Risks
Author: Moggie
Pairing: G/S
Category: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Summary: [GSR] PostEp Butterflied. Something that won't happen, but I wish would.
Spoilers: Burden of Proof. The Finger. The Accused is Entitled. Butterflied.
Disclaimer: I do not under any circumstances own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.
Notes: I have only seen video clips so I'm only using bits of knowledge here. Enjoy. Oh, and a huge thank you csibugman for giving me a kick in the ass. I was ready to scrap this.
Parking Lot
He found her sitting at the far end of the parking lot, sitting on her car bonnet. She had obviously moved her car sometime during shift, because it was always parked beside his.
Standing a few feet away, he watched her stare out at nothingness. It was too dark to see anything. She seemed lost in thought as her hand continuously rubbed the casing of her cell phone.
He stepped forward, but stopped as she dropped her head and flipped the cell open. He watched as she pushed in some numbers and her thumb hovered over the call button. It seemed like forever before she finally pressed it, only to quickly ring off, but the sound penetrated their ears.
Her head snapped up and her eyes locked onto his as he stepped closer, his hand reaching into his jacket pocket to pull out his cell phone. He let it ring as he stared into her dark eyes. The previous hour replayed through his head.
-"-middle aged men who've allowed their work to consume their lives."-
He stopped and closed his cell. The only sound was the snap as it clicked shut. He pushed it into his pocket and continued to stare, not knowing what to say.
-"We wake up one day and realise that for fifty years, we haven't really lived at all."-
He had avoided her to keep himself safe from harm. Kept his distance so he didn't give anything away. Pushed his emotions deep inside so he couldn't give in and risk his work, his lonely life.
-"Then all of a sudden, we get a second chance. Somebody young and beautiful shows up. Somebody, we could care about. She offers us a new life with her."-
He had so many chances and threw each and everyone of them away, only to have it all turn around and eat at him every minute of every day. The words were always there, but he didn't dare say them. He hinted, he vaguely uttered them, but he never said them. She had looked at him, looked at him with those dark brown eyes, like she understood exactly what he was trying to say, but she wouldn't say anything back.
He knows she cares, she always has, no matter how bad their friendship got, their relationship got. He knows he can always count on her, trust her, but that didn't help him say the things he wanted to.
-"But we have a big decision, right? Because we have to risk everything in order to have her."-
So many obstacles, so many barriers. His choice to stay quiet did nothing for him. His heart only felt the pain more intensely with each passing day. Nothing he did could remove that pain, he could only mask it, but only for a short while. She was always there, working beside him, talking to him, smiling at him, even after all his efforts to throw her off.
How could she care for someone like him? He'd been asking himself that for years and he was still no where near to an answer. Asking her was out of the question. That would give too much away.
To be with her. To give in and risk everything to be with her was a high price, which he was just not brave enough to do.
-"I couldn't do it."-
Their connection was broken when she turned away. Not just her head, but her whole body. The sound was barely heard, but in the silence of the night, it reached his ears, as did the next. She sniffled.
His eyes widened. "You ok?" He asked.
She nodded and covertly wiped her eyes. "I'm fine."
Looking at the blue bonnet, he ran his hand across the warm metal. "You moved your car." He stated the obvious, but he didn't know what else to say. He couldn't remember why he was out here in the first place. He only remembered looking for her so they could put the case away.
"Yeah." She sighed.
He shifted his eyes from the car to her back, watching her breath deeply. "I-I was just looking for you." He paused, taking a shaky breath before continuing, but stopped.
"Me too." She said softly.
Frowning, he stood up straighter. "Why?"
She stared ahead, looking at anything as faint light started to show over the horizon.
"Sara?"
Shaking her head, she turned slightly to looked down at the front of the car. "I need to talk to you."
He swallowed passed the lump that suddenly formed in his throat. "What about?" His voice croaked slightly.
"My resignation."
She said it so softly that he nearly missed it. His ears burned and his chest felt tight. This feeling is triple the emotion he felt the time she handed in her 'leave of absence'.
"Ok." He managed to say. His mind betraying his heart once again.
She looked at him, but just as quickly looked away, wiping her eyes again. "I should make an appointment." She said quietly, pushing herself off the bonnet. Once her feet touched the ground, she leaned back against her car.
