AN: this is my first ever posting. please be gentle. This is inspired by the song "Gifts and Curses" by Yellowcard. And to state the obvious, it's from Elisa's point of view. I don't own the song nor do I own Gargoyles.
My Gift, My Curse
This is my gift, that nearly every night I get to see the one I love. I get to watch him wake up and stretch those amazing muscles of his. I get to see the smile that comes to his face, changing it from it's normally dour and angry look to an almost carefree, happy visage upon waking and seeing his family. Most nights, if I'm lucky, I get his help to protect the city that means so much to me, to us. He never really objects to me tagging along with him and his family, on their nightly watch. He seems to prefer it that way, to be honest. Instead of me driving around in my car on the street and him above keeping watch, it's almost as if carrying me in his arms as he glides through the city, around buildings and alleys, brings him a sense a peace that was missing from him for so long. I love being in his arms, as we fly through the night, close to the warmth of his chest, able to put my head there and listen to his heart beat strong and true. It always reminds me of that dance we shared, so long ago. Where we were able to walk down the street together, my hand on his arm and not draw so many odd stares. How when we danced together, it like something from a movie, how everyone and everything else just seemed to drift away.
This is my gift, that he wants to protect me and keep me from harm, it lifts my heart to know that he cares, that his actions always speak louder. I know that in some way, maybe not the same way as me but at least in some way he cares for me. It is a gift, that he lets me go do what I have to do, even if it means diving head first in to danger, even thought it looks like it might just kill him to do so. But I know that whenever I'm in trouble, not matter how much, he always seems to be there to save me just in time. And let's face it, this is something that has happened more than I care to admit. He is always encouraging to me, allowing that I do have my own wings, so to speak, and I need to stretch them every now and again. And no matter what, he understand the commitment to doing the job you have to do.
This is my gift, that he is different from every man I have ever met and/or been involved with. I love that my partner likes and respects him, and that my family feels pretty much the same way. My brother on the other hand, has a problem with the knowledge that in a fight, my brother would never see the winning side. But that's okay, because my brother knows that he would protect me until his last breath. He accepts my family and friends and protects like they are his own. Even my brother, who can be a bit of an idiot from time to time.
This is my gift, that I get to know love, experience it firsthand in one that I can respect for his quiet strength and fierce loyalty. And I do love him, so very much it hurts and maybe obvious for people to see, but it changes nothing. Because this is also my curse.
This is my curse because even thought I love him, and know that somewhere he has feelings for me, I don't know what those are. He loved someone else, long before me, but was badly hurt by her and her betrayal, so I'm not sure if he'll ever be able to love like that again. This is a curse because without that knowledge, I know I will never be able to tell him my feelings. Sure, I've kissed him. We even kinda had a date, kinda. He's tried to tell me something before, but I've been too afraid to hear. I don't want him to reject me, or send me away. So, we have kind of ignored the kiss and the messed up date, that might be a gift but I am counting it as a curse.
It's a curse because sometimes I catch him looking at me, and I don't know how to take it. It get me flustered and bothered and I start stuttering and have to leave before I make an even bigger fool of myself. Not to mention, of course, confusing him and his friends in the process.
It's a curse because I'm at that age where most of my friends are falling in love, getting married and having two point however many children, and I know that won't happen as long as I love him. Society may never accept us, which is okay since I was raised to thumb my nose at society, but more than that: Marriage and children? I didn't think I'd ever be one to want that but he makes me want it so much. But there is just so much that stands in the way of that, it hurts my head to think about.
This is a curse because even though he has met my family, and likes (most) of them, and they feel the same towards him: they understand the feats that it would take for us to be together, really together. And their pitying looks nearly kill me every time.
I wasn't raised to believe that love is a curse, but rather a gift. I love Goliath, more than anyone or anything. But I just can't do anything about it. So for now, I look at it as both. This is my gift, this is my curse, that I have to live with.