Snow Drifts In Sotto Voce
A lone figure trudged its way without haste up the North Mountain's face. Pure, untouched snow veiled the North Mountain and its nearby brothers and sisters. Snow floated from the sky, touching bare rocks, caressing the ground with little, quick kisses. Nobody saw the lonely figure straining her way up the North Mountain, already beyond exhaustion. Only her footsteps, grazed over by her long pink cloak, marked the unmarred snow on the mountains.
Queen Elsa paused to take in her surroundings, her breathing and the sighing wind the only two sounds she heard at the foot of the tallest mountain on the outskirts of Arendelle.
How far away can I go? How much farther from Arendelle can I flee?
Turning her head, Elsa stared off into the distance, too fatigued now to be surprised at how far she had managed to run. Run before she hurt someone, hurt Anna. Flee from those who branded her a monster. She had known that something would go wrong at the crowning, if not the coronation itself.
I knew it, I knew it.
Better she was out here in this desert of snow. Here, she was still queen, but ruled over no-one except herself and all that flew, crawled, or walked around this barren landscape. At least with no one around for miles, she would never be able to hurt anybody with her monstrous curse.
Anna shall be queen tomorrow morning. She will be queen of Arendelle—she's not a monster. Not like…me.
The Arendelle citizens—her people. They knew who she was, they had seen the curse that twisted itself into cruel ice and frost inside Elsa. The argument with Anna, how frost had itched to leap from her bared hand once the younger sister had snatched off the glove. She'd tried so hard all day and the better part of an evening to control it, hold it all in, and she would have succeeded had Anna not pulled off the glove. Had Anna not demanded to know why she shut her out, what she found so terrifying about the world outside the gates.
I nearly hit her again, Elsa shivered, clamping her arms across her torso, I could have hurt her. Again.
Jagged shards of ice in the ballroom, quarantining Elsa from everyone in the room. Wide eyes, gaping mouths, whispers behind cupped hands. The way Anna stared at her, stunned into absolute silence for once.
Elsa's shoulders sagged, her head drooping, allowing her arms to drop back to her sides as she drowned herself in these unsettling musings, tinged with the assurance that Anna would be a better queen than she ever could be. At least Anna had an ordinary life, free of any curses or powers. She didn't need to worry about hurting someone else.
I'm sorry, Anna, I tried to hold it all in, I really did. Now you have to be the best queen Arendelle's seen. For me. For mother. For father.
Father. That very word brought back memories of the motto, what Elsa had to say to keep her fears and emotions in control. As a child and an adolescent, Elsa had always been very obedient, adherent to the rules, and listened to every piece of advice her father imparted to her. How he had told her to conceal, to hide her powers. Without conscious thought, Elsa's arms moved across her torso, hugging herself as she clenched her eyes shut against the memories of trying and failing to conceal her powers like a good girl. The impatient frustrations she'd experienced inside herself when she couldn't hold them back. How that frustration grew, exploding in frost slicking up walls and crawling over floors.
They can't know, Elsa heard his voice again, remember that, Elsa. For your own safety, no one must know you have your powers. Not even Anna.
Well what good was that advice now? What good did it do anyone now that everyone who had been in that ballroom witnessed the explosion of sorcery? What good were her father's words now?
Now his advice has been for nothing—and everyone now knows what I am.
Stopping in her tracks, Elsa brought her gloved hand before her face, glaring at it, hating its existence. She detested how it had to be a part of her, always muffling her powers—and now they were exposed anyway. What good was it to hide them anymore? What was the point? Pulling on the fingers of the glove, she yanked it off her hand, flinging it skywards as far from herself as she could get it. The sensation of wind on her skin brushed against her hand, now gloveless like the other.
Now they know!
Without thinking about it, Elsa lifted her left hand to chest level, letting soft, curling magic billow out from her palm, a gust of swirling snow and frost. She gradually sensed that a slow smile had alighted on her lips as she watched the magic billow out from her right hand, now letting both build whatever came to her mind.
A snowman from the dim past.
Snow drifts curling and swirling in its unbelievable magic.
The feel of cold pulsating through her palms, soothing and calm.
Her arms raised up to the sky, snow and frost cocooning her, snowflakes lilting soft across the cloud-blanketed night sky.
