"I do." Came Tommy's voice instantly.
Never being the public speaker—especially voluntarily—Jude knew he was up to something, but didn't know what. Avoiding eye contact, she silently prayed what he had to say had nothing to do with her.
Tommy cleared his throat before saying what he had to say. "Working on this album has been a real roller coaster," he began, "It took a while to get up the lift, but it was definitely a thrill."
No one had their eyes off Tommy as he spoke. Not for any reason in particular, just listening to his speech, and it only made Jude more nervous. Sure it made him a little uncomfortable as well, but he could tell that Jude was listening and that kept him going.
"Of course this album was good financially for me," he joked, receiving a few laughs from the group, "But personally too."
Being mid drink, Jude nearly choked on her water, having an idea as to what was coming next, and she wasn't sure if she could handle it that night.
"Jude and I have always had a rocky relationship, but these past eighteen months of working on this album had to have been the craziest." He took a breath before he could continue. "Making music has definitely been something we've done best together, because of the connection we share. I think working as co-producers was the best decision D's ever approved for our careers—for the music. And getting back in G-Major this year has honestly been the best year of my life. I got to make great music, produce an amazing record, and all with my girl by my side."
That line definitely softened the atmosphere as Jude felt her chest tighten. He really was going there; to a place Jude was still praying he wouldn't go.
"The love I feel for her and the love she feels for me is what holds this album together. It always will."
Hearing him say he still loved her and speaking so surely that she loves him back was more than she could handle. Standing up from her seat, she whispered a quiet, "Excuse me." and went out the back door.
She didn't even make it into the hallway before her eyes were filled with tears. Hurrying through the studio, she ignored the stares from fellow employees and interns and charged through the doors into the back alley.
Jude took a deep breath and the sob she was holding in was let out along with her tears as she paced around the back alley.
Snow falls on the city. White on white.
With the snow falling all around her—the bad weather matched her mood, but even though it was freezing outside she still stayed. There was no way she couldn't face Tommy—or anyone else for the matter.
She wouldn't say she was exaggerating if she said her tears froze before they rolled down her face. She wouldn't say she was exaggerating if she thought she would catch pneumonia because it was so cold. And she definitely wouldn't be exaggerating if she said that Tom Quincy had yet again gotten under her skin.
It's the color of hope,
The door behind her opened, but she didn't have to look over her shoulder to see who it was. She could feel the presence of him—and it sickened her that she could. That she knew him that well.
"Jude," Tommy sighed, "Girl, it's freezing out here."
She tried to keep her voice calm as she answered, "I don't care." but failed miserably.
His face softened even more, knowing for sure now that she was crying. "Jude," he said, taking a step toward her. "Please don't cry." He pleaded; setting one hand on her shoulder and the other on her arm while standing behind her.
On an unforgiving night.
"I'm so sorry, Girl." He whispered into her ear. "I'm sorry."
It was just reflex to lean into him because even if she did promise herself not to give in—she knew old habits die hard. With her back laying on his chest, he continued to whisper apologies into her ear while running his hand up her arm, hoping she'd forgive him.
"I can't forgive you." She told him, but in a tone as if to convince herself. She knew she'd give in.
"Jude," he whispered in her ear, drawing her name out—pleading with her, anything to get her to see he was truly sorry.
"Look at me." He told her while starting to guide her to face him.
Going along with what he said, she faced him, wanting and not wanting to at the same time.
"Tommy please…" she pleaded, not wanting to fall again. "Don't."
You kissed me in the ruins.
Of course he ignored her plea, knowing he was doing what was best for them. Slowly he wiped away her tears, a habit of his she used to love, but now only caused more. "Stop crying." And with that he placed a kiss on the top of her head.
"I can't." she admitted as Tommy continued, now kissing her forehead.
"Yes you can." He told her while placing another kiss on the tip of her nose and then another on her cheek.
Continuing to cry, she closed her eyes and didn't object to his actions. "Tommy…" she started, but he kissed the corner of her mouth, killing her train of thought.
"Shh…" he said, cutting her off and Jude could feel hi breath on her lips, ready to kiss her.
"Okay." She replied, nodding her head and keeping her eyes closed hoping by not witnessing the sin she was about to commit, she could never say it happened.
Holding her face with his hands, he closed the small space between their mouths and kissed her.
Sin on sin.
