Always
Rating: T/ some mild adult situations and disturbing elements
Disclaimer: I disclaim. Merlin is the property of Shine/The BBC.
Written for robinmarian for all her kindness
Original prompt of song Bed of Roses credited to her also
Author Notes: I've wanted to create a fic using this song ever since I read her prompt. But when I started to put this together I realized that the song has some very modern elements that wouldn't fit. Therefore, being a Glee fan too, I mish mashed three of Bon Jovi's wonderful songs. So, all the parts that are bold italic, divided from the character parts, are Bon's Jovi's lyrics from three songs: Bed of Roses, Always and I'll be There. All credit goes thankfully to them! Note that the songs are a tiny bit edited to fit the story.
Part I is written in third person. It goes back and forth between Arthur and Guinevere's point of views. Their parts are separated by brackets: {} just like the song lyrics are. The first part is an extension (missing alternate piece) of the episode: Queen of Hearts.
Part II is written in first person. It also goes backs and forth between points of views, with the same separation brackets and song lyrics from Bon Jovi. It is an extension (missing alternate piece) of The Coming of Arthur, part II.
V
Always
Part I: A Bed of Nails, A Cell of Roses
I want to lay you down in a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
V
The night before her sentencing, you Arthur find no rest, her image pierced within. And you Guinevere, ache for what you've yet to say as you both fear for the morning's fate.
This night of separation, a cell is oddly filled with roses, as a bed is crudely punctured by nails.
V
Hours away from now will rise a dawn you'd rather not see, as you reside in your quarters. The inner room is lavish, outspread, but in these precious seconds it is your prison. Below you she is in a dungeon of punishment. Her beautifully eternal face rips at your heart. She is your light, your grace, your ambition, and your peace. Without her you cannot see breath. It is only now you feel the pain of those who have waited like this, before you, for the ultimate sentence. It is now you want to climb down the walls of your enchanted jail and lead her to freedom.
Behind you is a bed of royal scarlet, velvet and satin meshed to the hue of the perfect rose.
But no floral presence lies there now. Instead that bed is misconstrued with nails you refuse to sleep upon.
And the roses?
Below of course.
They lay with her.
V
It was a day ago that the two of you had fled this place, to meet in secret, to let out your feelings. You laughed in green innocent fields. You kissed lips forbidden to you.
Before the guards could take you away, you uttered no, you called out to him and that was when he for a vital moment escaped their grasp, promised always. Tomorrow hence, that vow will not be kept, cannot.
You wonder for a second morbidly how it is to feel flames lick at your skin? You wonder and then shudder. The man he calls his father has sentenced you to the same fate he forced upon your innocent father.
But then to him, to the so honorable king, you are nothing but a servant, a slave of waste. He slapped your cheek like you were nothing but paper to tear. He pierced your ears with his ugliness.
But of him is the son. He is brave. He is good. He is kind.
He is your fingers yearning, your mouth's water.
You feel the touch of flowers in your hair, gentle tiny buds.
You imagine his chainmail, hard as nails, usually an exterior surface you welcome against your cheek.
But now those nails drive through divided hearts.
V
Sitting here wasted and wounded
Trying hard to capture the moment
This morning I don't know
V
You're wearing without distinction an old brittle brown tunic/pants. You slipped away your boots hours ago, but nothing else. There's no reason to change into wear of the sleeping because you cannot close your eyes. That is why your bed is no longer comfort, but a trap filled with nailed barriers.
Camelot is supposed to be a kingdom of wonder and beauty. You love it. But these sentencings since the time you were a boy have bothered. To think of her there curses.
You want to escape this night. You want this to be some horrid dream. You want her in your arms.
You want to flee back to the picnic of the day past. You planned it. You wouldn't let her serve. You served her instead, like a lowly servant, like a man in love. You did it as graciously and kindly as you could. You impressed her you know.
And then you confessed your tiny little dream, to be a farmer of no significant name. She laughed and encouraged. You lay back upon royal blankets, and as her lips descended down, as yours climbed up, you kissed with languid laziness.
Those lips now haunt your waking moments, your refusal of slumber. You cannot bear to be without her, but you meant what you told your father before. You would forsake love's happiness if only he would take away this judgment. You would never touch her again, never yearn for her mouth. You would not even utter acknowledgment as you passed her in a hall.
All you asked for was her life. All you got was your father's denial of your feelings. He saw right through you in one way, and in the other, missed the sword's aim.
How can he think it's only an enchantment?
Something happens when you're with her. It is elating as much as quiet. She is such peace and such adventure. Truth is you could never stay away.
You want to break down the doors now to go to her. You want to escape the guards that are on all sides, turning your home into some evil fortress where the innocent wait for death. You will not forgive him if this passes, if morning comes and that sick block below is filled with ashes of a life that should never end. Always you told her and you will take that to the pyre if must be. You will die with her in heart.
And as you go on, you will rule contrary to the man you call your father. If this comes to be, your separation will be complete.
V
Things that I long to believe
About love and the truth
What you mean to me
V
It is a dress of lavender beauty you wear, marred by all today's existence. Just the day before, you wore sweet pink, so perfectly draped with exquisite shawl for a meeting of endearment. Now your back presses to the cold stone wall. There is nowhere to sit or lie, but a soiled half mattress. You avoid it, not wanting rest. Your eyes cannot close. Behind them are thousands of memories, of pain, of happiness, of beginning passion.
It is not right. It is only starting.
Tears form at your lids, but you cannot cry. You can only weep with no wetness. Weep in your soul.