Her parents' faces appearing in her mind's eye, disappointed and disapproving of her revelling in her powers. Elsa pushed the image from her head, throwing her arms downwards, allowing the snow to slick to the ground like sleet.
No, don't think about them—don't think about what they would think. You no longer care, Elsa counselled herself. They all think you a monster anyway.
The wind moaned, yanking on her cloak like it wanted it for itself. The same deep pink cloak that had dragged behind her all day, weighed down by the past. Now in this new isolation, she could throw that behind her, allow it to blow far away over the mountains, no one around to witness her except the rugged landscape blanketed in pure snow. She'd wanted this isolation, desired it, and it was what she was used to. She had come to like it, believed it had been something she'd preferred all along. She didn't want to be around anyone, and what better but to be a hermit hidden away in the mountains where she couldn't be reached or seen by anyone? Her isolation kept everyone safe, and who could find her here? She didn't mind it at all. Really.
Elsa marched forward, her feet now gliding over the snow's surface, her powers surging from head to toe. Her muscles burned with each strain forward, but Elsa didn't care. She had to get as far away as possible, and the North Mountain was only a night's journey away.
Elsa lifted her head, turning to gaze around in awe at the sheer distance she had made from not just Arendelle, but seemingly the whole world.
It's like I'm at the edge of the world, she mused in awe, eyes wide with wonder.
Now the mountains, the night, the snow, and the chill were her sole companions. The closest humans were so far away it didn't seem to matter now. Her most powerful snow flurry would not reach them at this distance. And with this giant expanse between herself and the rest of humanity, Elsa's strangling fears relaxed its hold. Her deepest fears, so dominating and overwhelming back in Arendelle, seemed to have shrunk into something not as terrifying. Why should she fear anything or anyone now she was at the edge of the world?
Everything's too far away to affect me now, Elsa thought, a burst of excitement energy ballooning in her heart, there is nothing to fear out here! Nothing!
The burst of excitement climaxed into insatiable energy, propelling her forward, her nerves buzzing with anticipation of pushing how far her magic could take her. An overwhelming desire to throw all cautions to the wind and challenge the boundaries of her powers overtook her senses, driving her whole body into action. Seeing the gaping chasm ahead, Elsa didn't hesitate, pausing only to calculate how to build something sturdy enough to see her across to the other side. Elsa formulated the stairway as intricately as she could in her own imagination before raising her hands to bring her mind's eye to life.
Her heart raced in her chest, flipping several times over in her sheer elation as magic leaped from her hands, blasting forward in a blizzard of snow, ice, and frost to outline and colour in the first half of the staircase, not yet reaching to the other side of the chasm. It was still an experiment, but Elsa's heart swelled with new delight, knowing her powers could be so useful and so beautiful. Never before had she the chance to bring forth a creation as breath-taking as the burgeoning beginnings of this stairway to deeper isolation in the heart of the North Mountain.
Yet, even this new creation was not enough for her. She had to challenge the boundaries, explore where the borders were—if there were any. If there were limits to her power, she had not yet found them. She challenged not only herself, but the entire breadth of the ice storm that was a part of her. She didn't care now what happened, only that her powers' limitations would be tested, boundaries stretched, and creativity renewed until it was perfect. She strived for perfection even now as Elsa sauntered forward toward the half-finished stairway over the chasm.
No one can tell me what to do, there is nobody who can stop me from testing my limitations! No one but myself alone in the heart of the mountains!
Elsa came to a stop before the first step of her ice stairway, gazing down with awe and pride at her new creation, now challenging her powers to test its own limits. She would make it support her weight as she formed the rest of the stairway without anyone telling her whether she ought or not. No one to make her hide it, command her to undo what she had done. Everything that she had ever thought, ever believed, ever valued all fell away in the face of her newfound freedom. Free! She was free now! Free to do as she pleased!
Planting one foot on the first step, Elsa bounded up the stairs, her hands trailing the railings, transforming her staircase from a rough sketch into the world's most masterful architecting of a stairway formed completely out of ice. Bursts of ice and snow flurried over her hands and her body as she gave herself up to the intoxication of freedom and limitless creativity. Steps burst and formed out of solid ice, always several steps ahead of the queen. The wind raced through her hair, which was still in its tightly coiled up-do. Her skirts brushed against her legs, her shoes clinked over the stairs as she broke into a full sprint, now completely in her own world of freedom. Closing her eyes, Elsa imagined too well being nothing but wintry breezes, blizzards, a nippy frost, and the deep black sky far above her, a dome encasing the mountain range.
