The Oak Tree

by FeelsLikeConfettiFalling

James' life is spiraling downwards, and the only comfort he seems to have is a large, private oak tree,where he can go and be by himself. That is, until he meets Athena, a cancer patient with a completely different outlook on life. Both of them are broken in their own different ways,and they soon come to realize that neither of them can get better without the other one's help.

I started writing this randomly during class and thought it might make a good story-if you dont like it, please tell me, haha. But if you do, let me know! I'd like to continue this story, and hopefully you want me to continue it as well! I love you guys, let me know if you like this and read my other stories!-Alyssa

The large oak tree had always been a place where James could go and escape from reality. It was private, quiet, and overlooked the beautiful city of Los Angeles. Stress had taken its toll on James ever since he came to Hollywood, and every day was a downward spiral for him. He loved his band mates, they were like brothers to him, but quite often they would get into fights and argue so badly that James just wanted to slam his head into walls. He loved his job, as well. His Rushers meant everything to him, but going back and forth and back and forth between concerts and meet and greets and recording in the studio day and night drove him to the point of insanity. Gustavo really ticked him off most days, and even though he sought comfort in people, sometimes he just needed to get away. Here and there, the thought of just quitting and moving back to Minnesota crossed his mind, but when those thoughts occurred, he would just drive up the secret dirt road of his right up to the large oak tree, lie down on the grass, look up at the sky, and he would feel ok again.

Today was one of those days. Day and night, day and night, just working and working nonstop. Sometimes the boys would go into the studio at night, and when they would come out, it would still be dark out. That is how long they would work some days. Gustavo was really pushing for them to release another album, and he claimed that Griffin wanted those songs done as soon as possible, and so the boys were pushed to the point of exhaustion when Gustavo finally allowed them to go home.

"One of these days I'm just going to lose it." James remarked as they left the studio that night. "I can already feel my skin ripping apart as we speak."

"Don't be so dramatic, James." Kendall said, grinning. "It's just stress, we all have it. But we're going to be off for a few days, and that gives you plenty of time to relax and take some time to sit down and think."

"We'll plan a trip to the beach soon. That always seems to cheer you up, bud." Logan said, draping his arm over James' shoulders.

"Or an amusement park! They're so much fun, and I know you love it, even though sometimes you all deny it."

"You see? We're always there for you, James. And nothing is going to change that. I mean, I know we're almost constantly arguing and all that, and we see each other 24/7, but trust me, we're like brothers and we all love you. Hell, we're not even like brothers, we are brothers."

James smiled. "Thanks Kendall." He said. James yawned and looked up at the night sky, at the countless amount of stars that started to fill the endless realm of darkness as the night grew darker and darker. "I think I'm going to go for a little drive, I'll meet you guys back at the apartment in a little bit."

The guys all gave each other concerned glances. "You feeling ok?" Carlos asked. "Do you want us to come with you?"

James shook his head and patted Carlos' back. "No, it's ok, buddy. I just wanted to drive around for a bit, but thank you, though. I promise I'll be home soon. Just want to clear my head of some things."

The other guys nodded and waved James goodbye, and sped off in their own vehicles, while James jumped into his and began the drive to his only happy place.

He took the usual route. Take the road going out of the city. Make a right at the first sign. Keep going until you start seeing the little side roads. Turn left on the one farthest down, the one hidden by a bunch of bushes and other shrubs and trees. Keep driving up the long, dirt road until you come to a small clearing. In that clearing, there is a hill. And at the top of that hill, was one, lone, oak tree.

James pulled his car up to the bottom of the hill and stepped out, breathing in the fresh, non-city air. That was another thing he appreciated about this place. It reminded him of the country, of back home, where he couldn't smell the city or any of its inhabitants. It was another perk of his happy place.

He took his shoes and socks off and threw them in his car. He enjoyed the feeling of grass against his toes, and every time he was there, he made sure that he could walk across the fresh grass and feel it tickle in between his toes. This was one of the simple pleasures he enjoyed, a fact you wouldn't find in any tabloid or website. As James walked up the hill to the tree, and he felt the grass under his feet, the thought started to cross his mind. This is something people don't see. People only see celebrities how the media portrays them, and if they aren't careful, they could be ruined. It angered James. Now that he was a celebrity, he understood. He understood everything; that celebrities were just normal people, living extraordinary lives. He finally understood how they felt, finally understood the amount of pressure they were under. Sometimes James thought if he truly knew what being a celebrity was like, he never would have entered the music business in the first place. But then he thought about his fans and all the people that made it all worthwhile, and he realized why he loved doing it so much.