"There's no need." He forced, staring at her every move.
She nodded. "Yeah, there is." She paused, thinking for a few minutes. "6 ok?"
He said it before he could stop himself. "Sure." He watched her climb into her car and back away, avoiding all eye contact.
6pm
She stood by his door five hours before shift started. It was something she hadn't done in a while. Of course it was usually waiting for him to get off the phone, get into work or get back from the field, but not tonight. Tonight she was waiting for a different reason entirely.
As she waited for 20minutes, her thoughts were backlogging. She knew she had to do this. She really didn't have any choice anymore. She had come to Vegas to work. She helped out a friend and stayed. Not intending to grow attached to the place, she can't say that Vegas hasn't become her home. Not only did her friends live here, but so did the one man she thought she loved.
It was up in the air now. She could stay and work beside him with the knowledge that he did once feel something towards her, but focused everything on fighting those feelings. He obviously tried so hard, that he didn't have them anymore. Sure, he had emotions, but nothing for her. Not any more.
She still couldn't think straight after hearing his words. They cut her so deep. He almost had her believing him. How could he be the injured party in this? He didn't try to make more of their friendship. He didn't try and ask her out. He didn't try to make her happy. He didn't try to help her after Hank screwed her over.
No.
He 'pursued other interests'. He dated, slept with them, went out with them, but he never even returned one phone call when she attempted to make their friendship stronger, when she wanted some company after a tough case, when she was thrown into a wall during the lab explosion. He ignored her.
She tried to date. One attempt and it back fired on her. It hurt even more when she was practically called a liar when she said it was just a friendship. She had tried to find someone that would listen to her, appreciate her, care for her, but the pain of seeing his eyes when he found out, was more painful than seeing him with other woman.
What did she have to do to convince him?
Breaking through her thoughts, she heard Greg talking to her. She turned and put on a brave smile. "Hey Greggo."
"Hey. I asked you what you're doing here?" He grinned, leaning against the wall with her.
She shrugged casually. "Just waiting."
He nodded and looked at the door. "Well, he's in there."
Looking at the door, she sighed. "I did knock."
"Ah well, probably busy. Catch you later." He turned and headed back towards his lab.
Knocking on the door again, she turned the handle. When it opened, she could see him sitting in his chair with his back to her. "Grissom?"
"Yeah."
"I knocked twice. I didn't realise you would be here yet." She stammered, moving into the room, closing the door behind her before sitting in one of the visitor chairs.
He turned and sat up. "I didn't hear. It's 5 after 6." He confirmed the time on his watch with his laptop. "Sara-" He began.
"If it's ok with you." She spoke over him. "I'd like to stay this shift and collect my things in the morning." She leaned forward and picked up his fountain pen. Writing down on a blank envelope she had retrieved from her pocket, she professionally wrote his name before handing it to him and returning his pen to the file it had been resting on.
Picking the envelope up, he stared at his name. -Dr. Gil Grissom- "I'll sign it and pass it to Cavallo."
"Thank you." She stood. Before turning, she stared at his hand that held the crisp white envelope. She wanted to say something, but she only managed to open her mouth and close it a few times. "Thanks." She said again.
5am
For once in over a week, the shift was slow. Some minor cases came in, but nothing they couldn't handle. The team were in high spirits, which was a change to the previous case. It had taken it's toll, but the day to sleep away the tiredness and aching bones was greedily welcomed.
Sara sat in the locker room with a coffee in one hand and her duffel bag in the other. Taking a deep breath, she opened her locker and pulled out her jacket to lay it across the bench. Then she folded her spare clothes and pushed them into the bag, along with her spare boots and raincoat. Moving onto the bulky stuff, she grabbed three books she had been given by friends at the lab over the years and put them on the bench.
As she continued to empty her locker out, Grissom was getting ready to head home. He pushed through the door and stopped. He watched her place items into her bag for a second before stepping further into the room. He spoke, which stilled her movements. "You didn't tell me why?"
She stared at her locker. "It's in the letter."
"No. You told me you were leaving, not why." He clarified.
