A/N: Yeah, I finally succumbed to the romantic sap within in me and wrote a post-Graduation DS fic… because as far as I'm concerned there never will be enough of these suckers in this world. :) This was inspired wholly by the song "Jealous" by Idina Menzel, just because ever since Wicked I've tended to subconsciously associate that green-skinned actress as a kind of inner voice for Shego… sometimes. I'll probably make some kind of animated music video out of that song so you guys can hear it.
Edit- I've posted an AMV I made with the song on YouTube. Check it out. It kinda shows what was going through my head when I wrote this. www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?vUY1C3tB-9uY
Oh, and don't ask me about A Life Long Forgotten. I hate that fic so much right now I can barely motivate myself to working on it. I know I promised I'd finish it, and I will, no matter how much it sucks, but it just… frustrates me! I can BS my way through a complicated English essay on the use of characterization and symbolism in Shakespeare and how that relates to theme, but a slightly AU fic revolved around cartoon characters?
Anywho…
"Damn I, I love you,
More than I ever wanted to.
And now all that's left are these deep regrets,
Missed opportunity, emptiness…"
-"Jealous" lyrics by Idina Menzel
She was angry. It was a terrible shift from the bewildered happiness and pride she had felt just a few hours earlier, when the medal slipped around his neck and he stood before the world as a hero and she had her place standing next to him. She deserved that place, after all that she had been through with him.
And then the bubble burst, and she realized that the only reason she was happy for him was because he had succeeded, not in conquering the world but in gaining the respect he had always wanted in the first place. The world finally saw him for the genius that he was, what point would there be in any more world domination exploits? And where would that leave her? What would she do if she was no longer helping him fight the world into submission?
She remembered the way she felt, right before she had betrayed her boss and blasted his new henchwoman at the last second. It was the same feeling that consumed her after the Diablo incident and she was crammed in a cell with DNAmy chatting on and on and on about her wonderful "monkeyman" and how he'd come back for her in the most outlandishly romantic jailbreak Shego had ever heard of. It was the same feeling she felt now. She couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was but she knew it was some branch of anger and she was more than accustomed to being angry.
He was still beaming when they got in the car after the ceremony, blissfully unaware that his sidekick wanted to blast him into the next century for what he was doing to her. He ranted for a full fifteen minutes on the turnout of the ceremony, how envious the other villains had looked, and how happy his success had made him.
She hated his guts.
He noticed she was being awfully quiet and made the mistake of asking if everything was alright. She shot him a death glare.
"Oh, just fine and dandy Dr. D. Hey, why don't you just go back to ranting on how wonderful the world is now that you've saved it."
The bitterness in her voice shocked him as if she had jabbed a knife into his gut. He stared at her scowl for a long time before sputtering, "I'm just… happy, Shego… I… I thought… that you were…"
"What? Proud of you?" she snapped.
He stared dejectedly at the steering wheel for so long he nearly missed the traffic light change to red. Shego was thrown forward and then slammed back into her seat as Drakken slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting the Mercedes-Benz zooming across the intersection.
"What the hell is the matter with you?" Shego bellowed, rubbing her whip-lashed neck.
"Me!? You're the one being all hurtful and confusing! It's distracting, Shego, and you know better than to distract me when I'm driving!"
"Well excuse me, Mr. Freeman, I didn't realize Miss Daisy was in the backseat!"
"I swear I'll never understand you for as long as I live! You were happy at the award ceremony, why are you being so… so…"
"So what?"
"Mean! Shego, you're being mean."
"Newsflash, Doc. I'M ALWAYS MEAN!"
He sat back in his seat, struck by the forcefulness of her words. Yes, mean and Shego generally went hand in hand, but he had seen something… different in her. She had smiled! Actually, genuinely smiled at him, and it made no sense that she'd have such a bad attitude now.
"The light's turned green." She said, stoically. And as he eased the car into motion her mind spun as she realized the significance of what she had said.
Green.
Her brothers used to joke that she had gotten the green glow because she was jealous she couldn't play on boy's sports teams, or do many of the other things they got to do because she was a girl. It was a stupid joke of course, but it did have some merit. And the more she thought about it, the more the idea began to take root in Shego's mind until it hit her like a mallet.
Shewas jealous.
She had always been jealous. She had been jealous of the villains they used to combat and the freedom that they had, and she had decided she'd rather have people jealous of her than the other way around and that was why she initially quit being a hero.
She had been jealous during the whole Diablo incident. Jealous that Drakken had actually concocted a foolproof plot without the slightest input from her and that she wasn't even smart enough to figure it out. She was jealous that, at the one moment she was convinced that she and Drakken would finally win, Possible had beaten her. And she knew that, if she had been the hero against a plot like that, she would've failed, because she didn't have someone to pull her out of an emotional trauma like Ron did. She didn't have someone that loved her like that.
She had been jealous sitting in the cold, dank cell with DNAmy, convinced that someone who loved her was coming for her, even though her sentence was just about served and she would be released anyways, while Shego would be stuck there for the next 87 years… if she lived that long. She remembered the time she and Drakken had worked with her, and it started to bother her that she could be so… friendly, and then just break his heart like it didn't even matter. It hadn't bothered her then, but after Junior and Eddie had proved to be complete disappointments Shego had found herself just a little jealous of the pudgy geneticist.
