Yay! The Homunculi are throwing a pajama party, and characters from Fullmetal Alchemist will be there, wheatear they have been killed or not! What can we expect from this? Chaos, that's for sure!
BEWARE! SPOILERS ENSURE! (I couldn't fit that on the summery, sorry! XD)
Anything else? Oh, yeah, the disclaimer.
I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. That honor is bestowed upon the great and wonderful Arakawa Hiroaki-sama bows Such a wonderful mind has created such a wonderful manga and characters, which has lead to such an awing anime. I am sure these guys will have many more adventures to come, wheatear they are by her, or by fans like myself. And since I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, I don't own any of its characters, such as Edward and Alphonse Elric, Winry Rockbell, Roy Mustang, Envy, Greed, Lust, Jean Havoc, Heymans Breda, Kain Furey, Vato Flaman, Riza Hawkeye, Alex Louis Armstrong, Barry the Chopper, Scar, and so on. Okay, enough with the intro. On with the show!
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Chapter One: Boredom
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Dante's mansion. The very two words were the things that would send shivers down anyone's spine. It was, after all, the base of an evil witch's operations of taking over the world. Well, she wasn't exactly a witch, but she did know how to use alchemy without a transmutation circle, which is kind of like magic, only with scientific properties, chemistry, biology, and physics to back up its existence. Well, maybe not biology, but it's the only science that I'm remotely good at, since I suck at chemistry and I sort of suck at physics, so it is worth mentioning at some point. Anyway, this story begins at Dante's mansion, and with very good reason. The fact was that everything was not as it should be. Peace, calm, tranquility. Birds were singing, the sky was a clear blue, and fluffy white clouds, like fluffy cotton wool balls were leisurely rolling past the great blue. Something was wrong. Very wrong. Envy was lying on the couch with his feet up, staring at the great ceiling above him. Lust was sitting on a chair, filing her nails, although they really didn't need any filing, since they were already perfect. Gluttony was spread out on an old mat like a plush pillow, or a fat kitty lying out in the sun, asleep, and almost content. He just can't seem to satisfy that appetite of his, no matter how many times he would go and get himself hypnotized so that he would believe he didn't need to eat. Wrath had taken a seat crossed-legged beside him, and had transformed one of his limbs into a spike and was poking the older homunculus with it. Pride and Sloth were no where to be seen. Why? The official excuse is that they had to go to the military and work in their "human lives" so that no suspicion would be aroused if the Führer and his secretary didn't come in for work. The real excuse is that I have no idea how to get into character with them right now, but I have every intention on involving them in this story as soon as the opportunity arises from the murky depths of my brain. Another excuse is that squirrels with hacksaws stopped them from coming to this story by hacking them up into little pieces and throwing them over a bridge, but we won't talk about that further.
Envy had just closed his eyes when a shadow came over them. Opening them, he arched his neck back to look at the source of darkness. It was Greed, Envy's younger brother, believe it or not. It was funny, since the guy clearly looked to be in his twenties, or even mid-thirties. He was also supposed to be dead. But there he was, in all of his six foot glory, glaring Envy down through his sunglasses.
"What?" Envy asked in a board voice.
"You're in my spot." Greed said simply.
"So?"
"Could you move so then I don't have to throw you across the room to sit down?"
"Umm…nope. This is not your spot, as I can remember. After all, ever since you were sealed, everything in your name was rightfully given to me. While you were gone I took the liberty to go though your stuff. There were some interesting things I found. Very interesting…"
"You know that I had moved all of my belongings out my room before the sealing, right?"
"Oh, I'm not talking about those porno's of yours," Envy smirked. "I'm talking about THIS!" From underneath the couch, at lightning fast speed, he had fished out an object that was so grimy and sewn together and ripped apart so many times that it looked unnatural. "Look at it! I found it in your room, Greed-kun. Remember it? Huh? Huh? YES! I have your stuffed bunny from one hundred and fifty years ago! Remember the days when you went everywhere with it, and ate with it, and slept with it, and did everything with it? Well now I have it!" Envy then proceeded to laugh evilly, while Greed looked onto the rabbit blankly.
"Isn't that Wrath's bunny?"
"Bah, deny it all you want, Greedy, but this is YOURS! And now, if you don't walk away and leave me in my boredom, I will have a lucky rabbit's foot hanging about my neck for the rest of the day." Greed shrugged.