"Doesn't matter." She sighed, reaching in to her locker to pull out a shiny blue box. "I forgot about this." She said with a small smile.
Moving towards her, he looked at the box in her hand. "What is it?"
"Oh, nothing. Just a Christmas present. I forgot to give-" She stopped and shrugged. "I suppose it doesn't matter now." She turned, placing the box on the books.
"Whose it for?" He asked softly.
She didn't say anything, only zipped up her bag and slid her jacket on. "I'll ring the others and tell them, so you don't have to. I know you have work to do."
"Sara-" He sighed. "I know this has something to do with me."
She nodded. "I know, but you won't risk finding out."
His eyes snapped to hers as she continued.
"I know you love your work more than anything. I should have realised I couldn't have a small piece of you. I worked with you because it was the only way I could be with you, but I should have accepted that you wouldn't risk being my friend."
"I've always been your friend." He protested lightly.
Looking at him with questioning eyes, she couldn't stop herself. "Why wouldn't you return my calls then? Friends talk to each other on the phone. It's allowed."
"Sara-" He closed his eyes and rubbed them. "It's not that simple."
She shook her head and smiled wanly. "Never is." Pulling the strap onto her shoulder, she picked up the books. "One day, you'll wake up and realise that for fifty years, you really never lived."
"What-" He gasped, stepping back.
"Then, all of a sudden you get this second chance. A chance to have everything and all you have to do is make a small decision, but-" She smiled sadly. "You couldn't do it."
He stared at her. "How-"
She shrugged and looked down at the blue box. "I was in the observation room." Finally moving, she stopped at the door. "Might as well have this." She placed the box on top of his locker before leaving the room all together.
Grissom blinked once as the door closed behind her. -She knows. She heard it all.-
Stepping forward, he broke out of his stunned stupor and grabbed the box absently as he picked up his briefcase and jacket on the way out the door.
Parking Lot
"Why are you leaving?" He asked out of nowhere.
Sara jumped and banged her head on the top of the door. "Shit!" She rubbed her head and hit the car hard with her other hand to release some of the shock and pain.
"Why are you leaving?" He asked again, grasping her hand and pulling it away from her head to see.
"Because I'm sick of being left out." She hissed, snatching her hand away. The shock of him sneaking up on her was fuelling her strength. "Whatever we thought we were doing for the past 4 years, has ruined my life. Ok. I don't want to waste more of my life waiting."
"You had plenty of time to get a life Sara. I've never stopped you." He countered, matching her anger.
She glared at him. "Really!? How many dates do you think I've been on since I've been here?" She asked, only to answer a second later. "One. And that wasn't even really a date. I made a friend that liked to hang out with me. Liked to talk. Didn't mind my job and wanted to spend time with me. He called me. Made me laugh, but that didn't matter, as soon as you found out, that friendship died."
"I didn't stop you Sara."
"You did. You wouldn't believe me when I said he was a friend, but that didn't matter to you. I was spending my time with someone other than you and you made me feel guilty." She laughed harshly. "Stupid me, I thought I was allowed to have a life. You said I deserved one and the minute I try, you are angry with me. Well, no! You chose to ignore me. You chose to see other people. You had a life and I was no where near it, because you are afraid."
"Yes!" He shouted, looking around them. He pushed her into the back of the car and climbed in beside her. When he closed the door, he turned to her. "I am afraid, ok. I can't do this. I can't risk everything on this." He lowered his voice and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry."
"Yeah." She grumbled and turned away from him. "Just like everything else, but it doesn't change anything."
"Sara-" He shook his head lightly. "I-I wish I could. I do. But it can't. This," He sighed. "Us. I can't do anything. Can't you see that. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's just not possible."
She nodded sadly and stared at her hands. "I understand."
Trying to still the shaking in his hands, he reached out and grasped her hands tightly. "No. You don't and I know it. We both know it."
"You're job means more than your happiness. I understand that. Have done for a long time. I just never wanted to believe it." She confessed.
Snatching his hand back, he growled in frustration and turned to sit straight. "God! Why is it so difficult!?"
Sara gathered all her courage and her anger and turned to him, moving closer. When her knee pressed into his thigh, they both locked eyes.
