reading various Fanfics. While the bulk of them made everybody upset—especially Max, who felt that she was too often portrayed as a complete bitch—a few of them were amusing.
They were browsing through the summaries again sometime later, when something caught Angel's eye.
"Hey, Max, what does 'lemons' mean? And how come all these Max and Fang stories talk about it?"
And back to Urban Dictionary went the flock.