September 18th, 2009:

A diary? That's my mom's big surprise? A stupid diary? How's that supposed to make me feel better about everyone leaving me behind? She says she's tired of me moping around the house and being all depressed. Well of course I'm depressed! I'm ten years old now, I should have been there with my friends getting my first Pokémon and leaving home. Instead I'm stuck at home with my mom who's been asking me every hour "how I'm feeling?" How do you think I'm feeling?! I'm PISSED! I've never been so frustrated in all my ten years of living! Instead I always reply with "fine." What else can I say? That I'm hurt that all my so called "friends" got up and left without even glancing back? If I ever tried to put my feeling into words, I don't think I'd ever stop crying. So she gave me this diary to "let it all out" and that bottling my feelings would only make things worse in the long run. What am I even supposed to write in this anyway?

October 19th, 2009:

I woke up with a wet bed again. That's the second time this week. I feel so weak and sick to my stomach, not to mention embarrassed. Mom keeps telling me not to worry and that she knows it's not my fault. She says when I'm feeling better she's going to take me to the store and see what we can do about it. I've seen every Dr. in Pallet town, (well a pretty easy feat considering there's only one) I don't know what she expects to find at the store to make me stop having seizures.

October 19th (again) :

I've never been so humiliated in my life! She wasn't taking me to the store to look for something to help me with my seizures, she was taking me to the store to buy diapers! She keeps telling me they're not diapers, they're good nights and that I only have to wear them to bed. You know what she did then? She took one out and HELD IT UP TO MY WAIST! In front of God and everyone else in that store. I could have sworn I heard people laughing. Then she has the nerve to go "hmm, I can't tell if these will fit or not, maybe if I had you take off your pants." That time I knew people were laughing.

By this time all this talk of "wetting" and "accidents" was making me have to pee so I told her I was going to the bathroom and I'd be back. Instead of waiting for me, she follows me into the bathroom. It was a three stall bathroom so I'm like fine whatever figuring she had to go too. I'm about to walk in a stall but then she stops me and that's when I notice she still had the diaper with her!

"Please try it on?" she asked me. Normally I'd fight her with every fiber in my being, but after having had a seizure the night before I was totally wiped out already from this little excursion. I really wanted to just get this over with and go home. I reluctantly agreed and changed in the stall. She told me to come out so she could see how it fit. I told her it was fine but she made me come out anyway.

I grumbled a bit as I came out of the stall and said, "See, it fits" and turned to walk back into the stall since I still had to pee, but now twice as bad. She told me to come back and started playing with the waist band as I danced in place a bit. "Mom, are you almost done? I really gotta go." I said as the urge intensified even more. She said she was almost done as she started checking the leg holes, but then told me to stand still.

I did as she said, but my body was just too weak to hold it back anymore as my bladder gave up and started emptying itself into the diaper. My mom could hear the hissing and saw the diaper suddenly start expanding.

"Emily. . . "She said sounding concerned as tears started rolling down my face. "Oh, Emily it's ok." She said as she wrapped me in a hug while I started crying into her chest as I continued to wet the diaper uncontrollably like a baby. She continued to hold me as she waited for me to finish before inspecting the now soggy diaper. "Good, no leaks. These will do quite nicely. Go ahead and change back while I go pay for these." She said and thanked me for my cooperation.

October 19th (ONCE AGAIN)

I can't believe what she's making me do. Not only do I have to wear these stupid things at night but now she's making me wear them during the day too! She told me she understands that what happened was because of my weakened state and that it would stay between the two of us. I pointed out that it only happened because she wouldn't let me go. She then apologized for that but followed it up with the fact that the point "when I realized I had to go" and" when I had the accident" were too close together to be normal. At least she's only making me wear it on the days I wet the bed, since those are the days I feel the worst.

It's not like I have to USE them or anything, thankfully they're kind of like a thicker version of pull-ups so I can just pull them up and down whenever I need to go. She said they're there for any reason I couldn't make it in time. I don't see that being a problem, this was definitely just a onetime thing.

October 20th

Woke up totally dry so my mom said I could take this thing off now. Feels so good to be back in regular underwear although I do kind of miss the puffiness. Tried to sit down at the kitchen table for breakfast but let myself drop too high up from the seat and hurt my butt when I landed. Mom laughed at me while I was having to massage my sore backside. It was fun to do that in the pull-up but I have to remember I can't do that in normal panties.

November 3rd

I keep hearing weird noises at night while I'm trying to sleep. I've asked mom to check it out several times but she keeps telling me it's my Pull-up crinkling. Even when I'm lying still, really mom?

November 18th

Ok now I know this is seriously not my imagination. I heard the same noise in the kitchen, even mom heard it this time. Now I KNOW it's not my pull-up, I secretly stopped wearing them a week ago. Sure they're comfy, but I'm not like some baby who needs them.

Mom said the noise was probably from the refrigerator. I didn't realize the refrigerator squeaked.