"Sara-"
"It's only difficult because you make it. Yes, there's a chance you could lose your job, but not here. Not now. Tinted windows. No one can see in." She looked down at his lips and closed her eyes. -She can't do this. She can't seduce him.-
He slowly saw her moving away and before he tried to stop himself, he leaned forward and kissed her chastely. "No more Sara." He whispered, kissing her again. "It's over." His voice catched, but his mouth covered hers softly.
It must be the feel of security. The idea that no one could see them. It strengthened their courage.
"No." He breathed, trying to pull himself away, but his restraint weakened as she opened her mouth. Feeling his whole body was on fire, he plunged deep within and tried to extinguish the flames that were quickly growing out of control.
The force of the kiss propelled Sara backwards. Grissom moved with her, unwilling, unable and not daring to release his hold on her for a second. Soon he was pressing against her body, her legs either side of his hips.
Her hand was cupping his cheek, brushing against his beard. Her other hand grasped his belt, holding him still. That stillness was broken as she felt him grow. She moaned against his lips as he purposely pushed harder against her. "Griss. No." She whispered into his mouth, only for his tongue to sweep away at hers.
His hands pushed through her hair, trying to feel every inch of her. He needed to show her he did care, but she had to understand that it couldn't be anymore. Breaking the seal of their lips, his eyes opened to stare down at hers, his breath heavy against hers. "I love you." The words were released before he could stop himself, but he continued. "I wish I could do something more, but there's nothing."
Both were in a horizontal position, both waging war with their emotions and both loved each other. But hearing the words were more, it made it real. The pain that had attached to them had finally lessened.
His eyes closed as he sank down to rest his head on her chest. "I'm so sorry." He whispered.
She slowly wrapped her arms around him, holding him to her tightly, as he was her. "I love you so much." She whispered softly, a tear falling from her eye to her ear.
Feeling the need to be away from each other. He gently pushed himself up so he didn't hurt her. He wiped at his eyes and took a deep breath. "Go home." Was his last words to her before he left the backseat, her car and the parking lot.
THE END
-I'm Only Kidding. Jeez! Hold It Together People-
TBC
Author: Moggie
Pairing: G/S
Category: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Summary: [GSR] PostEp Butterflied. Something that won't happen, but I wish would.
Spoilers: Burden of Proof. The Finger. The Accused is Entitled. Butterflied.
Disclaimer: I do not under any circumstances own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.
Notes: I have only seen video clips so I'm only using bits of knowledge here. Enjoy. Oh, and a huge thank you csibugman for giving me a kick in the ass. I was ready to scrap this.
Parking Lot
He found her sitting at the far end of the parking lot, sitting on her car bonnet. She had obviously moved her car sometime during shift, because it was always parked beside his.
Standing a few feet away, he watched her stare out at nothingness. It was too dark to see anything. She seemed lost in thought as her hand continuously rubbed the casing of her cell phone.
He stepped forward, but stopped as she dropped her head and flipped the cell open. He watched as she pushed in some numbers and her thumb hovered over the call button. It seemed like forever before she finally pressed it, only to quickly ring off, but the sound penetrated their ears.
Her head snapped up and her eyes locked onto his as he stepped closer, his hand reaching into his jacket pocket to pull out his cell phone. He let it ring as he stared into her dark eyes. The previous hour replayed through his head.
-"-middle aged men who've allowed their work to consume their lives."-
He stopped and closed his cell. The only sound was the snap as it clicked shut. He pushed it into his pocket and continued to stare, not knowing what to say.
-"We wake up one day and realise that for fifty years, we haven't really lived at all."-
He had avoided her to keep himself safe from harm. Kept his distance so he didn't give anything away. Pushed his emotions deep inside so he couldn't give in and risk his work, his lonely life.
-"Then all of a sudden, we get a second chance. Somebody young and beautiful shows up. Somebody, we could care about. She offers us a new life with her."-
He had so many chances and threw each and everyone of them away, only to have it all turn around and eat at him every minute of every day. The words were always there, but he didn't dare say them. He hinted, he vaguely uttered them, but he never said them. She had looked at him, looked at him with those dark brown eyes, like she understood exactly what he was trying to say, but she wouldn't say anything back.
