Forbidden
Love by Orenji Yume An
Umi/Clef one-shot fic
SPOILERS: This fic takes place shortly after the OAV. (Please note, not all characters are exactly the same as they were in the series.)
STORY: Umi and Clef are to be separated forever. Clef sees her for her last time through her dreams. And at the end, Umi requests something painful from Clef... Sorry if anyone seems OOC. Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Rayearth OAV, CLAMP does.
It was a few days since that fateful day already, but in her mind, it seemed as though it was only yesterday when she first saw his face. 'I can't truly accept this fate...why does it have to end like this?' Going to her bed, Umi laid down and closed her eyes. She almost did that for no reason, almost as if...someone was commanding her to do so. Soon, her soft breathing could be heard, and outside, a shadow moved, stepping inside the incandescent moonlight.
Standing there, with his eyes casting down his pain, was the tall figure that Umi was thinking so much about. With his staff in one of his hand, and the other over his chest where his heart lay, he clenched his fists. 'So...this was what I caused when I left. Peace may have returned at the end of the whole episode, but, I left behind my love...'
"Umi..." He whispered gently. He could stand there the whole night watching her fast asleep but...had he not come here for another reason? He wanted to ease her pain, make it disappear from her entirely, though he could not do it alone. With that thought in mind, he vanished.
At that moment, Umi stirred in her sleep. Something was happening, she could feel a tinge of her lover's presence. Why wouldn't he show himself in person? Just then, she settled down as the colours of her mind swirled together, to form a perfect scenery...
The night sky greeted her as Umi blinked open her eyes. Sitting up, her hands gripped the cold, wet grass and she drew her knees towards her. 'Where is this place?' As she got up, she brushed off the bits of dirt from her clothes. It was only then, did she realise that she was wearing something else besides her nightgown. No, wait, this dress was not even hanging in her bedroom closet before this! It's too glamorous for her to have owned this...
An august dress hung from her shoulders, hugging her body gently. And directly beneath the moonlight, the resplendent dress glittered. She traced her fingers over the sliver, satin dress and felt the jewels run down from her chest to her waist. It was splashed across the dress beautifully. As soon as she took a step forward, the dress lost its shine and only glowed faintly. 'How pretty...almost magical...' Looking up, Umi saw a forest in front of her, stretched across a long distance. 'How am I going to get through?' At that moment, she wondered. 'Where am I suppose to go anyway?'
But before she had time to think, she could feel herself being drawn away from where she was standing, and deep into the forest. She did not question anymore. Only when she reached an open field, did her feet stop moving. She then took the time to gazed around her and figure out what she was supposed to do next, before anything else happened to her.
Just then, she saw a shadow cast upon her, and it got bigger and closer until she could hear that stranger's breathing. Cautiously, she turned around to meet whoever that stranger was. As her ocean blue eyes fell upon him, she froze. 'He...' Gulping, she raised her hand to his face, and brushed a lock of his hair away from his brilliant, purple eyes, as if to confirm something. It struck her, like when she felt a powerful blow hit her. 'Clef...'
Taking a few steps back, she surveyed him. It was the same clothing that he was wearing now, when she first and last saw him. That familiar staff was still in his hand, and that headdress of his was still worn on his head. 'This...can't be true...I-I'm actually seeing him...?' Covering her mouth with both hands, Umi stared at Clef in disbelief. 'No...this must be a dream! It's too good to be true to be real!' Immediately, Umi ordered herself to wake up from this hopeless longing of hers. She avoided eye contact with Clef, in fear that that alluring gaze of his may capture her forever.
'Umi...' Right now, Clef was regretting his actions. 'Maybe I shouldn't have done this after all. I thought I could heal her wounds but...I'm just widening it.' Going up to her, Clef's heart started to waver even more as he saw her looking away from him, and telling him to leave her alone and disappear from her sight, telling him to get her out of this web of love that is already lost. Her eyes were frantic and confused. A tear in his heart was formed, and it got larger each time Umi cried out for him to stay away. 'No...I cannot turn back. I don't wish to. I don't want to.'
Embracing her warmly, Clef let his staff drop. At his touch, Umi fell silent. 'Why won't he listen to my pleas...? We're heading for a dead- end...yet he still comes and we inch nearer to the end of our love.' Burying her head into his chest, she closed her eyes and tears slid through. As if he had heard the words from her mind, Clef brought her closer towards him and spoke.
"I don't care about what will happen in the future. Right now, my only concern is us," Feeling her shaking with sobs, Clef soothed her. "If it makes you feel better...let us just enjoy this last moment together." Lifting her chin with his finger, he smiled. "You don't need to worry about anything else. Leave all of your worries and concerns for me. Everything will be alright." Wiping her tears away from her face, Clef whispered. "I promise. Just don't cry anymore...the only reason I did what I did was because I didn't want to see you cry your heart out anymore. If you can do that for me, then I'll be assured. Yes?"
