A/N Okay, this is just something random. Even the silver-haired men aren't immune to the evilness that is the park-dwelling seagull.

Kadaj, Loz and Yazoo sank down onto a park bench, plastic bags in hand. Each bag contained a small amount of decent junky food, and a few small (they shuddered at the thought) healthy items. The boys each pulled out a sandwich, the cheap, ready-made kind. Chocolate spread for Kadaj, peanut butter for Loz and chicken salad for Yazoo.

High overhead, the grey-wingéd bird of death, aka the seagull, observed the silver-haired men with one beady eye. The other was facing the wrong way. It watched them unwrap their…bread. Bread. Bread. The bird's brain went into autopilot. It swooped down on them.

A large seagull landed on the grass in front of the brothers and made a strange noise in the back of its throat. "Go away, birdie." Said Loz, hoping that birdie would not incur the wrath of Loz's brothers.

#1, ask nicely

The seagull ignored him, and hopped towards Kadaj, who ignored it. It took a peck at a lump of gum stuck to his shoe. Kadaj kicked it irritably.

#2, kick

The bird hopped forwards again, angry with this human…ish thing. It was keeping him from its bread and a lovely bit of gum. "Remind me again why I let you drag me along?" Kadaj said to Loz. He smirked and lowered his voice.

"'Cos if you didn't I would have told Yazoo about the pink underwear incident." Kadaj flinched, but Yazoo seemed intent on his sandwich. He was paying no attention. The seagull got too close again. "Fuck off, you little rat." Kadaj growled.

#3, ask not-so-nicely

"Mind your language, little brother." Loz chided him. "It's only hungry. Be nice and understanding to the little birdie. Give it some bread." Yes, thought the seagull, listen to the nice gay man and give me some bread!

"Loz, it's a fucking bird! And I'm hungry too." He noticed the black beady eyes watching him intently. "Go over there and eat that kid's food. He's got more than me." The bird looked at Kadaj sceptically. No, little human-ish thing. This is personal!

#4, offer an alternative food source

"Kadaj, that was mean. I mean, really mean. That kid's little, he…she…it needs more food than you do. Remember when you were little and the big kids used to steal your lunch? It's not fair, Kadaj."

"Loz, shut up!" Kadaj hissed. Yazoo seemed not to have heard that, either. Thank god. If he heard that his leader used to get his lunch stolen…

The bird was persistent. It edged nearer and nearer, watching him closely. "Umm…" The black, unblinking gaze was beginning to creep him out a little. "Look! A distraction!" he said loudly, pointing behind the seagull. It turned, then looked slowly back at him. Do you really think I'm as stupid as you, kid? It thought.

#5, offer a distraction

As if to prove a point, it twisted its head a little, to look behind Kadaj. The boy turned to look behind him, then glared at the seagull.