He knows she cares, she always has, no matter how bad their friendship got, their relationship got. He knows he can always count on her, trust her, but that didn't help him say the things he wanted to.
-"But we have a big decision, right? Because we have to risk everything in order to have her."-
So many obstacles, so many barriers. His choice to stay quiet did nothing for him. His heart only felt the pain more intensely with each passing day. Nothing he did could remove that pain, he could only mask it, but only for a short while. She was always there, working beside him, talking to him, smiling at him, even after all his efforts to throw her off.
How could she care for someone like him? He'd been asking himself that for years and he was still no where near to an answer. Asking her was out of the question. That would give too much away.
To be with her. To give in and risk everything to be with her was a high price, which he was just not brave enough to do.
-"I couldn't do it."-
Their connection was broken when she turned away. Not just her head, but her whole body. The sound was barely heard, but in the silence of the night, it reached his ears, as did the next. She sniffled.
His eyes widened. "You ok?" He asked.
She nodded and covertly wiped her eyes. "I'm fine."
Looking at the blue bonnet, he ran his hand across the warm metal. "You moved your car." He stated the obvious, but he didn't know what else to say. He couldn't remember why he was out here in the first place. He only remembered looking for her so they could put the case away.
"Yeah." She sighed.
He shifted his eyes from the car to her back, watching her breath deeply. "I-I was just looking for you." He paused, taking a shaky breath before continuing, but stopped.
"Me too." She said softly.
Frowning, he stood up straighter. "Why?"
She stared ahead, looking at anything as faint light started to show over the horizon.
"Sara?"
Shaking her head, she turned slightly to looked down at the front of the car. "I need to talk to you."
He swallowed passed the lump that suddenly formed in his throat. "What about?" His voice croaked slightly.
"My resignation."
She said it so softly that he nearly missed it. His ears burned and his chest felt tight. This feeling is triple the emotion he felt the time she handed in her 'leave of absence'.
"Ok." He managed to say. His mind betraying his heart once again.
She looked at him, but just as quickly looked away, wiping her eyes again. "I should make an appointment." She said quietly, pushing herself off the bonnet. Once her feet touched the ground, she leaned back against her car.
"There's no need." He forced, staring at her every move.
She nodded. "Yeah, there is." She paused, thinking for a few minutes. "6 ok?"
He said it before he could stop himself. "Sure." He watched her climb into her car and back away, avoiding all eye contact.
6pm
She stood by his door five hours before shift started. It was something she hadn't done in a while. Of course it was usually waiting for him to get off the phone, get into work or get back from the field, but not tonight. Tonight she was waiting for a different reason entirely.
As she waited for 20minutes, her thoughts were backlogging. She knew she had to do this. She really didn't have any choice anymore. She had come to Vegas to work. She helped out a friend and stayed. Not intending to grow attached to the place, she can't say that Vegas hasn't become her home. Not only did her friends live here, but so did the one man she thought she loved.
It was up in the air now. She could stay and work beside him with the knowledge that he did once feel something towards her, but focused everything on fighting those feelings. He obviously tried so hard, that he didn't have them anymore. Sure, he had emotions, but nothing for her. Not any more.
She still couldn't think straight after hearing his words. They cut her so deep. He almost had her believing him. How could he be the injured party in this? He didn't try to make more of their friendship. He didn't try and ask her out. He didn't try to make her happy. He didn't try to help her after Hank screwed her over.
No.
He 'pursued other interests'. He dated, slept with them, went out with them, but he never even returned one phone call when she attempted to make their friendship stronger, when she wanted some company after a tough case, when she was thrown into a wall during the lab explosion. He ignored her.
She tried to date. One attempt and it back fired on her. It hurt even more when she was practically called a liar when she said it was just a friendship. She had tried to find someone that would listen to her, appreciate her, care for her, but the pain of seeing his eyes when he found out, was more painful than seeing him with other woman.
What did she have to do to convince him?
Breaking through her thoughts, she heard Greg talking to her. She turned and put on a brave smile. "Hey Greggo."
"Hey. I asked you what you're doing here?" He grinned, leaning against the wall with her.
She shrugged casually. "Just waiting."
