JERRY THE DOG
My name is Jerry the dog. I'm not even a year old yet, but despite what my humans think I'm actually very smart. My days are usually pretty boring but somewhat fun, like today. First thing is I always wake up in my crate. Two of my sisters, Dottie and Twix, sleep together in the crate next to mine. My last sister, Bitsy, sleeps downstairs cause she's too old to climb up.
Today I'm feeling generous so I'll let my mama and daddy sleep for maybe 10 extra seconds. 10, 8, 122, food, 2, 1! I let out a ear piercing scream that usually wakes them up. "Shut up Jerry," I hear mom mumble. I try again. "Gaaaaaaaaah! Fine!" Mama says as she and dad climb out of bed. She lets me, Dottie, and Twix out of our crates, and when the bedroom door opens, we go flying down the stairs, around the corner, through the hall and outside. FOOOOOOOOD! Now we can eat.
Mom takes her time walking to the food bins, and it seems to take for ever. She's so stupid: she has 2 legs and we have 1, 7, 92, 3, 56, 5… um nevermind. We just have more, she should get more too. Mama gets our food, and I finish first. I look over and see that Dottie just finish but Twix hasn't. Twix is a little mutt and is scared of a lot of things. I dig my head in her bowl and bump her away to get the last kibble. I can hear her mutter under her breath "... stupid, fat, lazy..." as she walks away. I walk inside to sit on the sofa. Now I wait for the little boy human to come downstairs.
I wait and wait and wait and wait until something catches my eye. A CAT! Her name is Tabby. I hop off the couch and waddle over to her. She sniffs the air and turns around just to find me staring at her. She makes out a loud hiss. Bitsy says the cat hates us dogs, but because I love so much her she must love me back so she's obviously playing. I stretch out into a pouncing position and wag my tail. She swats her paw at my face and hisses again so I sprint at her. I chase her around the house once before she leaps onto the counter. Before walking away she hisses 1 more time.
Suddenly, in walks The Boy. He's never really in a mood to play so I give him a quick nibble on his calf. "Dammit, Jerry, that hurts". I try a few more times and receive a few more smacks. For a while I lay on the couch and occasionally go outside and play with Dottie and her jolly egg (It's a toy). Every once in awhile Dottie and Bitsy switch turns being in their crates because they fight over dominance. Sometimes the boy comes and plays with us. We then get fed again in the afternoon; too bad Twix ate fast though.
Shortly after we eat the humans start to cook. Our job at this time is to stare at the humans until they drop something. It's a race to get whatever they drop because of Dottie and Twix, so occasionally I get a piece of plastic or uncooked noodle. When they eat we do the exact same. My favorite part though is the dishwasher. Before the machine eat the dishes we try to lick them clean as mom pushes us away. It's a lot of fun.
After dinner I we all lay around the so called "TV" whatever that is. All I hear are a bunch of "DIE!"s and "AAAAH!"s. We're all pretty squished on the couch so whenever Mom or Dad go to the bathroom I finally stretch out into my new space, however they never seem too happy when they return. We then hop upstairs and I climb into my crate and snuggle with my blanket. Until I fall asleep, I count prancing sheep, or in my case Tabbys. 1, 2, 4, 483, 71, 69… Zzzz.
ABOUT THE DOGS: Jerry is a world class jerk who thinks the world revolves around him yet his heart is at the right place. Him and Dottie Are staffordshire bull terriers (AKA staffys), Twix is part german shepherd, greyhound, shih tzu, and chihuahua. We rescued her. And Bitsy is a bull mastiff. Bullmastiffs are not dangerous at all to humans and neither are staffys. Staffies were originally bred to fight dogs (not anymore) so they were also bred specifically to be nice to humans. Jerry does not challenge Dotties dominance because he is male unlike Bitsy. Staffies and Bull mastiffs are amazing Dogs. Warning: these breeds are trainable but it is difficult. Thanks!