Just a weird little idea I had...

Disclaimer: Not mine, obviously.

Business is business

' - an' it's powerfully magical, too,'

'Is it?' the potential customer asked suspiciously 'What's it do then?'

Dung Fletcher hesitated. It was a tricky question. He didn't know what the object he was currently trying to sell did, and wasn't sure he wanted to find out.

'Well… I dunno, really,' he admitted. He was, in his own way, an honest man. Even when cheating, he tried to be as honest about it as he could. He didn't want to let anyone bigger and stronger than himself notice that he had lied to them.

'Where'd you get it then?' the customer asked.

'I… found it…' It was true. He had found it. He never stole. Who? Him? Never! Admittedly, he had found it at number 12 Grimmauld Place, but what the hell? Sirius had never liked that junk anyway.

'Yeah, right. How'd you know it's magic then?'

'Look, it just is, okay?' Dung said desperately.

'And what if it ain't?'

'Well, it's still real silver,' he said hopefully.

'As real as that unicorn hair you sold me last month?'

Oh bugger, he knew about that?

'NO! 'Course not! 'S really real!'

'So the unicorn hair wasn't?'

Oh crap. He didn't!

'No, I mean, this is, like… more real. Or somethin'…' he finished lamely.

'I wanna see it,' the customer said 'Now. I ain't buyin' it till I see it.'

'Yeah, yeah, sure…' Dung reached somewhere into the depths of his pocket. Where was it? Aha! He squeezed it in his hand, but before he could pull it out of the pocket, his potential customer was gone. What the hell? Dung looked around. This wasn't Knockturn Alley, was it?

XXX

'Rat onna stick!' Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler called out 'Sausage inna bun!' The street was empty, but he hoped maybe there was someone round a corner somewhere(1) 'Hot sausage!' he tried again. Nothing.

It had not been a good day. It rarely is when your job is selling things nobody wants to buy. Still, Dibbler always hoped that one of these days someone would appear suddenly out of nowhere and buy a lot of sausages. Of course it seemed unlikely, but, you know, million-to-one chances an' all that.(2)

And just then, all of a sudden, someone did appear out of nowhere. Dibbler was a little surprised, but not so much really. He was quite close to the Unseen University and strange things tended to happen so close to a lot of wizards who had nothing better to do. He really didn't have anything against people who appeared out of the thin air, as long as they didn't appear have tentacles or try to kill him, and were hungry, and had money.

XXX

A man carrying a tray walked over to him.

'Hot sausage? Inna bun?' he said hopefully.

Dung glanced at the sausages. They didn't look very appetizing, but most things he ate didn't. And it had been a long day, and he was beginning to feel a bit hungry. Might as well have one. The man selling them turned out to be a Muggle, but Dung managed to convince him to accept wizards' money(3). He picked up a sausage. He ate it. It sure wasn't Molly's cooking, but since Molly currently refused to feed him until he has a bath and quits trying to corrupt her kids, it would have to do. The other man stared at him. He had no idea why.

XXX

The stranger didn't appear to have any tentacles, but he sure as hell wasn't a normal human! He ate the whole sausage. Dibbler hadn't seen anyone do that for a while. And he smiled.

'Y-you like it?' Dibbler asked in some sort of horrified fascination.

'Mmm,' the man said, then he swallowed the last bit and added 'Mhm.'

It sounded like a yes. Dibbler desperately tried to remember the last time someone had said they liked something they had bought from him. It seemed to have been about thirty years ago.

'Y'know what?' the stranger said 'I think I'll have one more.'

Dibbler handed him another sausage. He wasn't sure he remembered anyone ever asking for more before they forgot what the last one had tasted like. As the man took a bite of the sausage, Dibbler fainted.

XXX

Dung finished his hot-dog wondering what the hell was going on. Well, the magical object was obviously some sort of Portkey thing. At least he knew what it did now. But what's with the sausages? Was this some kind of trick or what? When the man fainted, Dung prodded him with his foot.

'Oy! You all righ'?' he asked. The man was still unconscious.

Oh well. Dung picked up the tray of sausages, meat-pies and other dodgy-looking foodstuffs. Maybe he'd be able to sell 'em. What the hell? Business is business.

(1)There was. But he ran away when he heard Dibbler coming. He had actually been quite hungry, until he thought about the sausages.

(2)Well, you know what they say about million-to-one chances. They just might work. Nine times out of ten they do, really. It's just that it always just happens to be that tenth time…

(3)Not too much of it of course. He couldn't afford to spend too much of it, since most belonged to other wizards.