He nodded and looked at the door. "Well, he's in there."
Looking at the door, she sighed. "I did knock."
"Ah well, probably busy. Catch you later." He turned and headed back towards his lab.
Knocking on the door again, she turned the handle. When it opened, she could see him sitting in his chair with his back to her. "Grissom?"
"Yeah."
"I knocked twice. I didn't realise you would be here yet." She stammered, moving into the room, closing the door behind her before sitting in one of the visitor chairs.
He turned and sat up. "I didn't hear. It's 5 after 6." He confirmed the time on his watch with his laptop. "Sara-" He began.
"If it's ok with you." She spoke over him. "I'd like to stay this shift and collect my things in the morning." She leaned forward and picked up his fountain pen. Writing down on a blank envelope she had retrieved from her pocket, she professionally wrote his name before handing it to him and returning his pen to the file it had been resting on.
Picking the envelope up, he stared at his name. -Dr. Gil Grissom- "I'll sign it and pass it to Cavallo."
"Thank you." She stood. Before turning, she stared at his hand that held the crisp white envelope. She wanted to say something, but she only managed to open her mouth and close it a few times. "Thanks." She said again.
5am
For once in over a week, the shift was slow. Some minor cases came in, but nothing they couldn't handle. The team were in high spirits, which was a change to the previous case. It had taken it's toll, but the day to sleep away the tiredness and aching bones was greedily welcomed.
Sara sat in the locker room with a coffee in one hand and her duffel bag in the other. Taking a deep breath, she opened her locker and pulled out her jacket to lay it across the bench. Then she folded her spare clothes and pushed them into the bag, along with her spare boots and raincoat. Moving onto the bulky stuff, she grabbed three books she had been given by friends at the lab over the years and put them on the bench.
As she continued to empty her locker out, Grissom was getting ready to head home. He pushed through the door and stopped. He watched her place items into her bag for a second before stepping further into the room. He spoke, which stilled her movements. "You didn't tell me why?"
She stared at her locker. "It's in the letter."
"No. You told me you were leaving, not why." He clarified.
"Doesn't matter." She sighed, reaching in to her locker to pull out a shiny blue box. "I forgot about this." She said with a small smile.
Moving towards her, he looked at the box in her hand. "What is it?"
"Oh, nothing. Just a Christmas present. I forgot to give-" She stopped and shrugged. "I suppose it doesn't matter now." She turned, placing the box on the books.
"Whose it for?" He asked softly.
She didn't say anything, only zipped up her bag and slid her jacket on. "I'll ring the others and tell them, so you don't have to. I know you have work to do."
"Sara-" He sighed. "I know this has something to do with me."
She nodded. "I know, but you won't risk finding out."
His eyes snapped to hers as she continued.
"I know you love your work more than anything. I should have realised I couldn't have a small piece of you. I worked with you because it was the only way I could be with you, but I should have accepted that you wouldn't risk being my friend."
"I've always been your friend." He protested lightly.
Looking at him with questioning eyes, she couldn't stop herself. "Why wouldn't you return my calls then? Friends talk to each other on the phone. It's allowed."
"Sara-" He closed his eyes and rubbed them. "It's not that simple."
She shook her head and smiled wanly. "Never is." Pulling the strap onto her shoulder, she picked up the books. "One day, you'll wake up and realise that for fifty years, you really never lived."
"What-" He gasped, stepping back.
"Then, all of a sudden you get this second chance. A chance to have everything and all you have to do is make a small decision, but-" She smiled sadly. "You couldn't do it."
He stared at her. "How-"
She shrugged and looked down at the blue box. "I was in the observation room." Finally moving, she stopped at the door. "Might as well have this." She placed the box on top of his locker before leaving the room all together.
Grissom blinked once as the door closed behind her. -She knows. She heard it all.-
Stepping forward, he broke out of his stunned stupor and grabbed the box absently as he picked up his briefcase and jacket on the way out the door.
Parking Lot
"Why are you leaving?" He asked out of nowhere.
Sara jumped and banged her head on the top of the door. "Shit!" She rubbed her head and hit the car hard with her other hand to release some of the shock and pain.
"Why are you leaving?" He asked again, grasping her hand and pulling it away from her head to see.