You go each day now doing your duty, secretly wanting to see him. You pass by his room on purpose. You shiver into tingle of joy each time he answers.
Yesterday you heard as you were led out of the throne room his angry cries. Before that, the guards lifted roughly at your arms and all breath was lost. You, who usually so strongly held it in, fell apart. The tears came so rapidly. They collided with your tongue in morbid saltiness. You could barely move. You heard that you would die by fire and everything just shredded into pieces. Your life bled.
So you cried to him.
With your one last bit of strong breath,
You uttered his name.
V
As she was meant to be led away, you heard it in a lost haze of misery, anger and fear.
You saw her cheeks so gruesomely stained by her fragile tears. It was your undoing, hearing her cries, hearing how intimately she called you by given name. Knowing what they were taking her to, what she was being accused of, you struggled with all your might.
Your arms pulled, scraping against the hard steel, the chainmail, but you didn't give it up. You kept pulling until you managed it. And when freed_
You tore away from them.
You had to tell her. You had to hold her. You had to make her feel it. Even if one last time, you couldn't just let her go, not like that.
You ran with all your might. You wasted no time because you have lived in this kingdom long enough to know the guards a second time would not lose their grip of you. In seconds you knew they'd be in full pursuit. This is what they were ordered to do, keep the king's son in line, by the king himself. They would not fail a second time.
It seemed an eternity to reach, and yet she was mere paces away from you.
When you got to her, you felt the nail drives in your heart. She was crying so much. Your sweet Guinevere, always so brave, crying for her fate. You wanted to wipe away every tear, but your hands had to hold at her waist for the seconds they were unbound. Your lips pressed to hers, as in desperate hope you tried to give her one tiny bit of comfort, one shard of warmth.
The irony of that moment. You thought of how you were a prince. You commanded all the time, and yet when you found love, all your status was lost, because of who you loved. You could not believe your father could be this cruel, and you could not believe there was nothing you could do to stop this hellish decision.
You wanted to tell her you'd fight this, not allow it. But you knew how hollow it would ring, so you just combined your mouth with hers. You just drank from what you gave. You kissed and kissed for as long it would be allowed.
V
Your vision was blinded by your tears that would not stop falling. Suddenly the reality of what the king had put upon you tore through your body. You saw him, the prince, your prince, and you thought, no, this cannot be. You wanted one more time to just be with him, feel his arms warm your chilled body. In one desperate last bit you had cried out.
You took one hope and bet upon it.
You were so sure you'd lose.
Lose until-
And then it was there.
He was there.
His hands grasped your back. Precious lips took away the chill. You couldn't stop the crying, but he kissed you anyway. He pressed into you so hard as if he wanted to climb inside. If you could, you would open your soul to him in that moment. His mouth was the only bit of warmth to bring back your breath again.
Seconds of the most precious heaven.
Seconds never meant to last.
V
I'm so far away
Each step that I take
A king's ransom I'd given
But it's too hard to get through
V
It was as you predicted. When the guards reached you they came in even stronger, held you tighter. They tore you away from her. The loss of her mouth's sweetness was the hardest pain. You tried to press your boots into the stone ground. You tried to resist, but they wouldn't give up.
Suddenly the distance was being created. She was getting further away and you emotionally vowed.
You would love her.
Always.
V
Love.
Always.
And you were led away even more forcefully. He was restrained with more intent. It didn't stop his fierce agonized shouts though.
You could hear them all the way down the hall.
Guinevere.
V
They could hold you, but they couldn't silence your pleas. Her name left your lips over times again. Cries of NO formed. Protests. Too weak to change anything.
They led her away, and it wasn't just her tears staining your face anymore, the aftermath of the kiss you pressed upon her lips. It was your own.
V
Now as you close your eyes
I'll be thinking about you
Tonight
It's you that I'd die to defend
V
The memory holds no comfort. You slide down to the ground of your cell, its coldness chilling through your dress. You close your eyes.
Dare to dream.
V
The bed beckons you. It slithers into your wearied physical self.
You fall back upon it.
V
"Guinevere."
You open your eyes. It is not happening. It is too hopeful.
"Guinevere."
You hear it again and jump to your feet.
It is he.
V
You are there with her. Somehow you broke out. You've made it to her cell of roses. You're with her. "Guinevere."
You say. Hear me. Flee with me.
V
He's here. Oh. You hold at the bars. Ask. "What are you doing?"
"Freeing you."
V
You keep your voice hush hush. The guards are just nearby. You have made it down the steps. Then you know you can make it out all the way. It doesn't matter if you must give it all up, your rightful destiny. Just to be with her. Just to love.
Turning the key, you open the cell's enclosure. As the door parts, you capture her into your arms.
V
It is him you know fully as you feel the heated moisture of his kiss. This is true. It is your prince, your Arthur. "Oh, you're here." You cling to his cheeks, clutch at his fine fair skin.
He smiles before becoming all business, all purpose. "Yes. Come on. The distraction won't hold long. We have to go.
Come with me."
V
She seems to want to ask many questions, but her intelligence leads her to just be quiet. You thank her resolve and hold tight to her hand, to the fingers that curl within yours, tanned by the sun, ever so starkly contrasting against your pale white. Ever so perfect. You hold to her. Hold to forever.
V
I will love you…Always
I'll be there forever and a day
Always
V
The long way you run to the outside. There you gasp as horses are simply waiting under the dark skies of night. He gestures forward and you know instantly what to do. You jump on. He does the same for his.
With little command the horses gallop, race to freedom.
