Hey everyone! Okay, well I heard at the end of the eps that the Inu gang has been together 4 years which is why it says 4 yrs lol. I made this story for my msn group but not only did me but everyone else who read it REALLY liked the original so I wanted to turn this into a Inuyasha fanfic. The only person I thought this would relate to was Sango if I reworded it just enough. By the way sorry I haven't been updating. My fingers infected and swollen . it tells you about it in my Xanga lol. My name is CrAzEdGirl622 hehe. Well im gonna stop rambling but please tell me what you all think. If its a no then ill take it down .
Anyways Enjoy!
It's been four years.
Four years of memories, happiness and pain.
A lot can happen within four years. More then the human mind can surely comprehend or possibly remember. Within the blink of a eye and a few seconds of age we often forget about our memories due to the insanity of life. Some people say it's good not to remember but I highly disagree. These past four years of my life are mixed with ones i'll always cherish and want to remember and the ones I wish would just disappear from my mind forever.
Sadly, for every valued memory there is also a dimmed one to block it's path. It's sort of like the goodness in life that is often mistaken with sad eyes. When those sad eyes mistake the good for the bad it ages that persons spirit terribly. Hurtful memories can change a person and make them believe there is no hope left.
What is hope? I don't think I completely know yet. No matter how close I think I am to it, I slowly but surely slip away. My father once told me having hope is the best feeling anybody can have. In a way I know he was right. Actually, in more the one way I will ever admit. For having hope is the best feeling you can ever imagine having. It gives you a new perspective on life and helps you clear your mind. It's this small yet powerful voice in the back of your mind telling you not to give up. But what happens when you slip away?
Hmph.
I've been there more then once, believe me. I have continually chased down hope just to slip and lose the race. Everything that was once good to you through your eyes sours and leaves you bitter; often cold. It fogs up your previously cleared mind and that one small, powerful voice that once told you to keep on going eventually fades away. Do you know what replaces it?
Nothing.
The nothingness of your mind begins to travel. It goes from your mind and reaches your heart and soul. Anything once good and decent in your life is substituted with sorrow and regret.
I guess in a way I can say i'm still there.
But, I don't want to be. I use to think for someone to give into the darkness it made them a weak person but i've proven myself wrong. Throughout my journey i've been through my share of courage and strength but still was eventually defeated. I never gave up though, it just wasn't in me to throw in the towel and surrender. People were depending on me but I was also depending on myself. I ended up entirely letting myself down though in the long run.
How you may ask? I'll tell you.
I pushed myself beyond my limits. Sets goal that seemed to far to reach. I constantly pushed my body and spirit to become stronger and it was working for a while. It stopped though. Everytime I consistently kept reaching the impossible it was for a worthy reason to me. I wanted to help.
No, I wanted to make a difference.
Over time I did and it made me feel so good inside. It was the one time where I won the race against hope. I felt like I was ontop of the world with nothing to stop me from ridding the world of 'evil'. But something did. It was grief.
I watched helplessly around me as my family and fellow demon slayers fell down to the ground, annihilated in their footsteps. I was attacked and killed alright. I don't mean by body, I mean my soul. Everything I once grew attached to and held dear to me was taken away with greedy hands. Just when I thought things couldn't get worst they did. I was alone.
There was nowhere else to go.
After being deceived and left weak I wandered around til I found Inuyasha. I instantly attacked him since he was fingered by Naraku as the killer. I don't know how but after all was said and done I ended up staying by his and everyones side. I was no longer alone.
But, after all of my disappointment and heartache i've come to a conclusion. This isn't how I want my life to be. I don't want to cry myself to sleep just to wake up in the morning feeling sorry of myself. It isn't me. I know who I am.
I want to be carefree again. I was to take in a deep breath and feel the cool, crisp breeze flow carelessly through my hair. I want to laugh and most of all I want to smile; I mean really smile. Which is why i'm leaving my past behind.
Yes I love Kohaku and wish to avenge him, my father and my village but living life in constant agony isn't what's best. Especially for everytime you laugh theres always a silent tear you shed.
I may have nothing but my shadow following me, my friends on my side and my Hiraikotsu on my back but that doesn't make me incomplete. I'm far from it. For I am off again onto my travels to do what I originally attended.
To make a difference.
Well? Wutchu think? Please review!
XoXo Ashley