"Clef..." Umi placed her hand over his and nodded. "Yes...but...don't let yourself take all of the burden."
Kissing her lightly on the forehead, Clef answered, "If that's what you say..."
"Thank you, Clef..."
Wrapping his arm around her waist, Clef led her, "Shall we?" He pointed to a majestic castle sitting on top of a mountain. Umi opened her mouth, about to give her consent, but then something else caught her attention. 'What's that sound? Is it...waves? Yes! The sound of waves!' She tugged at Clef's arm and directed his attention to where she thought the sound was coming from.
"I could just imagine...the waves lapping...it's so peaceful...lulling me in...it sounds like a lullaby. I could just-"
Clef silenced her as he placed a finger over her lips, "We'll go there instead then. Since you are so attracted to it."
Breaking out into a smile, Umi grabbed his staff, "How do you use it? We could just zap ourselves away." She stared at it. "Zap...ourselves away..." 'Away from our worlds...'
Seeing her muttering to herself, Clef quickly took his staff away from her, "Let's not waste time now, shall we?" 'No...don't let that thought tempt you. Pleasing it may seem, but the consequences are heavy.'
Umi snapped out of her wild thoughts and replied, "Yes! Let's!" Taking his hand, Umi said. "Hurry now!"
Nodding in response, Clef concentrated and with a small wave of his staff, the two of them faded away.
……Later……
It seemed like a second or so, before Umi could hear the rush of waves against the shores and the cooling breeze blowing in her face. The smell of seawater filled the surrounding air and she could still feel her hand clasped tightly over Clef's. Opening her eyes, she stared in amazement at the sight that awaited her. How the water sparkled under the night sky, how the stars twinkled as if greeting her and how the wind wrapped its body around her to refresh her. 'Spectacular...' A bright smile spreaded across her face.
As Umi was looking at the view, Clef was observing her reaction. 'Such a sight can already refresh one's soul. So why are we being forbidden to fall in love with a mortal and let ourselves relish such a feeling? Why are we being barred? Not only between worlds, but laws also. It's not because I don't understand it that I'm asking. But it's because I myself can't accept such a fate right now...that is why I'm asking...' Looking down, Clef himself soak in his own thoughts. 'Isn't love supposed to be beautiful? It's not a sin, far from that, in fact. But yet we treat it as if it is one. Yes...it may be our fault for falling into the deep abyss of love, but we couldn't help it. How could one resist when met with such a thing? It's not as if the ways to prevent from falling in love is printed in black and white. Your heart won't listen to you anyway...'
Meanwhile, Umi had long stopped admiring the scenery, and was now studying Clef. 'What is he thinking?' But his expression was inscrutable. Umi could not make out what he was thinking. All she knew was that...he must be thinking deeply, since he was so engrossed that despite her calling out his name several times, he did not move. 'Why won't he share his thoughts and troubles with me? I don't want him to suffer in silence all alone. If only he would share his burden with me...we may be able to work it out together.'
It was only when Clef turned to face Umi, did he see her gazing at him, "D-did I do something?" Clef blinked at her, startled.
"No, you just wandered off, that's all," Umi forced a smile, though she was disturbed by the fact that he kept his problems to himself and bottled everything up, too stubborn and caring to say anything.
"I'm sorry," Clef apologised with evident sincerity. "Shall we sit down now?" He gestured towards the white sand that filled the area behind them.
Nodding her head in agreement, the two of them sat down. Umi leant her head against Clef's shoulder and asked, "How long do we have left?"
"Don't think about that," Clef stroked her hair and kissed her. "Just concentrate on 'now'."
'Why does her always have to deflect my question? I know his intention but...I don't feel good whenever he does that. As if the fate that awaits us is really disastrous if we don't say goodbye. It could be but...he doesn't have to keep it to himself...' Raising her head towards the night sky, Umi thought. 'What can I do then? What can I do...?' Shifting her gaze towards Clef, she tried to search his thoughts, but failed to. 'So many painful memories to bring with us later on...If only I could...' Turning her head, Umi looked at the calm waves. 'Yes...maybe I could do that...but that would mean.' Sadness were now brimmed in her eyes, but she did her best to hide it away. 'It doesn't matter...'
Shutting her eyes, Umi tried to remember everything about Clef. She wanted to always remember him as he was right now. His sweet scent, that faint breathing, tall figure, dark purple locks, gentle smile and deep dark lavender eyes which you could find yourself lost in forever. Just knowing that his was there, next to her, gave her some comfort. If only they did not need to be separated. If only this moment could just freeze and she could always be together with him. If only...