V
Far away from Camelot you go. Distanced from the castle the horses tread. You have had help with this maneuver you're sure. You've made a decision this night. You've given it up.
As she seems to realize, as the horses slow deep into the woods, she whispers it. "Arthur, what are we doing?"
"Escaping." You answer simply, hands finding her tight waist. You want to hold her to you. You want to never let go.
"But you cannot stay away. You must become king."
"Not if it means losing you."
V
He says that and you stare. He doesn't want to argue it though. He leads you further through the woods, past a lake, past flowers-
Back to them.
He suddenly smiles and stops his horse, leaps away.
You start to ask his intention, but then feel his hands at your sides. He lifts you away. Soon the horses are forgotten as he gestures to his find.
"A bed of roses, flowers as beautiful as the ones you wear."
He is right. Your hair is adorned by exquisite flowers, tiny rose buds.
You open your mouth to ask. He dives in.
His tongue finds its yearning cave.
You feel the clench of his fingertips. Your own find his red rose tunic. They lift at the material.
He moans invitation. He growls never stop.
You find the inside of the cloth. Your fingers climb up it to touch his skin, hard and tender.
V
She has opened the bottom of your tunic to her hands. You kiss her harder, clench at her backside and start to lower your body with hers. You lay her down into them. They, the flowers, the roses of reds and pinks engulf her. You stare with want.
And feel her hands lift. Welcome you to her bed.
V
He descends and half lies, half straddles your aching body. Aching for his touch. Aching for.
"We should stop." He whispers.
"No." You whisper back.
He doesn't negate it. He's too far gone.
So are you.
The sleeves of your dress push off your shoulders by his lusting hands. You pull at his tunic until it half hangs on his chest.
The flowers tickle the parts of bared skin. He kisses. He wets your mouth. Your tongue. Your skin. His lips descend as yours part to cry.
But no tears.
V
The dress is not fully gone. You're not so quick to remove it. You just want to taste at every inch. You want to feel all. She is yours now. Nothing can part you.
Always this love.
V
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst
V
Your impatience takes over soon enough. She is too beautiful, too tempting. You pull at the top of the pink rosy fabric. You watch it reveal buds that far outreach the roses your bodies flatten. Buds of dark pink. You lower your greedy lips to one.
V
Oh.
You cry out.
Your back arches high above the flowers, but he presses down upon you so hungrily. He feeds from you intimately. You push away the rest of his tunic. Let it descend to the flowers, rose to meet rose. Feeling him suck, you dig in your fingers, hear him moan approval.
V
It moves so fast. She is half dressed beneath you. Your tunic's been stripped off your chest. She's already boldly exploring beneath the waist of your pants. You gasp to end this, to never end it, but you must be sure. You must assure.
Reluctantly, you let go.
Suck, the puckered bud complains. It pops away from your hungering lips. She cries out. But you hold at her hands, fighting for gentle resolve.
"I love you Guinevere. But maybe we-
She holds at your mouth with trembling fingers. "Maybe_no. Now Arthur."
You smile. All you need.
"Always. Love me."
She whispers in your ear.
You descend again.
V
When I die
You'll be on my mind
I'll love you
Always
V
You see his rapture. You feel him come down to you. His lips become one with yours. Bodies press so intimately.
But then it happens.
Sickeningly.
The roses alter. They conform.
They mutate.
To stabbing thorns.
V
She screams.
She is sinking into them. They are piercing her skin.
You shout.
NO.
V
They start to burn. Enflame. You feel the burning of your flesh.
V
The blaze takes her away from you. She disappears. As does the woods.
V
As do the horses and the outside of night.
With pounding headache, you awaken.
To it.
The Cell.
V
The bed of nails has captured you. It lured you to sleep.
It was only a hideous dream.
V
Your body shakes. You cry. You claw at the bars. You cry out his name.
"Arthur, Arthur…Arthur come to me…"
But no one comes.
V
I've cried a thousand rivers
Drowning in the flood of my tears
Always been a fighter
But without you
I'd give up
V
She is not there. Purgatory has deceived. You rip at the sheets, at the blankets, but she is gone. It was never real. You're not even wearing red, but faded brown.
You jump off the bed. You clench your hands.
And like a shatter of glass, it springs from your mouth.
It snarls in pain.
Like a wild wounded wolf.
You HOWL.
"GUIN_E_VERE!"
Again and again, you hit at the window. You bellow.
But nothing hears.
She does not return.
For she was only a dream.
Only.
V
My broken heart lies bleeding
True love
It's suicide
V
You hear something suddenly, so faint, but there. You know you would not want him to forsake his duty anyway, but for some selfish moment you wanted it to be real. You wanted to be as close to him as-
The Holy Ghost.
V
I want to lay you down in a bed of roses
As
Tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just
As close as the Holy Ghost is
V
On your knees you retreat to the cold floor. Your body wearied, your mind distraught, you beg all that is holy to not let this pass.
But if it must, then let you be her angel. Let you turn to flames with her.
The dream was so sweet.
So sweetly false.
You were right all along. Your bed is filled with nails. You will not touch it this night.
You will yearn for her cell of roses.
You will not close your eyes. You will suffer this whole.
And if she is gone in the morning.
Then.
Always.
Will you love what you cannot have.
V
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
V
You back against the bars. You welcome their painful bulging. You hold at your heart. And you whisper it finally.
What you never said to him.
What you feel.
"I love you Arthur. I love you.
Always."
V
Lay you down in a bed of roses
You're all that I need
Till the end of time
V
You will never love another.