Reaching the other side of the chasm, Elsa leaped off her second-to-last step, her arms flung out on either side of her, the feeling of flying without restraints as powerful as any of this euphoria rippling through her soul, body, and mind. Spinning on her heel, the queen understood on a subconscious level that now she was completely separated from everyone, even Anna.
Anna.
She faltered mid-spin, remembering in her exhilaration that her sister was far away, just like everyone else. Tears threatened to leap to her eyes, but Elsa refused to cry—there was no one out here, including her, who would ever see her weep. Much as part of her wanted to collapse in a sobbing, exhausted wreck, Elsa refused to allow herself to feel this storm of grief and fatigue. She was on her own, nothing mattered anymore.
No need for tears out here where I can be happy!
Despite the darkness enshrouding her surroundings, Elsa still observed that this part of the mountain was so rocky and treacherous that only the best of mountain climbers could ever reach this part of its peak. A huge swath of snow encrusted land flared out around her; it did not appear to be covered in loose rocks and stones, and here, tucked away in the mountain, no one could ever hope to reach her easily.
Here is my new home from tonight.
With stark clarity, the image of a grand ice palace seared in her brain, and again her powers ached inside her, yearning to be let free, to fly from her and form new creations that only she could see. Nobody but herself would ever see her fine creations.
Lifting her skirts in clenched hands to free her feet, Elsa lifted a foot and stamped as hard as she could on the ground. A snowflake-shaped pattern burst and crackled from under her foot, sketching and etching over the surface of the snow. Particles and fragments of ice formed and shaped themselves into the snowflake tattooed on the ground. Ice thundered, sighed, and laughed around her as though it too shared Elsa's all-consuming ecstasy of transformative creation.
It's coming, it's coming! Elsa cried in her head, I'm doing it, I'm really doing this!
Bending her knees, her arms bent at her sides, she clawed her hands, lifting upwards as though to lift the entire foundation of the palace from its frozen birth. The floor lifted under her feet, the sensation sending another series of thrills through Elsa, her unfettered excitement digging deep into her bones and sinew. She didn't just pull up and out with her arms, but with her whole body, her strength centring itself at her core inside. Her torso and back muscles tensed, pushing and straining with the building of her palace, the greatest and most challenging feat of her powers yet. She bit her lip in concentration, breaking into a smile as she lifted her eyes to watch the formation of her palace around her.
Now the walls of her ice palace took shape, arching and sighing as sheets of ice and tendrils of flurries intertwined and worked together to sketch and build up what would be her new home. A crystalline fountain with frozen water droplets arcing outward from its top formed under a giant arch that even now transformed itself into a sweeping stairway that led out to a second floor with a balcony looking toward the east horizon.
Around her, arching windows exposing the still dark sky outside formed in the walls, her magic flurrying around the transformations even as frost and ice climaxed up to a point arching far, far above Elsa. The ice narrowed into points as they crackled and stretched into the first formation of a ceiling. The sheer size and height of the palace dwarfed its creator, a potent image of the vast boundaries of her magical ability. The triangles and diamonds of ice that formed the first burgeoning of a ceiling now raced toward each other, meeting in the middle, colliding downwards in a spiral that jagged and jabbed outwards in more snowflake-like formations. The ice continued downward from the ceiling, petals of ice forming as it raced toward the floor. With a final flourish, Elsa finished the huge chandelier gracing the ceiling in all its majesty.
Elsa barely stopped to take in the fine architecture of her glorious creation, now aware of her attire, which still reminded her of home. But she was long past caring, and she determined to rid herself of any reminders of Arendelle. Her dress, her crown, even her elegant hairstyle with at least a few pins digging into her scalp.
That queen is no more, that woman is no longer, Elsa declared to herself as she whipped the crown off her head, glaring at it.
The diminutive crown's sky blue jewel twinkled in its bed of gold, reflecting against the ice surrounding the queen. She didn't want this crown anymore, not as long as it would remind her every minute of the home she had left behind, the sister she had left behind, the people she had abandoned.
No not abandoned, she reminded herself, but saved. Saved from my powers.
