Author's Note: This is completely an AU based off my RP. They're great people and they have inspired me to write about them. So here it is, my social life: IN FANFICTION!
Tony stood outside his giant van that he was told would hold 20 people, plus pets. He marveled at the size, but he knew the people at rent-a-van could never imagine the people who would board this.
They Avengers family had scattered across the country for various reasons, and now that Maria and Phil's daughter, Darcey, was being held captive by Loki in England, Fury had directed a road trip to gather everyone and avenge Darcey. Avenger her hard.
The trip was starting in Florida, where a majority of them were stationed.
Tony, Steve, Peter, Lady Sif, and Howard were in Miami.
At some point in time, Tony and Steve came across a diabetic, suicidal, drug addict named Stan. Tony liked him as a bro. Steve wanted to better Stan through multiple interventions. Eventually, Tony started having interventions with Stan too because he realized how much worse Stan was off than Tony.
Howard stayed with Tony only for that Howard Stark only stayed at Stark Towers. Tony was pissed that his personal oasis in Miami was being interrupted by his dad running around fucking bitches and lecturing Steve about safe sex, but he couldn't just kick his dad out.
Steve and his son had their own floor of Stark tower, as well. Peter enjoyed time working on science with Tony, which Steve pretended to know about, but we all know Steve can't know science because he's from the 40's.
Lady Sif had dropped in from Asgard. Tony and Steve were curious as to why she dropped down in Miami, because usually Asgardians end up in New Mexico. Sif didn't show up alone, though; she came with her Asgardian Goat Army, which also had their own floor commandeered on Stark Tower.
Tony had everyone's things packed in the van. He stared at it for one last moment- the last moment this van was a normal vehicle.
Howard was the first one out of Stark tower, with a twelve pack of beer with him and two chongas, one on each arm.
"Dad, please. We already have enough people going on this poor thing, we don't need stanky Miami girls up in here."
"But son- I need bitches! Don't you understand?"
"Of course I understand, dad, I'm a Stark. Starks need to fuck bitches. But we're not just hanging out at home, dad. We're on a mission. Now you can fuck any S.H.I.E.L.D. member that will let you, but no extra's. I'm sorry. Now get in the back."
"Awww, I wanted shotgun!"
"Defiantly not. Get in the back and leave the bitches in South Beach."
"Rats." Howard touched the chonga's butts before he hopped in the back with his twelve pack, a blanket with the American flag on it, and a stuffed teddy bear that was dressed as Albert Einstein.
Next was Lady Sif, who Tony was absolutely sure would do the most damage to the van besides Thor and Fury. Sif walked outside with no bag, but a long leash to hold all of her goats.
"TINY MIDGARDIAN!" She screamed in Tony's face, "WHERE SHALL I SIT ON THIS VOYAGE ACROSS MIDGARD?"
"The trunk, if possible."
"I DO NOT APPRECIATE YOUR SARCASTIC MIDGARDIAN HUMOR! NOW SHOW ME THE GOAT CRATES! MY ARMY SHALL BE WELL RESTED AS ATTACK LOKI!"
"Fine. The crates are on a trailer attached to the back. Go sit next to Howard, I think he needs a female friend."
"THANK YOU TINY MIDGARDIAN!" She yelled as she touched Tony's butt and boarded the van, goat army and all.
Sif was followed by Stan. He had a syringe, some blow, a stash of weed, a twenty four pack of beer, a knife, a rope, and a shotgun. And some donuts and Oreos. He was diabetic.
"Stan, please." Tony said.
"Tony, please. I'm so diabetic and alone- I just want to do drugs and kill myself."
"Stan, please. You're kids miss you. Just skip the trip and go into rehab. You're wife said she'll take you back when you go to rehab."
"But they tried to make me go to rehab and I said 'NO NO NO!' And Steve wants me to go. I just want to kill myself."
"Stop being so diabetic, Stan, please."
"Can we stop at 7-11?"
"Stan, please. Get behind shotgun, you're on suicide watch."
"I'm so diabetic."
"Stan, please. Don't touch my butt."
Finally, Steve came out of the tower with Peter riding on his shoulders.
"Okay, Peter, get down now, I need to roll."
"But we're all getting on the van and it's tall enough to fit us-"
"No I mean physically roll. On the floor."
"Oh. Fine then. I'll just sit in the back and talk about science with Howard and cry about Gwen. And text Bruce about science."
"No!" Tony said, "texting Bruce is what I do!"
"But you're driving! It's my turn to do science!"
"Fuck. Why didn't I teacher JARVIS how to drive?"
"Javier?" Peter and Steve said at the same time.
Tony facepalmed and got into the front seat. Steve hopped in shotgun next to him and jumped up and down like a puppy on crack.
"Why are you so excited? Did you see Jill?" Tony said.
"No, I've never been on a road trip before! I made a whole mix tape we can drive with and I have a list of tons of things we can go see! I want to stop at the world's biggest orange, rocking chair, spoon-"
"Well right now I'm sitting next to the world's biggest child. Or dog. I'm still waiting to see if you'll stick your head out the window and let your ears flap in the wind."
"Well, this mix tape has the perfect music on it! I've got-"
"Hold you're gay horses, this van is from the twenty first century, so it takes ipods, which by the way I don't own because it's not Stark tech, and the radio. Which I control."
"BUZZ KILL!" Howard yelled from the back.
"I ALSO AGREE THAT YOU HAVE MURDERED THIS SO CALLED 'BUZZ' HE SPEAKS OF!" Sif agreed.
"Great," Tony said. "Only three hours to Orlando."
"Oh my god, are we going to Disney?" Steve said with all the enthusiasm of a five year old girl.
"Unfortunately, that's exactly where we're going. Hill's been on duty there with our experimental cat that controls a girl's mind."
"What?"
"Never mind. Disney it is."