It was out of jealousy that Shego hadn't come to break him out of prison when she could have. Jealousy and fear, really. She was jealous of all those villains who were motivated enough and skilled enough to carry out plots on their own. And she couldn't help but wonder if Drakken had realized that he might be better off without her cutting sarcasm and blatant lack of motivation. She had always basked in the knowledge that he needed her far much more than she needed him, but she was beginning to doubt the truthfulness of that. After all, he could always find muscle. Even semi-intelligent muscle if he quit being such a cheapskate. It was with a sinking heart that Shego realized Drakken could even go solo, if he could just figure out a way to get I-Can-Annoy-Anything Possible out of the picture the rest of the world would be a synch. She could never be on her own like that. She wouldn't even know where to begin much less motivate herself to carry out some kind of plot. And she could pretty much forget about pulling off anything remotely technical or scientific. Death rays didn't normally come with instruction manuals, after all. What if Drakken decided he didn't need her anymore? Or worse. What if that last failure had been his breaking point? What if he had given up on villainy entirely? She had needed that vacation time after simply trying to figure out what to do if working for Drakken no longer became an option. It was depressing that, other than going back to life as a dopey, law-abiding citizen and trying to work with absurdly obnoxious villains like Killigan and Monkeyfist (which would never, never work), she had nothing left to do.
She had been jealous of Warmonga. Insanely jealous. How could he have replaced her so quickly? It would have been different if she had been more distrusting, less loyal. If she had been short or ugly or… human, Shego may not have reacted the way she did. But Warmonga had been the antithesis of everything Shego was, and it pained her to find that Drakken would've won because of her, had Shego not intervened. It was ironic really, that the very thing that kept her from breaking him out in the first place would come true because she didn't break him out when she had the chance. She had learned her lesson and he had forgiven her, but that still didn't make the jealousy go away.
She was jealous of him. She was jealous that he had gotten everything he ever wanted and she didn't know what she wanted anymore. She was jealous of the amnesty he had received for every crime he had ever committed, and how that offer wasn't extended to her until he had demanded it. She was jealous of the opportunities and job offers he would inevitably receive now that everyone recognized his brilliance… jobs that wouldn't require thievery or hand-to-hand combat or any of her skill sets. Once again she was jealous of his drive and ability to work without her. She was jealous of the fact that he had made her proud of him; that he made her forget her envy for a moment to subconsciously smile at him while her entire purpose was being snatched from her. She hated him for being so happy and secure with himself at the one time she wasn't. She was used to him always needing her and somehow the tables had turned and she needed him now and that made her jealous.
Her eyes fell on the medal that wrapped comfortably around his neck and hung with a mocking glint over his heart, like it belonged there. And Shego realized with horror that that piece of metal that symbolized his greatest achievement had inspired her greatest sense of jealousy.
"Stop the car."
"What?"
"Stop the car!"
Something in the tone of her voice jolted him enough so that he complied without a word of complaint. The second the car stopped rolling Shego had unlatched her seatbelt and, before he had time to react, had pulled the medal over his head and replaced it with her arms, letting her head rest in the exact same spot that annoying piece of gold had.
"Sh…Shego? What are you doing?" Drakken didn't bother to hide the nervousness in his voice.
"Your heart's beating like crazy."
"Yeah, well… look you're totally confusing me here, I thought you were mad at me."
"I am."
"Then why are you… uh… hugging me?"
"It's…" she raised her head to look at him and suddenly the full realization of how close they actually were washed over her. "It's complicated." She said, returning to her seat. She wasn't sure what she had expected to happen… what she had expected to feel. She had felt somewhat warmer and the softness of his coat mixed with the pounding of his heart felt somewhat… nice. But it was the sense of belonging that she was missing and she couldn't help but feel somewhat empty at the fact that her actions weren't requited.
She stared at the medal in her hand for a moment before handing it back. To her surprise he didn't put it back on. He just stared at it like he had never seen it before, like he didn't know what to do with it. He looked up into her eyes and it was as if she could see the gears turning in his mind in an attempt to put two and two together and figure her out. Then he started to smile.
"You know, Shego, I've come up with a few more plans to eliminate Kim Possible. Nothing too major. I figure we should keep a low profile until this whole alien business blows over before we strike again…" She stared at him with wide eyes. Was he serious? He started the car again and continued. "And with Kim Possible out of the way we can finally turn our attention back to global domination! It's going to be tougher, though. Now that all the major governments know what we're capable of they'll be looking out for us. We're going to have to be extra sneaky."
"Are… are you sure that's such a good idea Dr. D? I mean, we've just had our criminal records swiped clean. You realize how long we would've been stuck in jail without that amnesty grant?"
"That's precisely why we have to work extra hard if you want to be back on the Most Wanted list in eleven countries. Or is there something else you'd rather spend the rest of our lives doing?"
Something in the pit of Shego's stomach jumped as she realized what he was actually saying. It wasn't about conquering the world or gaining respect anymore, he had that. It was about her. And in a weird way he had put the rest of his life in her hands because he didn't care what he did anymore, whether it was global domination or a pathetic existence as a normal person, he would risk anything if it meant keeping her with him. He would never grow tired of her and he would never stop needing her. Because she simply belonged with him. It was strangely the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her.
"Have you ever been jealous of somebody, Dr. D?"
He looked at her with half his monobrow raised and a slightly smug grin. "I can think of a few times. Why?"
"No reason."
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He kissed her before she left for bed that night. And she would always be jealous because she hadn't kissed him first…
The End