Memories and Hopes
Written for the prompt : Dark Angel, Max, snow always reminds her of the night they ran from Manticore
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Memories and Hopes
Max stood at the window of the apartment she shared with OC looking out at the softly falling flakes of snow covering the dark street below. It was quiet now, OC and her neighbors sleeping, so the only sounds were the creak of relaxing floorboards; no footsteps, no banging doors; none of the sounds of busy life that filled the apartment block during the day.
She sighed. Moments like this always brought back memories of that night, that very first night. She couldn't forget any of it, no matter how she tried. She would be haunted forever by the good and the bad that came that night.
She remembered the anticipation, the surge of adrenaline as they finally made their move after months of planning, waiting and trying to ensure that they knew every possible outcome. She remembers lying in their barrack room, counting the minutes as they passed between one sweep of the guards and the next, waiting . . . for the deepest, darkest part of the night, when their superior senses would give them the most advantage over the guards who would be in pursuit.
They hadn't known enough; there was no way they could ever have known enough to make the escape easy. They were trying to use Manticore's own training against Manticore . . . naivete was probably the best way to describe it.
Still despite all of that they'd used it all and they'd been ruthless, almost without exception, they'd fought tooth and nail for every inch closer to freedom they came.
It was strange how what hurt most then was the fear, the unknown freedom that was now theirs. That sudden realization that they were no longer together, no longer a team once they'd escaped. It was every one of them for themselves and that was something they'd never known. For all the training, all the theory and intelligence, Max had never been alone. Every moment of her existence had been spent in the company of her team mates – every thing – awake, asleep, sick, well, in class or in the field, even in the labs. She'd never been alone for more than the time she'd spent on maneuvers, tracking through the forests surrounding Manticore, knowing her brothers and sisters were there with her, just out of sight, a shout away.
Faced with utter independence, solitude, she had nearly balked, nearly turned back, not imagining how she could possibly survive without her team, but Zach's insistent words stayed with her. Zach's words and Ben's dreams of a better life outside.
She'd fought to keep going, determined to live up to her unit's dreams and as time went on, she'd dreamt of her brothers and sisters living those free lives, following the dreams they'd had, refusing to face up to the truth that in all likelihood, they, like her, would be faced with this toil, this struggle.
What was freedom? What was life supposed to be like?
She sighed again, pushing her thoughts forward, facing a truth that she was determined to create. This world for all its struggle and torment, for its suffering was still better than the world Manticore had given them. She had better than had been hers by birthright and she had forged this for herself.
This was life.