When he finally arrived at the oak tree, he stood at the bottom of it and stared up at it, admiring the beauty of the wonderful piece of nature. As the wind blew against his face, he breathed in the air that welcomed him, and a smile spread across his face. He turned from the tree and was suddenly overlooking the city, the cars going back and forth, lights from all the buildings illuminating the city, and in the distance, the Hollywood sign shone bright for all to see. James smiled and sat down, leaning his back against the hardness of the tree, nature seemingly speaking to him.

"I really needed this." He said, out loud to no one. Sometimes he felt he could talk to the tree, and sometimes he felt like it was speaking back to him. Not through words, but through nature. Like the wind, an animal or two that would scurry past, or an acorn that would fall from the tree and land right next to him.

He looked around and found a lone acorn lying in the grass by his feet. He reached over and picked it up, turning it over in his hand. He let it sit in his palm for several moments before throwing it far ahead of him, the acorn disappearing from sight as it flew over the hill. He sighed and leaned back once more against the tree, closing his eyes and letting nature encase him in its entire splendor.

James didn't realize he was drifting off to sleep. He was suddenly thrown into a dream world, a perfect place, a perfect time. He saw him sitting there next to the tree, only it wasn't just L.A. in front of him, it was back home, in Minnesota. He saw the hockey rink and the convenience store where Kendall used to work and his home and school and everything on one side, and then on the other side of some imaginary line, was L.A. The Palm Woods, the studio, all the movie sets and parks and restaurants and busy streets. He felt confused on the inside, like there was a war raging on. Even though he had everything he wanted right in front of him, he still felt empty, and lonely. He just didn't feel quite happy as he knew he should be. He turned and saw a bright light in the distance, seemingly getting bigger and bigger. He squinted and tried to see what it was, but he couldn't. He overlooked L.A. and Minnesota, and looked back up at his big, beautiful tree, but felt absolutely nothing. Not even for the tree. He felt himself being drawn closer and closer to the mysterious white light, like a moth being drawn to a flame. He stood up and walked towards it, his whole body disappearing with each step he took, and just as he was about to find out what mysterious realm lied beyond that light, he was awoken by a loud, vibrating sound against his leg.

He jumped and shook his head, unsure of whether he was in fantasy or reality. Around him was the same scene he always saw-bustling streets, bright lights from the city, the Hollywood sign, and his faithful tree. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, and saw that it was 3 in the morning…and that he had 12 missed calls.

"Damn." He said. he answered the phone as calmly as possible. "Hello?" He answered. Kendall's voice spoke back to him.

"Thank God. We thought you were fucking dead." Kendall said, sounding relieved. James could hear voices asking about him in the background. "Where on this Earth have you been all these hours?"

"I'm sorry. I took a little drive to clear my head, and stopped off on an old dirt road right outside the city. Guess I fell asleep underneath…some tree somewhere." He never wanted to give away the location of his happy place. Not even to his band mates. "I'm on my way home now."

"Good. Please don't ever scare us like that again." Kendall said. They both said their goodbyes and hung up. James turned to the tree and put a hand on it.

"See you tomorrow. I'm sure I'll be back." He said. He patted the large, wooden trunk and picked himself up off the ground and went down the hill, the wind blowing against his face. He had then just realized how awfully cold it was.

He took one last look at his happy place before jumping in his car and turning it on, pulling away and driving down the dirt path. It took him a little over a half hour to get home, but when he finally pulled up to the Palm Woods, and went up to the apartment, everyone was immediately on his case.

"James." Mrs. Knight said, rushing up to him. She hugged him and looked him over, making sure he wasn't hurt in any way. "Where were you? We were so worried!"

"I'm ok, I promise, Mrs. Knight. I just fell asleep, that's all." James replied, walking away from her and heading towards the stairs to his bedroom.

"But James, you could've been hurt, killed, or kidnapped! It is Hollywood, there are a lot of crazy people out there." She told him. James shook his head.

"Don't worry about it, ok? I'm perfectly fine, I promise. I won't ever be out that late without calling you guys again. Just went to clear my head and didn't realized I dozed off. Is it alright if I head off to bed? I'm really tired." And without saying another word, James turned and walked up the stairs, leaving everyone confused and wondering.

James quietly entered the bedroom he and Carlos shared, knowing the smaller boy was already in bed, due to the fact that he was not downstairs with everyone else. But despite his efforts, he just wasn't quiet enough, and Carlos woke up with a yawn.

"James? James. Oh my God, are you ok? We've been waiting up for you all night. Well, they were. I went to bed about an hour ago. I just passed out."

James smiled and shut the door behind him. "I'm ok, buddy. Just went to clear my head and I fell asleep."

