I've redone the first chapter of my Guild Quest fanfic. It's more descriptive now, and a lot easier to read (I hope). More emotions too. Hope you enjoy it better.
.../.--… -- . .--.. -./ Blood of Magic \.-.. --. . .-.. .--…\...
/-- .-…/Sunburst \.--… .--\
It was all over the news. The remains of an ancient civilization had been excavated in the eastern valley of Perion. It was believed to be the home of the Sharenian rulers, before some unknown disaster killed every one of them.
"Many teams of archaeologists have been sent into the site of the seven hundred-year-old Sharenian castle," the article read. "But not one team returned. The Union of Guilds has sent a notice to all guilds, challenging them to enter the remains and find out exactly what is going on in there. Hopefully, the secrets of this castle will soon be revealed. Meanwhile, the area has been barricaded from the public, in view of the unseen hazards inside."
Crystalriver read the article slowly, thinking. I'll try this. Sounds like fun.
A week had passed. Finally, Crystalriver had formed a new guild, named Sunburst. It had ten members.
Together, they made their way down to the entrance of the excavation site, under the cloudy, threatening sky. At the entrance, a woman in beige clothes stood, looking strangely afraid of the ruins behind her. When she saw the guild coming, she stepped forward.
"Finally," she exclaimed with a smile. "You're the very first guild to try. Do you really dare to go in?" She looked down, sadness crossing her face. "Do you really dare to risk your lives?"
Crystalriver nodded earnestly. "It's a challenge we've all decided to take," she replied, looking back at her guild. "We, Sunburst, have chosen to attempt to find out what is inside!"
The archaeologist nodded. "My colleagues never returned. I don't want to see more go in and never come out…" Then she smiled defiantly. "But I believe you will succeed. Good luck! Good luck, Sunburst!" With that, she swung the gates open, hope, deep hope, burning in her eyes.
As they walked, Distantlight looked around at the other guild members. All were no ordinary people—all looked strong, wielding the mysterious powers of their own job classes, powers that he so often wished he could own. Did he look out of place among them? It was such an embarrassment, being a level 29 Swordman, among these great people.
"There it is!" Crystalriver exclaimed, as the tallest points of the great castle came into view. "Come on!"
Excitedly, the guild followed as Crystalriver ran into the rock-strewn ruins of the castle grounds, where traces of fountains and sculptures lay around, smashed to unrecognizable pieces. Onwards they went to the gaping doorway. The door to the SharenianCastle.
Distantlight heard a sigh behind him, and he turned to see a Crusader girl talking to a Dragon Knight. "Such a pity,"Distantlight heard her sigh. He came closer, but she did not seem to mind. "I always thought that Sharenian was a just a myth. It was my favourite myth, and when I was young, I used to dream of the lives of these great people. They were so powerful; they had magic in their veins—they had two lives."
Bewildered, entranced by her tale, he came closer. The Crusader smiled. "But…who knows what happened?" Unshed tears were appearing in her eyes. "They just died, like that. All of them. Not one of them lived. That was what the myth said. But now…I know it's true. And that's why I came. Their tale was so amazing to me, and I wanted to know what really happened…"
The Dragon Knight next to her nodded with a sigh. Distantlight himself was almost crying as he thought about her story.
"At least your reason for coming's better than mine," he replied. "I came because I just wanted to see more of my homeland. You know…I moved to Ossyria, but I suddenly realized how much I miss Perion. So I came back, hoping I could see a little more of it, a little corner of my home that I'd never seen before."
"And what about you…" the Crusader said, turning to Distantlight. "Ah, yes. My name is Starfieldsky."
"I'm Distantlight," he answered. "I came here just to…prove myself, I think. I never seem to be able to do as well as the other Swordmen. And I was actually…embarrassed about being so weak. So I thought…if I make it through this thing alive, everyone won't think of me as weak anymore."
Starfieldsky nodded with understanding.
And also to prove to myself that I'm not that bad, he added silently. I'm not really weak…am I?
So there's my first chapter. It isn't going to be what you expect it to be; it's more than just a retelling of the Guild Quest. Trust me, it'll be good in the later chapters!