January 11, 2002
The Hungry Hunks and Honeys of Hogwarts Newspaper
The Weasley's strike again!
HOGSMEAD is unusually crowded this week. Why? Because of the new, Weasley Wizard Wheezes joke shop of course! Ever since Gred and Forge Weasley opened the shop, it has set a record of 18,978 galleon sales in the first month! Not even Zonko's has achieved that much, who's sales had reached a small 9,567 compared to the Weasley's!
Nevertheless Zonko's still thinks it is more than a match for the Weasley's and are challenging WWW to reach 50,000 galleon sales, (the amount they earned in a year) in the following month. Can the Weasley's fulfill their destiny's to be the biggest troublemakers ever? Only time will tell, It is the battle of the Titans!
Ronald Weasley
Gryffindor
Draco's secret admirers
DRACO MALFOY the handsome hunk of Slytherin (delete this article Potter and I will kill you!) has reached 476 admirers that is more than 40% of the population of Hogwarts. Draco who is dating Pansy Parkinson now is quite cool about this,
"I really don't care," said Draco Malfoy amused, his silver hair sparkling in the sunlight, his perfect teeth-edited by editor who says 'this one takes for then a page- his galleons jingling in his pockets, "After all, I got Pansy."
Thats all for today, I will update you on Draco's lovers again!
Draco Malfoy
Slytherin
Dear Girls,
Dear Madam Smart,
I am failing my transfiguration! I wanted to transform into a cat like McGonagall but instead I turned into a frog and Neville thinks I'm his toad!
Purple Flower
Dear Purple Flower,
You should pay more attention in class! Everyone knows that you say MOO-tat-EE-oh not Moo-like-TAT-YO! No wonder you're such a ditz!
Madam Smart
Dear Madam Virginia,
I like a really famous guy and I think he likes me too! However, I think my boyfriend's death drove him away! Moreover, hes younger than me!
Choca Chola
Dear Choca Chola,
Do NOT date young boys! Bad bad!
Madam Virginia
Dear Madam Advice and Madam Beautiful
I want to be pretty what do I do?
From lots-of-Bones
Dear (insert-your-name-here)
Come over to our dorm for a makeover!
Madam Addvice and Madam Bootiful
Hey does Cho really like me?
Editor
Shutup Harry, you just made Ginny cry!
Madam Smart
Underwear 70% off at Gladrags Wizardwear!
Com cwic befour it al sells out! I'm gonna by a neeoo bra!
Parviti Patil
Gryffindor
Classified
______________________
In memoriam__________
Cedric Diggory May 23rd:
God bless your Soul__
Bertha Jorkins August 15th
We miss her in the office
______________________
For rent_______________
Car blue olds mobile.
Wrecked but in order.
Call Arthur Weasley for
Details
OWL# 1396________
Malfoy tall, handsome silver
Haired Slytherin
Contact Draco Malfoy at
OWL# 54739
______________________
Employment___________
Teacher needed at Hogwar-
ts school of Witchcraft and
Wizardry.
Contact Albus Dumbledore
For details
OWL# 13
Letters to the editor
To the Editor,
Could I help with your newspaper?
Frog-boy
Dear Frog-boy,
Sorry read the title. Only Hunks and Honeys.
Love the editor
To the editor
I would like to complain about your story on Rita Skeeter. She is a favorite of mine and alerted me about the problem you were having. I hope Ms. Granger liked my letter. Rita Skeeter is the most talented person I have ever met and I think she should be running a newspaper. You kids need supervising writing a newspaper ask a professional like Rita to help you!
Stint Romanin
Dear Stint Roman,
You must be crazy!
Ronald Weasley (who is covering for Harry who fell over in shock after reading your letter)
SINCE OUR EDITOR HAS FAINTED, WE WILL NOW FINISH THIS ISSUE, HAVE A GOOD DAY EVERYONE!