If this comes forever on you will be lonely. You will have half heart even as crowds surround you.
Without her, you will lose of yourself.
Please let the dream come back. You whisper. You shiver.
But the dream was no truth.
This is.
V
A bed of nails.
A cell of roses.
V
Always
Part II: Once and Future
Promise you tomorrow
Find a place where the sun still shines
Forever and a day
Always
V
The night before I go into battle
The night before you save your father and kingdom
I am so thankful you are with me
I want to give you all the love you need.
My Guinevere
My Arthur.
Let us become we.
Let us become…
V
As my hands lift away the heavy blanket I see my find, a grand round table. Lifting my head, I see her, and know what I am meant to do.
So much has happened since that time months ago when she so closely faced death for magical enchantment, a crime she was fully innocent of. Thankfully that weird belligerent sorcerer turned up, allowing her to be freed. He later escaped, but I never really cared. All that mattered to me was her life.
Earlier this day when I grabbed at the intruder and it turned out to be her with Leon I felt so elated. She is my sunshine in the morning. Even when she has faced me candidly in the past, she has warmly surrounded me too. She never backs down from telling me what I need to hear. She can set a fire to flame much faster than me. Her hands are filled with the inheritance of her father's gift.
They have to be.
That's what got her to me this night, what helped Leon escape. She, the servant Gwen, my beautiful Guinevere, with blacksmith ability, created a key from just a mold. She made it even under threat. She did it because she wanted to ensure Leon's safety too.
I'm holding on by a shred which is even more reason why I need her here. I watched my father forced to his knees, the king. I know he is broken. I've heard his secrets. They shattered my soul. Watching my s-sister smile above him with such lustful want and hatred, I stared. I thought she loved my father back. I thought we were all family.
I thought I was his only child. I thought.
No matter.
This table now is calling me. It calls her to me. She nears without question. I grasp.
V
His hand encloses mine, my Arthur. I'm stunned we've gotten to this place, but grateful even as I fear. I know what he has planned will have no easy outcome, but I will do all I can to be his assistance. I helped Sir Leon get here, didn't I?
It felt good actually to defy my mistress after what I've learned of her, after what I've seen. I served her so faithfully for so many years and yet she has done this. I understand her hatred for the king because I do not care for the man much myself. But towards Arthur? Towards me? How could her loyalty have been so fragile? How could she have forced me to take a side?
This side.
For I have chosen it. Always it will be with the man I love and honor. I will serve him now only. And if one day it comes, if what he promises will bear fruit, I will honor the kingdom that has always been my home. I will honor its people in noble leadership.
Months ago I feared in a cell. I clasped death so vividly it made my every bit of flesh shiver. I learned then my mistress was happy for it, and everything inside me for her changed. I knew then I could no longer trust her.
But I trust these all around me. I trust the man who leads me to sit ever so gallantly.
With such chivalrous flair.
My prince.
My future king.
V
Capture the moment
To hear
Words you breathe
Words you swear
V
She sits and half smiles. She seems a bit uncomfortable, and sober to the event. I love her for the latter. I will help her understand the former. Around me are so many faces. We are around each other. Equal as I explain about the kings of olden time. They are all faces of friends. Yes, even Merlin of course. Though let him not hear it that solidly off my lips. All these men, and this one woman, came to make this happen. They braved all to help my father. To help me I suppose. To save Camelot. To forever be bound to it.
That is why it is easy to feel no pride as I tell them the truth of the table, the truth of what I now have come to believe. I do not feel lesser as I utter it, instead even stronger, as so are they. I know now in my soul Camelot will only be saved from falling, my father will only return to safety, if I strip away every bit of armor from my exterior for this moment. If I give to them as much as they give to me. At this table there are no servants, no knights, and no princes. There are only soldiers of Camelot, of the king, bound together.
Bound to one destiny, one purpose.
V
He makes me so proud as he asks us all if we will be with him. I give my vow so easily. Of course, my place is always with him. I feel laughter whisper at my ears as Merlin is the only one to not stand for him. Which of course raises the ire of my prince. Could they love each other anymore underneath all their bickering?
He could have been like his father, Arthur, rule as threateningly and as coldly as that man does, but Arthur has never been the same man. Something in him has always gone beyond. His father makes him to think its weakness, but it is the most powerful strength. It is insight. It is compassion. It is belief. The truth is, Arthur in soul is much more confident than his father, for he knows he can rely upon friends, new and old. He is comfortable in accepting their aid.
As he now announces the most marvelous thing in this castle of old, of Ancient Camelot.
Let the new knighthood be bestowed.
V
I flash my eyes to her for just a second as I announce it. I feel her approval, her surprise, and eternal support.
I see in their eyes the shock and then quiet humble courageous gratitude. They need not give it to me though. They have shown what they are. Now they will become what they are destined to be.
All.
Lancelot.
This man has stupefied me from the first I met him. If ever I saw a man bred to be a knight it is him. He too has competed with me, albeit nobly so far, for the woman who watches all this now, who sees me giving him this honor that he truly deserves. Despite his feelings for her, despite the conflict, I am confident he will serve with strength and bravery. I know he is my ally.
Perhaps my friend. That is why this night I touch him with the sword's duty. I bestow upon Lancelot full knighthood.
And I begin in this second to break the tradition. I create a new one of my own. Let it be known now that knighthood will not be depended upon bonds of nobility. In this hour of need, I create what must be decreed. Knights will be formed by their sense of duty to Camelot and its people, their honor, their trustworthiness, their strength, their courageousness, their humility, their understanding of others, and their will to do only good.