All this time, Clef was only again, sunk in his deep thoughts. 'It's useless if I ask for forgiveness and run away to the other world. The dire consequences will catch up with me.' Staring down at his own hands, Clef stole a glance at Umi. 'Even if we run away to any other place, it's of no use.' He then fixed his gaze on Umi. 'What else can I do to take away your pain?'
"Clef..."
Taken by surprise, Clef blinked, "Yes?"
"Can I ask of you a favour?" Umi leaned on Clef as she turned to face him.
Curious, Clef answered, "Yes?"
Pointing behind them, Umi said, "Is that a blue flower? Could you get that for me?"Clef heaved a sigh of relief, "Okay." The flower flew into his palm and he tucked it behind Umi's ear and smiled. "Anything else?"
Umi's tone suddenly changed, as she touched the flower in her hair, "Yes...I have another favour to ask of you. Would you...fulfill it...? Even if it's very selfish?"
Those last words hit him hard. 'Even if it's.very selfish? What's she going to ask...? I...' Clef stared at Umi, considering her request carefully. He did not want her to suffer in anyway. His eyes were locked upon Umi's. 'But...if I do not agree, who knows what she might do.'
"Alright..." Clef managed to force that word out of his throat, as he turned his gaze away.
Letting out a small smile, Umi gave Clef a short kiss on his cheek, "I'd like you to...erase every trace of me from your memory." (1)
"What?" Clef exclaimed, staring at Umi. "I cannot do that! No..." He placed both hands on either sides of her face. "You may ask me to kill myself but not that. I can never bring myself to do that."
"You promised..." Was all that Umi said.
Clef's heart wrenched, twisting with anguish. After the two of them stared into each other's eyes for so long, Clef finally gave in. Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her tightly. Releasing his grip, Clef slid his hand up to Umi's forehead, and his other hand held his staff. Tears rolled down Umi's face and Clef looked away, tightening his grip over his staff. Umi drew Clef's face towards her and kissed him on the lips, as if trying to tell him that she did not mind the least about him not remembering her.
"Please say you regret it already..." Clef spoke, hinting that he was nearly ready to get down on his knees and beg her to turn back.
Umi shook her head, "No..." But her doleful eyes told all.
"Close your eyes then..." Clef quickly replied, as if he wanted to finish this painful task as fast as possible.
Doing as he told her to, Umi closed her eyes, "Thank you, Clef..."
'No...I should thank you...' Clef forced a smile. 'I'm sorry, Umi but...' His staff glowed and so did his other hand. It seemed like a minute or so, before Umi fell limp and fell against Clef. Hugging her, Clef thought to himself. 'I'm sorry, Umi...but I couldn't bring myself to do it...Please forgive me...' Lifting her in his arms, they disappeared.
……Back on Earth……
Rubbing her eyes, Umi sat up. Scanning the area around her, she realised that this was her room. Just then, her hand felt something. The sound of paper crinkling filled her ears. Taking it with both of her hands, she read what was written on it.
"What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed? And what if, in your dream, you went to heaven and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand? Ah, what then?" (2)
"How weird..." She felt around her. "There's no flower..." At that moment, she looked inside the mirror facing her. "Oh my..." She lifted the flower tucked behind her ear and stared at it. "What..." She stared at herself in the mirror. "What did I dream...?"
She got out of bed and quickly took out a piece of paper and pencil from her desk. Frantically, she started drawing, as if she would forget everything if she did not do so. After a while, she took a few steps away and stared at the results. A figure...of somebody she dreamed. Slowly, she took out some colour pencils and stared colouring. 'What was the colour of his clothes...? His hair? And...' She blinked as she thought she saw the figure move. 'His eyes...what is this feeling?' Choking, she went back to her work. A pity she was too busy to notice someone standing outside, watching her every move.
"What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed? And what if, in your dream, you went to heaven and there embraced a strange and beautiful love, filled with unknown consequences? And what if, when you awoke, you no longer embraced that love in your hand? Only left with a single blue flower and a mysterious message? Ah, what then?" Clef smiled gently, and tapped his staff against the ground a few times. Slowly, he waned away and soon was gone.
Turning her head towards the window, Umi thought that she had heard something...or someone. When she saw nothing unusual, she returned to her drawing. 'Yes...this was him...' Brushing her finger against the person's face, she smiled. 'I wonder...what's your name...?' Giggling, Umi stared fantasising, but it was a dream never to come true...
END
(1): Yes...I took the idea from Fruits Basket...Sort of...
(2): Coleridge, an English Romantic poet, said these words.