November 22nd

No! No! No! I wet the bed again! I was doing so well! I realized while I tried to stand up that I felt exactly like the pile of mouse droppings I had just stepped in and fell to the floor.

I awoke three hours later to find myself lying in my mom's bed with a cool wet washcloth on my forehead. I shifted my weight and realized I was wearing a pull-up and a wet one at that. Mom came in and saw that I was awake and came to my side. She asked me how I was feeling and I replied "wet." She pulled back the cover and stuck a finger through the leg hole; something I would have normally kicked at her for if I had been feeling better.

She left the room and came back a minute later carrying a few things. She laid out a towel on her bed then came and placed one arm behind my shoulders and the other under my knees and lifted me into the air and set me back down on the towel.

"Don't have to" I weakly mumbled. "I can…" but trailed off due to lack of energy. She told me to just relax as she removed the wet pull-up but stopped when I winced in pain as it came into contact with the back of my right leg.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Leg hurts" I mumbled. She rolled me onto my side and took a look.

"Yikes." She said as she looked at the bite marks on my leg. "Those weren't there before. Hold on I'm going to take some pictures". I saw a few flashes then mom showed me the pictures. The back of my leg was swollen along with five or six red and purplish teeth marks. Mom then very carefully slid off the wet pull-up and cleaned me up with some wet wipes while I blushed deeply. She then slid on a new one and told me for the time being not to get up, if I had to go I was to just go ahead and use the pull-up.

I cringed at the thought, even if I was sick there's was no way I'd purposefully use this thing.

"Don't worry about it" She said as she handed me a pillow and covered me back up with a blanket. The last thing I remembered was her telling me to stay on the towel so that way the next time, she could change me where I was.

"No next time." I mumbled into the pillow before drifting off to sleep.

I woke up about four hours later to the worst stomach cramps of my life. I knew I only had minutes before I lost control and there was NO WAY I was going to have this kind of accident. I tossed the blanket off so I could get up but when I moved a sharp pain shot up my leg.

"Mom!" I yelled in a panic. "Mom!" Surely she didn't intend for me to GO in the pull-up.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" she asked as she came in.

"Please, help me." I begged clutching my stomach. "Need to go."

"What's wrong?" she asked not seeing the problem. "Are you having trouble going?"

"No, I need to go really badly." I said, doing everything in my power not to mess myself. Wait did she ask if I was having TROUBLE going? She can't possibly expect me to use this in that way?

"We talked about this earlier, don't you remember? Go ahead and use your diaper and I'll change you when you're done. You're in no shape to get up."

"Diaper?" I asked looking down and realized I was no longer in a pull-up, but in a full on adult diaper. "What?" I asked.

"I went out and bought them while you were asleep so they wouldn't hurt your leg, and I'm glad I did. You've been having some intestinal trouble."

"What gave it away?" I asked sarcastically hoping I could somehow convince her to carry me to the bathroom. "Wait . . . have been?"

Instead of answering my question she gently pushed me back down onto my pillow knowing I was at my limit and sat on the edge of the bed. "Just go sweetie, you'll feel a lot better."

"No!" I cried as another painful cramp hit causing me to curl in a ball. "I don't want you to have to change me."

"Honey, don't worry about that." She said as she began stroking my hair as sweat began to run down my face from the efforts of trying to hold it in. "You've had diarrhea most of the day. You've already messed and been changed a few times in your sleep." She admitted as if that would make me feel better about consciously letting go. She removed her hand from my head and pried me out of my human ball so that I now laid on my side facing her. "Don't fight it anymore." She said as she began rubbing my tummy making me relax.

"No," I whined and started crying as I lost the last bit of strength I had as I began heavily messing myself.

"Shh, there you go, let it all out." She encouraged softly, continuing to rub my stomach. With my eyes shut tight I continued crying, but obeyed as I noisily pushed out the rest, knowing there was no real point in fighting it anymore. I had already messed, so I figured the more I got out now the less I'd have to deal with later.

After what felt like an eternity (10 minutes) all was quiet except for my pitiful wails of humiliation and my mother's attempts of cheering me up with "See, that wasn't so bad" and "Don't you feel better now?"

"Do you think you're done or should I wait a few more minutes before changing you?"

"I'm done." I said into my pillow more than ready to get out of this disgusting thing.

"Before I change you, I want you to try going pee, ok?" I didn't respond but pulled the blanket over my head before emptying my bladder as requested and felt it mixing with the mush below. "Emily?" I raised my pointer finger out of the blanket letting her know I needed a minute before giving the thumbs up signal when I was done. "Did you go pee?" she asked bluntly making my face blush under the blanket. I flashed the thumbs up signal again. "Alright, thank you for being so co-operative. Now let me get you out of that and I promise you'll feel better." I uncovered my head and nodded as I felt the last of my strength leave me and I drifted back to sleep, only awakening a few times at my mom's insistence that I keep drinking water.