"James, are you ok?" Carlos asked, his tone changing from worried to serious. "You just haven't been…yourself lately."

James sighed and went over to his dresser to retrieve his clothes for bed. "Everything is just getting really stressful lately, and I just wanted to be by myself for a while."

Carlos was silent for several moments. "You know if you need someone, ever, I'm right here, ok? I'm just a bed away." Carlos paused. "Ok, that sounded weird, awkward, and stuff, and yeah, but you, um, you get the point. Seriously, dude, just talk to me. Or Kendall, or Logan. Even Mrs. Knight and Katie will always be there for you."

James smiled. "Thanks buddy." He replied.

Carlos smirked at him. "You know what you need? A girlfriend."

James threw his head back and groaned. "Carlos, will you please stop bugging me about this? I don't need a girlfriend right now."

Carlos shook his head and pointed at James. "That. That right there. That's how we first started noticing you were changing." Carlos sighed. "You used to have a new girl every other day, and now, that all stopped. What happened to James, the ladies' man? Now, you hardly even look at girls. That really scared us. You're changing."

James sighed. "It's just stress, ok? I promise I'm not changing. When all this clears over, and we have our album up, and we actually have time to ourselves, would you like me to start looking for a girlfriend?"

Carlos laughed. "Wouldn't hurt. You need something or someone to occupy your time. Maybe it'll make you happier."

James grinned and threw a pillow at Carlos. "Goodnight, Carlos." James said, walking over to the bathroom. Carlos smirked and threw the pillow back at James, to which James laughed and slammed the bathroom door shut, the pillow narrowly missing him.

But as he stood there behind the closed bathroom door all by himself, he dropped his clothes to the ground and really thought about things. He didn't want a girlfriend anymore. It really hit him that what Carlos said was absolutely one hundred percent true. He did change. When he stopped talking to girls, stopped asking them out on dates, he suddenly realized why. His life was running out of meaning. He realized that girls just weren't satisfying him anymore, and that he needed to look for another purpose in his life other than surrounding himself in tons of women. Now that Carlos had said that, it occurred to him that he didn't have much of a life anymore, and all the things he had done in his past were just him wasting his life away when he could've been spending it on something that meant so much more to him.

James sighed and leaned his back against the wall of the bathroom. He closed his eyes and slid down to the floor, a single tear slipping down his face and traveling down his skin. "I'm just not happy anymore." He told himself. "I just...I...I just...I can't. I can't do this anymore. I just can't." He sat there in silence for several more moments, just thinking, just crying, until he finally found the energy to drag himself off the ground and continue to get dressed. The thoughts still continued to cross his mind, no matter how hard he tried pushing them away. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror as he got dressed, and he felt absolutely disgusted with himself. He hated the way he was, he hated everything about himself. He just couldn't find anything about himself that he liked anymore; but he couldn't let anybody know that. He was James Diamond, he wasn't aloud to be depressed. He was a celebrity, he wasn't allowed to be depressed. He was supposed to be happy...he wasn't allowed to be depressed.

He just shook off the feeling and continued getting dressed. And whenever he was done, he exited the bathroom into a dark, silent bedroom, the only sounds are the faint cars from the outside world and the low breathing sounds coming from Carlos. He carefully made his way across the room and crawled into his own bed, slipping underneath the blankets and turning his back to his sleeping friend. Several more tears slipped down his face before he was silently crying, and he did that until he eventually cried himself to sleep, not dreaming about anything that night.

"How'd you sleep, James? Are you feeling alright?" Mrs. Knight asked as James came trudging down the stairs that next morning.

"I heard you almost got kidnapped." Katie said, smirking. "That you fell asleep in the middle of nowhere."

"Not true, Katie. Now please." James said, taking a seat at the table with the other guys. He yawned and grabbed some pancakes off the center of the table and threw them onto a plate for himself. "I'm too tired and too cranky for this shit right now."

"Language, James." Mrs. Knight said, handing James a glass of orange juice.

"I might go out again today." James said, resting his head in one hand and handling pancakes with the other. "There's still some things I need to kinda work out by myself."

"Again? James, what's the matter with you lately, are you ok? Where are you going when you go out like this?"

"Secret." James said, and he continued eating. Everyone glanced at each other.

"Honey, are you out drinking or doing drugs?" Mrs. Knight asked.

"No, I'm not. I don't do that. I just go for a drive and stop on a dirt road far away from the city. Nobody can find me out there, it's a perfect place to get away from stress where I can be totally, one hundred percent by myself. No fans, no Gustavo, no nothing. It's just nice to be out in the fresh air, I guess."

"I don't like it when you go out all day. Who knows what could happen to you. This town is crazy, you can get hurt."