"Whatever. You're funeral. Just don't call me Greedy. It sickens me." Eyes narrowed, Envy stared. Greed stared back. Envy craned his neck forward a little. Greed just kept still, one hand clutching his favorite magazine, the other hanging at his side. Determined to make him intimidated, Envy got onto his knees, still on the couch, and raised himself so that he was almost nose to nose with the younger homunculus. Lust watched on in slight interest. Boredom must have driven Envy mad, she thought. Eyes locked, the Ultimate Mask swiftly tore one foot off the grimy bunny with a loud rip. Wrath heard it too late, and turned away from his poking to see the last of the stuffed cotton of the bunny float to the ground.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Wrath jumped up and ran as fast as he could to where the cotton lay. "Mr. Silly-Billy Bouncer! No! No! NO!" He stared up at Envy, who just realized his fatal mistake.
"Oh." He looked at Greed. "So you never had a bunny, right?"
"Not even a stuffed duck. You begged Dante to have them once she bought them for me."
"Oh…"
"YOU KILLED MR. SILLY-BILLY BOUNCER!" Wrath cried and pointed his still spike-shaped arm at Envy.
"No I didn't! I just mutilated him a bit, that's all!" As proof, Envy held up the very frail, three pawed, yet sort of fine stuffed rabbit for the young homunculus to see. Unfortunately, he was holding it by the most worn bit of fabric on the toy, and, with the help of gravity, Mr. Silly-Billy's body rolled across the floor, with Envy holding onto what appeared to be the head. "Oh crap."
"NOBODY KILLS MR. SILLY-BILLY! NO ONE!" The deranged child cried out in rage and made a wild slash at Envy, who, either by fortune or unfortune, did a back flip off the couch and missed the attack entirely. That would most certainly be good if he was human. Unfortunately, as a homunculus, he can not die, so it wouldn't have mattered if the attack had hit him or not. The main reason that all of this mattered was that Dante just had the mansion cleaned, and would personally murder anyone who dared even spill a drop of blood on her stone white tiles. Thus, this was the reason why Envy was running away from Wrath, with Mr. Silly-Billy's head, as fast as he could. Wrath shouted out something about personal property and suing the cross-dressing palm tree's ass off, and then gave chase. Trying not to laugh too loudly, Greed sat down on the couch and watched as the chase unfolded. Seeing Wrath get angry was a very entertaining business. That is, if you were the one watching. Lust sighed and tossed aside her file.
"Everyone around here is being entertained by things that would have entertained Neanderthals." Gluttony looked up at Lust.
"Lust…Neanderthals not advanced enough for entertainment like this." Lust put a hand to her chin.
"Hm, good point Gluttony." Greed stopped laughing and looked over to Gluttony.
"Hey, I thought the lump of shit wasn't that bright." Lust glared coldly at him.
"He will be mentally superior to you as long as you are alive, Greed. Just because he is a slow talker doesn't mean he is a dumb idiot like you." Greed raised his hands in defense.
"Whoa, chill. I didn't mean that he was stupid. Each I'm I've talked to him he doesn't seem to be too focused on current issues, or solving world hunger, or anything like that, and I'm saying that as a family member." Lust gave a small 'humph' and turned her head away. Wrath and Envy continued to have their little cat fight over Mr. Silly-Billy Bouncer. Gluttony tried to eat his own foot before looking at Greed again, who had taken the time to start reading his magazine.
"People hungry?" Greed rolled his eyes in annoyance. Damnit, he was just getting to the good bit!
"For the last time Gluttony, yes, there are people all over the world who know how you feel, since they are eating tree bark to survive. Now shut the hell up for a while so I can read." Gluttony moaned silently and sat on the floor rolling back and forth. He knew all too well that Greed didn't like being disturbed while reading. Why, back in the spring of 1701, there was a particular incident that involved-
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"Hey!" I, Lisa (Yes, that is my real name), looked about from my computer to see Envy standing at the doorway, tapping his foot impatiently with folded arms.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the cross-dressing palm tree who walked into my lair." I said, an evil grin plastered on my face. Envy walked into my domain without fear.
"I don't care where this place is. What about me?" I blinked.
"What about you?" Envy rolled his eyes.
"Wrath and myself. We're wrestling about over there while you are going off down a trip on memory lane with Gluttony. Gluttony, Lisa. GLUTTONY!" The guy seemed to be having a spasm with his eye.
"Yeah. Gluttony is always seen as a monster who eats people. I think that underneath all of that endless hunger is a homunculus who is lost and alone, yet extremely intelligent. I mean, the crazy ones always are."
"Always are what?"
"Crazy."
"No, the crazy ones are what?"
"The crazy ones are crazy."
"No, what about the part you were saying with intelligence?"