Lancelot has always wanted this I know well. He has all these traits I've mentioned, so now he becomes something more.
From just Lancelot
To Sir Lancelot.
V
I watch with such wonder as he, my prince, ends the rule of superiority. Albeit so gently, so respectfully. I know he loves his father so deeply and serves him so reverently, but I know too in this moment that Arthur is only one whisper away from king. I see in him that he is ready for this burden now, that to him it is a privilege, and in this hour of uncertainty he does the smartest most practical thing, as too he gives four very different men a new destiny of life.
First is Lancelot. I watch with a bit of deep thought. He is a man whose tender passionate lips I have felt upon my own. He is handsome and chivalrous. A part of my heart will always fill for him.
Perhaps someday such feeling will be a hindrance.
But no need to borrow trouble.
He does not look to me. I do not expect him to. This is his duty, has always been. Lancelot has forever wanted this and he will take it over anything he feels for me, I truly believe.
And for that I am thankful. I am relieved. For you see, as much as I have felt for Lancelot, it is the man who bestows upon him knighthood who truly owns my heart. Who I give it to freely. He is the one who makes me feel as I cannot breathe, who gives me all new breath. I will always care for Lancelot, but only a man of eternal strength and belief could do what Arthur does now. Only a leader of his people. Always I will follow him.
Perhaps one day, we will walk side by side in rule. I cannot see to that future. But I know my rightful place is with him.
Intensity alone, caring, is simply not enough.
I wish you the best Sir Lancelot. I wish you the kind of love I feel for Arthur…
With someone else.
V
Gwaine.
He has saved my life more than once. No one, and I mean, NO one fights like him. It makes me laugh inwardly with fond mirth. The most interesting thing of Gwaine, is he has no real love for nobility. He is the reckless kind, totaling up tavern costs to outrageous portions, and a ready charmer of the ladies, even my own!
Well, I suppose if I bestow upon him knighthood, I can keep an eye on that. And yet of course it's more. I trust Gwaine. I would trust him with my life because time again he has saved it. I see underneath all the brusqueness a firm sense of honor. Of any man, he would be the one rushing in to do the rash, and probably win. Gwaine too has an interesting relationship with my servant Merlin. They get on quite well, nothing surprising, as I too simply enjoy being around Gwaine. When I'm hard for a smile, he can bring it with his raw sarcasm.
Gwaine, with all his rough edges and unchained personality, is bred to this. It is with respect I lay down the sword upon his shoulder a second time and have him rise as what he is meant to be.
Sir Gwaine.
V
It is with a smile bright on my face I watch Gwaine stand. He is one of the most interesting men I've ever met. He's silly and charming. He has tried to charm me! But what mattered to me most was that when he understood fully why I did not take in those charms, he respected my feelings and encouraged them for Arthur. He is a true friend, to Merlin, to Arthur, and to me. He makes me feel like a lady every time I speak to him. He seems to forget I'm a servant, simply does not care.
Oh he is a wild one and I'm sure Arthur will sometimes have fun keeping him in line, but too Arthur is his own wild sort and they will work well together.
Yet even as a knight I'm quite sure Gwaine will not let any one man rule over him entirely.
Not even Sir Gwaine.
V
Perceval.
My first meeting of this man was just hours ago. I know so little of him and yet vastly enough. He's bigger than any of us for sure, bolder of muscle. He'd be amazing in a fight I'm positive. He already did well enough in the forest. He created that barrier for us.
It was with humility and an odd sense of trust I greeted him, not with the title of Prince Arthur, but just Arthur, and saw him smile with such belief at that.
Maybe, perhaps, this is how rule should be. As we get ready for this battle, as I form my new legion of knights, I feel no standing above them. I march with them. And that doesn't tear at my pride. It embellishes it. I feel stronger to put my belief in these men. I feel stronger to fight alongside them, not in front.
All of them are worthy.
Perceval, a man of just a few words, but such brawn, I know is meant for this. I greeted him almost as a friend. And that made all the difference. /p
Now I make him beyond. Now he becomes
Sir Perceval.
V
I do not know this man well, but perhaps enough. I have seen how easily he exchanges smiles with my Arthur. And yet he knows the line of respect so solidly. He is quite large, and quite tender it seems. He is a good man and he is bred to this.
Blessings upon you Sir Perceval. Rise to your duty.
V
Elyan.
He is Guinevere's brother of course, a man who surprised me from the first mostly. You look at him and see what seems a humble sort. You watch him fight and see nothing of humble. The first time I noticed it was after rescuing him from the clutches of Cendred. In those woods the bandits, the crude legion of Cendred, surprised us. Elyan, no sword in his hand, slapped the man he was fighting, and with that distraction made the man's sword his. Only a few seconds after that, the man was fallen on his own 'borrowed' sword.
From that moment on I saw something much stronger in Elyan. And yet of course I wasn't completely surprised. Look at his sister who when I ordered her away, completely ignored my orders to see to my safety.
Guinevere is kind, good, humble, but also made of her own steel. She uses everything she can in a fight like her brother. She carries herself with such dignity, never allowing anyone to put her down for what she does, not even me when I made the mistake of somewhat belittling servant's duty that time I stayed with her.
Of course Elyan is her brother. But my decision goes so far beyond. I can feel in him this hunger for more direction. He wants to be a knight as rawly almost as Lancelot has wanted it. Who am I to deny him that?