"I'm 18, Mrs. Knight, I'm fine. I've been going out driving for months like this. Nothing has happened to me so far and I haven't met any people where I go. Nobody follows me, I make sure of it. I just like to be by myself. Now, excuse me, I need to get dressed. I...I can't think." And with that, James stood up and went upstairs, leaving everyone concerned.

"I'm worried about him." Kendall said. "He hasn't been himself lately."

"He hasn't even been going out with any girls at all. Like, the last few months he completely threw away all social interactions. What's the problem with him? I'm scared." Carlos told everyone.

"It could be anything. Granted, it is a sign of stress and anxiety, but it could also mean other things. That's actually a clear sign of depression or even suicide." After Logan said this, the entire room got quiet.

"James couldn't possibly be planning to kill himself...can he?" Carlos asked, after several silent moments passed.

"I know James, he couldn't possibly be thinking like that. I mean, he hasn't been harming himself, he hasn't been saying he wants to die or anything, and he still talks to us. He's never been depressed before, so maybe it really is just stress. We can talk to him about it later, make sure he really is doing ok. I'm worried about him, too." Kendall said. He looked in the direction that James left and sighed. "I just don't want anything happening to my brother."

James came down the stairs with a drawstring bag strapped around his back. "I'll be back in a little bit, guys." He said. He began heading for the front door when Kendall stepped in his path.

"Before you go, please stop for a minute and talk to us. We need to talk to you about something extremely important."

James sighed and rolled his eyes. "What do you want, Kendall? I really need to get going."

"Just sit down for a second." Kendall said, leading James over to the table, where everyone else was gathered. James felt oddly confused as he took a seat with them.

"Now listen, James. There's something we really need to talk to you about. It's something that's been concerning us lately, and we just want to talk to you and make sure everything is alright." Logan addressed.

"What happened?" James asked.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, nothing happened. We're just, we're worried that something might happen." Carlos said.

"What is it? Just tell me."

"James, we noticed the way you've been changing lately. How your attitude has changed, how you don't like to do certain things anymore, how isolated you've become, and we've just been really worried." Kendall said. James raised an eyebrow at them until Logan spoke up next.

"James...are you thinking about killing yourself?"

James pushed himself away from the table and held his hands up in confusion. "What? What are you talking about? Why would you think I have been wanting to kill myself? And better yet, why would I even want to?"

Everyone looked at each other. "We've just been really worried about you and the way things have been going on." Katie piped up. "You can't blame us for worrying about you, James. Calm down."

James sighed. "Listen, I admit that I've been stressed lately, and I admit that I really haven't been myself, but believe me, killing myself is the last thing I would ever do. I've never thought about suicide, and trust me, if I was ever thinking about it, I would really talk to you guys about it. Listen, I'm going to go out for a drive, but I promise I'll be back soon, and then we can all do something together, alright? I'll see you guys later." James flashed them a smile to show them he was alright, then headed out the door. Everyone felt slightly better, but not everyone was entirely convinced.

James hurriedly headed towards his car and got inside. As he started his car to drive away, he glanced back at the Palm Woods. He thought about what everyone said in there, how they all thought he was suicidal, depressed, broken. He denied it, though. He gave them a smile and told them he was alright, acted to them, told them he never felt depressed before, that he was just a little stressed out. But, he thought as he drove away into the distance, that they weren't en tirely wrong about what they had said.

James thought long and hard about things as he drove to the large oak tree. He wasn't going to lie to himself, he really did sometimes think about ending his own life. But when he thought about it, seriously thought about it, it scared him half to death and he strayed far away from the thought. But he shook the thoughts from his mind and continued driving.

He approached the hill he ever so often visited and parked his car at the bottom. He got out, threw his shoes in the back seat, and began walking up the hill to his happy place.

"I'm so stressed lately. The guys really brought up something that I just can't stop thinking about today." James said, half talking to the tree, half talking to himself. He sat down on the grass and sighed. "They...asked me if I ever thought about suicide. And, I, I had to lie and tell them I never did. But, the truth is, I don't know what to say. I mean, I have thought about killing myself before, but I don't think I could ever go through with it. I mean, I've never hurt myself, but I don't know, just...sometimes I really think that there's no way out. And...quite honestly, I don't know what to do anymore."

James stared out over the city as the cool breeze hit against his face. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I just...can't think clearly anymore. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life at the moment. I kind of lost all my purpose."

"I thought I heard another voice out here."

James jumped up and whipped around. Another person had never, ever been out there with him before, he's not sure if anyone's ever been out there period. "Who's there?" He asked. The voice became a vision as a young girl stepped out from behind the tree.