"That? Oh, that! I meant that the crazy ones are usually intelligent. If I go by that law, that means Gluttony should be helping me with my chemistry homework, and not Ed. Right, Edo-chan?" I asked with a slightly raised voice to a short, blond haired alchemist by the age of fifteen chained to the stone walls of the computer room by the neck, who was piling over piles of chemistry homework and biology assignments. As I spoke, he looked up at the two of us and hissed. With a smirk of interest, Envy took my desk lamp (Denkistando, in Japanese) and shone it into Edward Elric's eyes. He hissed louder, his blond hair standing on end, trying to shield his eyes from the bright light.
"Cool." Envy turned the light off, and Edward stopped hissing to rub his golden eyes. The poor kid was clearly seeing spots in front of his eyes. "Well, anyway, when are you getting back to me? Err, I mean Wrath and myself." I looked blankly at him.
"You know, I was just about tell everyone about the fight after I went down Gluttony's little trip into his memory to reveal why he isn't game to disturb Greed when he is reading. Besides, I've only left you alone for about two or three minutes. Other fight scenes that have been sidelined for other characters have gone on for about five minutes before it goes back to the fight scene." Envy stared blankly at me, identical to the look I gave him.
"Oh. Well, this was a bit pointless then."
"Yeah. But was it?" Envy looked back at Edward, who was sniffling over my biology notes again.
"Nope." He said with an evil grin, and he took up my denkistando and shone it into Ed's eyes again. The young alchemist hissed again and fell over. Smirking, I turned back to the computer screen.
"Well, it's going to be a bit pointless to continue down Gluttony's memory. Maybe next time." I shrugged and continued typing.
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Well, maybe another time we'll talk about why Gluttony isn't game to disturb Greed and his enjoyment of reading. Right now, we have too look back to Wrath and Envy, and, of course, the remains of Mr. Silly-Billy Bouncer. Wrath, in his anger (heehee, puny) had tackled Envy to the ground with a sickening crack as Envy's jaw hit the ground. Gritting his now broken and regenerating teeth, Envy twisted himself around and punched Wrath in the face and managed to wriggle free from the psychotic child's clutches. With a cry, Wrath clapped his hands together and transmuted his spiked arm into the ground in order to make a stone white cannon. Envy's eyes widened.
"You idiot! Dante will kill us all!" Wrath glared up at Envy from the floor with that psycho grin of his.
"I'm game for that." He said, his teeth pointed into a grin. With that, he tried to fire the cannon, only to have nothing come out. "What?" He furrowed his brow in concentration, and the sweat poured from his head, yet nothing would come out. Greed, who had looked up from his magazine to see what was happening, couldn't help but yell out "Come on kid! Push! Push!" Wrath took the advice and grunted, pushing his arm up the cannon and actually releasing a stone cannon ball. Greed blinked in amazement.
"And to think I was joking about that." He shrugged and then went back to his magazine, full of pretty pictures, hint, hint. The cannon ball would've missed Envy by a couple of feet, but the floor would've been dented then. So what did he do? He moved into the line of fire. He was going to take one for the team. For the floor's survival. For his survival for when Dante wakes up from her beauty sleep. Lust sighed and extended her nails, piercing the stone and suspending it in midair, about an inch or so away from Envy's nose.
"Wrath, Sloth will make you a new toy as soon as she comes home. Envy, try and give what's left of the thing back to Wrath. Then apologize." Envy stared at Lust. He was being told what to do! The nerve! No, he would never succumb himself to such a level of indignity. Not now, not ever. That is, until Lust threatened to go and wake up Dante and tell Wrath not to return the floor to its normal state. Then he changed his mind.
"Sorry about the rabbit, Wrath." Envy muttered sullenly, not making any eye contact with Wrath. He then threw what was left of Mr. Silly-Billy Bouncer at Wrath. Wrath transmuted his hand out of the floor, and in turn returned to the floor back to its natural state, picked up the pieces quietly and muttered a sullen "Thank you" before going to sit down next to Gluttony again, to play funeral with Mr. Silly-Billy Bouncer. Lust sighed.
"There is nothing to do around here!" She cried.
"Speak for yourself." Greed shot at her, turning his magazine sideways to look at a fold out section. Angrily, Lust extended her nails, piercing Greed's magazine, and forcefully ripping it from his hands. "Hey!" She retreated her nails and then had a look at the cover. "That cost me fifteen bucks!"
"I never knew that you were into swimwear, Greed."
"Well, there is a lot people don't know about me. Like I don't get enough respect." Lust glared at Greed.