FROM THE HUNKS AND HONEYS NEWSPAPER STAFF
The Hungry Hunks and Honeys of Hogwarts Newspaper
The Weasley's strike again!
HOGSMEAD is unusually crowded this week. Why? Because of the new, Weasley Wizard Wheezes joke shop of course! Ever since Gred and Forge Weasley opened the shop, it has set a record of 18,978 galleon sales in the first month! Not even Zonko's has achieved that much, who's sales had reached a small 9,567 compared to the Weasley's!
Nevertheless Zonko's still thinks it is more than a match for the Weasley's and are challenging WWW to reach 50,000 galleon sales, (the amount they earned in a year) in the following month. Can the Weasley's fulfill their destiny's to be the biggest troublemakers ever? Only time will tell, It is the battle of the Titans!
Ronald Weasley
Gryffindor
Draco's secret admirers
DRACO MALFOY the handsome hunk of Slytherin (delete this article Potter and I will kill you!) has reached 476 admirers that is more than 40% of the population of Hogwarts. Draco who is dating Pansy Parkinson now is quite cool about this,
"I really don't care," said Draco Malfoy amused, his silver hair sparkling in the sunlight, his perfect teeth-edited by editor who says 'this one takes for then a page- his galleons jingling in his pockets, "After all, I got Pansy."
Thats all for today, I will update you on Draco's lovers again!
Draco Malfoy
Slytherin
Dear Girls,
Dear Madam Smart,
I am failing my transfiguration! I wanted to transform into a cat like McGonagall but instead I turned into a frog and Neville thinks I'm his toad!
Purple Flower
Dear Purple Flower,
You should pay more attention in class! Everyone knows that you say MOO-tat-EE-oh not Moo-like-TAT-YO! No wonder you're such a ditz!
Madam Smart
Dear Madam Virginia,
I like a really famous guy and I think he likes me too! However, I think my boyfriend's death drove him away! Moreover, hes younger than me!
Choca Chola
Dear Choca Chola,
Do NOT date young boys! Bad bad!
Madam Virginia
Dear Madam Advice and Madam Beautiful
I want to be pretty what do I do?
From lots-of-Bones
Dear (insert-your-name-here)
Come over to our dorm for a makeover!
Madam Addvice and Madam Bootiful
Hey does Cho really like me?
Editor
Shutup Harry, you just made Ginny cry!
Madam Smart
Underwear 70% off at Gladrags Wizardwear!
Com cwic befour it al sells out! I'm gonna by a neeoo bra!
Parviti Patil
Gryffindor
Classified
______________________
In memoriam__________
Cedric Diggory May 23rd:
God bless your Soul__
Bertha Jorkins August 15th
We miss her in the office
______________________
For rent_______________
Car blue olds mobile.
Wrecked but in order.
Call Arthur Weasley for
Details
OWL# 1396________
Malfoy tall, handsome silver
Haired Slytherin
Contact Draco Malfoy at
OWL# 54739
______________________
Employment___________
Teacher needed at Hogwar-
ts school of Witchcraft and
Wizardry.
Contact Albus Dumbledore
For details
OWL# 13
Letters to the editor
To the Editor,
Could I help with your newspaper?
Frog-boy
Dear Frog-boy,
Sorry read the title. Only Hunks and Honeys.
Love the editor
To the editor
I would like to complain about your story on Rita Skeeter. She is a favorite of mine and alerted me about the problem you were having. I hope Ms. Granger liked my letter. Rita Skeeter is the most talented person I have ever met and I think she should be running a newspaper. You kids need supervising writing a newspaper ask a professional like Rita to help you!
Stint Romanin
Dear Stint Roman,
You must be crazy!
Ronald Weasley (who is covering for Harry who fell over in shock after reading your letter)
SINCE OUR EDITOR HAS FAINTED, WE WILL NOW FINISH THIS ISSUE, HAVE A GOOD DAY EVERYONE!
FROM THE HUNKS AND HONEYS NEWSPAPER STAFF