"It was me. I'm sorry I scared you. I just never thought another person would be out here. I thought this place was a secret only I knew about."

The girl was young, about his age, and wore a bright blue dress with a matching hat on top of her head, covering all of her hair so James couldn't see a single piece of it. Her nails were painted a dark shade of beautiful blue that matched her eye color, and he noticed she had bare feet.

"What are you doing out here? This place was supposed to be a secret place for me." James asked, highly confused. "How did you even find this place?"

"I come here a lot to think about things. I only really come during the morning, though, because of my appointments that are always in the afternoon. I try to come here as much as I can, though. I found this place one day on one of my long drives after one of my appointments. I was really freaking out and just pulled off to the side of the road to calm down. Found this place and I love it. Never seen another person here, though."

Her voice was quiet and shy, but it sounded so beautiful. James looked this girl over once again and his breathing calmed down a bit. "I just...I'm sorry if I snapped at you, it's just been stressful for me as well. I just never saw another person out here. I usually come at night because of work."

"That's probably why we've never seen each other. Care to sit down?" She motioned for the grass and James reluctantly sat down next to her. She stretched her legs out in front of her and leaned against the tree trunk. "Sorry about my bare feet-I like touching the grass." She smiled and wiggled her toes, and James, for once, smiled...for real.

"Same here." James stretched his legs out in front of him as well and grinned along with her. "I guess great minds think alike. And listen, I'm really sorry I yelled at you a little bit ago. You see, I just been going through all this-"

The girl laughed. "Save your breath, it's all ok, James."

"Thanks. And that just...hey, how do you know my name?"

The girl tilted her head and gave him a disapproving look, with a little smile as a gesture. "You're kidding me, right? I mean, your picture is everywhere. You're famous worldwide, Mr. Diamond. Anybody who doesn't know you has got to be out of their mind."

James grinned. "And who would I happen to be in the presence of at this moment?"

"Athena." She smiled. She stretched a hand out to him, and he took it, smiling. "Athena Rose Foster. Nice to meet you, James Diamond."

"Nice to meet you too." James said, smiling. He turned from her and looked out at the city scene. "So, how exactly did you find this place again and why haven;t I seen you here before?"

Athena sighed. "I always have these...doctors appointments. I'm usually here in the mornings, or whenever I can be here. I was stressed out one day after one of my appointments and began freaking out. I pulled over on the side of the road to cool off. Saw this place and thought it was a perfect place to unwind. I'm sorry if I invaded your space here."

"No, no, no, no, no, it's ok, Athena. It's alright, I've been going through stuff as well, and I kinda found this place the same way you did. Except for, you know, I wasn't stressed out over a doctor's appointment; I just been having a rough couple of weeks with work and stuff. I guess this place isn't as secret as I thought."

"I know, right?" Athena said, smiling. She turned to James and smiled. "You're really cool, you know that?"

James blushed red in the face and gave a little chuckle. "Thanks. I was thinking the same thing about you."

She grinned. "Thank you. That's something I've never heard from anyone before."

James raised an eyebrow. "Why not? Why would you say that."

Athena sighed. "Just...some stuff I went through. I'll be alright, though. I promise. Hey, listen, I gotta go now, but maybe we can hang out again soon? Get to know each other more. We can bond over secret hiding places." She took out a little piece of paper and wrote her number down on it.

James chuckled. "Sure. I'd really like that."

Athena stood up and began to walk away. But James stopped her. "Hey, you don't gotta answer this if you don't want to, but do you mind if I ask what those doctors appointments were for?" Maybe she was like him, maybe she was lost as well, maybe she was just seeking help, like he probably should've been doing. But his assumptions were way off when she smiled and looked at the ground, removing the hat on top of her head.

"It's not something I like to talk about a lot." She said. James' breath stopped when he noticed why she was wearing her hat. She took it off and folded it in her hands, revealing absolutely nothing on top of her head. She was completely bald, no trace of hair anywhere, and he noticed her trembling fingers, and the fact that her smile was most definitely fake.

"I'll see you later, James. Please call me, we can hang out soon." And with that, she turned and walked away, heading down the other side of the hill. James just stood there and stared in her direction, all the color draining from his face.

"Oh my goodness." He said to himself. He was left standing there, dumbfounded. He didn't know, he never would have known. There he was, depressed, lonely, broken, and there she was, a happy, young girl with worse problems going on in her life than he could ever imagine. He felt stupid, absolutely stupid;ashamed, like a piece of shit, confused, horrible, and like the biggest idiot on the face of the planet. How could he ever feel that way about himself when someone like Athena had worse problems than he did? He sat down on the grass, alone, and started to cry.