"Just because Lisa like you the best out of the seven of us doesn't mean you can be so arrogant in this story."
"Well, she agrees with me. Right Lis?" I giant hand then came down from the sky and rearranged the clouds outside into words. Gluttony read them aloud, just to prove to everyone at home that he can read.
"Sure…thing…Gree…do…sama. You…ne…er…get…enou…fu…respect." Lust rolled her eyes.
"But that is coming from a fan girl." The hand came down yet again and rearranged the clouds.
"Lust…big…fat…cow…who…likes…eat…pie." Gluttony looked around to Lust. "I like pie." Greed, Lust and Envy looked at Gluttony weirdly before going back to the dilemma at hand.
"Well, she likes me better than you." Envy declared. Yet again the clouds were rearranged by the infamous scared and tan hand.
"I…will…ne…er…forge…you…for…eating…Hughes…so…no."
"I think that meant 'I will never forgive you for killing Hughes, so, no'." Lust commented dryly.
"Gluttony, you really have to think about getting reading lessons." Gluttony continued reading, however bad he was at it.
"The…guy…didn't…dessert…it. He…had…wipe…and…kid…you…bandstand…and…what…you…did…to…kill…him…was…wrong."
"Bandstand?"
"I think that was meant to be 'bastard'."
"Oooo…Lisa swore!"
"Shut up and let Gluttony finish reading! He needs complete silence to concentrate."
"And…I…was…act…chew…ally…starting…to…like…you…until…I…real…pied…you…hated…Greed…so…I…dice…died…not…to…like…you. Then…near…end…of…the…series…I…star…ting…to…like…you…again…but…oh…no…you…had…go…and…kidnap…Al…eat…Ed. I…hate…you…so…much…for…that." Envy glared up at the sky.
"But what about in the computer room? We were getting along fine in there!"
"I…think…I…will…tot…err…ate…you…and…treat…you…as…friend…since…I'm…not…one…to…hold…garage. But…I…will…never…forge…you…for…eating…Hughes."
"What about the shrimp and his brother? Are you going to forever hate me for killing them and slash or kidnapping them?"
"Eh…bat's…okay. I…sort…of…forge…you…for…that…all…trough…you…did…on…own…free…will…in…truth…sort…of…Hoe…in…pines…fault…for…bringing…you…back…from…dead. If…didn't…do…that…you…walnut…hate…him. The…dead…are…supper…sed…to…stay…dead." Envy smirked at Greed.
"Ha! Even though she may not like me the best, at least she finally forgave me for all the stuff I've done."
"It's taken her about eight months to remotely come to some feeling of forgiveness for you killing Edward, and she still hates you for killing that guy in the military called Maes Hughes. Other than that, I think she feels neutral towards you."
"How do you know all of this?"
"Because she told me when we were having some alone time."
"…dare I ask what you guys were doing?"
"Nope."
"Well, at least she understands my hatred towards that guy." Envy spat the words 'that guy' like poison. The giant hand came down again and gave the thumbs up, which Envy returned full heartedly. "See?" Greed rolled his eyes and got up to pat Gluttony on his bald head.
"Good boy, Gluttony. You got through some big words. Here, have a cookie." Greed then took a cookie out of his pocket. Why Greed had a cookie in his pocket, no one will ever know.
"I like chocolate milk." Gluttony then took the cookie, and Greed's hand, in his mouth, and ate it.
"Hey!" Greed's hand grew back in about five seconds. "Good thing that wasn't my left hand. Or any of my leather straps were in there at the time." Wrath looked at Greed.
"What's with those leather straps anyway?" Greed shrugged.
"I don't know. I have been wearing them all of my life. I like them. Don't you like my straps? If you don't, I'll kill you!" An evil aura suddenly flashed around Greed. Wrath cowered on the floor with the remains of Mr. Silly-Billy Bouncer.
"No! No! I like the straps! I was just wondering why you wore them! DON'T KILL ME!" Greed shrugged.
"Okay then. I wasn't going to anyway." Lust shook her head.
"Could I just say what I've been trying to say for the past fifteen minutes!" She practically screeched. Everyone looked at her and shrugged.
"Okay."
"Fine by me."
"Alright."
"I like pie."
"Good." Lust sighed. "Why don't we do anything for fun around here? Throw a party, perhaps?"
"Hey, that's a great idea! I thought it would be Greed suggesting that, though."
"Me? Why would I suggest that?"
"You are out clubbing all the time."
"Hey, there is a difference between partying, clubbing, and having fun, okay? Let me just clear that up first."