"Because I'm sick of being left out." She hissed, snatching her hand away. The shock of him sneaking up on her was fuelling her strength. "Whatever we thought we were doing for the past 4 years, has ruined my life. Ok. I don't want to waste more of my life waiting."
"You had plenty of time to get a life Sara. I've never stopped you." He countered, matching her anger.
She glared at him. "Really!? How many dates do you think I've been on since I've been here?" She asked, only to answer a second later. "One. And that wasn't even really a date. I made a friend that liked to hang out with me. Liked to talk. Didn't mind my job and wanted to spend time with me. He called me. Made me laugh, but that didn't matter, as soon as you found out, that friendship died."
"I didn't stop you Sara."
"You did. You wouldn't believe me when I said he was a friend, but that didn't matter to you. I was spending my time with someone other than you and you made me feel guilty." She laughed harshly. "Stupid me, I thought I was allowed to have a life. You said I deserved one and the minute I try, you are angry with me. Well, no! You chose to ignore me. You chose to see other people. You had a life and I was no where near it, because you are afraid."
"Yes!" He shouted, looking around them. He pushed her into the back of the car and climbed in beside her. When he closed the door, he turned to her. "I am afraid, ok. I can't do this. I can't risk everything on this." He lowered his voice and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry."
"Yeah." She grumbled and turned away from him. "Just like everything else, but it doesn't change anything."
"Sara-" He shook his head lightly. "I-I wish I could. I do. But it can't. This," He sighed. "Us. I can't do anything. Can't you see that. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's just not possible."
She nodded sadly and stared at her hands. "I understand."
Trying to still the shaking in his hands, he reached out and grasped her hands tightly. "No. You don't and I know it. We both know it."
"You're job means more than your happiness. I understand that. Have done for a long time. I just never wanted to believe it." She confessed.
Snatching his hand back, he growled in frustration and turned to sit straight. "God! Why is it so difficult!?"
Sara gathered all her courage and her anger and turned to him, moving closer. When her knee pressed into his thigh, they both locked eyes.
"Sara-"
"It's only difficult because you make it. Yes, there's a chance you could lose your job, but not here. Not now. Tinted windows. No one can see in." She looked down at his lips and closed her eyes. -She can't do this. She can't seduce him.-
He slowly saw her moving away and before he tried to stop himself, he leaned forward and kissed her chastely. "No more Sara." He whispered, kissing her again. "It's over." His voice catched, but his mouth covered hers softly.
It must be the feel of security. The idea that no one could see them. It strengthened their courage.
"No." He breathed, trying to pull himself away, but his restraint weakened as she opened her mouth. Feeling his whole body was on fire, he plunged deep within and tried to extinguish the flames that were quickly growing out of control.
The force of the kiss propelled Sara backwards. Grissom moved with her, unwilling, unable and not daring to release his hold on her for a second. Soon he was pressing against her body, her legs either side of his hips.
Her hand was cupping his cheek, brushing against his beard. Her other hand grasped his belt, holding him still. That stillness was broken as she felt him grow. She moaned against his lips as he purposely pushed harder against her. "Griss. No." She whispered into his mouth, only for his tongue to sweep away at hers.
His hands pushed through her hair, trying to feel every inch of her. He needed to show her he did care, but she had to understand that it couldn't be anymore. Breaking the seal of their lips, his eyes opened to stare down at hers, his breath heavy against hers. "I love you." The words were released before he could stop himself, but he continued. "I wish I could do something more, but there's nothing."
Both were in a horizontal position, both waging war with their emotions and both loved each other. But hearing the words were more, it made it real. The pain that had attached to them had finally lessened.
His eyes closed as he sank down to rest his head on her chest. "I'm so sorry." He whispered.
She slowly wrapped her arms around him, holding him to her tightly, as he was her. "I love you so much." She whispered softly, a tear falling from her eye to her ear.
Feeling the need to be away from each other. He gently pushed himself up so he didn't hurt her. He wiped at his eyes and took a deep breath. "Go home." Was his last words to her before he left the backseat, her car and the parking lot.
THE END
-I'm Only Kidding. Jeez! Hold It Together People-
TBC