She regarded the crown with one last glance as she prepared to throw away everything she ever knew for good. Everything that had been was gone, every deed acted had been done, and only her future alone on this mountain mattered now. Nothing else except her own future, away from anyone she could hurt, including her sister.
Her mind made up, Elsa launched the crown out of a window into the sky now emblazoned with approaching twilight. Stars still twinkled beyond, hazed in blue by both the walls of the palace and the oncoming dawn.
The crown no longer matters—Anna will be queen, and she will be free, as free as I am up here.
But the regret still pulsed in her heart, expressed itself for just half a second in wide, slightly misty eyes and furrowed eyebrows, even as she reached a hand back to undo her formal hairstyle. Clenching her eyes shut, forcing her regret and agony as deep into her subconscious, away from her too-aware conscious, Elsa yanked her bun loose, feeling long tufts of her side bangs and fringe brush the skin of her face. With the loosening of her hair into a looser plait, Elsa so too felt all her pain melt away.
It's time to forget everything back in Arendelle. Forget Arendelle itself.
With new pleasure rushing through her body, Elsa brushed her hands through her loose plait, smoothing down her fringe and side bangs. With a little gestural flourish, Elsa flipped the end of her braid over her shoulder, revelling in her new-found sense of self. She wasn't just a queen who happened to be burdened with a curse. She was someone else entirely different, even more glamorous than the queen she had been.
Now was the time to rid herself of her old, drab dress that belonged more to a queen than to the woman she wanted to be, the Elsa she yearned to discover. She wasn't a queen, she was Elsa. But who was this Elsa and how would she find her? Here no one called her "Your Majesty", "Her Majesty", "Majesty", or even "Queen", but nor would they call her "Elsa".
Who is this 'Elsa'?
Elsa began the grand transformation of her dress, her powers surging to the surface, stitching itself over the intricate designs of the skirt of her coronation dress. Powdery ice enshrouded the green skirts, literally reimagining the starchy material into a silky flow of sparkling blue-white ice, at once solid and liquid, yet behaving exactly in the manner of any ordinary dress materials. Elsa revelled, heart purring inside her chest, as the new dress reimagined the old into the new, transforming a majesty into pure magnificence. Still rejoicing her newfound sense of beauty, Elsa deliberately added a slit in her skirt, showing off her long legs, accentuated by her new ice high heels encasing her tiny feet.
The ice spiralled up her torso, still tailoring the old queen into this new young woman who was unafraid of herself, a beauteous wonder of nature. Now this new dress transformed into a snug bodice with the shape of the ice-material accentuating Elsa's hourglass figure with its finely shaped hips and bosom. Her dress now completely transformed into a glorious costume that easily rivalled her old kingdom's most breath-taking ball-gown, Elsa lifted up her arms, allowing her powers to transform the black sleeves of the now disappeared coronation outfit. Her slim, elegant arms lifted gracefully over her head like a ballerina's as she watched the ice transform the last remaining touches of black. With the sparkles and waves of frost still hovering around her body, Elsa flicked her hands back, a cloak materialising itself into shape, rippling and folding over the floor. But unlike her old, heavy cloak that had dragged behind her, this new cloak was airy, floating on the air as she sauntered her way down to the balcony, her hips swinging as she discovered her own perfected sensuality.
Beyond the balcony, the dawn awaited her, blushing both snow and sky as the sun still hid its glory just below the horizon. The snow gleamed anew, sparkling and pure, the mountain now her new home. Elsa couldn't help but greet the dawn, flinging her arms outwards, tilting her head back as she glided to the balcony outside. The light played over the now deeper purple of her eye-shadow, emphasised the redness of her lips, and softened the pale hues of her skin and platinum blonde, soft hair.
This is who I am now. Elsa. I never knew how beautiful she could be.
She marched out onto the balcony, opening her eyes to see the dawn breaking over the distant mountains and valleys, rays now undulating over the snowy cliffs and peaks. She was all alone, but she was as free as the sun bursting over the distant horizon. She shouted in unbridled jubilation as she raised her arms skywards, eyes closed in all-consuming bliss, welcoming a new day and a new woman.
My name is Elsa, and I was born to be free.
Elsa spun on her heel, and with a dramatic flourish of her gossamer cloak, stepped back into her palace, slamming the doors shut on the newborn day and everything she had ever known in her life.
I am free.