"Whatever."
"Well, it doesn't matter, since I agree with Lust. We should throw a party!"
"Well, that was Lust's idea, wasn't it, not yours!"
"I never said anything about it being my idea!"
"Of coarse, Greedy-san."
"Hey, what did I tell you about calling me Greedy? That creeps me out!"
"Oh, I thought you liked it when Dante called you that."
"No I didn't! I told her to cut it out! It creeps me out to no extent!"
"Oh really, Greedy, lighten up."
"Stop calling me that!"
"Stop calling you what, Greedy?"
"THAT!"
"Oh, so it's Greedy that gets on your nerves, isn't it?"
"Yes!"
"Is it because it makes you sound like a baby, Greedy?"
"Can you quit it?"
"What's the matter? Does little Greedy feel as if big bad Envy is being a big meanie?"
"If you put it that way, yes."
"Well poor, poor little Greedy. Big bad Envy will not stop calling you that. Little Greedy and his little collection of stuffed animals…"
"You idiot, you're the one with the stuffed animals!"
"Deny it all you want, Greedy, but I have you defeated. I know all about the stuffed animal collection in your closet."
"For the love of God, shut the fuck UP!"
"Ooo! Little Greedy swore! Now I'll have to go up to mother Dante to tell her about her imperfect son!"
"Envy, shut the fuck up or Greed and myself will hurt you to the extent that you will be unable to walk for three full weeks without being in excruciating pain."
"What makes you say that, Lusty?"
"I'm a woman. I know things about your body that will make you scream."
"Why? Lusty loves Greedy?"
"I'm warning you…"
"Lusty and Greedy sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love, then comes marriage,
Then come Lusty with a baby-AGH!" Lust had taken the opportunity to kick Envy in the groin.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She withdrew her foot, allowing Envy to slump to the floor clutching to his groin. "Now, where were we? Ah, yes, the party. We should only invite people we know we can trust, and get them over here for some fun."
"My friends from the Devil's Nest will be glad to come. But that means we're gonna need booze, and a helluva lot of it."
"Well, Greed, you can be in charge of the alcohol then."
"What about me! I want to join in! I want to join in!"
"Now Wrath, you know that I can't authorize such I thing like that. You'll have to ask Sloth. After all, she is your mother." Wrath didn't pay any attention the end of Lust's sentence, mainly her tone of sarcasm at the end. It is also apparent he didn't pay any attention to what Lust said at all. He jumped about, clearly very excited about this whole ordeal.
"Oooooo! I can hand out the invitations!"
"Alright, that sounds safe and non-violent so then you won't kill anyone."
"But don't you usually want to kill people."
"We're going to need a lot of stealth to pull this party off without any of the military finding out."
"Oh, I getcha!" Wrath gave an anime-ish wink. "Don't worry. Stealth is my middle name. After all, I am a TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE!" He then got out a pair of katana from underneath the rug and started running around slicing the air and making kung-fu sounds.
"Okay then, you do that. Gluttony?" Gluttony turned about. "I want you to be in charge of the food, okay? And DON'T eat anything! When the party starts can you eat anything." Gluttony's head sort of drooped.
"But Lust, I like pie." Lust patted Gluttony on his bald head.
"Don't worry. At the party, you can eat call the pie you can fit into that wide mouth of yours." Gluttony grinned evilly and nodded. He then waddled off to think about what to eat at the party. Lust then turned her head to Envy, who had recovered from the kick to his groin, and apparently forgotten it. "Envy, I want you in charge of decorations. I'm not to sure about this, but can you manage it?" Envy flipped his spiky hair.
"Lust, darling, I can certainly handle the decorations. I even know what we can do at this party." Lust tried not to look too surprised.
"Alright Envy. What is it?"
"A pajama party! Everyone can sleep over and then we can laugh at people who have bad sleeping gear, and we can play Truth or Dare, and we can play ten minutes in a closet or something! Oh, it will be fun!" He squealed and clapped his hands together. Lust and Greed, the forgotten character of the scene, since he didn't walk off, stared at the older homunculus and his very out of character act. Envy looked at the two of them. "Fine, whatever. This party is going to knock your socks off, I can guarantee it!" He then looked at Lust. "And what are you going to be doing, my dear?" Lust gave a sort of a smile.
"I'm going to be the coordinator. I'll be the one that makes sure everything is running smoothly, that the ideas are going to correspond with each other and fit each other. I mean, you wouldn't want flaming nachos at a Christmas party, now would you?" To which neither Envy nor Greed had an answer.