I'd be a fool to. I know I can trust Elyan. I know Elyan will more than hold his own. Yes I love his sister and I could do this just for her. Perhaps a part of me is. But the most vital part would never bestow knighthood upon a man not ready. That would be the most reckless thing I could do.
So no, as much as she means to me, it is not just for her. I lower my sword a second time and call for his standing, because Elyan from birth has been destined for this. I know he will be a fierce knight of cunning. He will lead and follow his own unique way.
That is why I grant upon him the title of
Sir Elyan.
V
Oh Elyan.
From the first my brother has been entirely the restless sort. As much as I've loved him I've grumbled at his lack of direction. Now I feel he is finding his true purpose. And I am so proud, so happy, so relieved. I know Arthur does not do this just for me. He is so much more aware of how awesome this duty is than to give it so candidly.
Arthur believes in Elyan. He has seen his spontaneous way of fight, and his bravery.
I know now that Elyan becomes this I will fear for his return from battle, but before I saw so little of him anyway. Elyan wants this, I can see it in my brother's prideful expression, in his quiet humility. He is ever so grateful for this honor and he will never take it light.
So from Elyan the directionless.
To Sir Elyan, Knight of Camelot.
I love him so.
I honor him so.
V
Tonight I won't be alone
I say to you
Till the end of time
V
That's it. That's all. From the corner of my eye as they all stand in front of me in their rightful place, I see a fifth face beyond. Always beyond. Meant to be there.
Merlin is no knight.
I don't say that as lightly as may seem. I do find Merlin very brave, for a less brave man would never counter me as much as he does without knowledge of how to use a sword. I have had many servants over the years. None have been an inch like Merlin. He is bumbling. He can be an idiot. He is girlish. He has a mouth that does not know when to shut. He grates at my backside.
But that side wants him. I want him at my side.
Merlin is not meant to be a knight not just because of physical limits, but because I need Merlin with me the most. I need his rare wisdom. I need his council that does not always follow the rules of nobility. I need him to joke back with me in that amazing annoying way. Perhaps Merlin is more than my servant, though let him never hear that from my mouth. He'd lift his head to the skies. Perhaps he is just my servant.
But let it never be misunderstood.
In totality Merlin stands by me, not behind. I don't need to make him a knight when Merlin's purpose seems to mysteriously be something else.
I just need his rare wisdom.
And his stupid wry humor.
V
Sir Merlin, never. I watch their fond exchange as they don't realize it. Merlin has been in Camelot for a low sum of years and yet his place is so justified and solid. I know Arthur trusts him entirely. And I know that is not an easy reach for Arthur. I feel the same. Merlin has become my dear friend. He has supported us, Arthur and me, from the start. Merlin is his own breed of bravery. Merlin is kind and giving. And plainly silly at times. But always, ever so loyal.
I love him ever so dearly.
As I know somewhere deep down.
Does my prince…
…
V
Talking about all of the things
I long to believe
About love and the truth
And what you mean to me
V
They all sleep now. I wake up before dawn I imagine, with all dark. I see her standing at the opening to the mostly underground castle. I slept on my own this night now past. I wanted her at my side, but she said it wasn't right and that I needed my rest. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps her warmth would have been ever so much more delicious.
She is still in it, some of the most tantalizing wear I've seen her attired in. She is beautiful in a dress of course. She quite wonderfully amazed me, touched me that day of our picnic months ago when she wore that pink one with the shawl, her hair all cascading down. But now, this outfit, something is so rustic about it, so animal-
Oh, she stirs something in me, in places I dare not need feel right now. I'm going into battle in just a few hours, but for this short moment-
"You are lovely in a dress, but in these…"
I gaze down appreciatively.
"You are ravishing."
The fur. The beige shirt that sits almost off her shoulder, ready for my fingers to play games with.
She smiles before pointing back as my hands surround her upper waist so solidly. I grasp to what warms me.
"They may see. May hear."
I shrug, snarl at her shoulder with need. "They are asleep."
She looks up into my eyes. I know she can read the weariness in them. I track the tension in hers. Midnight orbs to match the curls of night. I grasp at a few with need. She touches gently at my cheek. "Thank you for what you did for Elyan."
I shake my head. "No need to thank. He is meant for this."
She smiles softly.
I grasp her waist. Whisper to her ear. "Lie with me. Come. We will wake before the others. Just let me feel your head upon my chest. Let me feel your heat, your soft peace. Please Guinevere…"
She can't deny that. She lets me lead her to a corner of the abandoned castle, now a refuge for refugees determined to take back what they love, to bring back to power the man they all serve.
V
Run my fingers through your hair
Touch your lips
Hold you near
V
His pleading is my undoing. I know what he does in just hours is so brave and so dangerous. I wish to go with him if somehow I can help.
He finds a spot. I pull away the fur, lay it down upon the hard floor. He guides me down with him entirely. He lies back on the fur, holding at my back to bring me atop him. Then he murmurs tiredly. "Oh so much better."
I shake my head with disapproval. "You have not slept enough."
He shakes his, kisses at my brow, but looks beyond.
"You are worried about your father."
His eyes come back to me, blue sky of lightning. "I've never seen him in such a way. She brought him to his knees. Morgana…"
He sighs heavily.
"I've never seen her so-angry, so full of hatred. I don't know how she could do this. I don't understand what makes her want this. I thought she loved my father. And now—she's my sister?"
There is such question in his voice, such uncertainty. He goes into the fight determined, but his emotions are still terribly on edge. He hides it from them all, but to me now he reveals. I understand in part. My mistress of old feels like a stranger to me now. "I fear this has been for some time."
