Well I was there on the day
They sold the cause for the queen.
Emma remembered every lonely moment after Neal had left and sold her out. She had sworn to herself that she would never forgive him for that moment, but she also swore to never forgive Regina. It was funny how so much could change in the span of twelve years. It seemed like they both of them had aged hundreds of years yet none at all. Her hand was still smaller than his, his face was still the same as it was when she was eighteen. But so much had changed between them, and Emma wasn't sure if seeing him again was for the better.
It was hard enough to lose him once.
And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen.
It had taken them both time to get used to each other again. Whenever Emma would wake up in the middle of the night, her first instinct was to shove away the stranger holding her. But she calmed down with a kiss to her nape and a gentle whisper of 'it's okay' and the saviour would calm down again. Because he's not a stranger, he's her Neal and she's known him like the back of her hand. After the initial shock was over, Emma and him would reminisce, not in front of Henry of course. Henry didn't need to know of the nights they'd spend laughing until they cried, he didn't know the nights where all they had was the comfort of their stolen Bug.
I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright scene.
Emma remembered the first night. They couldn't stand each other. He was in her stolen car (that's the story she was sticking with anyways) and he was so sarcastic. Perhaps they didn't get along at first because they were too much like each other. No family and no home, it wasn't much of a surprise to Emma when they found a home in each other. All they had was that Bug and whatever stolen trinkets they could get their hands on. But the ending, she wished she never had to relive it. Yet here she was in the hospitable bed, looking at Neal's face as she waited for the third goodbye.
It was the roar of the crowd
That gave me heartache to sing.
It was a lie when they smiled
And said, "you won't feel a thing"
And as we ran from the cops
We laughed so hard it would sting.
The nights running from state to state were her favorites. The whole world was their stage and they were the best performers. The drunken nights filled with laughter and sloppy kisses, their promise of always having one anothers backs, those were the nights she would go back to. Not the lonely ones spent in jail, or the heart wrenching moments she'd have to herself when she thought the love of her life was dead. Snow and Charming didn't know, Emma made sure that they would never find out. But Henry was too perceptive so when he asked if his mother was okay, Emma couldn't answer him.
Being betrayed by her home was one thing, believing she had lost him forever was another.
If I'm so wrong
How can you listen all night long?
Now will it matter after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.
They fought constantly. Especially the first few nights after their reunion. She wouldn't forgive him for listening to August and abandoning her, how could she? She was left in jail for god's sake. But did any of that matter now? Did it matter when Emma was watching Neal deteriorate and listen to his sarcastic remarks (because no, it wasn't funny when he made a cancer pun but she still laughed through her tears). She never did learn, she should have when he left. That was the first sign that they would never be together. That he would always leave her in one way or another.
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya.
This is how it always ended. With tears in their eyes. But for the first time in their lives, the goodbye wasn't full of panic. There was just an acceptance between the both of them. Her head rested in his neck and their voices were a soft whisper, as if they were scared of someone hearing and taking this one moment away from them.
"I love you, Emma."
"You know I love you too."
He did, it was hard not to tell. With each yell she gave him, with each kiss they shared, with each insult and kind word thrown back at each other, they were certain that they loved each other.
I spent my high school career
Spit on and shoved to agree.
School never was easy for Emma. Being thrown around in the system left her grades poor and her mind wandering. She just wanted a real family, so dropping out at sixteen and running off was the best choice of her life. She found her family, she got her son back, she got Neal back. She'd still have her family, she'd still have Neal. But there'd be a gaping hole where Neal left, a hole that won't be allowed to refill. She couldn't keep being hurt by the person she's loved the most.
So I could watch all my heroes
Sell a car on tv.
Rumple could've been Neal's biggest hero. They could've been happy together. But it was in their blood to not know a whole family, it was hereditary for the fathers in their lives to always mess up. Coming back to see him change, Neal finally did forgive his father. But again, Rumple was going to lose his son. Was it better this way? The pain had to be. Both of their lives were what they wanted it to be, Neal could go in peace. But there was still so much more.
There was always much more.
Bring out the old guillotine
We'll show 'em what we all mean.
It was Emma who broke the curse but it was Neal who broke down her walls. They were a team and she wouldn't want anyone else by her side. If there was any better way to go, it had to be this? Emma had lived out her adventures, the town didn't need saving anymore. She could let Neal go, but did she want to?
"Every time you get something good you never want to let go."
"I've already let go of so much, don't bother me about this, Neal."
"Whatever you say, Emma."
His smile always managed to warm her heart, even when all it had was ice when she was younger.
So go, go away, just go, run away.
But where did you run to? And where did you hide?
Go find another way, price you pay.
Emma had always wondered where Neal went off when they were separated. She always wondered how he was content with Tamara, just another woman responsible for her losing Neal. But he never told her. 'The present is what matters, and you have me now.' It was always his response. And he did come back, but the cost was so high. Out of all the things they had survived, Emma was going to lose her Neal to cancer.
How typical.
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya.
The line didn't go flat that night. Or the next night or the nights afterwards. Victor tried to give Emma false hope but she knew. Neal knew as well. It took three more months after that night for Neal to leave and every night did they treat it like it was their last. Each kiss meant so much to the other but it was the most bittersweet goodbye they could give each other.
"You know I'll always love you, Emma."
"I know. I love you too. And I'll come back for you one day."
It was a promise she was intending on keeping.