He felt her hesitant in the situation, but was more than happy that she was kissing him. It was the only thing that brought him peace—being with her, and since their last night together, he hasn't felt at home since. He needed her to know that.
Tommy advanced the situation and kissed her fully—deepening the kiss full extent—but Jude pulled away, shaking her head. "No." she said. "This is wrong."
And I've got to love your love letters, written on my skin.
"No Jude," he kept his hold on her—his hands leaving her face and holding her shoulders. "It's not."
"Yes it is!" she yelled, breaking away and turning her back to him. "Why can't you leave me alone?!" she asked, facing him again. "Stop loving me!"
"I can't."
"Shut up!" her face was angry as her arm flew at his chest. "Stop saying that! Just shut up! Shut up, shut up!" and now she hit her breaking point.
To avoid getting himself smacked anymore he took hold of her wrists and pulled her into his chest. "Jude—" he tried, but she just went on.
"Stop getting under my skin!"
I can tell the stars, from the down town lights.
"I can't!" he said again, in a louder, stronger voice. "I love you, Jude. Don't you get it? I love you! You know that." But she shook her head while letting Tommy hold her up.
"Why can't I hate you?" she cried.
If I said I was truly over you.
"I want to be over you!" she said, hitting his chest with her palm; however her lack of strength wasn't much of a pain for him. Not physical at least.
"No you don't." he whispered. "You don't."
"I do!"
My heart would say amen.
Crying harder, she let Tommy hold her closer. "Why do I have to love you so damn much?"
"It's okay, Girl." He said while shaking off his jacket. "Here. Put this on." Tommy offered, but Jude shook her head as Tommy let her slip out of his hold.
"No. No, you're… You're not my boyfriend, Tommy. Stop acting like it!" she told him—her anger starting to resurface.
But I give into the cold caress of 2 am.
"Girl, you're freezing—It's snowing for crying out—"
"Then why'd you let go?" she asked softly; cutting off his rant. Slowly, Tommy took her back into his arms and let her continue to silently cry into his chest.
If I said I can't get used to this.
"Why is it so complicated when we're together, but I can't go on without you when we're apart?"
Tommy ran a hand up and down her back. "Because you're the one."
A sob escaped her throat, but she continued to try and keep it together. "God," she sighed, "I love you so much, Tommy."
Will my heart break again?
"Jude, I'll say it again. I am so sorry." He apologized while kissing the top of her head. "I've never done this before."
She nodded. "I know. I haven't either, but… Tommy… I can't… You—"
"I don't want to hurt you."
"But you do."
"Jude…" Tommy started, but stopped, "I've never done this before," he said again. "I've never been in love."
Her breath caught in her throat as his words hit her—hard. She knew they were in love, but neither have ever came out to admit it. "I'm gonna mess up, and get jealous, but I'll only do it because I'm so crazy in love with you, Girl. So in love."
Jude was quiet, trying to bring up the courage to respond, but was still so hesitant. It was a definite in that way. "Me too." She choked out. "I'm in love with you too."
If I fall.
Her arms wrapped around him as she cried into his shoulder, letting it all out, because she wasn't sure now if it was relieving or nerve wrecking that there was no turning back.
"I don't want to get hurt." She told him. "But I want you."
Into the waiting arms,
"I always will." She finished.
He pulled her closer, "I already told you I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Jude."
"We have some growing up to do first." She replied. Pulling away to look at him, "There isn't another guy who will ever make me so happy to be with or so miserable to be without." Placing her hand on his cheek, she gave him a smile that he gladly returned. "But Tommy, I can't keep putting myself through this. I love you and I know a part of me always will no matter what, but… We really have to change a few things."
"I know." He replied, pulling her back into his arms. "I love you so much, Jude." He said while kissing her forehead. "I love you so much." He repeated; his voice shaky and full of emotion.
"I love you too."
For a few minutes, he just held her there, trying to take everything in and thanking God for the moment they had. "So what do we do now?"
"Right now?" she asked.
He nodded.
Thinking over what she wanted to say, Jude was silent for a few minutes before she answered. "Promise not to ever make me have to let go of you again."
Tommy smiled, and did as she asked. Both had their arms tightly wrapped around the other, taking her request literally and figuratively.
"I promise."
And that was all that was needed to be said as the two stood there in the snow—their love for the other keeping them warm as they reached the late hours of night with only the city lights and stars keeping the world around them, real.
Of 2 am.
The End.