"What do you mean?" He asks with curiosity.
I hesitate.
"Guinevere."
He says adamantly, stroking at my hair. I raise half off his chest, need to face him as I say it. "When I was sentenced-wrongly for sorcery, when your father thought I enchanted you, I saw her face as I was being led away. She was smiling."
He stares, starts to negate it, but then. "Why didn't you tell me?"
I shake my head. "How could I? No. I did not want to cause you more trouble than what you were already burdened with. If I had realized the extent of her ill will, I would have, but then, I never thought she could do all this. I did not think she would hurt you."
He seems angry. "I confessed to her so much then. And she was using me? It has to be. How else did my father find us? Now I get it. She was manipulating it all. Using-how could she do that to you? How could she set you up like that? You should have told me Guinevere! It could have meant your life!"
He is excited and so calmly I touch at his chest. His voice rises high enough to stir a few, but they just shuffle their movements in their sleep. I appease my prince. He is so agitated. I press at his cheek for peace. "It's alright Arthur. It didn't work. Don't excite yourself. You have too much now to think of. Don't let it worry you."
He closes his eyes hard, mutters. "She wanted this that badly? To usurp me, my father? How can Morgana hate us this much?" Beyond his closed eyes is so much pain. Grimaces to his mouth of flat lined unhappiness. "We trusted her. For a year of my life I searched for her endlessly. We lost so many in that pursuit. And she does this. She is my half sister. And yet she wanted me dead?"
I bring his hands to mine, against my heart. "Arthur, do not fret so. Do not let it take away your concentration of what you must do when you return to Camelot. Of what you have decided. I am hurt too by her deceit, but perhaps she is too hungry for ruling the land and sees nothing beyond. Maybe she has her own pain. I still see in her glimpses of my friend the mistress, but they are so much fewer. She is faithful to Morgause and no one else. We are secondary now."
He opens his eyes, says shrewdly. "We are foes."
I see in him such pained strength now. He knows what destiny he must follow, even as he regrets its circumstances, dreads perhaps what some of the outcome could be. "She has an army. We have-
I silence his mouth with my finger. "Honor, trust, strength and such bravery. You've said it yourself. There is no army stronger than that of the one of Camelot. The true Camelot Arthur."
He laughs dryly, before sobering. "An army of SIX of us Guinevere, seven if you include Merlin. And keeping up the fort, of course you and Gaius. I just hope I do not lead these men to less fortune."
I negate his words quickly, pressing into his chest, holding at his shoulders. "You do not. You lead them to their destiny. I know that-
He does not let me finish. I want to tell him I know he will return, but he interrupts desperately, bringing me half up so he can grip my face.
"I meant what I said about keeping up the fort, to this point anyway. You have to stay here. Prep this place. Be safe." He whispers the last, the crinkle of his forehead expressing concern.
I smile with as much peace I can muster. "You may be a prince, but I do not always have to follow your orders."
He laughs softly, before affirming, insisting. "I need you here Guinevere. I can't leave to face what is there not knowing if you'll be alright. For this once obey me. Please."
I kiss at his trembling lips, touch at his heavenly white eyelids. "For this once I will."
His mouth holds more solidly to mine. He kisses me in the dark of secrecy. I kiss him back with resolve and belief.
He will return to me.
His arms I will feel again…
…
V
Say your prayers
Say Goodbye
But I promise
I'll be there
Always
V
Hours later, beyond those moments we snuck together before dawn, and the later moment I kissed her in front of them all, the battle is over.
We won.
It is a grateful and perhaps hollow victory. My father is a shadow of his true self. I had to hold to him when we let him out from the cell. I had to protect him from all his fears. I've never seen him this way, so afraid. And I've never felt the heaviness of my destiny more strongly. For now, I see in him no ability to rule. For now I take my place as leader of this land.
Beautiful Camelot.
There are servants, peasants, who were so crudely punished for doing nothing. They were struck down in the courtyard, some to death, some of injury. Gaius tends to the wounded, Gaius who somehow found his way here. I asked him then where was she.
Where was my Guinevere?
He answered she safely, dutifully stayed behind most likely. He left without her acknowledgement. I know she will help with those hurt. I know that she will mourn for the unjustified deaths.
OH Morgana. What have you started? Is this war between us now? How can you hate us to this extent?
And then I think of Guinevere's wise council. Morgana is being ruled by something else now. Maybe a missing factor was always there that we never saw.
Guinevere.
I call to a servant, one other than Merlin. "Go. Get the robes of knighthood."
He rushes and I face them all. Every one of them lived. I am so grateful. They all fought so bravely, so valiantly, so originally. They are the newest knights of Camelot, along with the one of old, my dear friend Sir Leon.
The servant comes back and I tell them all to put it on. I give them a mission. The dearest one to my heart.
"Go. Knights of Camelot. Bring her back.
Bring back the Lady Guinevere."
No one dares to correct me. No one cares to. I know now without a doubt. She will be Queen of Camelot. It will not be an easy road I'm sure, and perhaps when my father gains back his senses, if ever he does fully, he will question and roar at all this. But for now Camelot is under my hold. The decisions are mine. And if these men, four of them with not a shred of nobility, are my trusted knights…
Then Guinevere is my Lady.
V
Close my eyes and whisper
You're all that I need
Steal the sun from the sky
Be the air
Words can't say enough
What you mean to
Me
V
I hear a sound. It frights me into action. Reaching down I find the poker of the fireplace. I lift it into my hands with determination. Even as a part of me tingles with nervous bit, the other is fiercely ready.
The being comes forward.
I crouch in a corner of the abandoned castle. Gaius left long ago. I imagine to help, but I have kept my word to Arthur.
Now I will defend myself if need be.
The being is there.
I swing hard.
Another comes from behind.
Catches my weapon with a glimmer of humor.
"Whoa…Arthur should have knighted you!"
"Easy Gwen. It's just me. Elyan-or eh Sir Elyan."
I hold at my mouth, let out spontaneous laughter. Wild and fleeing. "That's what you think. And you!" I point at Gwaine with good measure. From behind comes too Lancelot, Perceval, and Sir Leon. I smile with wonder, but ask fitfully as his face is not there, both not-
"And Gaius? He left. Merlin?"
Last. The one that has hold of my heart the most. The one who I promised we would see of each other again when he kissed me in front of all of them.
"Arthur?"
All smile. It is the most beautiful peace as one by one they assure.
"Camelot is ours again!"
"You should have seen Gaius! And Merlin!"
"I nearly died, but eh-no one can get me down forever."
"Even the king is safe."
"Arthur is fine. Do not worry. He sent us on an important mission."
I smile, start to ask them what kind of mission, but then they are surrounding me. They face me as one half of the round table they sat at last night. They go down to their knee, each in royal order. They kneel at my feet, all in their robes of Pendragon scarlet.
One by one they announce with humility,
"We have come to get you.
By order of Prince Arthur.
With our pledged honor and respect.
With love and gratitude.
We've come to escort you safely back home.
Lady Guinevere."
All knelt in front of me.
Tears of relieved awe flow down my cheeks. I cannot stop them.
The Knights of Camelot.
All I can do is nod my head.
Yes my dear Knights.
Let's go home.
Take me to my prince.
V
It's hard to stay still, but I sit completely on the steps, quibbling back and forth with Merlin. He somehow managed his mission with Lancelot. Gaius of course oddly showed up. I am grateful for Merlin's help in all this. He means to me much. I just won't say it out loud. He'd be an idiot about it.
Dryly I think that, think of what now Camelot will be as the last words of my father are spoken between us. I pray the king will be well enough to rule again, but I know if the future is meant for me to take over-
I am now ready.
It is as I assure myself of this inwardly, they come.
She
Comes.
Oh the Knights of Camelot. They all surround her. I know now how well they honored my request. I see their reverence for her. I cannot deny the smile that forms at my face. I care not to. I care not who sees my excitement. She is the woman I love. Let the world know. Let them try to judge us with all their own misdeeds. Let some antiquated rules try to tell us we can't be together.
Camelot is anew.
I will not be silent anymore.
I love her.
I love Guinevere.
She is at their middle, guarded so preciously, but she too does not need so much of it. She is so brave and ravishing still in that tantalizing fur and tanned wear. All the way to the boots surrounding her feet.
I move past Merlin. I go to the knights. I go to my lady.
V
He sees me and in his eyes is such quiet peace. I know he feels so much pain now too, but the sight of me delights him. He meets me at my horse. He holds at my waist to bring me down into his ever loving arms. His knights are all in armor, in royal robes, but my Arthur is bare in his rose red tunic. Naked to hold. Open to me.
V
I'd live and I'd die for you
This love is true
You're all that I need
Always
I'll be there for you
Forever
V
She holds at my back. I hold at hers and kiss the lips mine have thirsted for since our last meeting.
She is home.
That is all that matters.
She is in my grip. I am in hers. I kiss her in the open courtyard. I want everyone to see, to know. I am a servant of her love.
My breath feels short. My sighs are wearisome as now finally I can just be myself. I lower my head to her shoulder. Her warmth, her comfort ever so needed.
V
I keep him there, against me, fallen below my cheek. I wrap around my dear prince. One day king of this land. I am so proud of him. I am so in love with him.
V
And now it is no longer you who feel.
It is no longer I who alone express.
It is we. For we are always. We are forever.
We lift heads in the center of Camelot's business. We hold at each other's hands. We walk up the steps. We go into the castle.
We.
The once and future.
V
Thank you for reading. Comments kindly appreciated.
Thank you robinmarian for a great idea for a prompt! How it branched out to this…my nutty imagination I suppose! Not to mention falling in love with these two episodes (that scene before Gwen is taken away and Arthur runs to kiss her…AH! And the new knight scene, the kiss in the morning, the kiss in the courtyard, Freya's return, that whole ep!) and needing to write something that extended them. Gwaine and Elyan were in here because any time I can incorporate them now I do (huge fan of them!). This season had the best guest stars/additions, I swear. Love all the new knights and I've finally caught onto the Sir Leon craze. His scenes with Gwen especially were priceless. Morgana: I've never been the biggest Morgana fan, but so much about her this season fell flat for me especially and even saddened me. I knew she was going to go 'bad' but to go after Arthur and Gwen without seeming to having any remorse, wow. Much of Arthur's questioning in this story is my own. I imagine there will always be varying opinions about how Morgana went bad. I for one think it was too much a focus of the season and done quite poorly a lot of the time just for the purpose of a new enemy.
Lyrics Credit:
Once again, remember, it was a mash-up of the songs so lyrics went out of order a few times and were slightly edited by me a bit. I tried to keep the distinct flavor of the songs intact though. Wonderful music. I've always enjoyed Bon Jovi. If you've never heard their songs, be sure to give them a listen.
All lyrics by Bon Jovi
Always
I'll be there for you
Bed of Roses